


Angels

by dewshi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Anxiety Disorder, Body Image, Bullying, Car Accidents, Casual Racism, Christianity, Christmas, Consensual Underage Sex, Dead Parents, Death, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fat Shaming, First Relationships, First Time, Friend Group Drama, Friend Group Dynamics, Friend groups, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Hospitals, Humanstuck, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Plot Twists, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Sexual Discovery, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Suicide, Toxic Masculinity, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vomiting, cancer mentions, casual homophobia, casual sexism, hard drugs, multiple slices actually, the whole life cake, violent bullying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:07:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 87,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23609635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dewshi/pseuds/dewshi
Summary: Karkat Vantas is a normal kid. He's got a dad who loves him, a shitty old house in a small, rural Texan town, friends, dreams, chronic insomnia, and the worst set of classmates that he could ever have not wanted.He goes to school, spends time with friends, does his homework. He gets hurt. He has fun. He grows up. He has a life, just like anybody. And life is boring, isn't it?Well, that's the thing.It never is.
Relationships: Aradia Megido & Karkat Vantas, Background Rosemary, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley & Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam & Karkat Vantas, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rose Lalonde & Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor & Karkat Vantas, Temporary Relationships - Relationship, Terezi Pyrope & Karkat Vantas, background arasol - Relationship, sort of dirkri, temporary gamkar
Comments: 49
Kudos: 182





	1. kindergarten, part one

**Author's Note:**

> hey! thanks for clicking on my fic!
> 
> so this is angels, and it's a passion project through and through. i've had the idea for this fic for a long, long while now, over half a year, and i finally got to writing it. it's a bit unorthodox as far as ideas for fics go and it's going to be a huge undertaking for me but by god this fic is my baby.
> 
> by posting this, i'm in it for the long haul, and i hope that you all will be, too! i hope you enjoy!
> 
> (do heed the tags though! this fic is cutesy now but it won't stay that way.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Karkat Vantas, and today, you're starting kindergarten.

You're out again. Grass tickles at your chin as you skitter along the ground, claws digging against the dirt. There’s a big brown thing in your way- part of the oak, part of the big oak that rises well above you and blots out pieces of the sky- strange how you it was darker and bluer before than it is now, the sky. You know that this is your oak because it’s the biggest oak everywhere and it smells like home. You sniff the air once, and another time, and conclude, yes, this is definitely home. 

There’s another scent in the air, a scent that makes your ears twitch, searching, listening, yes, listening for sounds that could signal danger. No, no, you can’t hear anything dangerous, it must have passed, now, but you can smell a third and delicious smell. You skitter up the big brown thing, because you know, you can smell that behind it- you cling to it, claws digging to bark, and you blink and sniff again. Yes, there, on the ground, in the grass, you see it. An acorn! You must, you simply must take that up the oak and into the nest.

You skitter down and leap into the grass, grasping the acorn. You bite into it, chew, chew, chew- yes. This is a good acorn. You should start climbing back up to the nest, store it away for the winter, it’s good to be prepared, it’s good to have things ready and you’re ready and things are right and-

Oh, oh, oh, no. The scent is back, stronger, and your head jerks up, muscles tensing. Your ears turn and twist, trying to catch the source of it, to locate it while moving every other part of your body as little as possible, because if you don’t move, maybe it won’t see you. A scratch. The faintest scrape of claw on wood. You turn.

The beast is there. It’s huge, a looming and shadowed figure. Orange fur, yes, burning orange, not like anything should be, and a white stripe running up the center of its face. It eclipses the sun behind its monstrous head with its triangular ears, and its shadow falls over you, making you cold. You puff up, you don't know why maybe to defend, scare it away, though you’re far beyond that by now. Its eyes are yellow and wide and much, much too light to be right, and it tenses and tenses, staring at you, puffed up. Panic, panic, fear, panic is growing in you and you grasp the acorn tighter, but the beast doesn’t look like it wants to hurt you. No, it looks curious, kind, even, staring at you for just a brief moment. Long, thin and white whiskers twitch at you as if seeking sympathy. It leans in closer on its haunches, and you squeak and run and that’s when it snaps, it pounces and

swirling light, green, white, glittering- ancient, reaching into every direction like the galaxy around you. In it, you’re a floating mist, part of it, something wise, reaching out for a distant form, a being crystallizing in you, forming out of the light and then

you twitch awake. 

It’s dark. There’s only a little bit of blue light flowing in through the window of your room. Your blanket is knocked halfway off the bed. The colorful flowers on it look sort of sad and dull in the night, stretching like they’re trying not to fall off, and the sheet is coming off the mattress, as if you’d been tugging it in your sleep. You blink the sleep out of your eyes. You have the feeling of having landed after a fall, like when you fell off the swing in the park and the air got knocked out of your lungs.

The memory of the park, the park a few blocks down, helps you to remember where you are. Your name is Karkat Vantas. You live in Skaiatown, and you’re five years old. And today, you’re starting kindergarten.

You push yourself up, sitting on the edge of your bed. The sun hasn’t risen yet. The sky outside is dark blue. Your room feels huge when you look up, especially in the dark, where the corners are dark and the shadows climb up the walls. The faces in the pictures on posters and photographs turn creepy and unfamiliar. The bookshelves you can’t reach without help are giant towers like monsters from a different planet. On the floor, though, it’s like a different, but familiar world. It’s pretty empty. There’s nothing on the floor for the most part, so it’s nice and clean. The carpet on the floor is soft and stitched with swirls and dots you’ve studied intently, lying on the floor and tracing the patterns on days when there was nothing good on uncle Crawford's old fuzzy TV and you had nothing else to do.

The clock up on the wall across the room ticks quietly. You look at it. The little hand is pointing to five, and the big hand is pointing down and to the left - you know it’s left, because it’s the way the end of the road is outside your house when you step out through the door - it’s a little past the 7. So that means it’s going to be 6 o’clock soon, you think. You’re not sure when you’re leaving, but you hope it’s not very soon at all. You feel tingly in your stomach.

You hop off of the bed. The wooden floor thumps softly under your itchy woolen socks. You make your bed, like Dad taught you, reaching over the bed to stretch the sheets into proper position and throwing the blanket over it. It comes down a little bit crumpled up. It bothers you a lot. You spend some time trying to get it to be completely neat, the way Dad can do it, even if he doesn't usually do. Every time you push one crumple down, another one pops up. It takes many tries, folding and setting the fabric until you’re happy with it. You fluff out the pillow, too. All better.

The long hand is almost at 9 by the time you leave the room. The door creaks loudly as you open it. Your house is very old and small and honestly, a little bit stinky in some places, like in the downstairs bathroom or in the corner of the laundry room. Dad says he and your uncle grew up here when they were little. That’s a really weird thing to think about, though. 

The house has got two stories, although one of them doesn’t have all of its floor. Dad says the hallway is a loft. You can see downstairs from the edge of the loft, through the fence. On the first floor is the living room and the kitchen, which is part of the living room. Also downstairs are the downstairs bathroom, the garage (which is actually your uncle’s place where he works), the laundry room, and your uncle’s room. Your dad’s room, the upstairs bathroom and your room are on the second floor.

You didn’t use to live here, or in Skaiatown at all. You used to live in Houston, which was a lot bigger. Your house there was bigger, too. It had a kitchen and a living room separately, and a room with a dining table that was so big you couldn’t see the top of it. The windows were big enough to reach the floor, and you had a pool in your front yard. Your mom was in your house in Houston, too. She’s not here, though. Thinking about Houston makes you kind of sad.

You wander into your dad’s room. The floorboards make loud sounds under your feet. His room is bigger than yours, and he keeps the blinds closed overnight, so it’s even darker there. You can't really see anything. You walk through the room to his bed. It's a huge and dark figure. He’s snoring quietly. The blanket is rising and falling a little bit, slowly. You walk over and tug on the edge of the blanket. “Dad.”

Dad breathes deeply and blinks awake, looking at you through eyes cracked open. “Mmh… Karkat? What’s wrong?”

“I had another bad dream,” you tell him. “A weird dream. And now I’m not tired anymore.”

“Aw.” He blinks and pushes himself up onto his elbow. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m okay. It was just a weird dream.”

“Well, alright,” Dad says, voice rough with exertion as he hauls himself into a sitting position. He glances at the clock beside his bed and makes a bit of a face. “You sure you don’t want to try and sleep anymore? It’s really early.” 

You shake your head and he sighs.

“Alright. Don’t think your uncle’s awake yet, though. We better be quiet. Come on. Let’s make breakfast, all stealthy, huh? Like ninjas. We’ll surprise him.” He lowers his voice into a secretive whisper. You smile as he stands up and stretches his hands up, popping his shoulders. He’s wearing a dark red T-shirt, with a logo of some sort on the front of it that’s started to fade and crack from him wearing it. He walks past you, motioning for you to follow, and leaves the room. You go after him. The house is a little bit less dark and terrifying now, when you follow him down the creaking stairs.

The living room is full of faint blue light coming in from between the old curtains. Outside, the street looks empty and quiet. There’s enough light for you to make out the grass, the road and the house on the other side. Not much more than that, though. Everything is very still. It almost feels like time has stopped. Then Dad clicks on the light in the kitchen corner.

You turn and see him open the cabinet. Your house doesn't have a separate kitchen; it's just a little cranny in the corner, with a fridge and an oven and a sink stuck underneath the loft. There are magnets on the fridge door, little smiling animals and pictures of you as a baby hung up for everyone to see and a few of your drawings. You don't like your drawings much. They usually don't turn out the way you wanted, and you get mad. But some of them, Dad really, really wanted to put up.

“Since it’s so early, you think we’ll have time to make pancakes?” he asks in a hushed tone, grabbing the pancake mix. You rush over, careful not to make too much noise. He offers the box to you and you consider it. Yes, pancakes, a breakfast really good for a day like this. You nod in approval, as if there was ever any question, and Dad sets the box on the counter. “Grab the pan for me, please?”

You help him around the kitchen in ways that are almost too simple. He lets you try and flip the pancake. It doesn’t work, even though you try really hard. Dad laughs and says it’s okay. He helps you put whipped cream and butter on them - the button is really tough to press, the one that makes the whipped cream come out of the can - and pours blueberries on the piles. You get to carry the plate to the table in the living room. That one’s not as the big as the one you had in Houston.

“Is school and kindergarten going to be fun? Is it going to be like preschool?” you ask while chopping your pancakes into little cubes based on which parts look the best, like you always like to do. Your tummy is still full of butterflies, and you're not sure how many bites you'll be able to eat, even though your uncle says leaving food is rude. Dad hums thoughtfully, chewing on his own pancakes.

"I think it'll be pretty similar at first," he explains. "For the first few years, you'll mostly be learning simple stuff. You know, reading and writing and numbers and things like that."

"Sollux will be there, right? You said that before," you ask nervously. Sollux is your best friend. Your only friend in Houston, at least. You met him at the playground in the park one day in the spring, when you couldn't figure out how the puzzle plate on the jungle gym worked and he came up and showed you that you need to turn the little pieces and slide them together to make a picture. Turns out he likes all the same cartoons that you do and is super smart and cool. So now he's your best friend. Your dad makes an ‘mm’ noise and swallows a biteful of pancake.

"He will, yeah, as far as I know," he says. "You excited to see him?"

"Yeah!" you answer. Your fork clinks against the side of the plate and you stab it into the plainest and least whipped-creamy pancake cube. There’s a tiny, sharp noise that makes you wince a little bit. The door to your uncle’s room opens, then, and he stands in the doorway, pulling a shirt over his head. Your uncle seems a lot older than your dad. His hair has gray stripes in it and his face is a lot wrinklier than your dad’s. He’s a mechanic and he’s very good at building and fixing a lot of things. Mostly cars.

“Good morning,” he says and sniffs the air loudly. “Ooh, what have you two been cooking?”

“Pancakes,” you respond. Your uncle walks over and grabs the plate you left for him next to the stove. He smears the whipped cream down and all over the pancakes like cake frosting rather than eating it normally like you and Dad do. He sits down next to you and starts scarfing them down. You all eat very differently in your family. Dad says that it’s great to have diversity.

“What if they don’t like me at kindergarten?” you ask later, when Dad is helping you brush your hair. You already put on your favorite sweater and your favorite pants, and Dad gave you a ham and cheese sandwich and apple slices for lunch. Your backpack is the coolest one there is. It’s all dark purple and red, and the zippers are reddish pink that your uncle calls magenta, so it’s very cool to look at. Dad hums and untangles something in your hair. It hurts a little bit, and you wince. Dad pats your head.

“Hold on for just a moment still, I’m almost done,” he says gently and keeps brushing. “They’ll like you, I’m sure. You’re a very likable little guy! If they don’t like you, it’s their loss. Plus, Sollux will be there, so you know that you can spend time with him, right?”

“Yeah,” you say. You look at yourself in the mirror. Even though Dad has been brushing your hair, it’s still all fuzzy and curly just like it was when you woke up. They’ll like you at kindergarten. Dad says so, after all.

“Just be yourself. Don’t let anyone tell me who you can and can’t be,” uncle Crawford says from the doorway of the bathroom. You see him in the mirror. He’s wearing a button-up shirt with colorful squares on it and grinning wide. You smile at him.

“Okay, I’ll do that.”

Your dad and uncle Crawford help you get ready. When you leave, the sun is already up. It's not a long drive, but the whole time your stomach is tingly. You sit in the back seat of the car in your big bulky child seat. The school is across town. Dad takes you there today. When you ask about it, he says - sort of sadly, for some reason - that one day, you might be able to go there all by yourself, walking or by bike. That idea makes you excited and very, very nervous.

You watch the trees and houses go by. You pass by the police station and the library. You pass by some houses where people live, too. Dad drives you past Derse Lake and through the forest all the way across town, rounds the ditch and comes up to a parking lot. 

The school is a big, white building with a red roof and an overhang in front. A gray shed with a big lock on the door is next to the school, too. There's a yard over there, with jungle gyms and a sandbox that you really want to go try out, and a soccer field and basketball hoops behind it. There’s a bike rack with some bikes chained to it next to the parking lot, too. A few different cars are parked on the parking lot, and some kids and parents are walking towards the school door.

Dad drives between some white lines and parks the car. You sit patiently until he opens the door and lets you out of the child seat. He helps you down from the car. The school is really… big. Your heart is beating loudly in your ears like a drum. Dad squeezes your hand. You walk alongside him towards the school door, halfway clinging to his arm, but you don’t want to seem too anxious, so you try and stand up tall as you approach the door.

Inside, the school is very quiet. The floor is checkered black and white and the hallway seems to go on forever. A little ways in front of you, there’s a wall covered in an empty coat rack, and an open door. Some parents and kids are walking ahead towards it, and a lady stands in front of it in a pretty, colorful dress. She greets the parents and their kids and shows the kids inside the door. Well, this is it. No turning back now. You hold on to Dad’s arm tightly and he leads you towards the lady at the door.

She’s shorter than your dad and chubby. She’s very pale, with red hair tied up with a bandanna. She’s got faint wrinkles at the corners of her beady eyes and a necklace made of wooden pearls painted blue, pink, yellow and green. She looks like someone’s aunt. “Good morning! First day of kindergarten?”

“Yeah, exciting stuff,” Dad says cheerfully. He pats you on the head. “Karkat, introduce yourself, huh?”

“Um, hi. I’m Karkat,” you say to the lady.

“Oh, Karkat Vantas? Hello, Karkat! Welcome to Derse Lake Elementary. You can call me Ms. Paint.” She offers a hand and you shake it tentatively. She’s got clean nails, clipped short, and her hand isn’t that much bigger than yours. She and your dad start talking about something that you don’t really pay attention to. Instead, you lean to the side to peek inside the classroom. The lights there are bright and the walls are covered in posters with animals and words. There’s a big caterpillar on the wall above the window with numbers above each of its foots. Ms. Paint addresses you and you startle and look at her. “Go on inside! You can start chatting with the other kids, if you like.”

“Um,” you say, looking at your dad for guidance. He smiles comfortingly and leans down, squeezing your hand.

“I’ll pick you up in the afternoon. You’ll do great. Alright?” he assures. You breathe deep and nod. He gives you a kiss to your forehead and stands up to leave. You watch him go for a moment, take another look at Ms. Paint, and then head inside the classroom.

The first thing you notice is just how loud it is. There are work tables around with paper and pens on them, shelves and desks with papers and books and woven bowls full of crayons and toy cars, a carpet that looks like a city, and the walls are covered in posters. There’s a lot of kids, more than you can count at a glance, sitting on the floor and on pillows scattered around the room, playing with stuffed animals and babbling to each other. They all seem to places already, and though there are some spots on the big carpet where nobody is sitting yet you get nervous about where you’re going to sit. That is, until you see Sollux.

Sollux is very skinny and he’s got messy, curly hair, almost like yours, except shorter and flatter. He has oval-shaped glasses and thin eyes, and he’s always looking at things like he already knows what they are, even if he’s never seen them before. His nose is upturned and he’s got a little mole on his cheek, and he’s always wearing shirts with comic book characters on them, his brother’s old ones that are still too big for him. He’s in the corner of the classroom on a yellow pillow, with a free pink pillow next to him. He’s holding his backpack, the one he showed you with the bee keychain hanging off the zipper, and shuffling Lusiimon cards. Suddenly, you know exactly where you want to go. You hop over other people’s backpacks and toys and rush over to Sollux. When he notices you approaching, he grins with his gap-toothed smile and puts his backpack to his side.

“What took you so long?” he lisps with laughter in his voice. You blow a raspberry.

“Nothing took me long! I woke up really early. I’m here totally on time. Right?” you tell him, sitting down on the pink pillow next to him. There’s a slow but steady stream of kids still coming in. You start to look around the classroom. A lot of the people here already seem to know each other. 

First, you notice one of the corners, where three loud girls are sitting in a circle and laughing to themselves about something. Two are wearing glasses - one of them has dark red lenses. The one with the dark red glasses has a pointed nose and a face and arms covered in freckles. The other girl with glasses is wearing jacket with doodles scribbled on it in black marker and a shirt underneath with a skull and crossbones on it. Her hair is coarse and it’s been forced into an uncomfortable-looking ponytail that makes it look like it wasn’t supposed to be tied up that way. They both have sharp grins, like they’re planning something. The third girl, who’s chubby and big with messy black hair, has a wide, gentler grin and black shirt with a big, green T-Rex on it. 

In another corner, there’s a boy with pale, milk-looking skin, wide eyes and a wider mouth (he looks kind of like a fish). He’s wearing glasses and a quilt tied over his shoulders into a cape, and intently explaining something. Listening to him is a girl in a pink frilly dress with a pair of goggles pushed up into her hair. She's got big eyes, like him, and her skin is tanned, but light pinkish underneath. And in the middle of the room, there’s two girls and two boys chatting loudly. One is a boy with square-shaped glasses, buck teeth and a cowslip resting on his forehead. He’s got a goofy smirk and a blue backpack in his lap. Then there’s a girl with neatly combed blonde hair and a glittery purple headband. She’s wearing a matching sequin skirt. There’s also a skinny, brown-skinned and brown-haired boy in a long-sleeved red and white shirt, who’s wearing triangle-shaped sunglasses, and a very cute girl with an overbite, in a white dress and huge round glasses.

A tall girl with wavy black curls and a long, floral dress enters the classroom awkwardly, ushered in by a kind-looking older woman in the doorway that looks kind of like her. She’s very lanky, but she doesn’t look awkward at all- more graceful when she comes in, like a ballerina. Everyone glances quickly at her before returning to their conversations, except for one scrawny little boy with downy dark brown hair, whose feet are turned in towards each other. He waves her over and offers her a pillow to sit on. They start chatting, too. There’s some other kids around, too, but Sollux elbows you in the arm.

“Look at what my dad got me,” he says. You lean over and see the collection of Lusiimon cards in his hands. You gasp. Some of these are the coolest things you’ve ever seen. Sollux picks out one of the cards. It’s got a big monster on it with two heads, a big red eye on the left one and a blue eye on the other head. “He got me a lot of cards yesterday as my going to kindergarten gift or something. This one’s my favorite. If you move it in the light, it glimmers like that, look.”

He’s right. The light in the classroom reflects off of shiny shapes on the surface on the card and refracts into blue and red and white. You gasp as he tilts it up and down, revealing the glimmer. You definitely see why it’s his favorite. It’s so cool. You tilt your head at the letters on the top of the card and try to read them. There’s two words, you can tell that much. You recognize some letters, B and C - those are in “ABC” so they’re easy - and I, and S, that one’s squiggly, so the second word starts with “bic” and ends in S. “What is it called?”

“Uh,” Sollux stammers, humming to try and remember. He pushes up his glasses and brings the card close to his face, squinting at it closely. His mouth moves uncertainly around sounds that neither of you can really properly read. “My dad told me, it’s, uh… M… Mega… Bee… Biclops! Mega Biclops, that’s what it’s called.”

Sollux grins, like he did some incredible task instead of just reading off a card. You roll your eyes. “Okay. What does ‘biclops’ mean anyway? Doesn’t look like a bicycle. Sounds kinda dumb, to me.”

“It’s not dumb, it’s really cool!” Sollux argues. “It doesn’t matter what it means. All that matters is that it’s really totally awesome.”

"What other ones do you have?" you ask, leaning over to look at the deck he has in his hands. Each card is cooler than the last, though none of them are quite as cool as the Mega Biclops. There's a lion with two mouths roaring, a big dragon, some skittery bug monsters…

As you’re looking over Sollux’s cards, Ms. Paint enters the room and closes the door behind her. Some of the chatter starts to die down as people turn to look at her. The girls in the corner are still chatting loudly, though. Ms. Paint claps her hands a few times, trying to get everybody’s attention. “Hello! Good morning, everyone! So nice to see that most of you have already found some people to chat with. For those who don’t, yet, don’t worry. I’m sure we’re all going to be great friends. We’re going to start with getting to know each other a little bit. Can we all gather around in a circle, please? Feel free to take a pillow to sit on.”

Most people shuffle around as Ms. Paint sits down on her knees on a green pillow. You and Sollux scoot in closer. Some people sit around without complaint, like the scrawny boy and the tall girl in the dress. The group of kids in the middle of the room shimmy to the edge of the circle, too. The girl with the T-Rex t-shirt almost drags her friends to the circle. Ms. Paint smiles.

“Alright, so first things first. Why don’t we all go around telling everyone our names and one thing about ourselves. I’ll start. I’m Ms. Paint, and I… like to bake!” she says cheerfully, and looks at the kid to her left. It’s the tall, lanky boy from the group in the middle of the classroom, the one with the big sunglasses. He’s got short, dark brown hair, and his skin looks like copper and is all freckley. His face is long and his nose is button-like. He looks kind of like a cat. He doesn’t smile at Ms. Paint or anything like that. He shuffles awkwardly and glances around the classroom for a bit before he talks.

“I’m Dave, and, uh… I- I like Doritos.” He seems a little bit uncomfortable in the spotlight. Next to him is the blonde girl with the headband. The sleeves of her shirt are wide and droopy, like a witch’s dress. Just like the boy, she’s got freckles all over her cheeks and arms. She looks much calmer than him, though. She sort of reminds you of Sollux in the way that she looks over the classroom like she already knows everything better than anybody else there.

“I’m Rose,” she says. “And I have a cat named Jaspers.”

She looks over at the boy with the square-shaped glasses. He looks incredibly excited to get to introduce himself, and grins giddily when it’s his turn. “I’m John, and I love movies! My favorite movie is Mac and Me!”

“I’m Jade,” says the girl with the round glasses. Her voice is really clear and high-pitched, like the sound of a bell ringing. “I love dogs.”

Everyone introduces themselves one by one. As the round gets closer to you, you get nervous about how you’re going to introduce yourself, and try your best to commit everyone’s names to memory. The girl with the pirate shirt and sharp grin is Vriska, and she can climb any jungle gym in five seconds- or at least that’s what she says. The girl with the T-Rex shirt is Aradia, and she says her favorite dinosaur is Parasaurolophus- Para… something or other, and not T-Rex. The girl in the red glasses is named Terezi. She loves Law & Order. Your dad doesn’t let you watch Law & Order. She must be really cool.

The girl in the pink, frilly dress is Feferi, and Eridan is her best friend. That’s the fishy-looking boy, Eridan, and his dad is a really rich sea captain. Vriska sticks out her tongue at Eridan while Ms. Paint isn’t looking, and Eridan frowns at her even deeper than he’s already frowning. Then it’s your turn. All eyes are on you. “Uh… my name is Karkat, and…”

Oh no. What… what do you say? Is there anything special about you? You… you… something. Anything. You…

“I used to live in Houston.”

That’s it. You turn to Sollux, like he could save you. Luckily, he already knows exactly what he’s going to say, so everyone turns to him right away. He grins proudly and lisps, “I’m Sollux and I have a bunch of really cool Lusiimon cards.”

“What’s up, Thollux?” Eridan mocks.

“Sollux,” Sollux insists, but he still doesn’t get the S right.

“His name is Sollux, don’t be mean,” you say to Eridan, overcoming your nervousness. Ms. Paint shushes all of you.

“Now, now,” she says. “Let’s not argue with each other, alright? Thank you, Sollux. Who’s next?”

After that, the circle continues on uneventfully. Vriska and Terezi mumble to each other every now and then and laugh quietly. The scrawny boy is Tavros. He stutters on a lot of words he says and he has a pet turtle named Tinkerbell. Eridan and Vriska snicker, but stop when both Ms. Paint and the tall girl in the dress give them a mean look. The tall girl, her name is Kanaya. Her favorite color is green.

“Wow, it’s so nice to meet all of you,” Ms. Paint says after Kanaya has introduced herself. “Show of hands, who here knows how to write their own name? Oh, wonderful, almost everybody! Well, next thing we’ll be doing is make nametags for ourselves to put on the coat hangers outside the classroom, so that we all have a place to put our jackets and hats and such! I already have templates cut out for you all, on the desk there. There’s pens on the shelves over there. So go ahead and get drawing! And don’t be afraid to ask if you need any help.”

Terezi raises her hand and Ms. Paint goes to talk to her as all the other kids scatter to fetch themselves an oval-shaped piece of paper for a name tag. As you and Sollux get up, too, Eridan shoves you in the side while he stands. You stumble and almost knock Sollux over. 

“Ugh, idiot,” Eridan says, mean. You’re about to snap at him when Sollux tugs your sleeve to calm you down. You cross your arms and frown. You and Sollux don’t rush over to the pile of blank tags right away, because of how crowded it is at first.

“Eridan is just as much of a meanie as he’s always been,” he grumbles to you.

“You know him?” you ask.

“Yeah, he was in the same preschool as me. Most of the people here were,” Sollux explains. “Some people are new, though. Like Tavros. I don’t remember him at all. And I’ve only talked to Jade a few times. She was in our preschool, but only at the very end of it. I think she went somewhere away for a while.”

Eventually you get tags for yourselves. You pick out some crayons: red, purple, pink. You have a picture of exactly what you want your nametag to look, and you’re not going to quit until you get it to be exactly the way you want it. Ms. Paint is sitting next to Terezi, talking softly to her, while Vriska and Aradia watch curiously, glancing over from their own tags every now and then.

“What’s up with her?” you ask Sollux. “Doesn’t she know how letters work? Why does she need Ms. Paint’s help so much?”

“Oh, she can’t see things well. She lost her sight in preschool because Vriska stuck pencils in her eyes,” Sollux explains, like he’s telling a horror story. Your own eyes almost start to water at the thought.

“Lost her sight? Like, she can’t see anything?” you ask.

“Well, she can see a little bit,” Sollux says. “She can see colors. She likes to draw, but she can only see the fuzzy lines of the drawing and the colors, so it’s usually a mess to look at. She’s kind of weird.”

You and Sollux go sit down at one of the tables. It’s the only one with enough space for you. The kids from the middle of the room are already there. Jade scoots to the side a little bit to make space for you. She smiles at you when you’re about to start drawing. You look at her for a moment, and she doesn’t say anything. You frown. “What?”

“You’re Karkat, right?” she asks. You nod. She smiles. “So you moved here a little bit ago, right? From Houston? Me, too. Well, I didn’t move from Houston. But I’ve lived in a lot of places. Like, uh, Germany and Canada and Kiribati.”

“Kiribati?” you ask. “Where’s Kiribati?”

“Is it in Hawaii?” Sollux asks.

“Uh… I don’t think so,” Jade says. “It was an island though, so maybe?”

“Jade, can you give me that crayon? I need the color,” Dave says, making grabby hand motions at the crayon in Jade’s hand.

“Wait! I’m still using it, let me finish up first,” she says. Dave makes a face that makes him look sort of like a frog, pulling his mouth out wide and pressing his eyebrows down so low that they almost disappear under the dark lenses of the triangular shades he’s wearing. Jade scribbles on her name tag. You look over at it. It’s blue and green and there’s some sort of animal you think looks sort of like a dog on it. She hands the crayon to Dave. “There. You’re so impatient sometimes!”

“No, I’m not,” Dave protests, takes the crayon and starts doodling on his own nametag. It’s a big mess of bright colors that really don’t mesh together at all. Ms. Paint moves around the classroom, helping people who don’t know how to write their own names yet. You glance to your side. Sollux is trying to draw the Mega Biclops on his. Time to get started. You take a dark blue crayon from the table and start writing your name. It’s not a hard name to spell, it’s really easy. K A R

...Wait. Is it C or K next? ...It’s K, right? Yes. K. It must be K, there’s two Ks in your name. K A T.

“Oh,” John says. He’s leaning over Jade, looking at your nametag. His cowslip is almost in your face. “I thought it was like car cat. Like a car, and then a cat. Your name is really weird, you know! Car cat. Like, a car with cat ears! Going down the road and going like ‘beep beep, meow!’”

He seems to find this very, very funny. He snorts and starts laughing. You frown. “It’s not weird! It’s just my name!”

“Calm down, dude, it was a joke,” Dave says like it doesn’t even matter. You furrow your eyebrows. That’s so rude!

“It wasn’t funny,” you snap at him.

“Maybe you just don’t get it,” Dave insists. The way he says it is so… talky-downy. It’s like he thinks he’s so much better than you. “It’s too good of a joke for you.”

“Dave,” Rose says like a warning. You glance over and see that Ms. Paint is looking at your table, still kneeling next to Terezi as she scribbles on her nametag. She smiles gently when she meets your eyes, but you look away as soon as she does. Rose is still talking to Dave very seriously. “Don’t make it a big deal.”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to be rude,” John says, looking at you apologetically. “I think it’s a cool name.”

“Okay. Whatever.” You decide that the conversation is over now. You and Sollux share a look, and then you go back to working on your nametag. You write your name and start coloring in around it, leaving a white border around the letters as you do. You color the background in a gradient, starting out purple at the bottom and ending red at the top. Mostly it’s red. The pink crayon you try to use in between doesn’t work the way you wanted it to, it doesn’t look right. It’s too light and gray and not the right shade at all. You try to color it in harder, but it doesn’t work. “Ugh. This is so dumb.”

“Try this one,” Jade says. She offers you a different crayon. It’s darker and looks a little bit like the patterns on your backpack. Ah, yes, it’s magenta, instead of the whitish color of the crayon you have. You take the crayon from Jade’s hand and try it on your nametag. It does work. It’s not perfect, but at least it’s much better than the one that you were using first.

“Thank you,” you say and continue to color. It looks a little bit better now, at least when you start to get more of the color down. It’s not quite the way you wanted it to be, but it’s close enough.

Everyone seems very focused on their nametags from there on. There’s occasional chatter, especially at the table where Terezi, Vriska and Aradia are sitting. The time passes in silence. John starts up a quiet conversation with Dave that you refuse to join in. You don’t want to talk to either of them. They’re dorks anyway. One by one, everyone starts to finish up their tags. Sollux is one of the first people to be finished. It does kind of look like the Mega Biclops, the thing that he’s drawn. A little bit. If you look at it the right way. It’s a little messy, but it’s not bad. The combination of yellow, red and blue is kind of nice, though.

Yours is very good, too. It looks pretty close to how you wanted it. Not as clean and grown-up, but good enough. Ms. Paint hands out bluetack to everybody and leads the whole, loudly chatting group outside the classroom. You all get to pick where you want to have your jackets. You lead Sollux to one of the racks, thinking it’s a good spot, when suddenly Eridan crashes into your shoulder. “Move! I want this spot.”

“Hey, we were here first!” Sollux snaps.

“Finder-th keeper-th,” Eridan says and sticks out his tongue. Feferi is standing behind him awkwardly, like she’s waiting for him to be finished.

“What? You didn’t find it, it was right here the whole time!” you argue. Then, out of nowhere, Vriska pushes in between you and sticks her name tag on the rack you were arguing about.

“There!” she says and looks at you and Eridan very proudly. “Now you can shut up, because it’s my spot.”

The day feels like it goes really fast. Ms. Paint tells you about the schedule you’ll follow. You play more games to get to know each other better, and help remember each other’s names. Ms. Paint leads you to music class with a teacher called Mrs. Cetus, who’s kind of scary, but nice. She’s very old and hunched up, skinny and white-haired, and she has a big harp in the corner of her room. She tells you all that she thinks you’re going to do great things someday and then plays If You’re Happy And You Know It on the piano while you all do what the song tells you to.

When you go outside with Sollux, you realize that the school is full of other kids who weren’t there earlier. Some of them are really old and intimidating. Others are about your age. They’re on the swings and the jungle gyms, taking up all the space. Ms. Paint explains where you can and can’t go, where the limits of the yard are. The edge of the forest and the parking lot. And you're not allowed to stand on the monkey bars. Sollux leads you over to a group of big kids and tugs on one of their sleeves. It’s his big brother, who says hi to him and then tells him to go away.

You have lunchtime, and you meet some other teachers who are handing out chocolate milk to all the new kindergartners. You eat the sandwich Dad gave you, but some other people buy lunch from school. The school cafeteria is really big, a lot bigger than you thought it would be. Bigger than your kitchen, for sure. After recess, Ms. Paint says it’s time to go back in and have math. 

You all get your own cubbies. Ms. Paint tells you that once a week, you can bring something for show and tell. During math hour, Ms. Paint seats everyone with new people so that you can get to know each other. You’re sitting with Tavros and John and focusing hard on the piece of paper Ms. Paint gave you with apples on it. Tavros is drawing something that looks kind of like a dog on the paper. You push his crayon away. “So, if I have an apple, and you have an apple, then that’s two apples. Because it’s… like. One of my apple and one of your apple.”

“Uh huh,” Tavros says. He’s got skin the color of pine bark and he says his Ts and Ds a little bit funny. “What are you going to bring for show and tell to- tomorrow?”

“Uh, I have, um…” John says. “I have a fish, a little fake fish. It’s not real, I mean, it’s not a real fish, but my dad got it for me from… uh… some place, I think, when he went there.”

“I like fish,” Tavros says. “I have a Lusiimon card that's like a fish.”

“I really like Lusiimon,” you say. 

“Me too,” Tavros says, smiling very widely. “Do you have a lot of Lusiimon cards?”

“I don’t have many, I have some, but not a lot,” you say. “But Sollux has a lot. His brother has a lot of them and he gives them to Sollux sometimes.”

“Oh,” Tavros says. “I have brothers, t- too.”

“I don’t have any sisters or brothers,” John says.

“I don’t, also,” you respond.

It’s almost sooner than you realize that it’s time to go home already. Ms. Paint lets you all go outside to play while you wait to get picked up. There’s fewer kids there, then, so you and Sollux and Tavros go on the jungle gym. Tavros is scared to go down the slide, but he really wants to. You tell him you’ll catch him, but he still won’t. Vriska comes up and shoves him down and you try to catch him but he just rams into you and you both fall on the ground.

Sollux’s dad comes to get him and his brother. He waves bye-bye and leaves. You wish he didn’t go. You sit at the top of the jungle gym with Tavros and he tells you in jagged and jumbled words about the farm that he lives on. He has horses and chickens and bunnies, that’s what he says, and he lives on the edge of town. And he has two older brothers and his mom and his dad.

Eventually, your dad is there. You see him talking to Ms. Paint, so you say bye to Tavros and go down the slide and run over and hug him. Dad picks you up and makes you laugh. You wave bye to Ms. Paint, too, and he walks you to the car.

“So, how’d it go?” he asks. “Did you make any new friends?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Um… Tavros. He lives on a farm and he can’t say words very well.”

“Really? Why does he say words worse than you?” your dad says. You make an “um” noise.

“Well, he doesn’t say words worse, he just says them differently,” you respond sagely. Dad laughs. You shift in the child seat. “Some people were mean, though. There was a boy and this girl and they were both mean.”

“Well, you’re not always going to get along with everyone. And that’s fine, so long as you’re not rude back to them,” Dad says. You nod and look out the window, watching Derse Lake whiz by. “Did you have fun overall?”

“Yeah,” you say. “We did lots of stuff. We read a book and we made nametags and climbed on the jungle gym.”

“Oh, yeah? Tell me more,” Dad says. You tell everything to him as the car moves towards your house. You tell him about recess and your new classmates and all sort of things. Then, when you get back home, you have to tell everything to uncle Crawford all over again. You complain a little bit, and they both laugh. You might get some of the details wrong on the second time you tell it, but that doesn’t really matter.

To celebrate your first day in kindergarten, your dad drives you to the Blockbuster that's outside of town and you get to pick out a DVD to rent. When you get home, dad makes popcorn and you watch The Little Mermaid. You love the bright colors. You try to draw Ariel afterwards and even though you don’t like the drawing much, you let Dad put it up on the wall of your room. You go to bed early that night, happy and nervous and excited all at the same time.

-

Ms. Paint scribbles on a large green piece of paper on the wall. Above it, written on little paper stars is the word BIRTHDAYS, and - count them - one, two, three, twelve different words, January, February and so on. The twelve months of the year, each one a different color. The paper Ms. Paint is writing is on is under the paper piece that says SEPTEMBER in big letters. She steps away, revealing a piece of paper that says Kanaya, two zero. Then everyone claps.

Kanaya is sitting in Ms. Paint’s big plush armchair, smiling bashfully. She’s wearing a headband that has two bright, sparkly baubles sticking up on bouncy wires, like alien antennae. Her hair is curled up more than usual and she’s wearing a long-sleeved black shirt with hearts on it. She looks embarrassed about all the attention. In her hands is a little gemstone bauble that Ms. Paint gave her, a little piece of clear quartz. She’s going to give all of you gemstones as birthday gifts, she says.

Ms. Paint lifts up her hands and counts, “one, two-”

“Happy birthday to you,” everyone in the class sings, or at least most people, “happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Kanaya, happy birthday to you.”

Everyone claps again, but less enthusiastically. Kanaya smiles and sinks into the chair like she really, really doesn’t want to be in it anymore. “Thank you.”

You’ve been coming to kindergarten for a little while now. It’s pretty fun. The day starts with everyone coming in and chatting, then Ms. Paint tells you the word of the day and daily calendar and stand up and say the pledge thing to the flag. Then you do reading and then you have recess and lunch afterwards. At lunch, you eat the snacks Dad packs for you. Usually that’s something like a sandwich and carrots - Lunchables or meatballs on really special days - but sometimes you have leftovers from dinner. After lunch and recess, you have naptime and Ms. Paint reads you a story and you have to pretend to be asleep. Then, after that, you usually have math and language, but sometimes you have music or gym time instead. The gym teacher is a very large man named Mr. Hephaestus, who has a big beard and red hair, though not a lot of it. Then you have playtime for a while, tidy time, and then you go home.

You like that you get to spend a lot of time with Sollux. That’s probably your favorite part of kindergarten, because you really like Sollux. He’s good at math, and if you don’t understand something, usually he’s the one that explains how it works to you if Ms. Paint can’t. A lot of the other people in class are really nice, too. Jade is really nice and pretty, too. Tavros is okay, too, and Aradia seems much nicer than Vriska and Terezi, at least. Mostly you just spend time with Sollux, though.

Some people are kind of mean. Vriska is the meanest, you think. She’s so bossy and she’s always forcing everybody to give her everything she wants. Terezi’s not as bad, but she always hangs out with Vriska and laughs at all the mean things Vriska says. They’re as close as you and Sollux. You don’t really know why Aradia is with them all the time, and Tavros follows them, too. Eridan is very mean as well. He says mean things and then looks at Feferi - who is always with him - like he wants her to be impressed. He’s very, very close to being as mean as Vriska is. You don’t really like either of them that much.

It’s starting to get colder and the leaves are starting to fall off the trees. It's raining a little bit, drizzling so that instead of water, there's a flowing sort of silky mist in the air. During recess, you see some of the older kids leave the swings just as you come out onto the yard. You and Sollux run over to them immediately. There are only so many swings on the playground, and you have to take them when they’re free. Just as you get over there and sit down, though, Vriska marches over. She has Terezi, Aradia and Tavros with her. “Hey, we want to use the swings now. Move.”

“We just got here, Vriska,” Sollux tell her angrily. You kick the ground with your toes. You almost can’t reach it at all. “Wait your turn.”

“Um, no, I want to get on the swings now. Recess is short, Sollux. It’s our turn already!” she insists, crossing her arms. She does almost look like a pirate captain. She’s wearing a cap with the skull and crossbones on it and Aradia, Terezi and Tavros look kind of like a pirate crew. You think that might be how she wants you to think of her. She really, really likes pirates. She won’t stop talking about pirates all the time. You and Sollux shake your heads at her. She frowns and turns to Tavros. “Make them move!”

“What?” Tavros asks. “I don’t- don’t want to.”

“Shove them off,” Vriska says. “Go on! Or I’ll make you walk the plank!”

“No, don’t. D- don’t make me walk the plank,” Tavros says.

Vriska pulls out a long stick. “Plank!”

“Oh, make him walk the plank!” Terezi cheers and laughs sharply. Tavros makes a scared face and runs away. Vriska starts chasing him around the yard, laughing. You can’t tell if he’s having fun or not. Aradia grins and runs off after them, pulling out her own big stick. Vriska and Tavros start to fight with sticks in the distance. You and Sollux watch them for a while. Then there’s a thump to your side. You all turn to look.

Sollux’s brother is there, leaning against the pole of the swings. He’s got the same round glasses and short, curly hair as Sollux does. In fact, he looks just like if Sollux was a big kid. The only difference is that unlike Sollux, when he speaks, he says his S-es normally.

“Five-year-olds are so weird,” he says nonchalantly. He pushes up his glasses and looks at Sollux. “Hey, Sol. Can you come with me for a second?”

You turn around and see Sollux staring at him. He bites his lip, frowns, and gets up. He waves at you before they walk away. You watch them for a little bit, and then the swing chain clatters and the swing Sollux was just on squeaks loudly. Terezi is there, sitting on the swing. Well, she’s not really sitting. She’s kind of slid down halfway so that her back is on the swing and her feet are on the ground. She makes a noise and kicks herself into movement.

“Here we go,” she mumbles and bundles up her legs onto the edge of the swing. It looks a little uncomfortable, but she’s going faster than you’ve ever gone. Not the fastest you’ve ever seen anybody go, but pretty fast. “Woo!”

You watch her go for a little bit. Back and forth and back and forth like a little flowerbud on the swing. You squint. “You know, Sollux says you can’t see.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Terezi says as the rhythm of the swing starts to slow down. “I mean, I can see colors and shapes and stuff, but pretty badly.”

“He told me that Vriska stuck pencils in your eyes in preschool.” You toe at the ground and start rocking back and forth on your swing a little. Looking at Terezi go is making you dizzy, so you look at the wood splinter bark covering the ground instead. 

“Yeah, she did,” Terezi says like it’s not even a big deal.

“Why are you still friends with her if she did that to you?” you ask, shocked.

“Uh, well, it’s not like she just did it just because,” she ponders, slowing to a rock similar to yours. She lets her legs fall down. She’s wearing a black skirt over these bright red and teal leggings. She’s also got a big pink-red - magenta - jacket on. She must like bright colors. That makes sense if that’s all she can see. “We wanted to see what would happen and Aradia wasn't sure about it. We tried it even though she told us that maybe it wasn't a good idea. She's really smart."

You wince. “Didn’t it hurt?”

“Yeah,” Terezi responds. She doesn’t take even a moment to think about it. “It hurt so much. Everyone was panicking and yelling, and they called my mom and she drove me to the doctor and they did a lot of tests. They said that Vriska’s mom might have to pay for it. I told my mom not to make her do that, because then Vriska would have gotten in trouble. But I don't know what happened.”

“Aren’t you sad that you can’t see things anymore?” you ask.

“Yeah, I am, kind of. But I can still see a little bit, so it’s not that bad. I really like to draw, and that’s a little bit harder now, but I’m fine,” she explains. She aims her face at you, and you know she can’t really see you through the red glasses, but it feels… sharp. It feels like she can see you too well. She grins in a way that makes her look like a shark. “Okay, your turn for questions. Who was that that came by and took Sollux?”

“Oh, that was Sollux’s brother,” you say. “He’s a big kid.”

Terezi nods sagely. “Okay. Why did you come here?”

“What? What do you mean?” you ask.

“You weren’t in our preschool,” she says, kicking herself back into motion with the tips of her toes. She’s wearing red shoes with white straps over them. “I think you said you moved here. But why did you do that?”

“Oh,” you say. “Um… it’s because of my mom.”

“...Your mom?” Terezi says. She stops again. This time, you stop too. There’s a lump in your throat. “What about her?”

“She died,” you say. Terezi nods. She doesn’t ask any more questions after that. You just sit on the swings and watch Vriska and Aradia fight with sticks across the yard. You watch them, anyway. You don’t know what Terezi is thinking. The sky is light gray.

During lunch period, you and Sollux sit next to each other in the cafeteria. Today, your dad made you a sandwich with ham, mayo, salad and cucumber and cut it into triangles. Sollux gives it you a disgusted look when you bite into it. You shove him in the shoulder. Your dad also packed you a juice box and a big orange. You give Sollux a few of the orange slices after he’s done with the chicken nuggets and peas that he got from the cafeteria today. Then you notice Kanaya handing out pieces of cardboard to everyone. She’s still wearing the little bauble headband that Ms. Paint gave to her for her birthday celebration earlier.

“Hello, I have a birthday party today, since, it is… my birthday,” she says sweetly when she gets to your seats at the table. She hands you both pieces of cardboard that say, too cleanly for her to have made them by herself, “WELCOME TO MY 6TH BIRTHDAY PARTY,” followed by an address and the date, and then “FROM KANAYA.” You look up at Kanaya, who smiles. “I’d really like it if you could come.”

You look at the invitation. Pretty dots and swirls drawn with red, green and black marker line the sides of it. Then you look back at Kanaya and nod. 

“We’ll come,” Sollux says. Kanaya’s eyes light up when she smiles and she keeps walking.

Kanaya lives on the other side of town, much closer to the middle of town than you do, but on the side that school and Derse Lake are on. That’s what uncle Crawford says, anyway, when you and Sollux are in the back of his pickup truck and driving to her house. The invitation says Ray Grove. Rain comes down hard on all the windows of uncle Crawford’s car. On Sollux’s side of the car, you can see big houses with tall fences and rose bushes in their yards, and on your side, the forest that surrounds Skaiatown. Then, at the end of the road, there’s cars parked on the side of the road. Your uncle stops the car there.

As he helps you out, you rush to look at Kanaya’s house. It looks very similar to the others on Ray Grove. The fence is tall and white and the house itself is huge, made of dark brick. It’s two stories tall, but much, much wider and taller than your house. Not as big as the school. The yard is bigger than your yard, too. There’s a pond with a droopy tree over it and rocks all around it, a big wooden sofa chair that rocks back and forth, and lots and lots of flower bushes. It looks like a manor from a movie. Your uncle helps Sollux out of his chair, and they both come over to where you’re standing.

You and Sollux are holding presents in your hands. You helped Dad and uncle Crawford wrap yours, and you think it turned out very good. You even made a card for her. After kindergarten, Dad took you to the toy store and helped you pick something out for her. You don't know Kanaya that well, but you think she'll like what you got her. You're not sure what Sollux has for her. You hope she likes that, too.

The wind is cold and it messes with your hair while you walk through Kanaya’s yard. You walk on a path made of rock slabs through the bushes. A sprinkler makes some noises and spews water over the grass. The flowers on the bushes are dying, because September is going to end soon and it’s going to be winter again. You stand on the porch and reach up to ring the doorbell.

The girl that opens the door is a big kid, probably around Sollux’s brother’s age, or maybe a little bit older. She’s brown-skinned and she’s got dark stuff around her eyes. Her long, flowy hair is tied back in a ponytail and she’s wearing a long, black dress that’s almost as flowy. She pops her gum, looks over her shoulder and shouts, “Kanaya! There’s more kids here for your party!”

After a few moments, Kanaya runs over from behind her. She smiles when she sees you. She’s a lot more dressed up than she was today at school. She doesn’t have the headband on anymore, but her hair is curled and tied up in a fancy bun with a scrunchie around it. She’s wearing a pretty dark-colored dress with flowers on it over a dark undershirt, black leggings and many shiny, pearly bracelets around her wrists. “Hi, Karkat! Hi, Sollux!”

“Hey, Kanaya,” Sollux says. She and her sister move to the side to let you and him enter the building. Your uncle pats you on the head a few times before lightly shoving you in.

“I’ll pick you two up in a few hours, alright?” he says. You wave at him. He walks away and Kanaya’s sister closes the door behind him. Kanaya shows you where to leave your shoes and jackets and leads you into the dining room. Feferi, Eridan and Tavros are already there at the table with plates in front of them. Tavros is wearing a birthday hat. Eridan is wearing two birthday hats stacked on top of each other. The chairs are way too big for any of you. There are a few empty seats, too, with empty plates in front of them.

Eridan scoffs and rolls not only his eyes, but his whole head. The birthday hats almost fall off of him. “I was hoping it was Vriska.”

“Don’t say that like that, Eridan,” Feferi says. Her voice is very sing-song and then she slams the table, startling Tavros. “Hey!”

"Hi," Sollux responds. You clamber onto one of the free chairs. You sit there with your legs crossed. Having them dangle off the edge is a little uncomfortable. On the table, there are bowls full of fudge candy and gummy worms, and a platter with hot dogs on it. You're not sure if you're allowed to take any of it, so you don't.

"We don't have any more birthday hats, so you don't get any, sorry," Kanaya says and hauls herself onto the only free chair that has something on the plate: a single gummy worm, cut in half.

"Why does Eridan have two of them?" you ask. Sollux stands on his chair to reach over the table and grabs a handful of gummy worms. He drops them on his plate with a quiet 'smack' and starts sucking on the tip of one of them.

"Because I wanted to," Eridan responds snidely. Following by Sollux's example, you grab a hot dog. Feferi, Tavros and Eridan all seem to have food on their plates- or, at least, Feferi has a lot of empty candy wrappers. Tavros has a half-eaten hot dog. Kanaya's mom comes in to say hi. The doorbell rings, and Rose and Dave come in. Their present is wrapped in really pretty, shiny paper.

The table is starting to run out of space. You help Kanaya and her mom to bring more chair into the kitchen and around the table. When you’re done, you notice Dave took the seat you used to be on. Sollux give you a sorry look and you sit next to Dave instead, but you’re not happy about it. He looks at you from under the shades like he’s suspicious of everything you do. You try to give him the same sort of deadpan look that he always gives to you.

While you’re eating, the doorbell rings a few more times. First, John arrives, then Jade, then Terezi, Vriska and Aradia. Vriska argues with Eridan for a little bit about the birthday hats and ends up taking Tavros' hat for herself. Kanaya's mom brings a cake to the table. A chocolate cake, with - one, two, three, four, five - six candles stuck into it, and Kanaya blows them out and you sing Happy Birthday again. You all give her your gifts. Tavros brought a stuffed moth plush toy with huge feathery antennae. Sollux brought a box of Bratz dolls. Jade brought a necklace with a black cat on it. Dave and Rose brought a bird book, a book about Birds for Kids with pictures and cute drawings. When you nervously hand Kanaya your present and she unwraps it to find a paper doll Make Your Own Doll Dress kit, she smiles wide and hugs you.

"My mom told me that big houses blew up, like, towers, in New York two weeks ago," Aradia says, biting the head off of a gummy worm, sitting on the couch and kicking her legs back and forth so that her heels hit the bottom of the couch with rhythmic thumps, like a drum- thump, thump, thump, thump. "Some Trade Center or something."

"Really?" Kanaya says. "Who blew them up?"

"Airplanes," Aradia responds. "And some people died."

"Wow," Tavros says. "That- at's scary."

"Why did they do that? Why would somebody blow up any big houses? They have to clean up after, don't they? If we have to clean up after playtime, they should, too," you say decisively. Aradia just shrugs. You think Tavros is right. It is a scary idea that people might just blow up a house. And with an airplane, no less. Airplanes are like magic. They’re like cars, but birds. You slurp up a gummy worm into your mouth.

"Uncle Crawford," you say in the truck when he gets back on after letting Sollux out. You're exhausted from all the running around you did at Kanaya's party, playing tag and musical chairs (which Vriska won, because she pushed Tavros off the last chair just before he could sit). You've been thinking about what Feferi said a lot, though. Uncle Crawford goes "mm-hmm?" and drives out of Sollux's driveway. You lean against the window. "What happens when you die?"

"Oh," uncle Crawford says. Then he goes quiet for a little while. He doesn't speak again until you're almost at your house. And even then, all he says is, "that's kind of a complicated question."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **may 3rd,** so mark your calendars!


	2. kindergarten, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His name is Crab, because he's a crab.

“Are you sure about the pom-pom hat? It’s not _that_ cold. You might get hot in the car.” Uncle Crawford musses your hair. You shove his hand away, pouting. Doesn’t he know you just brushed it? He laughs and you pull on your big bulky winter hat, the pink and brown one with the fluffy thing at the top of it and the flaps over your ears. 

It takes a little bit of straightening to get the hat on your head properly. Then you nod with confidence and grin at him. He kneels next to you and helps you slide your gloves on your hands. The coarse Velcro material of the fastener scrapes your hands when uncle Crawford attaches it. Your dad pulls on a light jacket. It's pretty chilly now that it's winter, even if Dad and uncle Crawford don’t think so as much. He smiles down at you. “You excited to go to the aquarium?”

“Yeah,” you respond. Of course you do. You’ve been wanting to go to the aquarium for what feels like months ever since they started playing the ads for it in between episodes of Galaxy Attack and Clifford the Big Red Dog. At first, Dad had said that you couldn’t afford it, but then one day he came up to you and said that you could go after all. It was probably the best day you have or ever will experience.

It’s not snowing outside. You only remember seeing snow once. It was last year, when you first moved to Skaiatown. There was a little bit of snow on the ground then. It melted after a day. Right now it’s raining, but no snow, just water. When you step outside, you still try to catch the droplets on your tongue as if they were snowflakes. Dad's car is in the driveway. You do have a garage, but it's less of a garage and more of a working place for uncle Crawford. Well, it's a garage for uncle Crawford's car, but Dad's car doesn't fit in it with all the other stuff in there.

You stand in the driveway while Dad goes to turn his car on, and you see a girl in the yard of one of the other houses down your street. She's squatting near the ground so you can't see her face, poking at something in the mud. But you do know that messy black hair and those red boots. You've gone to school with them all autumn. Excited, you wave at her. "Aradia!"

Aradia startles, as do your uncle and dad. She looks up at you and looks confused for a little bit before she smiles and stands up. You look both ways before you rush over the street and to her house. Aradia comes to meet you halfway on the sidewalk. "Hi!"

"I didn't know you lived here," you say to her. "I thought you lived in the same place as Vriska and Terezi. You're always with them."

"Nah," Aradia says. "I live here. Mom takes me over to their houses pretty often, though, and we have sleepovers at Terezi's house, and her mom drives me to school, so maybe that's why. I like your hat. Hey, Mom! Come here!"

“Thanks,” you say and then look in the direction Aradia is beckoning to.

You didn't see her before, but there's a woman on Aradia's porch, wearing an apron and holding a book. She’s sitting on a sunchair that's been folded up partways so it fits on the wood. The porch is pretty small. Her hair is in a messy bun. She's looking at you, and when Aradia calls her over, she puts her book down and carefully walks over through the mud in her sneakers. While she makes her way over, uncle Crawford places his big hand on your shoulder. "Karkat! You can't run off like that, champ. There could've been a car, you hear me?"

"Sorry, uncle Crawford," you say while you watch Aradia's mom trudge up to you. Your dad comes over as well.

"Hi," Aradia's mom says, brushing hair out of her face. She has a very determined-looking face, tawny skin, thick eyebrows and a sharp, square jaw.

"Hello," your dad responds. He offers his hand. "You must be Aradia's mom. It's nice to meet you."

Aradia's mom takes his hand and shakes it. Her hand is a lot more delicate than your dad's, but she shakes it firmly. "Thank you. I have to admit, Aradia hasn't mentioned you before. Karkat, was it?"

She turns to look at you. Aradia doesn't really look like her much at all. Aradia's face is much softer and rounder, like yours, and she doesn't have her mom's thick eyelashes or the pointed shape of her eyebrows. Aradia's mom is thin, almost bony, Aradia is soft and round. But something about their big and a little downturned eyes is very similar. Something about the warm brown of their pupils. They kind of look like Dad’s eyes, or yours.

"Yeah, I'm Karkat," you introduce and also stick out your hand to shake hers, like your dad did. Aradia's mom chuckles and shakes your hand. Her hand is sort of clammy, but also not at the same time. It's not big and malleable and hug-like like Dad's or uncle Crawford's. "And that's my dad and my uncle Crawford."

"Oh," Aradia's mom says to uncle Crawford. Her eyes move for a moment between your dad and your uncle. Aradia shows you a snail she’s holding in her hand, that she must have picked up from the ground when you were coming over. She sets it back down into the mud. "Hello. Nice to meet some neighbors."

"Same to you. You moved here pretty recently, right? I've lived here my whole life and never talked to you. But I’ve heard someone moved in across the street a while back," uncle Crawford says. Your dad pats you on the shoulder a few times. Aradia silently challenges you to Rock, Paper, Scissors by looking at you and raising up a fist sideways. You give her a sort of questioning look, the doubtful kind, as best you can. _What are we playing Rock, Paper, Scissors for?_

"Yeah, we’re new. Somewhat. I guess we sort of moved in undercover. No trucks or anything. Didn't have much to bring. We didn't really have a place to go and I saw an ad for a waitress job at the Quartz & Melody Bar on Main Street, and the house was cheap, so… yeah. We've been here for… I think it’s coming up on two years now," Aradia's mom explains. Aradia furrows her eyebrows at you and smiles competitively. _You in or not?_

"Oh, that's such a shame that we didn't know you were moving in. We would have come say hi," your dad says. You're not one to back out from an honest Rock, Paper, Scissors duel, so you give Aradia what she asks for. Rock, of course rock, the strongest of the choices. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, she picked paper. Ugh. "Well, I suppose Karkat and I wouldn't have. We lived in Houston until a year ago."

"Oh, no need to worry about it. Uh, this is your childhood home?" Aradia's mom says. You give Aradia a challenging look. _Rematch._ She returns it with equal intensity, and with the smugness of a winner. You're going to wipe the _floor_ with her. Here it goes. This time you'll go with paper, since it worked so well for her. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Ugh! Scissors! How is she so good at this? Your dad chuckles.

"Yeah, it is. Crawford’s been living here the whole time,” he says. 

“If you ever need a car fixed up, you know who to turn to,” uncle Crawford says. You can hear the laugh in his voice. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Ah, a tie. Your luck must be turning. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Argh! How does Aradia keep winning? This is so unfair. You’re not stopping until you win properly. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! _Gah!_ Aradia grins evilly. You can tell that she’s friends with Vriska and Terezi.

“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think that’s going to be of much use to me. I don’t have a car,” Aradia’s mom says. This is the one. You know this is going to be the one. You can feel it in your bones. It feels like time slows down.You and Aradia stare at each other, both equally ready to do this. You’re both so confident that you’re going to be the one that wins, but you know that she’s going to be wrong. You tense up your whole body, getting ready for the ultimate showdown. What would the best strategy be? Rock? Paper? Or maybe even… scissors? No, no, she would know that that’s coming. Aradia bites her lip.

“Really? How have you been dealing with that, having to get Aradia to school across town every day? If it’s alright to ask,” uncle Crawford says. Rock.

“Oh, we have a carpool set up with Red. Uh, Reagan Pyrope? She lives over on Thought Road. Her daughter Terezi is in kindergarten, too. It’s super nice of her to include us in their carpool, ‘cause it’s a detour from her house to the school to pick Aradia up. She and her husband been really sweet to us since we moved here.” Paper.

“Oh, yeah, I remember her from the parent-teacher meetup in September. I don’t think I saw you there, though,” your dad says. Scissors.

“Yeah. I wanted to be there, but everything was just so, so hectic at the time. But I don’t mean to complain at all. Y’know, Aradia’s the light of my life,” Aradia’s mom says. Shoot! _Oh, come on!_ Aradia laughs victoriously and you groan, stumbling backwards. Uncle Crawford just barely catches you by the arms before you fall onto the sidewalk and laughs. Aradia’s mom looks at you with this amused smile that you’ve seen on Aradia’s face before, too. “Everything okay with you two?”

“Aradia is too good at Rock, Paper, Scissors, it’s not fair,” you complain.

“You didn’t use scissors a single time, it wasn’t that hard,” Aradia says loudly with her hands on her hips. You complain and sink deeper into uncle Crawford’s arms. He hauls you up onto your feet without even really trying that hard. Aradia grins. Her eyes squint from the grin. “I win forever!”

“No!" you complain. Your dad chuckles.

"Well, I guess that's our sign to get going, now," he says. Uncle Crawford starts herding you towards Dad's car. You give Aradia one last wave before you turn to leave. You still hear your dad say to Aradia's mom, though, really quietly, something about how he works in Houston and that Aradia's mom can let him know about something.

"Thank you," Aradia's mom says. "Say bye, Aradia."

"Bye!" Aradia says and waves at you. Uncle Crawford leads you across the street and you climb into the car. He straps you into the child seat. You can't wait until you're big enough to sit on the actual car. Dad slides in the driver's seat. Uncle Crawford talks to him quietly through the open door, making sure he knows his directions. He can’t come with you. Someone brought a car to be fixed today and he has to fix it. You shuffle in your seat, moving the seatbelt a little to make it less uncomfortable. Dad revs up the car. You drive out of the driveway, and you can see Aradia climbing up the steps to her porch.

“Why couldn’t I beat Aradia at Rock, Paper, Scissors?” you ask.

“Well, Rock, Paper, Scissors is a game of luck. You just had an unlucky streak,” your dad responds. You see his eyes in the mirror hanging between the front seats. “You played it as best you could, so you did good, even if you didn’t win, right?”

“Mm,” you say quietly. The aquarium isn’t in Skaiatown, it’s in another town a little ways away. You sit in the car for what feels like forever, looking at the forest go by. Then you come out of the forest and go past some farms. The fields are all brown and muddy and sad-looking. In the distance, you see a fenced-in area where there are big animals eating the grass, wearing blankets. You perk up and point. “Horses!”

“Oh, really?” Dad asks, glancing to his side so he can see the field. “Wow, so there are!”

You settle into your chair as you pass the horses by. It’s still another small eternity after that before you arrive in the other town. 

It’s a lot bigger than Skaiatown. The houses are taller and there are more of them, and there are people all over on every street. You count at least three video stores instead of just the one tiny one far away you have at home, and a movie theater and huge construction sites in pits next to the sidewalk. So many things you would never see in Skaiatown. You stare out the window in awe at all the new, exciting things.

Your dad makes a turn and the car goes from the bright winter day outside into the darkness of a parking garage. The lights are dim and orange and the walls are made of uniform gray concrete with yellow lines pointing down the tunnel. You watch the shadows move from in front of you to behind you and then appear in front of you again in a loop before the car makes a sharp turn and stops moving.

Holding Dad’s hand, you walk past the unfamiliar cars towards a very brightly lit door. The concrete around it is painted in many different shades of blue. Some are lighter, some darker. There are seals and fish and sharks and all sorts of animals you don’t even recognize bursting out of the color like they’re swimming out from the door. You breathe out and pull away from Dad to run over to the door. It has two glass panels on it. Behind, you can see a staircase up and an elevator.

“Are there gonna be sharks?” you ask while you and Dad climb the stairs. He hums in thought.

“I think there might,” he says, sing-song. It’s almost like he’s teasing you. You jump up the stairs until you’re several steps ahead of him. 

“Are there gonna be Great Whites?” you ask loudly, almost shouting.

“We’ll have to see, won’t we?” Dad says. You laugh and run up the stairs. You’re really excited to see a Great White Shark. The walls of the aquarium are painted blue. They’re just like the walls around the door in the parking garage. You see a counter with a cash register and a gift shop, and a board on the wall with words on it. There’s also a big seal statue. It’s painted black and white and blue and red and you run up to it and haul yourself on top of it. Dad comes over. “Oh, Karkat, don’t climb on that, honey.”

You frown. “Why?”

“It might break. Here, can I help you down?” he says and lifts you up and off. You sigh and accept it, even though you really don’t want to. If someone was asking Dad not to climb, he wouldn't do it. But imagine riding a seal, though. You frown to yourself, but don't say anything. Dad talks to the cashier at the counter and you step onto a stool so that you can see over it. The counter lady puts a band around your wrist. Dad says it's to show that you're allowed to be inside the aquarium. He gets a wristband of his own, too.

"So the next feeding we have is the shark feeding. We’re feeding our leopard shark. That's in about an hour and a half," the cashier lady says, pointing to a board on the wall with times listed on it. She shows you a map of the aquarium and points out where that will happen. Imagine that… a real live shark eating, and you get to see it! You tug at Dad’s sleeve.

“How does that sound, Karkat?” Dad asks. You squeal and tug harder on his arm. Dad laughs and you turn to leave and hop off the stool. You leave your hat and jackets in the hangers next to the cashier lady. Dad looks at the map the cashier lady handed to you. “The shark tank is at the very end of the aquarium if we take the route that lets us see everything. We should be there just in time for the feeding.”

“Yes,” you say fast. “I want to see the shark.”

“There’s lots of other fish to see first,” your dad says. He’s holding a paper handout map of the aquarium and he examines it carefully. “First stop looks to be the Freshwater Room.”

You walk into the aquarium, and the first thing you notice is the sound of rushing water. There’s a water spout sticking out of the wall that makes it look like a waterfall. The wall of the tank it’s flowing into is made of a big window. You rush up to it. The water is sort of muddy, and there are logs, branches and strands of seaweed in it. Gray, silver, green and brown fish swim in between them. Their mouths open and close. On the wall next to the tank, there are plates with pictures of the fish and writing. Dad leans down to read.

“That’s a perch,” he says, pointing at one of the fish, a green-yellow stripey one. “A yellow perch, it says here.”

“It looks sorta dumb,” you admit. Dad laughs. The rest of the room is full of other gray and brown fish. Some of them have stripes or little bits of brighter color on them, but they’re mostly all sort of dull. The next room is like a jungle. There are vines hanging from the ceiling and everything looks like it’s made of wood. There’s a huge tank of water, even bigger than the one the perches were in, where an enormous snake-looking creature is lazily twisting around a wooden branch. Dad lifts you so that you can see it better, and you read from the info plate: “electric eel.” You didn’t know electric had two Cs in it.

Dad tells you that you’re in the Rainforest Room. There’s a big tank with piranhas in it. They have round, glassy eyes, and when you lean in to look at them through the glass, it feels like they’re staring back at you. You poke the glass, but they don’t react at all. There’s a really tall glass separating you from the water in the tank, and wire on top of it, too. 

The air in the Rainforest Room is very humid and there’s a constant cricket song sound playing in the background. There are a lot of smaller tanks on the walls, with colorful poisonous frogs and all sorts of other little fish. In one of the smaller tanks, there’s a gray slimy-looking thing with big flaps instead of ears. The name on the info plate is unfamiliar, and you’re not quite sure how to pronounce it. Luckily, you remember most of the letters from Sollux’s name. “Aks-oo-lootle?”

“Axolotl,” Dad corrects. “It says here they never change out of their juvenile form. That means they’re like tadpoles that never lose their tails.”

You make an awed noise and knock at the glass. The little creature inside blinks slowly at you. You smile. “When are we going to see the leopard shark, Dad?”

“The feeding isn’t until an hour from now,” he says. “You’re doing great with waiting so far, though. C’mon. The next room will have all sorts of cool animals.”

Dad is right. There’s a big red and orange and white fish with a lot of fins and points. The info plate says it’s a lion-fish. You see colorful fish, orange, blue, yellow, black… you never knew there were so many different colors of fish. When Ms. Paint read you the Rainbow Fish at school, it made it sound like none of the fish in the sea had any color at all, but now you can tell that that’s not true. Really, if the ocean is anything like this, you don’t think the Rainbow Fish should have given away any of his scales at all.

You stare into the seahorse tank. You’ve never seen anything like them. They’re so thin and curly and spiny. They’re not fish, but they don’t look like anything else, either… “They look like little dragons, don’t they, Dad?”

“Mm-hmm,” Dad agrees. You walk through the room, looking at the fish flit back and forth from one edge of the water to the other every time there’s a ripple. They go between the flowy strands of seaweed like really thick, flat snakes. The blue lights of the aquarium catch on their scales and make them shine just like the fish on the pages of the Rainbow Fish. Then, one of the smaller tanks catches your eye.

You’re not sure why you go to that tank. Maybe it’s the way that all the other tanks have all been green and blue, but this one is sandy, orange and yellow and red. There’s a bright warm light there, angled at the inside of the terrarium. You run over, past the tropical fish and the seahorses, and stand on your toes to see into the tank better. The ground is made of sand and dips into a shallow pool. Rocks and a few branches are scattered around the aquarium. There’s a little hut in the corner made of straw and surrounded by rough sand.

And there, in the middle of it, is a little crab with a curled up seashell on its back. It has colorful, deep red legs and claws that are flat and wide and covered in tiny spikes. It scuttles between the hut and the water, pressing little dents into the wet sand and feeling the ground with the whiskers on its face. When you come up to the tank, it stops in its tracks. Slowly, its beady black eyes turn to look at you and its whiskers twitch. It’s the best thing you’ve ever seen. You look at the info plate. _Strawberry hermit crab._ Straw-berry. Strah-berry. Oh, a strawberry! He does look like a strawberry, a little bit.

“What’d you find?” Dad comes up to you and peers into the aquarium. “Aw, a little crab.”

“The best little crab,” you announce. You squint at the info plate. It takes you a while to read the text on it. You sound out the words out loud. _“The strawberry hermit crab is a land hermit crab, which means it spends most of its time on the ground instead of the water. Despite that, like all hermit crabs, it still needs to go back to the water to reproduce._ I love this crab. He’s so bright and- Hi! Look, Dad, he’s waving. He’s so pretty and red! What a cute little guy, right?”

“He’s very cute,” Dad agrees. You bounce up and down on your toes and stare at the strawberry hermit crab. You poke the glass a few more times. Eventually, the crab starts to scuttle around again. Its whiskers move and patting the ground in front of it. It goes to the water and then into a cranny in the back between a rock and a big branch of wood. It settles there. Dad taps your shoulder. “You wanna keep going now?”

“I think this one’s my favorite of them all,” you tell him, but take his hand anyway and let him lead you down the hallway. You enter a huge room with giant skeletons hanging from the ceiling. The fish on the walls are replaced with ancient monsters. You gasp. You never thought a skeleton could be so cool and so scary at the same time. They have huge skeleton fins and skulls that you could probably fit inside.

There's a plate on the wall with a picture of the creature on it. The name is unfamiliar. You squint and run your finger along the word, trying to connect the words and sounds in your mind. Mosasaurus, it says, that's what you conclude. Dad leans in to look at the same plate and points to the text under the name. "What does it say?"

"Um… 'This c- hold on. Colo… colossal? That means… what does it mean? Oh, I think there was a Lusiimon that was called… oh, does it mean big?" you ask, looking to Dad for confirmation. He nods, so you grin - your face feels warm with pride - and keep reading. "This colossal sea monster… lived over… six-five… m- million years ago."

"Wow, huh, 65 million years,” Dad says. “That’s a lot of years, ain’t it?”

“It is,” you say. 65 million. You’re not sure you can count that far. You look up at the Mosasaurus and notice a blinking light. A bright green blinking light, spotted with purple. It’s a game corner. There’s a Whack-A-Mole machine where the moles are fish, what looks like a trivia quiz, a puzzle with giant soft-looking pieces scattered on the floor in front of it, and some sort of sandbox. There’s someone playing the Whack-A-Mole with a parent standing over them and a few kids in the sandbox. You tug on Dad’s sleeve and pull him towards it. “Dad, games!”

Dad helps you do the puzzle. The pieces are big and soft and they feel like Uncle Crawford’s mattress. Squishy but really firm at the same time. The picture that the pieces make is a squid with fins on either side of its head and wide, round eyes. Dad helps you tear it down when you’re finished so that the next person to come can do it again, even though you’re really sad that you don’t get to keep it like that forever.

Dad helps you with the trivia game with the light-up buttons. It’s too fast-paced for you to read everything yourself, but he points and reads things out when you don’t have time to. You find out that Great White Sharks have 300 teeth, and that the Marianas Trench is too deep for you to even understand how deep it is. Dad laughs when you tell him how cool it is. The last stop you take is the sandbox. There are instructions on the side that Dad helps you read. You get to dig your own fossils, that’s what it says. There are brushes attached to the sides of the box by string and you can find hidden, buried fossils at the bottom by brushing the sand away. You find an ammonite fossil. You know, because there’s a little plate next to it. It’s a curly thing, like a snail shell in the floor of the sandbox.

While you’re brushing at the sand, Dad’s phone starts going _‘vrr-vrr-vrr’_ in his pocket. He takes it out and checks it, pats you on the head.

“I’ve got to take this call. I’ll be right back, is that okay?” he says. You nod, and he walks off. At first, you don’t pay attention to what he’s saying and just focus on brushing the sand away to reveal more of the curves and spines of the fossil you’ve found, but then you hear his nervous tone. You eavesdrop. You don't hear every word, but… “...told you I’m taking the day off. ...I know, I know it is, but I can’t. I’m at the aquarium with my son and- I- no, can’t you get someone else? I know it’s my case. I just said I knew. Isn’t Lexi there? She’s free, right? I wish I could, I swear, but I have a life, Tara, and I told you I wouldn’t be available today.

“I do, I do need the case. I’m not saying I’m giving the whole thing up, come on. I’m not! Please. Get someone else. You don’t need me for everything regarding this. Someone else can work on it for one day. I’m coming back tomorrow. I know, you said that. I heard. Don't- Tara. I really, really can’t make it right now. It’s the first time I’ve gotten to just spend time with my kid in a while. I told you that I wouldn’t be there. I know it's- I know you do. I know. I know. Just… please give me some credit. I'm sorry. Yeah. Ask Lexi. Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

One of the buttons beeps because he presses it. He lingers there for a while, staring at the screen of his phone. Then he sighs and looks up. When he sees that you were looking at him, he smiles and comes over, putting his phone in the pocket of his pants. When he approaches, you can tell - you couldn’t before - even though he’s smiling, how tired he looks all of a sudden. He smiles wider and musses your hair. “What’d you find?”

“It says it’s an ammonite, look, it says it there,” you say, pointing at the label next to it. Maybe if you tell him about a fun thing, he won’t worry about the not-fun thing on his phone as much anymore. 

Dad smiles, a little bit less sadly.

"Who called you when I found the fossil?" you ask later, when you're walking down a hallway lined with jellyfish in tanks. It’s quiet and blue and every word you say echoes a little bit. It feels like you’re inside the sea. Dad showed you the map when you came into the tunnel. You're almost at the shark tank. Dad sighs and squeezes your hand.

"Someone from work," he explains. "She wanted me to go in to do work, but I told her I had to be here with you instead."

"Oh," you say. You don’t really know why Dad works anyway. You guess it’s like school for adults, it must be. Maybe adults just play and have fun all day. Playtime all day… "Would you rather have gone to work with her?"

"Oh, Karkat, no," he says, chuckling. "Not at all. There's no place I would rather be than spending time with my favorite little guy."

You nod and smile. If that’s what he says, it must be true, even if he still looks very, very tired. The jellyfish float in the water. The lights of the tank turn them blue, even though they're white in the picture on the info plate. They have petal shapes on their heads. Dad points to the map and says that the shark is in the next room.

The shark tank is _huge_. It's bigger than the piranha tank or the eel tank or even the jellyfish tanks. It's full of different fish and creatures and colorful corals and seaweed. There's another underwater tunnel thing going through it. And there's more people in this room than the others. They're all crowded around the tank chatting, so you can only see the very top of it. Others are inside the tunnel. In between the crowd and the tank, here’s a guy in a blue cap and a little black stick thing coming around to the front of his face from his earpiece.

You and Dad go up to the tank. The closer you get, the less you can see of the water. You haven’t seen the shark at all. You tug on Dad’s sleeve, and he’s already furrowed his eyebrows. Then he takes you aside and, using a bench at the edge of the room to help, picks you up and puts you on his shoulders. It’s so high up, it’s almost like looking down from the loft at your house into the living room. You wrap your arms around his head. Dad laughs with a strain on his voice. “You’re getting too big for this.”

You squeak in response, and he walks slowly to the shark tank. It does work. From Dad’s shoulders, you can see across the crowd and into the tank. The lights reflect off the fish and then you see it, in the distance through the blue water. The ripples on the surface of the tank water fall down onto a murky shape. It’s a shark, a real life shark in the tank, with spots and stripes and all! You had no idea sharks had spots and stripes. You gasp and hold Dad’s head tighter. “I can see the shark, Dad!”

“Don’t lose sight of it,” he advises. You watch carefully. The man in the blue cap starts talking. His voice is much louder and weirdly fake compared to you and Dad. It’s like it’s coming from all around the room. He talks about the shark and tells you that it’s named Lucky. Some weird white meaty-looking stuff is thrown into the tank from above the water, and you see the shark swim in and snatch the pieces in its mouth. It tears them up and all the other fish swim around it.

“Does anyone have any questions?” the guy in the cap asks after a while. You raise your hand enthusiastically, having been wondering something the whole time. He notices you and says, “yeah, kid in the sweater?"

“Uh, uh,” you say. “There’s so many fish in the tank, and the shark eats fish, so why doesn’t it eat all the other little fish in the tank?”

“That’s a really good question,” the guy in the cap says. You smile, feeling very warm and proud, but also embarrassed. “Sharks do eat other fish in the wild, so a lot of people wonder how they can be kept with other fish in captivity. The answer is actually pretty simple. It’s just that we keep Lucky so well fed that he’s just not hungry enough to want to eat any of the other fish.”

After the feeding is over, everyone starts to leave. The guy in the cap goes through a door that says ‘Staff Only.’ The tunnel gets empty enough that you and Dad can go inside. Still sitting on his shoulders, you can reach up to the roof of the tunnel. It’s all see-through, so you can see the shark swim above you. You feel like a little starfish on the ocean floor. Or a crab. You feel like you’d like to be a crab. Or maybe a shark. When Dad slides you down from his shoulders and you go to leave the aquarium, he asks, “did you like the shark feeding?”

“Yeah!” you yell, holding tightly onto his hand and bouncing up and down. “It was all I’ve ever wanted!”

Dad laughs. “Was it?”

“Yes, it was, it was the best thing ever,” you say. “Today is the new best day ever, Dad.”

“I’m happy to hear that.”

In the gift shop, there’s so many shelves that are just full of toys and stuffed animals and everything. You gasp and jump and beg, and Dad says that you can pick out one toy. You look at the waterguns and the spinning tops with goldfish painted on and the sippy cups with straws shaped like fish. You look at the shark figurines and the stuffed plushie jellyfish and then you find the best thing in the store.

It’s a crab! A stuffed plushie hermit crab, a similar deep red to the crab from the aquarium. It’s soft to the touch, like the old, very old pillow you got when you moved in with Uncle Crawford. Really, really soft. The fabric on top isn’t velvety, but it’s not cotton. You look at the tag on the side and between all the pictures, you read: polyster. No. Polyester. You love the way it feels when you touch it. It’s got big claws and the legs are flat, just like the real hermit crab in the aquarium, and it has huge beady eyes that point out in different directions on the ends of stalks and long feelers made from string. The shell is curvy, white and yellowish with little brownish brindles on it. The whole crab is so soft and delightful. That’s the one that you want.

You hold it close the whole time after Dad buys it for you. In the car, you sit in the back and hug it. Dad asks, “what are you going to name it?”

“Crab,” you respond.

“Just Crab?” Dad asks in that questioning, curious tone that you’ve only heard him use when he talks to you or Sollux. “Why just Crab?”

“Why would he be called anything else?” you say. “He’s a crab.”

“...I guess you’re right,” Dad says. You love Crab. He’s the softest and nicest thing ever. He’s going to be your favorite forever.

-

“Alright, so now it’s time for show and tell!” Ms. Paint says, closing the book she was reading for you and putting it away. Today’s book was called _Clifford’s First Snow Day._ You don’t really know why that was the book Ms. Paint read today. There isn’t any snow outside. You think it might be because it's the last book in your classroom's bookshelf that you haven't read yet. “Could you all go and fetch your items from your cubbies and then come back and form a half-circle, please?”

Everyone clambers up in a big hurry to their cubbies. Sollux helps you up from the floor. Vriska shoves you on her way past you and you almost fall over. Luckily Sollux is there to stop you from falling. You and Sollux have a system. You’ve seen it happen to other kids: if you run into the middle of the first wave of cubby-fetchers, you’ll get crushed. So you wait for some people to have gotten their things before you go to fetch yours. Sollux’s cubby is a few cubbies away from yours, so you don’t see what he has there. In yours, though, you have Crab.

Ms. Paint says you’re only allowed to bring toys from home on show and tell day. It’s been almost a whole week since you got Crab from the aquarium, and you’ve been so excited for show and tell day, so that you can tell everyone about him. You’ve brought him with you everywhere ever since then and kept him in your bed and whenever Dad has read you a bedtime story, Crab has gotten to listen to it, too. 

You sit between Sollux and Tavros in the half-circle, like usual. Ms. Paint sits on a chair in front of everyone and calls them up one by one to tell everyone about their items. Most people brought toys. After all, it’s the one day in the week you all get to play with your favorites from home. 

Eridan brought a toy car, one of those remote-controllable cars that you’ve seen on TV. Rose brought a little plastic cat. Terezi brought a soccer ball. She says it helped her lose her first wiggling tooth when her sister accidentally kicked it at her head. There are people who didn’t bring toys, though. Kanaya brought a sweater that her grandma made her. Tavros brought his lunchbox. He brings it to school every day anyway because it’s his lunchbox, but he’s still presenting it. You think he may have forgotten it’s show and tell day. Vriska brought Terezi’s tooth. John brought a nose and glasses disguise.

“Today for show and tell, I brought Crab,” you say, holding Crab up in your hands. “He’s a crab. And I like him a lot.” 

There’s a little moment of silence as you look over at Ms. Paint. You don’t really know what else to say. Vriska makes a face like she’s trying not to laugh and you shift awkwardly. Ms. Paint smiles at you. “Why don’t you tell us where you got him?”

“Um,” you say. Your shoulders feel very tight. “My dad got him for me at the aquarium last week. We went there and there was a strawberry hermit crab in a little tank and it wasn’t as big as the tank for anything else but I really liked him. And then in the gift shop he said I could get one thing and I saw Crab and I said that I wanted Crab and so I got Crab.”

“And why is he named Crab?” Ms. Paint asks.

“Because he’s a crab,” you say flatly. The answer is obvious, you can’t believe she didn’t get it yet. “Why would he be called anything other than what he is?”

Vriska snorts. You give her an angry look and she lifts her eyebrows and looks away, but she’s still smiling, like she’s laughing at you but just inside her head. You scowl at the ground. Ms. Paint exhales. “Alright, thank you, Karkat. Who’s next… Yes, Jade, come on up!”

After show and tell, Ms. Paint teaches you about the letter Y and all the different sounds it can make, how it’s different in you and my and everybody. You already know how it can be ‘ee’ like in polyester.

“Psh, psh, psh, beep, beep, beep,” Sollux says, later, when it’s playtime. He’s holding a toy truck from the toy shelf in the classroom, a toy firetruck. It’s red and white and black and there’s a tiny ladder on top of it. You’re lying on the carpet that looks like the map of a city, with roads and hospitals and all. “Prrsh, report, report, psh, psh, I’m sorry but there is a giant crab in the middle of the road.”

You’ve placed Crab in the middle of an intersection on the map, between the corner store and the school. You’re making explosion noises for every time you move him as if he’s walking. You turn him around so that he’s facing Sollux’s firetruck and say in a fake deep voice, “oh, excuse me, am I in your way? Just tell me if I need to move.”

“Aw, what? No, that’s dumb! Make him kill someone or something cool like that,” Sollux says.

“What?” you shriek. “No! You can’t kill people, dummy, that's not allowed. Why would he do that?”

“Uh, because he’s a big cool monster and he can crush people just by stepping on them? Look, just like this, woosh, ka-pow!” Sollux squishes the toy truck with the palm of his hand and pushes it over. You roll your eyes and groan at his silly antics. Sollux frowns. “You know, just like Lusiimon do when they battle!”

“Lusiimon don’t kill each other! They _knock each other out,”_ you correct, feeling a little proud that you know this and Sollux doesn’t. “Besides, Crab would never kill anyone. He’s not a Lusiimon, first of all, and even if he was, he would be a _nice_ Lusiimon.”

“What? You can’t have a _nice_ Lusiimon, that takes the fun out of the whole thing!” Sollux argues. “They need to fight! It’s the point!”

“Karkat and Sollux! Please try to keep the topic of conversation a little bit nicer, would you?" Ms. Paint says from the back of the classroom. She's hauling some sort of large and heavy-looking cardboard box full of files that look like they're from crime TV, the kind that grownups keep in the drawers of office desks.

You're about to complain that Vriska gets to threaten to throw people off the plank and is constantly mean and it's not fair that she gets to do all that and you can't even talk about Lusiimon. But then you notice how much trouble she seems to be having with the box. Her voice is strained when she speaks to you and she's sweating. You pick up Crab and walk over to her. "Are you okay with the box, Ms. Paint? Can I help carry it?"

"Oh, you're very sweet, but I'm fine, thank you," she responds. She's struggling to look down at you from behind the box. You shake your head and place Crab on the table next to you.

"No, I can help, it's no big deal," you say and push on the bottom of the box from underneath. It's very heavy, especially when Ms. Paint's hold on it slips a little and you have to push on it harder so it doesn't fall.

"Oh, careful now!" Ms. Paint advises. She chuckles. "Alright, alright. I just need to carry these to my office down the hallway. It's not a long trip at all. Let's be quick about it."

You hurry down the hallway and to a little room behind a corner by the cafeteria that you've seen but never been to. The room has many doors in it, though they all look almost the same, with a plate on the wall next to each one. Ms. Paint takes you through a door. It has a window on it, with blinds. Ms. Paint's name written with marker on a piece of tape on the plate on the wall, like it's covering another name. Underneath that, ‘Kindergarten Teacher’ is carved into the plate. Behind the door is a small, bright room with a desk, some flowers on the windowsill and files.

Ms. Paint takes the whole box and hauls it onto the desk. She wipes her hands together to get rid of the dust and you copy her. Can't have dusty hands. She smiles and looks back at you. "Thank you kindly for your help, Karkat."

"It’s okay."

"Alright, let's get back, now. We can't leave the others for very long," she says and starts to leave the office. You follow her. On the way out, she knocks on one of the doors next to her own. A man with dark hair peeks out and Ms. Paint tilts her head towards her office. The man nods and closes the door. Then Ms. Paint nudges your shoulder to make you keep walking. "Come on, Karkat."

"Who was that?" you ask. You didn’t have the time to read the plate on the wall.

"Oh, Mr. Typheus? He's going to be teaching you in the first grade. That's why I brought him some documents about you all. Normally I would have closed the door to my office, but I needed him to have a look-see," she explains. The hallways are very quiet. There's someone down the hall walking away with her backpack, but other than that, it's all empty.

"You're not going to teach us when we go to first grade?" you ask very sadly. You don't know if you want to have another teacher!

"No, I have to teach next year's kindergarteners," Ms. Paint says. By now you're at the classroom door. "Who else will?"

"Okay," you say, disappointed. "I guess."

"Now, now. Mr. Typheus is a fine teacher. You'll love him," Ms. Paint says. She opens the classroom door, and John is standing there right behind it. He almost gets hit in the head by the opening door. Ms. Paint gasps. "John! What are you doing?"

"I was gonna come to get you- Dave broke Karkat's crab," John says. Suddenly you feel like lightning struck you, and you push past Ms. Paint into the classroom. And there's Dave, standing with one of Crab's claws in his hand and the rest of Crab, painfully one-clawed, lying on the floor. You gasp.

"What did you do?" you yell at Dave and run over to pick Crab off the ground. Poor thing.

"I was just looking at it," Dave says like it doesn't matter at all. You take a closer look at Crab. The string on his front where one of his claws used to be is torn. Tears start to fill your eyes. Now he's not perfect anymore, he'll never be perfect anymore. Dave shrugs. "And anyway, if it breaks just like that it can't be very well made."

"Shut up!" you yell. "He was fine and then you broke him!"

"You left him on the table," Dave counters, but he half-mumbles it as if he thinks you won't hear. You're about to shout more, when Ms. Paint comes over.

"Hey, hey, hey," she says. "Alright. Let's use our inside voices, alright? Now, what happened, exactly?" 

"You were out and I wanted to look at the crab and then its dumb arm fell off," Dave says. _It's not dumb,_ you want to scream. _You're the dumb one!_ "I didn't even do anything."

"Yes, you did," you try to argue, but Ms. Paint talks over you.

"Okay, Dave. Apologize to Karkat for breaking his crab."

"...Okay, ugh, fine. I'm sorry," Dave says. You take the fallen claw out of his hand and press it close to the remainder of Crab's body. You sniffle involuntarily, trying to fit the claw to the strings that remain on Crab, where it used to be attached. Dave crosses his arms and looks away. "Stop crying. It's weird."

When he says that, it feels like a hit. Everyone is staring at you. Some look like they’re almost about to laugh. Are you weird? Nobody in class has ever started to cry because of a toy breaking before. In fact, you can’t remember any time when anybody’s cried in class before. During recess, yeah, but never in class. And everyone is just still staring at you, and… 

You look to Ms. Paint for any support, because you really don't know what to do. She doesn't look like she does, either, and she stumbles over her own words. You know she must feel like all the eyes are on her just as much as you do. She fiddles with the fabric of her dress, then she leans down and wipes your eyes. You feel like a dumb little baby. “Alright, come on, enough tears now, honey. It can still be fixed.”

“But he won’t be the same,” you say. Your voice is really stuffy and you can’t breathe through your nose. 

"Sometimes life is like that," Ms. Paint says.

You're still wiping tears from your face when you go back to Sollux, holding Crab in your arms. Sollux looks at you apologetically when you sit down on your knees next to him. "Sorry. I didn't see him go up to Crab."

"It's fine," you say and sniffle. "It's not your fault."

"Do you want to color instead?" he asks. The crayon table is free. You nod. You and Sollux go there together. You draw a beach and Crab on the beach. You color in the sky for a long time.

"So, how's your day been?" your uncle asks when he's walking you from the swings towards the parking lot in the afternoon. Your backpack feels very heavy.

"Crab broke," you say. "Dave tore his arm off."

"Oh, damn," uncle Crawford says as you walk through the doors of the school into the air outside. It bites at your cheeks. The trees have all dropped their leaves and the only thing left is the dark branches reaching into all directions. Uncle Crawford’s pickup truck is parked in the parking lot next to all the teachers and parents’ cars. He walks you towards it and his keys jingle. “Why’d he do that?”

“I don’t know,” you say. Your hands feel cold even through they’re in the pockets of your jacket and you have gloves on. “He says he didn’t mean to, but I don’t know if I believe him.”

You climb into the seat next to uncle Crawford’s. He lets you ride in the front even though Dad never wants you to. Days like this, when Dad is at work and uncle Crawford picks you up, are the only days when you get to sit in the front. Normally, you really like them, but you don’t like today. Uncle Crawford looks at you. “Well, let’s see him.”

“What?” you ask.

“Your Crab,” he says, making grabby motions. You open your backpack and pull out Crab - and the arm that he had that fell off. They almost fill up your backpack all the way. Looking at them makes you feel bad. You hand them to uncle Crawford and he takes a closer look. “Hm. Yeah, this ain’t too bad. Definitely not as bad as I was expecting. I can fix him. You won’t even be able to tell the difference.”

“Really?” you ask at the same time as he hands them back to you. He nods. You think about this while you put Crab back into your backpack. You know it won’t be the same, but… maybe it’ll be similar enough. So you nod, and uncle Crawford smiles and drives you home.

When you get there, you stand next to uncle Crawford’s desk in the garage and watch him sew Crab’s claw back on. He shows you how he pulls out the old thread and picks out a different one and how he puts the thread on the needle. He pretends it’s an important surgery and he gives you a face mask and a white jacket and calls you a doctor. With a sthetoscope you listen to Crab’s chest and assure uncle Crawford that everything is going according to plan. And when he’s done and he cuts off the rest of the thread, you find out he was right, and you can even tell anything had happened.

-

It’s Saturday today. Saturday. It’s… the tenth day of March. You didn’t have any school today. Instead, you went to the playground with uncle Crawford and Sollux, and Sollux’s dad and Sollux’s mom. She’s got a round belly. She says that she’s going to have a baby and Sollux will have a little baby brother. You climbed on the monkey bars and swung on the swings and you didn't take a nap all day because Dad was at work and he couldn’t tell you to.

It’s later now, and you’re at home. It’s raining pretty hard outside. You came in after it started to rain and Sollux went home, too. You’re watching TV. Uncle Crawford has lots of old VHS tapes in this house and you get to watch them. So, you’re watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. 

You love Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You’re not always sure what everything in the show means but you really like it anyway. You’ve been watching it since you got home. Now you just feel very, very tired. Will Smith is doing stuff on the screen and people in the background keep laughing. You’re holding Crab in your arms and he’s watching with you. You’re sitting on the carpet in the living room. Dad is coming down the stairs. He came home from work an episode or two ago and then went upstairs. He yawns on his way into the kitchenette and rubs his eyes.

“Karkat, could you help me make dinner, please?” he asks. The thought of getting up right now is dumb.

“I don’t want to,” you say. Dad stops.

“You don’t want to? C’mon. You always help me make dinner! We can make turtle-shaped pasta. With ham sauce,” he offers. His voice sounds sort of tired. Turtle-shaped pasta and ham sauce does sound good, but…

“I can’t. I’m watching Will Smith,” you say.

“I’d really appreciate your help,” Dad says, more seriously. You grumble.

“I don’t want to!”

Your dad takes a moment and then sighs deeply. He starts to clatter around in the kitchenette. It’s really distracting you from Will Smith. You hold Crab tighter and furrow your eyebrows. There’s rustling and pouring and stirring and all sorts of noises. The smell of that ham sauce Dad makes that you really like fills the living room. Your leg starts bouncing up and down on its own. It makes Crab shake. Dad opens the door to the garage. 

“Crawford! I made pasta.” You can kind of hear uncle Crawford’s happy response from inside the garage. Dad walks back into the kitchenette and you hear water and pasta sloshing through the pasta strainer. “Karkat, come on. Let’s eat.”

“I don’t want to,” you insist even through your stomach is rumbling and you’re getting tired of watching Will Smith. You haven’t really been paying much attention to the TV anyway. Your head feels a little dull and your eyelids are drooping.

“Karkat,” Dad warns gently. You cross your arms and pout. “You have to eat dinner.”

“I don’t want to! I’m not hungry!” you say, shaking your head.

“Could you come and eat just a little bit for me?” he asks. “I know you love pasta.”

You lean against the base of the couch with your arms crossed and keep shaking your head until it hurts. “I can’t eat if I’m not right here where I am.”

“What, does Will Smith need to watch now? Karkat, come on, bud, I know you’re hungry,” Dad coaxes. You can hear him place three plates on the table: _clack, clack, clack._ “Come and sit at the table. Don’t make this hard.”

You refuse. Dad sighs. It’s then that you see the garage door open from the corner of your eye and uncle Crawford walks into the living room. He stops and closes the door behind himself. "...What's going on here?"

"I think Karkat is feeling a bit cranky today," Dad sighs. "Apparently he can't eat unless Will Smith is watching."

Uncle Crawford laughs. "For real? Kid. Compose yourself. Come on and eat pasta at the table."

"I'm not hungry," you insist even though your stomach rumbles loudly. Dad and uncle Crawford don't say anything after that, so you assume they've given up. Good. Now you can focus on- out of nowhere, big arms grab you and lift you into the air like nothing. You squeak and screech as uncle Crawford carries you to the table. "Let me down!"

"Sorry, but no," uncle Crawford says. There’s a growl in his voice from the effort of lifting you up. "You're eating at the table, Karkat. You're 5, not 2. It’s time to man up."

"No!" you yell while he places you down at a chair. You complaint starts to die out when you smell and see the pasta. It's turtle-shaped. And you're so, so tired. You slump at the table and give up entirely. Dad gives uncle Crawford an upset look.

"Well, he's at the table, ain’t he?" Crawford says from behind you. The sounds coming from the TV stop and then uncle Crawford is sliding into his seat.t. He reaches over and pokes you on the shoulder. “Eat up, kid.”

The tears start coming up without you willing them to. You try to not cry, you try your best. You’re not weird, it’s just that you feel really tired and angry and nobody listens to you. You sniffle and shake your head and sink deeper into your chair. You can see a little bit of steam coming up from your plate and you close your eyes so you don’t have to see it.

“Karkat, did something happen today?” your dad asks. His voice is very gentle. You shake your head and sniffle. “What’s wrong?”

“No,” you respond, because you don’t really know what else to say. Then you yawn, and say again, "no…"

"...Did you forget the nap after lunch?" Dad asks flatly and slowly. You open your eyes, but he's not looking at you. He's looking at uncle Crawford with his eyebrows drawn and his eyes drooping. Uncle Crawford draws a breath in through his teeth.

"I… may have…" uncle Crawford says softly. Dad sighs and puts his hands on his face. His shoulders slump. That tired feeling fills you up in a surge and you can't help but feel so bad that Dad is tired because of you. You sob and shake in your chair and try to block out the whole world.

“I’m sorry,” you say to Dad later that night when he’s tucking you into bed. Dad smiles and puts the book he read to you as a bedtime story on the table. Your room is dim - the only light is coming from your Squiddle night light and the desk lamp on your bedside table that Dad turned on so he could see the pages. But even in the dar, you can see the creases that form on his face, between his eyebrows and under his nose. 

“What on Earth are you sorry for?” he asks, petting your head and your cheek. Your eyes are still tingly and your throat is scratchy. You just feel… so tired. You didn’t want bathtime, you didn’t want to brush your teeth, you didn’t want to do anything after you ate your pasta, but you just let Dad brush your hair without complaining.

“For making everything hard,” you say. Dad’s smile drops and he suddenly looks very, very sad.

“Karkat,” he says softly. “You don’t make everything hard.”

“I’m weird,” you say. “for crying. And you’re all tired and I didn’t even help you make dinner even though I know you’re all tired.”

“You’re tired too, aren’t you?” he says, almost whispering. You close your eyes, hold Crab tight to your chest and lean against Dad’s warm and strong hand on your cheek. His thumb rubs gentle circles into your skin. “It’s alright, Karkat. Everyone has hard days sometimes. Even if I’m tired today, it’s not because of you. It’s never because of you. I don’t like to see you upset, because I love you so, so much, that’s all. But I’m your dad. My job is to take care of you, even on days when we’re both really tired. Not the other way around. Alright?”

You nod.

“Alright,” Dad says. He kisses you on the forehead, humming a little melody that you remember, one that sounds familiar and safe and like home. “Sleep well. Love you.”

“I love you too,” you say. Dad gets up, turns off the desk lamp, and leaves. And you’re alone in the dark room with Crab. You put your head down and sink into the pillow. Your blanket feels even bigger than usual. And even though most nights it feels like safety, tonight it’s like there’s something heavy on you and it’s pressing you down into the mattress. You kiss Crab on the forehead like Dad did you, hoping that at least he feels better than you do. The shadows in the corners of your room that the Squiddle light doesn’t reach into are completely black. You can’t sleep even though you’re still really tired.

You lie awake for a long time. You feel like sleep is right there, but you just can’t reach it. The clock on your wall keeps ticking. You can’t stay there being so still for too long, so you place Crab onto your pillow and get up. You feel the fluff of the carpet of your room against the bottoms of your feet when you walk to the door. For once, it doesn’t creak when you open it. The ceiling lights are off, but there’s a glow downstairs coming from the kitchenette, and a sliver of bright yellow light from Dad’s room. Uncle Crawford is standing at his door. He’s halfway inside, so he can’t see you. He’s talking very softly. You can barely hear him.

“...really am sorry for messing the whole thing up. I totally forgot about it, since he was having so much fun…” he says. You hear your dad sigh.

“It’s alright, it’s just…” he sighs again. His voice is very stuffy. It sounds… like sadness, in a weird way. “I wish I could be there more for him. Like… I wish I could pick him up from school every day instead of having you do it for me, you know? …I don’t know if he cares, I’m sure he’d say it’s fine, but… it feels like my responsibility and I’m afraid that I’m not cut out for it.”

Uncle Crawford shifts in the doorway. “You are. I know you are.”

“…My biggest fear is that I’m not good enough and he thinks it’s his fault,” Dad admits. “He told me he thinks he makes everything hard for me. I wish… I wish he knew how much I love him. And how much more I wish I could do for him. I just want to make everything alright for him, but with the debt and- and work and… god, everything? I’m just… tired all the time.”

You close the door as quietly as you can and stand there for just a moment. You turn, walk through your room and climb back into bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, also, just so we're clear. this DOES take place in rural texas, so if you aren't reading most of the characters as having noticeable texan accents, you're reading this fic wrong
> 
> the next chapter will be posted on **may 24!** see you then!


	3. first grade, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're practically a big kid now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!!
> 
> archive is supposedly currently doing a Thing, so here's hoping that notifications for this chapter get delivered to all that expect them. regardless, just in case, i actually have a twitter as well! i hate to self plug but from this chapter onward i'm going to start posting notifications for whenever i update my fanfics there. (for this chap at least there are gonna be some funkalicious angels illustrations made by yours truly so be on the lookout >:3c) i also post other art (mostly davekat) there, so if that's something you might be interested in, [check it out!!](https://twitter.com/rattlesmaeke) alright, plug over.
> 
> a small content warning! this fic is in fact tagged "homophobic language" and "casual homophobia" which are both relevant tags to consider in this chapter. please take care while reading!

“Almost done in here?” Dad asks from the doorway of the upstairs bathroom. You're standing on a stool in front of the mirror and you can see him reflected in it. You tug the hairbrush out of your curls. It takes some effort. Your hair gets really stuck in the little spokes on it and you have to pull it with both hands so hard it hurts. Dad smiles. “Wow, you’ve done really well on brushing it yourself.”

“Thanks!” you say and let go of the brush with one hand so you can run through your hair with your fingers. It’s really soft. Every individual hair is sticking out a little bit, like static. It doesn’t usually do that. You think it’s because of how much you've been brushing it this morning. Dad comes up behind you. You see him in the mirror. He’s wearing a dark red shirt with a collar and a little symbol on the side of the chest. He pats you on the head.

“And you did a good job on the outfit. You’re looking really cool,” he says. You're wearing a t-shirt with a pink-red camo pattern on it, and it’s splattered with darker and lighter like someone spilled paint on it. Over it, you have a soft black hoodie. You've seen Sollux's brother's friends wear hoodies at school and you got Dad to get you one, too. It’s too big for you, but you really like it. "You sure you won't overheat in that hoodie, though? It's 90 degrees outside."

"No, I'll be fine," you say. "I'm like a lizard. I’m, um… warmblooded."

“Well, lizards- …ah, nevermind.” Dad makes that sort of chuckle that grown-ups make. He waves you off before you can say anything. “If you say so."

You take his hand to help you get down from the stool.

“Hey, Karkat,” Dad says while he’s helping you put your seatbelt on in the car. You hold up Crab on straight arms so that he’s out of the way. You’re going to pick Sollux up now and you’re going to go to Nanna’s Diner and get ice cream. You hum to tell Dad that you heard him. The seatbelt clicks closed and Dad stands up and moves away. “Sorry that we couldn’t have a big party for you. I didn’t realize the problem of how to invite everyone during summer vacation. Everyone's out of town.”

“It’s fine!” you say cheerfully. “I like just you and Sollux.”

“We’ll have a party next year,” he says gently. You nod and he closes the door. He was right about the weather. It's a warm and wet sort of day, so even when the sun is hidden by a passing cloud, you still feel hot and uncomfortable. It feels like your hoodie is pushing you down and you feel a little dizzy. But that's alright. You don't mind. When Dad sits in front and the car starts up, you bounce in your seat excitedly. It keeps hitting you again and again that you’re 6. You’re like a big kid now, pretty much. 

Sollux doesn’t live far from your house. A few blocks down - one turn towards Main Street and a big round turn towards away from your house and then another turn away from the playground on your right. His street looks just like yours. It’s just little houses and little houses, each with a tiny lawn surrounded by forest behind them. You know how to walk from your house to Sollux’s. You’ve walked here before, but today you’re not going to just Sollux’s, so you’re taking the car. The door of his house opens as you’re driving up to it and Sollux runs out in a T-shirt and brown khaki shorts and a big black cap that makes his hair go flat on his forehead. His glasses almost fall off when he jumps down the porch stairs.

“Don’t run on the driveway, Sollux,” Sollux’s dad says from the door. His hair is all messed up. There’s a stain on the front of his white shirt. He’s holding something wrapped in cloth against his chest, something you quickly realize is Sollux’s baby brother that was just born a little over a week ago. You lean against the glass to try and get a better look. It’s not every day your best friend becomes a big brother. Your dad waves to Sollux’s from the window and he waves back. You wave at Sollux. He also waves back.

You only have one child seat, so Sollux - like always - gets to sit on the actual seat itself. It feels unfair, but he's taller than you anyway, so you don't complain much about it anymore. Plus, now that you're 6, you're basically a grownup. You won't be needing this dumb child seat for much longer.

“It’s so annoying,” Sollux complains when Dad has turned the car on and is driving through the town towards Nanna’s Diner. “All he does is cry all the time in the middle of the night and he’s really ugly, too. Mom and Dad don’t care about me and Kuprum at all anymore. It’s just baby all the time. Kuprum says they’ve gone baby crazy.”

“When will he be able to talk and walk?” you ask.

“It’ll be a while before that,” your dad says from the front seat. “You know, babies take about a year or two to learn to walk, and many years longer before they can talk fluidly. Stuff like that takes a long time to learn.”

“What? But it’s so easy!” Sollux says. “Look, I can talk just like that.”

“But you’re 6, and your brother’s not even two weeks old,” Dad says. 

“A whole year,” you say and hold Crab closer to your chest. “In a year, I’m going to be 7.”

“That’s right,” Dad says.

Nanna’s Diner is a big building a little ways from town square. The neon lights above the framed glass door are off now since it's so bright out. The building is mostly red and white and you can see the yellow lights on inside and chalkboards hanging on the wall when Dad parks next to it. You think a diner is sort of like a restaurant. Or maybe a restaurant is some sort of diner? It could be either way.

Dad takes you inside. The air inside is much cooler than outside and there’s a constant, loud whirring sound coming from an A/C machine on the ceiling. It’s so much better than being outside. You can feel the cool air on your face. The ceiling, by the way, is lined with a white edge. Besides the A/C whirring, there’s also a sizzling sound, like a grill, and a greasy sort of warm, tasty smell, like fries and burgers.

The guy behind the counter has a dark brown face and arms and a silly paper hat on top of his dark, fluffy hair. He's got broad shoulders and skinny arms and a white apron and he smiles with dimples on his cheeks when you come up to him. "Welcome to Nanna's Diner. What can I get y'all?"

"Well, let's see, here," Dad says, eyeing the blackboard above the counter. There's a big glass container full of food that part of the counter itself is. Pastries, sandwiches and cake slices on plates, and glass bowls full of wrapped candy on top. You tug on Sollux's sleeve and point at the foods inside.

"Look at that one," Sollux says and points at a big brown-and-white cake slice covered in colorful sprinkles of all the colors of the rainbow. Except purple. ICE CREAM SURPRISE CAKE, reads the little label next to it. You gasp in amazement.

"What are you in the mood for, boys?" Dad asks.

"Can I have that?" you ask, pointing to the ice cream surprise cake. Sollux jumps up and down.

"I want it too!"

"Sure, that can be your birthday cake! But you've got to get something savory before that, remember, sweets don't take hunger away," Dad says.

"Whoa, whose birthday are we celebrating?" the man behind the counter asks, leaning forward. He leans over the counter and Sollux points at you. The paper hat man smiles and reaches his hand over. "Heck yeah, little dude. High five!"

You high five him and laugh.

"Birthday kids get a free milkshake here if they get a burger meal," the guy explains.

"Really?" Dad says. "You guys in the mood for burgers?"

You gasp. "Burgers! Yes!"

You draw out the S in 'yes' so that your point really gets across properly. Sollux puts his thumbs up. Dad smiles and leans on the counter. "Alright, I guess that settles it, then. Two- three burger meals, two slices of… which one was it? Ah, yeah, ice cream surprise cake, and… Karkat, what flavor milkshake do you want?"

"Um, well, what flavors are there?" you ask.

"Well, we got vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, cherry and salted caramel. Take your pick," the paper hat man says.

"I want vanilla," Sollux says.

“Come on, Sollux, it’s not your birthday," you joke. "I want… um… cherry."

"We can get Sollux a milkshake too," Dad says. "Alright. One vanilla milkshake and one cherry. Thank you."

Dad pays to the paper hat man and you get to pick out a table with Sollux. After a little while, they bring out your food. The burgers are huge and thick and weird-looking mayo is seeping out from between the lettuce and cheese, but it smells delicious. The milkshakes are in huge glasses with a mountain of whipped cream on top. Yours even has a bright red candy-looking cherry on top of the whipped cream. You and Sollux sword fight with greasy, floppy french fries before Dad tells you not to play with your food.

The diner is almost empty. There’s some big kids in a booth in the back and a family with three eating burgers on the other side of the diner, but other than that, you, dad and Sollux are the only people there. You joke and laugh about Sollux’s family and birthdays and you get Dad to laugh, too. The burger is so, so good, and the cake is even better. You leave the milkshake for last, because you don’t want to ruin the spiral of whipped cream on top, but it melts in the summer heat and by the time you get to it, it’s sort of ruined anyway.

When you slurp on it through the straw, an explosive sweet taste of sugar and tanginess and berries fills up your mouth. You exclaim and slurp up more. It’s so, so good. This is definitely your favorite thing that you’ve ever tasted in your whole life. Sollux looks like he likes his as well.

"Is it good?" Dad asks. You nod rapidly.

"This is my favorite food in the world!" you announce. Dad doesn’t let you put Crab’s head in it so he could have some too, though.

Later, when you and Sollux are sitting in the back seat of the car about to go home, Dad sits in the front and doesn't start the car. Instead, he starts messing with his backpack. You stop talking to Sollux about Arthur the Aardvark and look.

"What are you doing?" you ask Dad, leaning as far forward as your seatbelt lets you.

"Well, it's your birthday. I know I've been very busy with work lately, and I didn't give you anything last year… or… the year before… anyway, me and Sollux's dad joined up on a little something for you two to share," Dad says, pulling out a box from his backpack. You and Sollux lean forward right away, trying to get a better look at what he has. Dad hands you the box. "Happy birthday, Karkat!"

The cardboard box is red and white and black and the image on it immediately tells you what’s inside. You recognize them right away from ads and movies on TV and VHS. They’re walkie talkies, with small, phone-looking handles and long sticks sticking out of their tops. Sollux leans over his seatbelt and you lean towards him too to show him the box in your hands. He smiles in a gap-toothed way so wide that he looks even happier than you feel.

“Can we open the box?” you ask when Dad sticks the key into the car.

“We’ll open it when we drop Sollux off, so we can give one of them to him. We made sure to get ones with a far enough range to reach between our houses so you can talk to each other all the way across,” Dad says cheerfully while the car revs to life. “Also, after we drop Sollux off, we'll have to stop by the library to return some books."

“What books?” Sollux asks. The way the word 'books' goes from k to th seems a little hard for him to do at first.

“Oh, y'know, a lot of different kinds. Mostly storybooks," Dad responds. You watch the pavement turn into road through the window when he drives out of the diner parking lot. "We don't have any of our own, so we have the borrow them from the library."

You remember when you lived in Houston, that the big bookshelf that you had in your room then was full of storybooks. Mom and Dad picked one out every night to read to you and show you all the pictures. You liked the words more than the pictures. But they were your books. You never had to take them to the library. You're not quite sure where all those books went.

"You need to put in batteries before it works," Dad explains when he hands one of the 4 tiny walkie talkies from the box to Sollux. Sollux makes a disappointed noise, and you do the same thing. You can’t see his face from where he’s standing outside the car. Dad’s car seat is blocking it. Dad pats Sollux on the head. “I’m sure your dad can show you how to do it. Kuprum might even know. Changing batteries is a useful skill to have.”

“And when we get home, uncle Crawford is going to show me how to do it, too, and then we can talk like we have real phones,” you say. “It’ll be awesome.”

The library is in the next town over. The car ride’s not long - definitely a lot shorter than it was to the aquarium in the winter, even if it’s not at all in Skaiatown. You’ve been to the library enough times that you can sort of tell when you’re getting close, and on the way a few landmarks are familiar, but not the order that they come in. You know that you pass the Blockbuster and the farm with the sign that has a smiling cow on it. You wonder if you should be able to remember the way already. Dad does. 

Inside, the library is tall and huge. It’s full of shelves twice your size and stacked with books in fake sleeves. It’s full of light comes from nowhere and the sound of pages and the wheels of the carts the librarians push around. You hold on to Dad’s sleeve. He’s carrying an armful of books, so he can’t hold your hand.

While Dad returns the books, you see a little shelf across the hallway. It’s about your height, unlike most of the shelves, and the books are colorful. You let go of Dad’s sleeve to go look at it. The plate above the shelf reads CHILDREN’S. There are two books on the top shelf. You have to strain your neck a little bit and stand a little on your tippy toes to properly see them. It looks like there was a third one next to them - there’s an empty space - but it isn’t there anymore. So you look at the two books remaining. You try to read the titles. _Where The Wild Things Are. Frog and Toad are Friends._

“What have you found?” Dad asks when he comes up to you.

“Books,” you say. You reach and take the Frog and Toad one into your hand. One of them - you don’t know if it’s Frog or Toad - is smiling. “Can we borrow them?”

“Sure,” Dad says.

“Can I read them on my own?” you ask.

Dad takes the other book and looks it over in his hand. He flips through the pages for a little. He chews on his lip before he looks back at you. “...Sure.”

-

Snacktime is nice. You’ve already finished your sandwich, but juice is another thing. The glass on the table in front of you is a lot bigger than most glasses, you think. It's pretty thin as far as glasses go and taller than your hands are wrapped around it by far, and it's full almost to the brim with apple juice. The color of the juice turns into a bright, vibrant sort of orange and yellow and through it, you can see Crab on the table, and across the room, the distorted TV corner with the TV and the couch. The door to the back of the house slams closed. Now, you can also uncle Crawford moving past. You look up when he passes you by, heading for the door. "Where are you going?"

He stops at the door and turns. Uncle Crawford always wears shoes around the house even though Mom and Dad taught you it's polite to take them off inside. "Oh, just a garage sale a few blocks down. ...You wouldn’t happen to want to come with, would you?"

He raises his eyebrows in a mischievous way. You grin and grab the glass, scarfing down all the juice in a few huge gulps. Some of them are too big and it hurts a little bit in your throat, but that’s alright. You slam the glass on the table, take Crab and jump out of the chair. The rug skids under your feet and you almost trip, but uncle Crawford catches you. You laugh. “I do!”

“Alright, alright, champ,” he chuckles. “But you need to get your dad’s permission first.”

“Dad!” you shout, turning your head to the staircase and the loft upstairs. “Can I go to a garage sale with uncle Crawford?”

“What’d you ask? Come up here and ask,” you hear Dad shout back from his room. Uncle Crawford clears his throat, cups his hands around his mouths and yells on the top of his lungs:

“Me and Karkat are going out!”

After a moment, Dad responds: “Okay! Come back soon!”

And so uncle Crawford and you grin at each other and you head out the door.

It rained pretty hard yesterday. Not today, but it rained last night. You heard it hit your window like fingers tapping on the glass when you were in bed waiting for sleep to come. The sky is still a little clouded over, but there’s blue shining through from in between the shredded clouds. The ground is wet, drying over. There are puddles in the dips that have formed on the road. There are birds on the phone line that are chirping. You hold on to the edge of uncle Crawford’s jacket to keep up. Uncle Crawford lights a cigarette.

You walk past the houses on Breeze Lane and Plum Road, the houses with the huge yards. When you get closer downtown, you walk past tightly packed roads like yours where there’s only a little bit of space between the houses. You take a left at the police station and walk past more and more houses, until you see a sign up ahead in front of one of them. People are buzzing at that house’s yard in little groups looking at tables set out on the driveway. When you get closer, you see that the sign says “Garage Sale.”

You understand why it's called a garage sale. The door of the garage is wide open and there are cardboard boxes in front of it that must have been brought from inside. On the tables, there are all sorts of things. Books, VHS tapes, DVDs and old toys. Clothes and stuff.

"What are we here for?" you ask.

"At the garage sale?" uncle Crawford clarifies. "Reckoned we could find some clothes and such that your dad could give to the shelter."

The shelter is a place you've heard about a few times, but you've never been there. It's a word written on cardboard boxes in the garage that disappear after a few weeks, and it was written on the sides of boxes that Dad put your baby clothes in when you grew out of them. And Dad told he put Mom's clothes in shelter boxes when you moved to Skaiatown. When something goes in a shelter box, you never see it again.

Shelter. Shelter is a nice word. It makes you think of a soft cave sort of thing full of soft clothes and warmth. The kind of place where a teddy bear would sleep over the winter. Sounds nice.

"Now, don't leave your Crab on any of the tables or someone might take him," uncle Crawford advices when you follow him into the sale. You hold Crab closer to your body and far from any tables you might accidentally leave him on. Uncle Crawford says hi to everyone you walk past. He knows everyone in town. It’s kind of weird. You come to a table with baby clothes on it. Boring. Uncle Crawford is looking at them with interest, though.

"Can I go look at the other tables?" you ask.

"Sure, but stay in this driveway," uncle Crawford says. "Don't wander off too far off."

You and Crab walk through the driveway. Up close, there actually aren't that many people here. More than you can count, really, but not that many. There's a table with toys on it. You stand on your tippy toes to look at them all. There's a lady behind the table with her hair up in a ponytail. She looks at you. "Oh, hi. Never seen you around here before. Whose kid are you?"

"Dad's," you say, looking at the toys. There's a little fake boat and some dolphins and a big plush white teddy bear in a dress holding a little heart. And a lot of Barbie dolls. And on the edge, there's a little square machine, covered in buttons and a screen. You've seen one in Sollux's house. It's incredible.

"Alright, so where's your dad?" the lady behind the desk asks.

"At home," you respond. She goes quiet. You point at the little square machine. "Is that a Game Boy?"

"How old are you, love?" the lady asks. You look up at her, frowning.

"6."

"Goddamn," she whispers. "How come your dad let you come all the way out here on your own? Where do you live?"

"I'm not on my own. I have uncle Crawford with me," you protest and point over your shoulder at the table where uncle Crawford is looking at baby clothes. Then you point at the square machine again. "Is that a Game Boy Color?"

"Oh, Crawford Vantas?" the lady asks. “Yeah, it’s a Game Boy. Crawford Vantas, the car mechanic, right?”

“Yeah,” you say. “How much does it cost?”

“Twenty dollars,” she responds.

“Oh.”

Is twenty dollars a lot of money? It sounds like a lot, you think to yourself after you go back to uncle Crawford. He’s looking at anorther, different toy stall.

“Would you play with this if you lived in a shelter?” uncle Crawford asks. He holds up a big red toy truck with a scratch in the paint on the roof of it. You nod. You’d play with that even if you lived at your house. Uncle Crawford hands some money to the person behind the stall. He puts the toy car in his backpack, where you can see a lot of other things, too. “Thanks, Mick. Alright, let’s head home. Found a really cheap broken video camera. Gonna fix that up and we might get real home movies in our house.”

“Wait. Do we have twenty dollars?” you ask. Uncle Crawford gives you a weird look, and you point at the table with the Game Boy. “There’s a Game Boy Color there.”

“Yeah? We can go check it out,” uncle Crawford says. “Hey, Amanda.”

“Crawford!” the woman at the toy table says. She glances at you with her wrinkly eyes and then looks back up at Crawford. “Thought it was you. Thanks again for fixing up Moose’s car a couple weeks back.”

“Hardly could’ve not. It’s how I make my living.”

“I know, I know, but y’know, a pickle’s a pickle and a friend’s a friend. Business going well?”

“This time of year? Not really. We’ll see in the winter, though,” Crawford says. He startles and then shoves you forward. “This here’s my nephew, Karkat.”

“Oh, yeah, I heard y’all got a bit of a reunion going on a couple years back, right? Nice to meet you again,” Amanda says to you over the table. You don’t say anything and lean harder against uncle Crawford. “Hope you’re all doing well.”

“Well, you know, nothing we can’t handle. Nothing gets to a couple of guys like the Vantases, right, champ?” uncle Crawford responds, patting you on the back a bit too hard. You straighten your back and nod. “I’ve been told you have something called a Game Boy here?”

“Oh, yeah, Mick’s old thing. Bought it for him back in ‘99, but then he got the newfangled version of it for Christmas, so now he doesn’t use this damn thing anymore at all. Had to get rid of it somehow, so, y’know, might as well, right?” Both Amanda and uncle Crawford chuckle, even though they didn’t say anything funny. “All the games work on the new thing, so we don’t have any of ‘em for sale except for the one that’s still in there. Mick hasn’t touched it in months. But it should still work mighty well. 20 bucks is quite a steal, too, reckon it was 70 in stores back when we got it.”

“What do you say, Karkat? Should we splurge?” uncle Crawford asks. You smile up at him and grin and nod.

-

“So, we couldn’t get it to work at first, but then uncle Crawford fixed it. There’s only one game on it, but it’s, uh… it’s good,” you explain to Sollux. Sollux’s house is about the same size of yours. It has two floors that are both actually floors, although the upstairs is divided into just 2: the TV room and Kuprum’s room. You’ve never been to Kuprum’s room, but you know that’s what’s up there. Downstairs is Sollux’s living room and kitchen corner, Sollux’s room, Sollux’s pantry, the backroom and Sollux’s parents’ room. You’ve only been to Sollux’s living room and his room, but you’ve seen the doors to the other rooms.

Sollux’s living room feels smaller than yours, but that’s only because the ceiling is lower down. It’s like how the ceiling is under the loft in your house, except everywhere is like that. It feels a little tight at first, but you get used to it. You’re on the arm rest of his couch. Sollux is taking up almost the whole seat part of it by lying on it with his head on the arm rest across frm you. The house smells like mac’n’cheese. Sollux’s mom is standing in the kitchenette.

“Lucky. Kuprum never lets me play on his Game Boy,” he complains. The television beeps. Kuprum is sitting in front of it on the carpet playing some game. On screen, Spyro the Dragon is jumping around a swamp. Kuprum blows a raspberry without looking at Sollux. Sollux blows a raspberry back. Kuprum looks sort of like Sollux. They have the same short, wild, curly hair and the same skinny arms and the same button nose - much smaller and cuter than yours. The only difference is Kuprum’s glasses are a different shape and he’s taller and missing the mole Sollux has on his cheek.

"What's the game you have?" Sollux asks, turning to you.

“It’s, like, about Barbies, I think,” you say.

“Ew, what? Why do you have a game about Barbies?” Kuprum asks. “Barbies are for girls.”

“Well, I didn’t choose it!” you say. Sollux’s baby brother, Mituna, starts crying in Sollux’s parents’ room and Sollux’s mom leaves the mac’n’cheese to go check on him. You cross your arms and lean against the back rest of the couch. “It came with the Game Boy.”

“Yeah, Kuprum, stop being so dumb,” Sollux says.

“Shut up, idiot,” Kuprum says. 

“You shut up first,” Sollux counters. Then he turns back to you. “You should get Lusiimon like me and Kuprum have. It’s so good.”

“I don’t know if Dad will let me have any more games,” you say.

The dragon on TV falls into the swamp and dies. Kuprum groans. “Goddamit.”

“What’s that mean?” you ask. “Goddamit.”

“See? You don’t even know that. You guys are way dumb,” Kuprum says.

“Tell us what it means!” Sollux says.

“Jeez, okay! It’s like, dammit, like, ugh, y’know?” Kuprum explains, pressing on the buttons that make Spyro breathe fire and running across the swamp. “Like, you say it when something goes wrong. Goddamit!”

You frown, thinking about it. Oh, it’s like ‘damn,’ then. That makes sense. Uncle Crawford says damn all the time. Goddamit is just… a longer version of damn.

Kuprum falls off the edge of the swamp again. Sollux sits up. “It’s my turn now.”

“No, shut up,” Kuprum says. Sollux drops down from the couch and tries to grab the controller from Kuprum’s hands. Kuprum holds it up away from him and shouts, and they both fall to the ground in a big tangled up mess. “Ugh! Get off, idiot!”

“Give it to me! Mom said you had three tries and then it would be my turn!” Sollux says. He’s really brave. Kuprum is a lot bigger than you.

“She did not say that! She said three levels!” Kuprum responds and tries to kick Sollux off. He’s holding his arm away from Sollux, but it’s actually right in your reach because of that. You lean over and take the controller. Kuprum gasps and scrambles out of Sollux’s grasp, but his wrist is all tangled in the controller cord. “Give it back!”

Kuprum pulls on the cord and the controller slips from your hand and flies into his face. Sollux shouts. Mituna is still crying on the other side of the house and there’s a lot of noise all over. Sollux’s dad comes in from one of the rooms in the back- you think it might be the study, or the stairway to the basement. You’re not sure. “Hey hey hey! What’s going on?”

Sollux and Kuprum both start yelling at the same time, trying to get their dad to listen to them over each other. It’s clearly not working. Their dad looks angrily at you as if you can explain. You shrug and sink into the couch.

People with siblings argue more than you would ever have thought. Maybe it’s just Sollux and Kuprum, but they fight almost every time you come to visit. They fight over their rooms, they fight over TV and games and everything. You think if you had a sibling, you wouldn’t fight nearly as much as Sollux and Kuprum do. Your dad and uncle Crawford don’t fight, so obviously it’s just Sollux and Kuprum. They should stop it. It’s kind of annoying and not really fun to watch at all.

Sollux’s dad tells Kuprum and Sollux to share the video game. Kuprum lets Sollux play some of the levels with Sheila the Kangaroo. Now you and Sollux are on the carpet and Sollux is playing, and Kuprum’s gone up to his room. When Sollux’s mom came out of the room Mituna is in, she asked you if you were having fun, since you aren’t getting to play at all. Sollux only has one controller. You said it’s fine.

“Can you believe he was going to stop us from playing at all?” Sollux asks. The tapping of the buttons on the controller is a really Sollux-y sound, you think. You don’t have a PlayStation at home. You only ever get to play at Sollux’s. Well, _you_ only get to play rarely. Mostly you watch Kuprum and sometimes Sollux play. Maybe his parents would get him another controller if he asked really nicely, and then you could play together. 

Sollux can play really well. He's only fallen off the cliff in the level and died three times so far. He knows where all the secret gem caves are. When you ask him how he knows, he tells you he remembers from seeing Kuprum play.

You have dinner with Sollux's family and eat the mac'n'cheese his mom made. Mituna starts crying again and Sollux's mom has to leave to take care of him. But the mac'n'cheese is very good.

Later, you and Sollux are in Sollux's room. It used to be his dad's study before Sollux was born. There are framed bugs and family photos on the walls and the bookshelf is still full of the kinds of janky, complicated old numbers books that Sollux's dad likes. Sollux told you that his mom told him that the computer used to be there, too, but Kuprum got mad that it was in Sollux's room, so they moved it to their parents' room.

Computers are awesome. They can do lots of awesome things, like… play games and send messages, you think. You've only seen them on TV. You know Sollux's dad makes computers for a living or something like that. Something with computery kinds of machines and counting and stuff. Maybe a little like uncle Crawford?

You've heard your dad say to Sollux's dad that he’s going to get a computer very soon. You think that'd be great. He would let you use it and then you and Sollux could play computer games together. You wonder if you could get your own computer.

“You really read it, like, all by yourself?” Sollux asks. You’re on his bed, hanging off it halfway, and Sollux is on the floor putting pieces into a puzzle. You can hear his mom washing the dishes in the kitchenette through the open door of the room. It’s raining outside. You wish it wasn’t. Sollux’s parents always let you play outside on your own way more than Dad does.

“Yeah,” you say. Sollux is better than you at counting, but you’re better at reading. “I didn’t need Dad’s help even for the hard word. Did you know that there’s a W in answer?”

“What? Where?” Sollux asks. He looks all serious with his eyebrows together. You make the same face.

“Between the S and the E,” you explain. Sollux puts in a corner piece. “It’s about a frog and a toad and they’re friends. They’re like, like you and me, I think. Like best friends.”

Sollux looks up at you. You almost can’t see his eyes from behind his glasses when the light from his lamp hits them. “Well, if they’re best friends, then yeah, they are like us. We’re best friends.”

You feel very happy when Sollux says that.

-

Somehow, when summer vacation ends, you're just as excited as you were when kindergarten started. You can't sleep that night, either. You wake up really early and then you try to read _Frog and Toad are Friends_ again. You've read it five times. You get halfway through before you decide to wake up your dad.

Your stomach is full of butterflies. Yeah, you already know the people there now, but it's different. First grade. It's first. It's different from kindergarten. It's real school. And you won't have Ms. Paint teaching you anymore. You'll have someone different. That scares you.

Dad says it's too early to get up when you try to wake him up. Instead he lets you in his bed and he says you'll nap for a few more hours before you get up. He hugs you and you try to sleep but you just can't. You're too excited. You just lay there and listen to Dad breathing. He's too warm, so you have to roll away from him. You see the colors of the sun rising from the window of the room.

When Dad gets up, he's in a hurry. Apparently you overslept, even though you haven't been sleeping for hours.

"No PB&J, sorry," Dad says when he gives you the paper bag you carry your lunch in. It's wrapped up and taped closed. "It's Lunchables and an orange juice box today. The lunchables are turkey and cheese, and I know you hate that, but I put in Dunkaroos as an apology gift. You okay with that?"

"I'm okay," you answer happily. You don't usually get Dunkaroos. Only on special occasions. Or when Dad sleeps in, apparently. You wish he'd sleep in more often if it means you get Dunkaroos for lunch.

“Who’s going to be a first grader?” uncle Crawford asks from the door to the garage with the video camera he bought in his hand. He’s really proud of it. He’s been filming everything ever since you went to that garage sale.

“Cheese,” you say and smile at the camera. Dad starts laughing. Then he tells Crawford you’re late and ushers you out of the door. You wave at the camera before the door closes.

Dad straps you into your child seat in one of the back seats of the car. You feel just as excited today as you did last year when you started kindergarten. You’re technically not supposed to bring toys to the school on days where you don’t have show and tell, but you have Crab in your backpack anyway. He’s hidden, so he doesn’t count. And you have to bring pencils and notebooks now. Dad took you shopping for them and you got to pick out brand new Galaxy Attack pencils. They came with a sharpener that has a picture of Commander Galaxy on it. The notebook you have is old, though. Uncle Crawford found it in the garage and erased away old notes and ripped out a page with an oil stain on it. It still smells a little bit like a car and you can read the erased-away remains of the old notes on some pages, but that’s okay. It’s still good.

“Have a great day, alright? Hurry, so you’re not late,” Dad says to you when he lets you out of the car. He kisses your forehead and then gets back in the car, waves you bye and drives away. You put your backpack on better and turn to go to school.

The building is just the way you left it. Big and a little bit unfamiliar. The yard is empty, except for a few older kids at the front of the door. You don’t pay them a lot of attention when you go to rush past them at the doors. Then your foot hits something and your body lurches and then you’re on the ground. Your chin aches from where it hit the pavement and it knocks into your upper teeth and makes your head feel like you got hit with a hammer.

“Nice backpack, gay,” a voice says. You look up and see a skinny boy. He’s older than you, one of the older kids standing at the doors. He’s pale and bony and there’s a straw hanging from his mouth. His clothes are tight and he’s got a black jacket on. You can’t see his face properly. The light from the sky is coming from behind him. One of the other older kids laughs. Something tells you that he doesn’t actually like your backpack.

“What’s wrong with my backpack?” you ask angrily. It’s your backpack, and you like it. You’re not sure what he’s trying to say about you, but you already don’t like it.

“What’s wrong with my backpack?” the boy says in a whiny, high-pitched, mocking voice, and then in a normal voice: “What are you, a girl? God, even your voice sounds queer.”

“Ugh, leave that kid alone, Cronus, he’s like five,” another older kid says.

“I’m six!” you protest and push yourself up. The older kids start laughing.

“Uh huh,” the boy says. He takes a step towards you, and you realize how much taller he is than you. Even now that you’re standing, he’s still almost twice your height. You stumble backwards. “Go on and take your gay little ass out of here, why don’t you, sod?”

For a moment, you’re stuck there. It’s like you’re made of rock and about to fall over, and your chin still aches where it hit the ground. The boy glares at you. 

“What are you, deaf? Scram!”

You stumble back and run into the school. You hear the older kids laughing behind you and try to block it out from your head, but it feels like it’s stuck in there like a catchy ad jingle. You shake it away and wander through the halls. Whatever. You don’t even know what they meant. Your backpack is fine. You go past the kindergarten room where you can see the new kindergarteners through the open door. You take a turn into the hallway where your new classroom is. 

Luckily, the door’s not open yet. Instead, the hallway is crowded with all your classmates. Everyone is gathered in little groups talking excitedly about what they’ve been up to. You see Feferi showing Eridan a scab on her elbow and Eridan trying not to throw up. Terezi and Aradia are trying to help Vriska pull scrunchies, hairpins and bobs out of her carefully braided hair, but Terezi is just sort of making a mess of it all. You wouldn’t think Vriska is the kind of girl to have her hair done. You’ve heard her aunt is a hairdresser who won’t let her live with the lion’s mane she normally has. You don’t think she lives with her aunt. You think they’re… neighbors or something. That’s kinda weird.

Tavros is leaning against the wall at the corner and startles when he notices you. You look for Sollux in the crowd of everyone else blocking the hall. Tavros raises a hand. “Hi, Karkat.”

“Hi,” you say.

Tavros is kind of like Sollux in that the clothes he wears are always too big for him. He has big brothers, so they’re probably hand-me-downs, too. He usually plays with Vriska, Terezi and Aradia, but sometimes he’s all on his own or talking to Kanaya. Sometimes he plays with you and Sollux, too.

“Did you have a nice summer vacation?” he asks. You stop looking for Sollux and turn to look at him. Tavros’ eyebrows go up. “What happened t- what happened to your chin?”

“I fell. It’s nothing,” you say. “Why are you alone here?”

“Oh, I didn’t have anyone to t- talk to.” Tavros messes with his curly hair. “Well, I did, I was talking to John, but then Dave and Rose came and he started talking to- to them instead.” 

“Oh,” you say. “…Um, have you seen Sollux?”

“Yeah, he’s over there,” Tavros responds and points into the hallway. You nod.

“Do you want to come talk with us?” you ask. “So you don’t just have to stand here alone.”

“Oh, no, it- it’s fine,” Tavros says and smiles. “Class is going t- to start soon. It ain’t a big deal. But thanks for asking.”

You shrug. “Alright.”

You find Sollux sitting on the floor next to the classroom door and you sit down next to him. Sollux gives you a look. “What happened to you? Blood is coming out of your chin.”

“I know. I fell,” you tell him just like you told Tavros.

“Oh, okay,” Sollux says. “Do you think it’s gonna leave a scar?”

You gasp. “That would be awesome.”

“Yeah, it would,” Sollux says, grinning. You can see the gap between his teeth. He pulls out his walkie talkie from his backpack. “I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. I guess these don’t work all the way from school to your house.”

“Oh,” you say. “Yeah. I left mine home.”

“What?” Sollux says. “How are we supposed to chat during the day if we’re apart?”

“We won’t be,” you say.

“Good morning, everyone,” a voice says from down the hallway after a little while, and the chatter dies down. Everyone turns to look at the direction of the sound. 

You’ve only seen Mr. Typheus a few times, and never from this close. He’s really tall, even taller than the older kid outside who tripped you, by a lot. Mr. Typheus is pale and dark-haired, and he’s wearing rectangular glasses. He has wide shoulders and a flat, shiny chin and he’s wearing a white collared shirt and a bright green tie. He smiles flatly when he walks over and opens the door to your classroom.

“Come on and get inside. Can y’all all read your own names? Show of hands if you can’t.” Terezi raises her hand, but Vriska pulls it back down and pulls Terezi into the classroom. Mr. Typheus doesn’t even notice. “The seats have already been assigned. There are slips on them. Go ahead now,” Mr. Typheus says. Sollux helps you up from the floor and you shuffle into the classroom. “Hang up your coats and sit down. The seats are alphabetically assigned, and you can’t fudge them. Everyone sits where he or she is supposed to, alright?”

It’s different from your kindergarten classroom. There’s no number-caterpillar above the window. But there are still a few colorful pictures. A picture of a blue castle is on the wall next to the whiteboard at the front of the classroom, on the other side from the flag hanging on the wall. There’s a map hanging on the back wall of the classroom and cute pictures of different animals and fruits showing all the letters of the alphabet are on the wall next to the door. Above the whiteboard, there are big stickers in rainbow colors with all the numbers from 0 to 9.

The bookshelf in the back isn’t painted like the ones in the kindergarten room was. It’s just wood-colored, and there aren’t any toys on the shelves of the bookshelf. And there aren’t any cubbies. Just jacket hooks on the wall next to the door. There’s no city-pattern carpet, either. The floor is carpeted, but the carpet is just blue all around. No map carpet? What are you supposed to play with during playtime?

At the front of the classroom is Mr. Typheus’ desk, which somehow looks scarier than Ms. Paint’s desk did, and you’re not sure way. The room is full of tables- more tables than there were in kindergarten, or maybe the space is smaller. The tables are rectangles instead of circles and they’re taller than you’re used to. Each table has four chairs around it, except for the one furthest back. That one has a fifth one on the short far side of it. You and Sollux hang your jackets and backpacks on the wall next to the door.

Sollux finds his seat easily. It’s very close to the room of the classroom in the first group of desks. Then Eridan sits across from him and shoots him a mean look. Sollux glares back at him. You look around and find that everyone else is quickly finding their own places. Aradia is doodling something in her notebook and Feferi is leaning over the table to watch. Kanaya is staring out the window next to them. John is circling Sollux and Eridan to try and find his seat. You look for yours.

It takes you a while to find it. It’s because it’s the furthest chair in the back, the one on the short side of the table like it was put there at the last minute because there weren’t enough chairs. Everyone else at that group has already taken their seats. That everyone else is Vriska and Terezi across from each other and Dave and Rose across from each other. They stare at you when you circle around them to check the fifth desk. Vantas, Karkat, it says. That’s your seat.

You put your pens on the table and sit down while Dave and Rose stare at you. You don’t look at them. You can’t believe Vriska and Terezi are sitting across from each other. What are their last names? Are they really similar enough to be next to each other? Apparently you’re last in alphabetical order. You decide then and there that alphabetical order is stupid.

“Alright, looks like we’re all ready,” Mr. Typheus says. “Alright. Everyone’s found their seats? Good. Here. My name is Mr. Typheus. Now, that’s Typheus with a Y. I don’t want anybody here thinking I’m Mr. Tif-feus. Girls, do you have something to say?” Mr. Typheus says when he notices Terezi and Vriska whispering to each other. 

“No, Mr. Typheus,” Vriska says, but there’s laughter in her voice.

“Then try and keep it down,” Mr. Typheus shoots back. “Alright. Time for roll call. This is in alphabetical order too, so it should go by table group. Eridan Ampora?”

“Here, sir,” Eridan says. Mr. Typheus glances at him with his eyebrows raised. Then he shakes his head and starts running through more names. Sollux Captor, John Egbert.

“Jade Harley,” he says. No response. Everyone turns to look at the empty desk across from John’s. Mr. Typheus checks the paper. “Ah, yes. Harley.”

“She’s in India with her grandpa,” Rose calls out.

“I’m aware. From now on, raise your hand if you want permission to speak, please,” Mr. Typheus says flatly. Rose’s shoulders drop embarrassedly and she looks down at her notebook. A strand of white-blonde hair falls from her headband onto her face and she brushes it back when she composes herself again. Meanwhile, Mr. Typheus clears his throat. “Kanaya Maryam.”

“Here,” Kanaya says from the other side of the room.

You lean over to Rose. “Why is Jade in India?”

“Her grandpa’s there because of his job and he took Jade with him,” Rose whispers back, clearly very proud that she knows this and even prouder that she gets to explain it to someone. She keeps her elbows cleanly bent and her shoulders straight when she talks to you. “She’s going to come back next month.”

Mr. Typheus’ name circle is very different from Ms. Paint’s. He doesn’t ask you to give him facts about yourself. All you need to do is tell him that you’re there. It’s a little bit boring. Well, until the very end, when it’s your turn. “David Strider-Lalonde.”

“I’m just Dave,” Dave corrects. “Here.”

“Alright, Dave,” Mr. Typheus says and writes something on the paper he’s using. “Rosalía Strider-Lalonde.”

“Here,” Rose says. “And it’s actually Rose.”

“You’re twins? Alright. Good, good, good,” Mr. Typheus says, but he does give them a weird look. 

You’re pretty sure you know why. You also still think it’s sort of crazy that Rose and Dave are twins. You always thought twins were supposed to look the same, but Rose and Dave don’t look like each other at all.

They’re both really freckled, but Dave’s hair is dark brown and his brown, and he hunches his shoulders and his face is thin. Rose’s face is rounded on the bottom and her skin is a little lighter and maybe a little pinker, too. Her hair is wheat-colored and she always keeps her shoulders back and her back really straight like a librarian. But they have the same last name and the same Dad and you think the same Mom, too, even though you’ve never met her. You haven’t actually met their Dad, either, or been to their house at all, but you’ve heard about him. You’re not really that close with them.

“Karkat Vantas.” Oops, that’s you.

“I’m here,” you say way louder than Rose or Dave.

“Alright,” Mr. Typheus says, putting his clipboard on his desk. “Now that that’s out of the way, welcome, everyone. I’m sure you’re all very excited to start first grade. I do have to make some things clear, though, first things first, because this ain’t going to be quite be like the other things y’all’ve had in the past. Alright? Okay. So, now that you’re in real school, a few things are going to be different. Firstly, schooldays are going to start to be longer, and you won’t have playtime or show and tell.”

“No playtime?” Vriska yells out.

“You’ll have more breaks in between classes,” Mr. Typheus says. He smiles. “I know it sounds terrible now, but I promise it’ll be just fine. Alright. Now, the weekly class schedule…”

Everything is apparently way more complicated in first grade. There are more classes and things are harder, and you don't even get to have show and tell days. Mr. Typheus says that it’s going to be fun, but you’re not really sure yet. You don’t get cubbies anymore, but you still get to make your own nametags to put on the wall above the jacket hooks.

You take turns telling everyone about your summer. John went north to visit his poppop and his cousins. Vriska went up to Oklahoma to visit her dad. Eridan went on a cruise to Mexico. Rose and Dave went to Mexico, too, to see their grandparents. You didn’t go anywhere. You stayed here the whole summer.

After that, you have read aloud and phonics. First, Mr. Typheus tells you about all the different sounds the different letters make, and he draws them on the whiteboard in a black marker. Then he tells you a word and goes through the sounds in it. Then you have to try and spell it yourself before he shows you how to spell it on the whiteboard. You’re pretty good at that, even if your hand does start feeling weird halfway through. You’re definitely better than Dave. When you look over during reading, Terezi seems to be doing better spelling out the words than Dave is.

“Pizza,” you say when Sollux sits down next to you during lunch. He’s got a square piece of pizza and a cup full of baby carrots on his lunch tray. The cheese on the pizza is melted and thick. It looks really tasty, even if Sollux always says it’s greasy and bad. All you have is dry Lunchables. You bite into your tiny cracker-cheese-turkey sandwich.

“You’ve got Dunkaroos?” Sollux asks in amazement when you pull out the Dunkaroos from the paper bag Dad gave you. You blink at him.

“Um, yeah? Dad slept in by accident and we were almost late, so he give me these as an apology gift,” you say and pull on the sides of the plastic bag. It comes open with a crack and you slide the cookies out.

“Can I have one?” Sollux asks. You bite your lip, thinking. Then you shrug and push them towards him. There are enough to share. Sollux laughs and takes one. “Rainbow Sprinkle Frosting… You’re so lucky. I wish my dad packed my lunches.”

You don’t tell him how you feel about the pizza.

“Are those Dunkaroos?”

You look up and see that John, Dave and Rose are walking past. Dave and Rose are on their way to return their trays back to the lunch line. John runs up to your table and almost trips. “Oh, that’s so cool! Can I have one?”

“Yeah, su-” you’re trying to say, when Sollux interrupts you.

“No. They’re Karkat’s, get your own,” he says. John pouts. Dave and Rose give you a mean look as they follow him to your table.

“Um…” you stumble. “Well, I guess they’re mine, so…”

“I’ll give you a few of my Fruit Roll-Ups,” John says, pulling a few Fruit Roll-Ups from his backpack. “We’ll candy trade.”

“Uh… alright,” you say. 

John grins and messes with his backpack. “Three Fruit Roll-Ups for three Dunkaroos?”

“Okay,” you say. “Don’t take all the dip, though. There’s just a little and I haven’t had any yet.”

“Yeah, alright, don’t worry,” John says and dips his Dunkaroo in the rainbow sprinkle frosting. Dave takes two and hands the other one to Rose like he doesn’t think Rose could reach it on her own. Rose honestly doesn’t look like she really wants these. John makes a happy noise when he bites down on his Dunkaroo. “That’s so good! My Dad only packs me these dumb Betty Crocker snacks.”

“Isn't that the Betty Crocker spoon on these, too?" Rose says, pointing at the plastic wrapper of the Dunkaroos.

“What?” John exclaims and drops his Dunkaroo on the table. “Ugh!”

“What’s the big deal?” you ask. Maybe you should take the Dunkaroo back. No, ew, he already took a bite from it. It’s gross now. “Why do you hate Betty Crocker?”

“Well, I don’t _hate_ Betty Crocker. My dad is like, obsessed with baking all these Betty Crocker cakes and pies and cookies and he does it every day,” John says. “I just want something that’s not Betty Crocker.”

“You liked the Dunkaroos fine before you found out it was Betty Crocker,” you point out.

John scoffs. “Yeah, and? Now I don’t.”

“Well, whatever. Your loss,” you say and dip your Dunkaroo in the frosting. Dave is staring at you like he wants you dead. At least you think he is. You can’t see his eyes through his shades. You’ve never seen him without them. You stare back. The three of them leave pretty quickly after that. You and Sollux shrug at each other and enjoy your Fruit Roll-Ups. There are only two Dunkaroos left for you in the plastic container. You let Sollux have another one. One Dunkaroo is enough for you. The green apple Fruit Roll-Ups taste really sour.

Uncle Crawford comes to pick you up from school. He tells you Dad’s still at work. You go home and eat spaghetti and scrambled eggs for dinner, because apparently that’s the only thing uncle Crawford knows how to make. You’re not sure how he survived when you lived in Houston. The spaghetti and scrambled eggs is not very good, but uncle Crawford puts a lot of salt and butter on and then it’s a little bit better.

Dad’s still not home when you go to bed. You try to sleep, but you can’t. Then you hear the front door open and close. You sneak out of bed and open the door just a crack. Warm light streams into the blue of your room. You hear uncle Crawford say something, but you don’t know what it is. And then you hear your Dad say: “yeah. Sorry it took so long. I can’t believe my alarm just- didn’t go off. Tara was really angry about it. And, I mean, I can’t blame her.”

“You really should stand up for yourself more to that woman,” uncle Crawford says.

“No, I was two hours late,” Dad says. “She had every right to be mad. Had to call up an emergency replacement and everything. I stayed behind and worked overtime on reports to make up for it.”

“For four hours?”

“I- I just- I lost track of time, and- just…” Dad sighs. “Karkat’s in bed, right?”

“He is.”

“Were there any problems? Did he, y’know, make a mess of bathtime, or…”

“No, he was fine. We were fine.”

“Oh, okay. Thank god,” Dad sighs. “You read him a bedtime story, right? He was really excited yesterday about the next-”

“Listen,” uncle Crawford says. “You have to let yourself loose a little. Alright? You’re working yourself to the bone. You gotta relax every now and then.”

“I know. I know.”

Your eyelids are drooping and you feel kind of sad now. You push the door closed as quietly as you can. It creaks anyway. You hope they didn’t hear it.

After a few minutes, the door creaks open and the yellow light from the loft hits you in the eye. There’s a figure standing there. It’s Dad. “Hey, sweetie. Are you still awake?”

They heard it. You sigh and turn to look at him properly. Dad smiles.

“Sorry that I wasn’t home today.”

“It’s okay,” you say. 

“How did your first day of school go?” he asks. “Did you have fun?”

“It was okay,” you say. “It was different from kindergarten. But it was ok.”

“That’s good,” Dad sighs.

You stop for a little. “...My hand started feeling weird again.”

“...Again?” Dad asks. “How come?”

“Because of writing,” you say. “But it’s okay.”

“...Okay,” Dad says. 

You blink. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispers. “Sleep well.”

The door clicks closed.

-

You sit patiently on the porch as Dad kneels in front of you and clips the helmet in place. The strap presses weirdly against your chin, but you’re used to the way it feels by now. As soon as Dad backs away, you push yourself up from the steps and rush over to the garage door. Uncle Crawford is there, walking a bike - a much smaller one that most bikes you’ve seen - towards you.

The bike is red, a kind of pink-ish magenta red, with black stripes running down the side. There’s a training wheel attached to either side of the back wheel. It’s your bike. It’s pretty old. You’ve had it ever since you can remember. Uncle Crawford taught you how to ride it, and you like it a lot, even though Dad only ever lets you go past the driveway with it if both him and uncle Crawford are there. 

You broke it a little bit ago - one of the wheels got dented in a weird way - and uncle Crawford was too busy to fix it before now. It’s been raining so hard recently that you haven’t gotten the chance to ride it again until now that the rain has stopped.

"Hold Crab for me," you say to Dad, placing Crab in his hands and run across the driveway.

“Careful,” Dad warns when you throw your leg over the bike and sit. The metal of the bike squeaks loudly under your weight.

“I know how to ride a bike, Dad,” you say. “Don’t worry.”

“Just don’t go too fast,” Dad warns.

“He’s got training wheels. What are you worrying about?” uncle Crawford says. He has his hand on your back and is pushing you forward a little, even while you’re pedaling yourself. You ride down to the sidewalk, to the neighboring house, turn around, ride back. It’s just as easy as you remember it being. Uncle Crawford laughs. “See? He’s a natural.”

“Are you sure that it’s not going to break again? The squeaking is making me a little nervous,” Dad says uncertainly, leaning on the fence.

“Doubting my bike fixing skills?” uncle Crawford asks.

“Alright, alright,” Dad says. He smiles. “Don’t fall, okay, Karkat?”

“I won’t!” you insist. You’re a little annoyed that he won’t believe you. Plus, it’s not like it matters. There aren’t any cars on the street right now. Nobody is going to run you over if you drive over the road. You keep riding back and forth on the wet concrete. Then suddenly a voice catches your attention down the street.

“Hey, Karkat!”

You look up and see Aradia coming around the street corner on the other edge of the street. She has gloves on and she’s holding something. Her mom is following closely behind. Aradia starts to jog up the hill towards you, but she’s being very careful with whatever the thing is that she’s holding. You bike down the street a little bit to close the distance, but you’re still very close to your house when she reaches you.

“Hi,” you say. You’re not very close with Aradia. She only ever plays with Terezi and Vriska, after all, and you don’t really get along with Vriska. Vriska is actually pretty mean and Aradia seems okay, so you don’t understand why she spends time with her at all.

“Hey, Karkat’s dad! Hey, Karkat’s uncle!” Aradia says to behind you. You can hear Dad reciprocate the greeting. Aradia’s cheeks are red and she’s a little out of breath. She’s wearing overalls and a big straw hat like a farmer, and her knees are covered with a thick layer of mud. “We went to Prospit Lake with Terezi and Vriska. Look who I found!”

She opens her thickly gloved hands and you see that she’s holding a small, open Tupperware in them. There’s wet dirt and mud, old leaves and grass packed inside, and between them all there’s a slimy little snail. Its shell has brown and pale stripes all over and it moves its four antennae up and down and in and out. You gasp. “Wow!”

“I know! Isn’t he so cute?” Aradia exclaims. “I’m going to keep him and I think I’ll name him Greg.”

“Greg? Why Greg?” you ask. Aradia shrugs.

“I don’t know. Why’s Crab named Crab?”

“Because… he’s a crab,” you say.

Aradia stares at you. “...Oh. Yeah. Well, my snail is a Greg, so that’s why he’s named Greg.”

“What’s a Greg?” you ask.

“My snail,” she responds. You give her an annoyed look and she laughs. Then she points at your bike. “Is that your bike?”

“No, I stole it from the store,” you say. “Yeah, it’s my bike.”

“Okay. Cool!” she says. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone you stole it.”

“I didn’t actually steal it,” you say.

“That’s what I’ll tell everyone,” Aradia says and grins. Her mom comes up behind her and Aradia looks up at her. “Can I get a bike, Mom? Karkat has one and it’s really cool.”

“Uh, I don’t know. We’ll see,” Aradia’s mom says. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey,” you hear Dad say. Aradia’s mom slips past you and you hear her start a grown-up conversation with Dad and uncle Crawford. You decide to ask Aradia what you were wondering before.

“Aradia,” you say. Aradia stops poking Greg on the head and looks up at you. “How come you always play with Terezi and Vriska?”

“Oh. I don’t know. They’re my friends,” Aradia says and furrows her eyebrows like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “And Tavros. Don’t forget about Tavros. Everyone always forgets about him, but he’s my friend, just like Vriska and Terezi are.”

“He’s a boy,” you say.

“Well, why can’t boys and girls be friends together?” Aradia asks with her eyebrows furrowed. You don’t have a response to that. You’re busy thinking about it when she asks, “so why do you play with Sollux?”

“Because Sollux is awesome and good at counting and he has a PlayStation,” you say flatly.

“Well, I think Vriska and Terezi are cool,” Aradia says. “And Terezi has a PlayStation, too.”

“Really? How does she play on it?” you ask.

“With… a controller?” Aradia says. “Like most people.”

“No, I mean, she’s, like, blind,” you say.

“Well, she’s not very good at it,” Aradia admits. You snort. Just then, there’s a loud, deep sound above your head. You’ve heard it before, so you already know what you’re about to see when you look up. A white, bird-like shape is zooming closer and leaving a thin trail of clouds behind. Aradia points at it. “Look, a plane!”

“I can see it,” you say. “Dad, look, a plane!”

“Sure is,” uncle Crawford says somewhere over your shoulder. “Doesn’t look to be going towards Houston. And it’s pretty small. Reckon that’s one of those private jets. Probably someone’s from over by Derse Lake.”

“Oh, yeah, there’s a private airport on the other side of town, across the lake, right?” Aradia’s mom’s voice says. “I’ve never actually seen it, believe it or not.”

“You’re not missing much. Ain’t much of a sight to behold, to be perfectly honest,” uncle Crawford continues. “The Harley types aren’t really interested in making it look pretty for bypassers. All that matters is the utility. But at least it’s out of the way of the main road, and seems they have some use of it, so I guess it does its job.”

The jet comes closer. It doesn’t pass over you, but you see it move from one side of town to the other as it starts to come closer to the ground. The sunlight eclipses it so that the belly of it is really dark. The Harley types, uncle Crawford said. You’ve heard that name before. When you look at Aradia, it seems she realized the same thing. “Jade’s back!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **june 14!** i'll see you then!


	4. first grade, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The jungle gym is the best part of the schoolyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back again, everyone! happy pride month and happy 612!
> 
> i've revamped the tags to try and be a little more accurate, so be sure to read through them. (even though they refuse to show up in the order i want them to. curse you, ao3.)
> 
> also, i've added these little blurbs/taglines to the start of each chapter, which i hope are cute!
> 
> now, part of this chapter does discuss race a little bit. full disclosure, i'm white and not american, so i was kind of out of my depth with the perspective of a texan 6 year old in the early 2000s, but i've done my best to do as much research as i've been able to so i hope nothing comes off as too tone-deaf? of course i'm always open to criticism!!
> 
> thank you all for reading and for all your comments and kudos and stuff!! it's what keeps me going day to day

Dad brings you to school really, really early nowadays. You don’t mind. You’ve always woken up early anyway. You think he realized that, and that’s why now he brings you so early that there’s nobody even there yet when you arrive. Sometimes you’re so early that you have to wait outside the doors for a teacher or a janitor or someone to arrive and unlock the front door. It’s one of those days today. The birds are singing in the forest around the school and the yard is completely empty. And it's really cold.

Even though usually you’re alone when you wait for the doors to open, sometimes there are other kids who arrive that early. Turns out Jade is one of them.

It was yesterday that you saw the plane fly to the private airport across Derse Lake. So it's the first day that she's back.

She looks way different than you remember. Well, not _way_ different, but different enough for you to notice that her skin is darker and tanner. She even looks a little taller. Her hair is messy in the kind of way where tufts of it are sticking in different directions, and a few stray strands go across her forehead in weird ways, like she didn’t have time to brush it. She steps out of a long, fancy black car that’s all angular and square.

She’s wearing green and yellow knit gloves. Sollux would think that was weird since it’s only October, but you’re actually also wearing gloves. (That’s how you know Sollux would think it was weird. He’s told you before that you’re weird for wearing gloves in October.) But you think gloves are good. They make your hands nice and comfortable. 

Jade is wearing the same round glasses she always wears. The hem of her dress is flowing out from under her white jacket. A lot of Jade’s dresses look really shiny and soft. You’re not sure if they’re made of some sort of weird fabric plastic or weird silk or something, or if it’s just really shiny fabric. Jade’s backpack looks like a frog. She waves to someone inside the car and slams the door closed.

She waves when she jogs up to you and smiles. "Hey!"

"Hi, Jade," you say. "Why are you here so early?"

"I don't know," Jade says. "I think my nanny read the schedule my Grandpa gave her wrong. Or maybe he wrote it wrong."

"You have a nanny?" you ask. You've heard of nannies on TV, but you never though people actually had them.

"Um, yeah. Don't you?" Jade asks, smiling. You shake your head no and she furrows her eyebrows. "So then who makes your lunches and dinner and helps you do your homework and stuff?"

"My dad," you say. "Or uncle Crawford, if Dad is at work. But usually Dad, especially the dinner, 'cos uncle Crawford can't really cook. If Dad’s not at home at dinnertime, usually we eat leftovers."

"You get to eat leftovers?" Jade asks, like it's amazing. "I never get to eat leftovers. Snowman says they go bad overnight and she doesn't let me. I know she's wrong, though, so…"

"Um, it's not really that we get to eat them. We just have to, so they don't go to waste," you say. What would cause someone to think leftovers are special somehow? "I have some for my lunch today."

"Wow, really? What do you have?"

"Turtle-shaped pasta and tomato sauce," you tell her. "The pasta doesn't really taste very good overnight. It gets all chewy and weird-"

"Is the pasta actually shaped like turtles?" Jade says and her smile gets wider with every word.

"Yeah, of course it is!" you say. "Why else would it be called turtle-shaped pasta?"

"A lot of things aren't what their names mean," Jade says smartly. "Like how a dragonfly isn't actually a dragon or a fly, it's just a weird bug."

"But that's different. That’s just what it’s called," you say. Before she can respond, you continue, "who's Snowman?"

“Oh, she’s just my grandpa's, um, secretary?” Jade says. When she sees your face, she snorts. “She has an office in our house and she takes care of things Grandpa doesn’t have time for. I… see her more than I see Grandpa sometimes, because he’s so busy with his job. I don’t think her name is actually Snowman, though. It’s just what I call her.”

“My dad is really busy with his job, too,” you say. “That’s why I’m here. He works in Houston, so he has to drive there every morning.”

Jade nods.

"Is Snowman your nanny?" you ask.

"Oh, um, no," Jade says quickly. "No. That'd be weird. She's too scary to be a nanny."

"Oh," you say, even though you've seen plenty of scary nannies on TV. "Okay."

The two of you linger there for a little bit without saying anything. 

Then you ask, “you were in India, right?”

Jade looks a little bit surprised, and then she nods. “Yeah. In Mumbai.”

“Mumbai. That’s a place in India?” you ask and she nods again. “What was it like?”

“Um,” Jade starts. She rocks back and forth on her shoes and then laughs. “I don’t know. Everywhere smelled like spices and cow poop. Oh, yeah, there were cows everywhere. A lot of people and other animals and stuff too. Not near the place we stayed, but some places we drove through. I know Tavros has animals at his house, but the animals there were, like, in the streets where the cars were and everything. And there was a big river with boats passing by next to our hotel. I watched them from the hotel window."

“Why’d you go there?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” Jade says. “My grandpa had to do something there, I think. Like a business thing.”

“Okay,” you say. “I’ve seen him on TV.”

“Yeah, he’s kind of famous,” Jade says.

“What’s he famous for?” you ask. Jade shrugs.

“Computers or something,” she says.

After a while, Mrs. Cetus shows up. She opens the door and lets you into the school. You show Jade where your new classroom is. The door is still locked, so you sit on the floor near it on opposite sides of the hallway.

Dave and Rose are the first to show up after you. Jade gets up and hugs Rose. She tries to hug Dave, but he backs away and just says hi. You sit with your backpack in your lap and watch. Jade starts talking to them about India and you stop listening.

Kids start to fill up the hallways. You get bored just waiting and waiting, so you start listening in on others’ conversations. You don't think you're supposed to, but you don't have much else to do. John went to the dentist out of town and they said he might have to get braces after all his teeth come in. Someone down the hallway trips and people laugh. Vriska's wearing a white frilly skirt and she doesn't look happy about it.

Finally, Sollux comes. He waves bye to Kuprum when he comes around the corner. His shoes squeak on the floor of the hallway. They’re mismatched and one of them has a tiny hole in the front. He sits down next to you in the hallway. He offers you gum. He says he stole it from Kuprum. It's bright pink and sweet.

"I had a really, really weird dream," you tell him while you're waiting. "There was this big black-and-white whale, but then it was actually Eridan. And he tried to eat me, but then I turned into an owl and I flew away, out of the water. But then the sky was like… it wasn't sky-colored. It was dark and sort of green and stuff. And then I ate a mouse."

"One of Kuprum's friends - um, you know that girl who lives on the farm outside of town, near where Tavros lives? Yeah, her - she told me dreams always mean things and they tell you things about you," Sollux says. His voice is even more lisped because of the gum's chewing. "But then Kuprum told her to shut up, so I don't know."

“Do you have weird dreams?” you ask.

“Yeah, sometimes,” Sollux responds and pulls his homework out of his backpack. He gives it a one-over to make sure it’s finished. “One time, Kuprum let me watch a movie with him, and the next night I had a dream where the school turned into a huge weird squid, and everyone was standing on it. And when it flew off, I fell off of the back of it into the pit underneath and that pit was Hell. And the ground was burning and there were floating brains on fire everywhere. I think. It was a while ago, so I can’t really remember. Have you ever had a dream like that?”

“No…” you say.

“Well, that’s good,” Sollux says. “It wasn’t a very fun dream.”

“Neither was the whale one,” you sigh.

By the time you get inside the classroom, it’s bright outside. Much brighter than in the hallway, at least. After you say the pledge, Mr. Typheus tells you all to sit down. You look over at Jade. She’s taken her seat across from John already. Her back is toward you. You tap your pen against the table. Then she looks up and you follow her eyes to Mr. Typheus

“Jade, would you come up here?” Mr. Typheus says. You suddenly feel very nervous for Jade. She pushes her seat back in a way that makes the carpet bunch up and goes up to the front of the class. She doesn’t look nervous at all. Well, maybe a little shy, but she’s smiling. She stands with her weight on one leg and occasionally she has to shift to maintain it. Sometimes it looks like she almost falls over. She adjusts her glasses. Mr. Typheus says, “so, you were in India, right? Welcome back.”

“Yeah,” Jade responds. She’s half as tall as Mr. Typheus. “I really missed everyone.”

“Why don’t you tell us a little bit about your summer,” Mr. Typheus says and slides into his chair behind his desk. Jade shifts her weight onto her other foot and tells everyone the same things you already heard her tell Dave, Rose and John in the hallway.

“Um, well…” she says. “We were in Mumbai. And… it smelled a lot everywhere. Not just of bad stuff, but like, spices and stuff. There were animals all over the streets. And my nanny took me to a zoo and I saw an elephant. And next to our hotel, there was a big river…”

Later, after Jade goes back to her seat, Mr. Typheus stands up. He opens his mouth to say something. There’s a knock at the door that interrupts him. Mr. Typheus gives you all a look. Terezi giggles quietly and Mr. Typheus adjusts his jacket when he walks to the door of the classroom. From where you’re sitting, you can’t see who’s behind it. Everyone strains their necks to try and get a look.

Mr. Typheus turns around and everyone snaps back into their seats like they weren’t looking. He glances around the room. “Hold on for a moment, everyone.”

Click. Door’s closed. Vriska stands up. “Freedom!”

Talk appears suddenly throughout the room like a flower blooming in a nature documentary. Terezi starts furiously drawing bright, contrasting colors in her notebook. You lean over Dave to try and see it better. There’s a shape with four legs on the paper. “What’s that supposed to be?”

“It’s a cow,” Terezi says and scribbles some more on its chin. “And that’s its beard.”

“Cows don’t have beards,” you say. “How dumb is that? It’s a cow. It can’t have a beard.”

“Yes too, it can,” Terezi says. “We went to a farm somewhere once and there was a cow with a beard there. It was like a cow, except if was fluffy on its face and bigger.”

“No! Cows can’t have beards!” you insist.

“Get off, you’re on my stuff,” Dave complains and shoves you back into your chair. You kick him under the table. He kicks back harder. It hurts, like sandpaper on your leg. You kick him back. 

Rose cuts through the loud conversation by saying, “isn’t Kanaya’s family from India?”

Okay, so apparently everyone is talking about Jade’s trip to India except for you.

“Oh, yeah, Kanaya’s Indian! Right?” Tavros says.

“Um, no, I’m not-" Kanaya starts to say, but she gets cut off by John shouting.

“Really? Like the people that the cowboys fought?”

“No,” Sollux says, but not loud enough for anyone to notice or care.

“No, that’s different Indians,” Rose shouts over him.

“There’s two different Indians?” Eridan complains.

“One is Indians from India and the other is the Indians that the cowboy fought,” Rose explains. “They were like, the first people in America.”

“Oh, okay,” Tavros says. “So, like-”

“Kanaya, if you’re Indian, why does your mom wear that wrappy fabric thing around her head?” Feferi says. She’s standing up now. Actually, so are John, Rose, Eridan and you. Kanaya definitely tries to say something in response, but nobody hears her, because everyone else immediately starts yelling different things over her. You can’t hear anything, least of all yourself.

Almost nobody even seems to notice when the door opens and Mr. Typheus comes back inside. He clears his throat once. Twice. After the third time, he gives up and shouts, “everyone sit down!”

Mr. Typheus’ voice is deep and strong and you swear it sort of almost echoes in the classroom. Everyone sits down. 

Mr. Typheus sighs and mumbles something along the lines of "you've got to learn to behave yourselves." You think he thinks you can’t hear him. But he’s loud enough when he says it that it sort of seems like he wants you to think he thinks you can’t hear him. Is that too complicated? Mr. Typheus’ marker scratches the whiteboard when he starts to write on it. You try to read along. _Sharing is Caring._ Mr. Typheus turns around. “Alright. Who can tell me what it means to share?”

After recess, you have math class. Mr. Typheus gives you worksheets where you have to count the number of apples and lemons and then divide them to a group of kids drawn on the paper. The kids' eyes are just dots. You write numbers under each apple and lemon to remember how many there are in total. Neh. Your hand. At some point, you notice Dave’s pen isn’t moving. You look up at him. He's staring at you. He doesn’t have an expression on his face. “Why are you holding your pen like that?”

It almost doesn’t sound like a question at all. It sounds like he’s just saying it. You look at your hand. Your pen is in your fist. You look back at him. “What do you mean?”

“Like, in your fist,” Dave says. “You’re supposed to hold it like this.”

You look at his hand. He’s doing a weird thing with his thumb and index finger and holding the pen between them. You shake your head. “No. I’m not doing that.”

“But it’s easier,” he says flatly.

“It doesn’t look easier,” you say and keep writing numbers onto the paper. Dave still doesn’t do his work. You look up at him from under your eyebrows and scowl. “Stop staring."

Dave starts writing numbers too. Finally. You roll your eyes. Dave is so weird. He almost never talks and he wears sunglasses all the time, even when he’s inside or when it’s cloudy out. You don’t understand why he does all the weird things he does.

When school ends, you and Sollux go into the yard. Across it, Kanaya is sitting on the edge of the sandbox. She doesn't seem to be doing anything. You walk towards her. Sollux catches up. "Why are we going to the sandbox?"

"I want to talk to Kanaya," you say. "Hey, Kanaya!"

Kanaya looks up at you. You haven't looked at her much before. She's got wavy, dark hair down to her chin. There's a strand of it curling up on her cheek. She has thick eyebrows and large eyes, and flat, round lips. Her face is long and thin, and she's always wearing a dress. Most of her dresses have flowers on them. The one she has on today doesn't. It's just red, with a black top part. She's also wearing a brown jacket with the zipper open.

"Hey, Karkat. Hi, Sollux," she says.

"Hey, if you're not Indian," you say. "then where are you from?"

"Um," Kanaya says. "My parents are from Pakistan. I think."

"Where's that?" you ask. You've never heard of Pakistan.

"It's, uh, next to India…" Kanaya says.

"Have you ever been there?" you ask. Sollux looks bored.

"Yeah, a few times, to see my, um, grandparents," Kanaya says. "We go there during winter break most years."

"Are you going this year?" Sollux asks.

"Maybe. I don't know," Kanaya says. "I hope so."

You stand there quietly for a few seconds.

Then Kanaya asks, “where are your families from?”

“Just from here,” Sollux says. You nod when he continues, “we’re not from anywhere else.”

Kanaya looks at you. “What about you?”

“What?” you say. “I’m just from here, like Sollux. My dad grew up here. And his parents and everyone.”

“Oh,” Kanaya says softly. She looks confused for a little bit, and then she asks: “then why do you look that way?”

“What? What do you mean?” you ask. “I don’t look any way.”

“No, I mean…” Kanaya says. “Look at your skin compared to Sollux’s.”

“What are you talking about?” you say, but you take off your glove anyway and put your hand next to Sollux’s hand. Sollux’s nails are shorter and neater than yours and his hand is light and pinkish. Yours is the color of that clay pot Ms. Paint had on the windowsill of the kindergarten room. “What’s the big deal? My skin is a little… browner. So what?”

“Well, that’s the thing that makes you different,” Kanaya says.

“...What? Why would it make me any different?” you ask. “What does it matter?”

“People give me and my dad weird looks whenever we go anywhere,” Kanaya says. “Because we’re the only people that look like us.”

You say bye to her and start walking away. You notice Sollux looking at you while you walk. He turns away when you look back at him, and he looks a little bit awkward, like he has something on his mind that he isn’t saying. You look at him like you want him to say it. Sollux take a breath, and then:

“Kuprum said you’re an Indian to me one time,” he says.

“What?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” Sollux says and shrugs. “That’s what he said.”

“Indian like, from India?” you ask. “Like the way Kanaya isn’t?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Sollux says, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. “He didn’t say.”

You sit on the couch that evening. Uncle Crawford picked you up from school and brought you home and helped you do your spelling and math homework. Dad got you more books from the library to try and read on your own. You’ve been working through them as best as you’ve been able to. This one is a comic book. That means there’s a picture to go with almost every sentence. It’s called _Calvin and Hobbes_ and it’s about a boy and a tiger, and you really like it. 

You’ve been practicing to read really hard. You love to read out loud. Sometimes in the nights, Dad lets you read out the bedtime stories to him instead of the other way around. You read out loud to Crab other times. You hold him and point out all the pictures and explain them to him.

The door opens and closes behind you with a slam. You drop the book on the couch and sit up to peek over the back rest. Dad is standing in front of the door, zipping his jacket off. You jump up. “Dad!”

Dad looks up and smiles. 

“Hi!” he says. You jump off the couch and around it to run into a hug. Dad barely has time to lean down and spread his arms before you knock into him. You hear the air go out of him, but he still hugs you back. “Hey, nice to see you too.”

“How was your day?” you ask. Dad laughs and kisses your forehead with a little wet smeck.

“My day was okay,” he says. “Thank you for asking. How was yours?”

“It was okay,” you say.

You help Dad make stir fry out of the leftover chicken and veggies you have in the fridge. He lets you pour in the sauce and salt and chili powder, and warns you to be careful not to make it too spicy. You stir together spaghetti and chicken over medium heat. When Crawford comes out of the garage to go to the bathroom, he comes to check on your cooking and then walks away talking about how good it’s going to taste.

The stir fry sizzles on the pan.

“Hey, Dad?” you ask.

“Yeah?” Dad says and turns the heat down a little. “It’s almost done.”

“Where did our family come from?” you ask. Dad raises his eyebrows, but you can tell from his eyes that he’s not actually confused.

“What do you mean?” he asks. “We’re from here.”

“No, I mean…” you wonder. “Why do we look the way we do?”

Dad blinks. “Has someone asked you that?”

“Well, uh,” you say. “I don’t know.”

"...Okay, well," Dad says. “Yeah. Well, Karkat, our family is indigenous Americans. So that means we were some of the first people here. That was actually a lot of different kinds of people. My great-grandparents were from different places that were far, far away from each other.”

"Dad. Wait, Dad. So we’re like the bad guys? Like the people that the cowboys fought?" you ask. You think about everything you've heard of about cowboys. Everything you’ve ever seen has made the cowboys be the good guys. So then that means-

"No, not at all, Karkat," Dad says. "Not at all. Imagine if… imagine if someone came to Skaiatown right now and made us change our houses and learn to speak their language and all. That's what the people on the cowboys' side did."

"So… they were the bad guys?" you ask. Dad makes a face.

“Look, Karkat," he says and leans down to you.

“Yeah?” you say.

“Where somebody's family came from or what they look like shouldn't matter,” he says very gently, brushing your hair with his fingers. “What matters is what they do and how they treat others. Okay?”

“Yeah, I know,” you say. Dad tells you that all the time.

“Good. Don’t forget it. It’s important.” Dad stands up and turns off the stove. “Food is done. You hungry?”

-

“Where are we going?” you ask Dad while he zips up your hoodie. He smiles at you and adjusts your rain hat. He’s smiling now, but you think he’s been very sad for a little while. You’re not sure. He hasn’t cried or anything like that, at least, you haven’t seen it. But every time he’s smiled, he’s looked weirdly distant.

“To the graveyard,” he responds. He grunts when he stands up and takes your hand. 

“Can I take my bike?” you ask, even though you already know the answer. You stuff crab into your hoodie pocket. He barely fits inside.

“The rain will ruin the seat,” Dad responds. “We’ll go biking later, when it’s not raining. Okay?”

“Okay.”

The sidewalk is covered in puddles. You try to jump from one puddle to another without touching the parts of the sidewalk that don’t have puddles. Like a frog jumping from lilypad to lilypad. Except instead of avoiding water, you avoid the parts without water. The sky is gray and Dad walks alongside you. 

A few cars pass by you when you come to the corner of the start of Main Street and the street that leads to Sollux’s house. The raindrops make ripples on the surface of the water on the street. Then a car drives by and splashes it into a big wave. Big for a puddle, at least. 

The graveyard is behind the church. The church is a really big building, so tall that you feel like you might fall over looking up at it. It has colorful windows and walls of dark stone. It’s the biggest building in Skaiatown. It’s not really in the town, more next to it. It’s a little ways off, kind of in the forest, kind of on the edge of it. Cars are parked in the little parking lot in front of it. Dad leads you around them. 

The graves in the graveyard are surrounded by trees and covered in flowers and candles that have gone out. It’s filled with the swooshing sound of the wind in the trees.

The graveyard is full of little gravel paths that separate the graves from each other in lines. Even though you know you’ve been here before, you would still get lost here if Dad wasn’t holding your hand and leading you around. There’s a shed in the back near the edge of the woods. 

The stone Dad takes you to is thin and pretty small. The words on it almost look like they don’t fit there. There are two names there and the years listed are all long before you were born. On the patch of land in front of that bigger stone are a few smaller stones. You count four, arranged in a two by two grid. Each one has two names on it, except for the one closest to you. It’s the smallest of the stones. The name carved in it looks rougher than the other names, like it was carved into the rock in a hurry, and there’s a space underneath it. You crouch down to read. 

_Daisy Belle Vantas_  
b. October 18, 1965  
d. November 10, 2000

Dad crouches next to you and puts his hand on your back. When you look at him, he’s staring at the name. When he talks, he talks quietly. “Do you remember anything about Mom?”

“Mm,” you say. What do you remember? You remember… the lullaby she and Dad would sing to you. The one Dad still sings. You remember the pool in your house in Houston and the yellow floaties you wore in the summer. You think Mom was there while Dad helped you try to swim. You think. You remember that she was skinny. What else… You remember… “…I don’t know. I don't remember."

“That’s okay,” Dad says and moves his hand on your back gently, like he’s petting you. Then he says, “she loved you a lot, you know.”

You think about Mom. The first memory you have of this graveyard was the day when there were a lot of people around. You sat in the church and Dad cried. Dad cried a lot after that. But he always acted like he didn’t. And you cried a lot too. That was when you realized, you remember, that Mom wasn’t going to come back.

“I wish Mom was here,” you say and touch the rock with her name on it.

“Yeah,” Dad says. “I miss her too."

“Where do people go when they die?” you ask. Dad thinks about it for a long enough time to make you ask, “do they go to Heaven?”

“Well… I’m not sure. But I’d like to think so.” You look at him. He wraps his arm around you and hugs you, and he kisses the top of your head. “I love you."

You lean against him. “I love you too.”

After a while, Dad stands up.

“Look. Your grandparents are here, too. My parents, that is. And my grandparents, and even their parents, just like I told you. Ever since our family started existing, we’ve all been here.”

“Really?” you say and try and read the other names. They’re more defined, carved in the stone with more effort and care, but they’re more faded and dirty.

“Yeah. Look, my aunt is here too,” Dad says, pointing at one of the names. You’ve heard of your great-aunt before. She had a farm, but she had to sell it when your Dad was little. You’ve seen old photos of her with their colors all faded, where she was smiling.

You lean against Dad. You wish everyone here was all still alive, so you could go visit them. Every time you hear other people talk about their grandmas and grandpas, they always sound so great. Getting go to away from home for a little while, or hearing stories about everyone in your family, or looking at photo albums. Like when you lived in Houston and Mom and Dad would sometimes bring you to visit uncle Crawford instead of living here like you do now. You wish you had that, still. And you wish you had cousins, too.

“Why doesn’t uncle Crawford have any kids?” you ask.

“...I guess he just never found someone to marry,” Dad responds after a little moment of thinking. It’s possible to do that? Not marry anyone?

The bell of the church starts to ring. The sound echoes and scares a pigeon in the forest. Dad tugs on your arm and you walk away from the gravestone.

There are people in front of the church when you come out from the graveyard. People in dark jackets and fancy-looking clothes walking from the open doors towards their cars. You and Dad are about to pass by. You’re looking at the people still standing there, and two look very familiar. Very, very familiar. You tug on Dad’s sleeve. “Look. It’s Terezi and Vriska.”

“Oh, so it is,” Dad says. “You want to go say hi?”

_Not really,_ you think.

“Sure,” you say and shrug.

“Good morning,” Dad says when you get close enough. A woman you assume is Vriska’s mom and Terezi’s parents turn to look at him and start to talk about adult things. Vriska, Terezi, and this older kid who’s with them turn to look at you.

“Who is that?” Terezi asks, holding her glasses and squinting at you over them.

“It’s Karkat,” Vriska says.

“Ohh,” Terezi says. “Hi, Karkat!”

“Hi,” you say and stick your hands in the pockets of your hoodie. “What are you doing here?”

“We had church,” Terezi says. She walks closer to you. The dress she’s wearing is a lot less colorful than the ones she usually wears. You can’t see much of it from under the jacket she’s wearing, but the hem is white and lacy at the end and she’s wearing black-and-white striped leggings underneath. “Why are you here?”

“Went to the graveyard,” you say. “What do you do in church?”

Vriska comes up next to Terezi. Her hair is done up in a bun, but strands of it have dropped out in a weird way and are drooping down to her shoulders. You can see the hem of a black satin dress under her blue jacket. “We sit and listen to a guy in a dumb dress talk in a weird voice. What’s the graveyard like?”

“Vriska, be respectful,” the woman that looks like Vriska cuts in before going back to the grown-up conversation. You listen for just a little bit, and you hear her mention Vriska’s mom. No. So she’s not Vriska’s mom. She’s… like… Vriska’s aunt, you guess. The hairdresser.

“I don’t know. It’s just a graveyard,” you respond. “It’s not special.”

“Are you kidding? You get to see dead people,” Terezi says. 

“No, Tezzy, the dead people are under the ground,” the big kid says. “You don’t get to actually see them.”

“Oh,” Terezi says. “...Hey, this is my sister. Her name is Latula.”

“Hi,” Latula says. She looks sort of like Terezi. She’s taller and her voice is quieter and deeper. She’s wearing rectangle-shaped glasses and a puffer vest. There’s a blue fleece jacket underneath it, and under that, a lacy white dress like the one Terezi is wearing. She has one hand on her hip. She looks like the definition of a cool older sister. “So who are you?”

“I’m Karkat,” you say.

“He’s on our grade,” Vriska explains. You stick out one of your hands towards Latula. She gives you a weird look before shaking it.

“Cute,” she says and reaches over to muss your hair. “Look at him. He looks like a baby owl.”

“What? Tula, no,” Terezi says and shoves Latula away. Latula laughs. 

“No, she’s right, he does look like an owl,” Vriska says. “Owl boy.”

“What do you mean I look like an owl?” you ask. “I do not look like an owl.”

“Yeah, you do,” Vriska says. “Doesn’t he look like an owl, Terezi?”

“Maybe. I don’t know,” Terezi says.

“Is that your aunt?” you ask Vriska.

“Yeah,” Vriska says. “My mom’s in Houston, so she couldn’t come to church.”

“Oh,” you say.

Terezi stares at you. “Hey, Karkat. How come didn’t you come to church?”

“Uh,” you say. “I don’t know. I don’t… go to church.”

“Why not?” Terezi asks.

“I don’t know.”

“Huh,” Latula says. “Pretty much everyone comes here.”

“I think my uncle comes sometimes,” you mumble.

“Well, you aren’t missing anything cool or important,” Vriska says and crosses her arms. “It’s the same dumb thing every time.”

“Vriska!” Vriska’s aunt says and whacks Vriska on the back of the head. “That’s enough out of you.”

Vriska’s aunt looks so different from Vriska, it’s weird to think they’re even related. Vriska’s aunt is a tall, skinny woman with long, spindly fingers like a spider. Her hair is clean and swoopy and shiny, and her skin is very, very pale. Vriska’s pretty pale, too, but not as pale as that, and her hair is always a mess if she has anything to say about it. Does Vriska live with her aunt? No. She does have a mom, you know that, and you know that her dad lives in Oklahoma, so maybe she’s just here with her aunt.

“I’m really sorry about how she’s acting. She doesn’t mean it,” Vriska’s aunt says, tugging Vriska closer to herself by the shoulders. “I think we’re going to head home now.”

“No, it’s okay. Kids can be like that sometimes. She’ll understand when she grows up,” Terezi’s dad says. “Hope to see you next Sunday!”

“For sure,” Vriska’s aunt says and herds Vriska towards the cars parked in front. “Bye, Red! Bye.”

“See you!” Terezi’s mom says. Your dad waves.

“Bye, Vriska!” Terezi shouts.

You watch Vriska’s car drive out of the church’s yard and disappear down the street. You shuffle a little bit closer to Terezi. “Are you here by car, too?”

“Yeah,” Terezi says. “Why?”

“It’s just,” you say. “Don’t you live closer to here than we do? And we walked.”

“Oh,” Terezi says. “I guess it’s just that my mom didn’t want our clothes to get wet.”

“Hm. Okay. ...Hey, Terezi?”

“Yeah?” Terezi asks.

“Your mom is named Red, right? Why? It’s kind of a weird name,” you say. Terezi stares at nothing for a second and then shrugs.

“Oh, I know,” Latula says, grinning. She leans down closer to you and cups her hand around her mouth. “It’s because she killed someone and everyone saw her with red blood on her hands and they started calling her Red like blood.”

“Woah,” you say. “For real?”

“No!” Latula says. “I totally made that up. It’s just her name, dummy.”

“Oh,” you say.

“Well, it was really nice to talk to you,” Dad says. You know what that means when grownups say that to each other. You wave to Terezi and tug on Dad’s sleeve. Dad puts his hand on your shoulder. “We’ll see you around.”

“For sure,” Terezi’s dad says.

“Goodbye,” Terezi’s mom says.

“Bye, owl boy,” Latula says. Then, when her mom gives her a look, “I mean… you… Karkat and his dad.”

You walk past the cars and down Main Street, towards home. You stomp in the puddles to make the water splash everywhere. The sky is becoming lighter than it was when you were walking this way.

“Hey, Dad,” you say when you’re passing the street corner that leads to Sollux’s house. Dad makes a humming question noise and squeezes your hand. You squeeze back. “Why don’t we go to church like Terezi and Vriska do?”

Dad hums. “I don’t know. I never thought it was really necessary.”

“Why do people go to church?” you ask. “Terezi’s sister said everyone goes except us.”

Dad sighs in thought. “I guess it’s because of tradition. They go because their parents went and their parents went because their parents’ parents went and so on. And… because of hope. It’s a place where people go to hope that Heaven is there for them to go to when they die.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “You said you hope so, too.”

“Well, I do,” Dad says. “But I think hoping isn’t something you go to a specific place to do. If I’m always hoping, do I really need to go to church to hope some more?”

You consider that and hop into a puzzle. Water splashes. “I guess not.”

“Mm,” Dad says. “You don’t need to worry about that, okay?”

“Okay,” you say. “I won’t.”

-

“Okay, so, I have a test for you,” Dad says. You put your pen down and look up at him walking down the stairs. He’s smiling.

You furrow your eyebrows. “What kind of test?”

“Well, I was wondering about how you said your hand starts feeling weird if you write for too long. Is it feeling weird now?” he asks when he comes up to you at the table. You look down at your homework and nod your head. Dad slides into a chair next to you. He slides a piece of paper to you. “Mr. Typheus told me that he has a hard time reading your handwriting, but I don’t think you just have bad handwriting, so I decided to test out a few things. Can you just try writing here for me? Just write anything.”

You blink at him and then at the paper. You pick up your pen and start writing. MY NAME IS KA

“Okay. Try holding your pen differently. Here,” Dad says. He reaches over the table and moves the pencil. Positions your fingers around it weirdly. It’s the way Dave showed you at school. You thought he was being dumb, but if your Dad says that’s the way you’re supposed to do it, then you guess it’s true. It’s… less stable, you think. It’s weird. “Now try.”

You try. RKAT VANTAS

“That just felt weirder. Not better,” you say. And there’s no visible change in the writing either, really. Dad leans back in his chair and ‘hmm’s.

“Karkat,” he says. “Try writing with your left hand.”

You look at him weirdly and move your pen to the other hand.

“Keep your fingers like I showed you,” Dad says. You try. MY NAME IS… Dad laughs. “Look at that! Wow.”

The letters are different. They’re cleaner. Smoother, and easier to write. You stare at the paper. You didn’t know you could make them look like that. You look at Dad. He smiles.

“I think you’re left-handed,” he says. You stare at your hand. Left-handed.

You do all the rest of your homework with your left hand. And when you’re done, your hand doesn’t feel weird at all.

-

Mr. Typheus has you all write in your notebooks about what you want to be when you grow up.

“I’m going to be the president,” Eridan says. “Because he doesn’t have to pay taxes.”

“No, I’m going to be president!” Vriska says.

“Girls can’t be the president, idiot,” Eridan says.

“You won’t be saying that when you pay your taxes to me and I won’t have to pay any,” Vriska responds.

“Quiet down, please,” says Mr. Typheus.

You tap your chin with your pencil and think. What do you want to be when you grow up? It would be cool to be president. Everyone would listen to you. Maybe you’d be a better president than Vriska or Eridan. A less mean president, at least. Uncle Crawford wants you to be a car mechanic like him, you think. You’re not sure what Dad is. He works at the shelter, maybe. Maybe not. You’re not sure. But you know that his job is helping people. You know that much. What kind of jobs help people?

You tap your chin a little more, and then you write, I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR. Yeah. Doctors are pretty cool, you think.

“No, you need four people for foursquare,” Sollux says after class is over. You pull up the zipper on your jacket and tuck the laces of your shoes inside the shoe so that you don’t have to tie the laces. Sollux’s shoes have Velcro and are really easy to close, but you don’t have those. “There’s only two of us. Unless you want to ask someone else to play with us.”

“Maybe we should,” you say. “We could probably get… I don’t know. Maybe Tavros to play with us.”

“That still only makes three,” Sollux responds when you stand up straight and adjust the straps on your gloves. “Do you even know the rules to foursquare?”

“Kind of,” you say. “There’s four squares and you throw the ball.”

“You don’t know the rules to foursquare,” Sollux says. You shrug and head for the door. Sollux follows behind you. “Maybe we should just play pretend.”

“No, it’s dumb,” you say and push open the glass doors that lead to the playground. The sun is shining brightly, but the air is cool. “We’re not pirates or space pilots or anything like that. Why would we pretend to be something we aren’t? It doesn’t make us any more that.”

“You’re right!” a voice says from your left. You turn and see Jade, Dave, Rose and John standing there. Jade is looking at you, grinning. “See, I told you I’m not the only one who thinks that.”

You flash Sollux a grin before you look at Jade again. You feel very warm and happy, almost like pride, which gets better every time you look at Jade. “Yeah. You’re not.”

“Not the only one, but it’s still really weird to think that,” Rose says. “It’s just fun.”

“Yeah. It is fun!” John says. “You must have never tried play pretend.”

“Of course not! Play pretend is for babies who don’t know who they are,” you say. “It doesn’t change who you are and then you’re just a little baby acting dumbly because you think you’re a dog or something.”

Jade motions towards you. “Right! Right! That’s what I’ve been trying to say, but nobody listens. You can play pretend, but then you’re just someone pretending to be something. I don’t understand what the fun part is if it’s not real!”

“It is not about actually being the thing! It’s about… like… imagination…” John explains. “Like in that episode of Spongebob.”

“What?” you ask flatly.

“Well, y’know…” John says. “The one with the box.”

“I’ve never watched Spongebob,” you say. “And I don’t want to. I don’t like it.”

“You’ve _never_ seen Spongebob?” John almost screams. You feel like his voice is high enough to cut glass. Sollux winces. “Why not? Everyone loves Spongebob!”

“I don’t love Spongebob,” you say. “I bet he’s dumb and annoying anyway.”

“He is not!” John says.

You sigh and roll your eyes. “Whatever. What are you guys going to do on winter break?”

“Me and Dave are just going to stay home,” Rose says. “We were supposed to go visit our mom, but, um, we can’t.”

“Grandpa is going to Hong Kong,” Jade says. “I have to go with him.” 

“Wait, you’re traveling away?” you ask. “When?”

“Yeah,” Jade responds. “Not today, but the day after that.”

“For real? But what about your birthday? What about your birthday party?” John asks.

“I’m not having a birthday party,” Jade says. “But you can just go to Rose and Dave’s party.”

“We’re not having a party either,” Rose says.

“Aw, come on!” John complains.

“Will you be back before school starts again?” you ask Jade. She shrugs. 

Sollux looks at you, and then Jade’s friend group, and then you again, and then Jade’s group again. “Um… do y’all wanna play foursquare with us?”

“Sorry, we can’t.” Rose glances at Dave while she talks. “We were talking about something before you came out. It’s important.”

“Okay. Whatever,” Sollux says. You stare at Dave. He stares back. Maybe. He might not be looking at you. His face is completely unreadable. How is it possible for someone to be that expressionless all of the time? It’s like he never learned how to smile. Sollux tugs on your jacket sleeve. “Come on, Karkat, let’s go to the jungle gym.”

“Okay,” you say. Yeah, whatever. Dave can be weird and cryptic as much as he wants. You follow Sollux through the yard and towards the jungle gym. It’s usually full of other kids during recess, but right now it’s almost empty, except for a few third-graders. When you get there, though, they take one look at you and jump off. Third-graders are so mean. You don’t understand why they act the way they do.

The jungle gym is the best part of the whole playground. That’s why it’s usually so crowded. It’s got three levels, at least if you count the ground part under the platforms. The ground, the middle level, and the top level, which is the smallest, like a little observatory at the top.

There’s a climbing wall on the side up to the middle platform and a slide down from the observatory level, a rope ladder through the floor of the middle level to the ground. And the monkey bars of the schoolyard are attached to the side of the middle level. It’s like a dream. There’s also a dome on top of the observatory part of it, but you’re not allowed to climb on that. The whole gym is much more fun than the one at the park near Sollux’s house, and everyone loves it.

Sollux ducks past the climbing wall and to the rope ladder. He hauls himself up onto it and starts scaling it. You follow him and watch him crawl into the second level. He peeks down to look at you when you put your own foot on one of the lower rungs of the rope ladder, trying to find a good grip. “Hey, Karkat. Today when we had to write the thing about what we wanted to be when we grow up. What’d you write about?”

“Uh,” you say, pulling yourself up. One rung, then another, then a third. You grunt and pull yourself onto the platform. “Being a doctor.”

“A doctor?” Sollux asks. He reaches down to help pull you up.

“Yeah. A doctor,” you say and lean against the fence on the edge of the jungle gym. Jade and her friends are still standing at the door. You can hear them talking from here, but you can’t hear the words. You squint. Dave’s mouth is moving. Really fast, actually. John bursts into laughter. That’s weird. Dave’s never said more than ten words to you at a time. “Like, I don’t know. A doctor who makes broken bones be better again.”

“What? That’s weird,” Sollux says and comes next to you to lean on the fence. “I never thought you were like a doctor sort of person. Why?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. I think it would be good. Feels like something I should do.”

“Hm.” Sollux brushes his hair from his face with his hand. It’s so windy that his curls are always in his face. “I want to play video games.”

“As your job?” you ask. He nods, smiling. You imagine how much even cooler it would be to be best friends with Sollux if he was a famous game player. “That’s awesome. Can you actually do that as a job?”

“I think so,” Sollux says. “And even if you can’t, I’ll do it anyway. I can do whatever I want.”

“Yeah,” you say. “We can both do whatever we want.”

"Are you excited for Christmas?" Sollux asks. You tap the wood that makes up the half-wall-fence of the jungle gym.

"Yeah," you say. "What are you asking for from Santa?"

"A GameCube. But I'm not sure if I can get one, so I also asked for a new game for my Game Boy just in case," Sollux explains. "What about you?"

"Nothing yet," you admit.

"What do you mean?" Sollux asks. "Christmas is in- well, uh… it's really soon. You have to ask for something quickly."

"It’s not that soon,” you say. “It’s in December. It’s not December yet.”

“But pretty soon,” Sollux says and leans back while holding the bar at the edge of the half-wall-fence, so that his whole weight is on it and he looks like he’s almost about to fall off.

“Hey!” Eridan shouts from below you. You look down. He’s standing there next to Feferi. “We’re coming up!”

“What?” you ask.

“What gives, Eridan?” Sollux asks.

"What give-th, Thollux, is that it's our turn to play on the jungle gym now, so we’re coming up there with you, and then we’re going to take over it and kick you out!" Eridan responds.

"Can we not just share it?" you shout. Eridan looks totally shocked for a few seconds, and then he looks angry. He starts marching towards the jungle gym. You and Sollux look at each other. This is war. You say, “I’ll protect the monkey bars!”

So Sollux turns around to the hole where the ladder hangs. Eridan could use the climbing wall, but it's easier to defend than the monkey bars. All he needs to do is get on top of the bars and you can't really stop him from there.

For his many dumb moments, at least Eridan is smart enough to understand this. He goes around and comes up to the monkey bars. He hangs on the bars. It's not impossible to get up on top, you know that. You've seen other people climb it. But that's mostly older kids. Most kids your age can't do it, and you’re not even sure if you’re actually allowed to.

Feferi is standing off to the side. She looks excited, interested and scared all at the same time. At first, you feel like a boy bird fighting another boy bird to impress a girl bird. Or maybe Eridan is a boy bird and you’re the other boy bird he’s fighting. But then you realize she’s just waiting her turn. As soon as she can, she follows Eriadn onto the monkey bars.

You see Aradia, Tavros, Terezi and Vriska running towards you. Vriska is grinning and she has that stick that she pretends is a sword. You see her start to climb up the climbing wall.

Eridan kicks so that he gets his feet in between the monkey bars. You’ve seen people climb to the top of the monkey bars before, and you know that that’s the hardest part. Eridan pulls himself up through the gaps between the bars and grunts from the effort. Okay. Careful. Don’t want to fall. You drop on your knees and start inching towards Eridan to block his way. You keep your feet over the bars all the time. It kind of presses on your legs and it hurts a little.

Feferi pulls herself up from the gaps between bars, too. She sits on the edge of the monkey bars. Eridan looks at her and grins. Slowly, he starts to stand up. Oh. Oh, wow. You’re not supposed to stand on the monkey bars. Ms. Paint told you not to stand on the monkey bars when you were in kindergarten. She told you at least a hundred times. Doesn’t Eridan remember that? No. He does remember it, he has to. He’s breaking the rules on purpose. He smiles. “And now it’s my turn!”

“It is not!” You don’t want to stand up. What if you fall? Ms. Paint told you, she said don’t stand on the monkey bars, so you aren’t going to stand on the monkey bars. This was kind of fun until now, and now it’s definitely not fun anymore. “We’re not supposed to stand on the monkey bars!”

“Says who?” Eridan asks.

“Ms. Paint!” you respond.

“Well, we aren’t in kindergarten anymore, and Mr. Typheus has never said that, so now this is going to be our pirate ship,” Eridan says, looking down at you. He looks really tall from below. Damn. You bite your lip. There’s no other way around it. You lean back so your foot is on top of the bars and very carefully start to stand up. You stick your arms out to your sides exactly the same way Eridan is doing. You don’t know why you’re doing that. It’s just what’s happening. This is so terribly against the rules. You’re going to get in trouble.

“It’s not a pirate ship,” you insist. “If anything, it’s a spaceship.”

“A spaceship? It doesn’t look like a spaceship at all!” Eridan says. “It’s just a regular ship.”

“Yeah, so?” you ask. “It’s a regular spaceship.”

Eridan starts walking towards you. The spaces in the bars are so big that if he stepped in them, his leg would definitely go through. You almost want to tell him to knock it off before he hurts himself. Feferi makes an excited noise and starts to stand up too.

“Let me past,” you hear Vriska say to Sollux behind you. You glance over your shoulder just in time to see Vriska push her way past Sollux and balance on the monkey bars. Tavros is trying to stop Aradia and Terezi from following her. You look down.

Oh, geez. Oh, damn. You’re higher up than you’ve ever been before. You feel very nauseous all of a sudden. You look to your left. 

Across the school yard, you see Jade and her friends in the back, looking at you like you’re crazy. And the bars below your feet have gaps big enough that you could probably fall through. You look up at Eridan. “This is really stupid. We should get down.”

“Um, no!” Vriska says behind you. “This is awesome- oops-”

Something- Vriska- pushes on your back and your leg slips in between the bars and knocks your knee and ow that hurts and you’re scrambling to not slip and your foot is tangled in the metal bars and you get it out but then the ground is coming in closer towards you and you’re

_ownmph_

All the air leaves you at once. You would really be happy if you never had to experience that feeling again. Your throat locks up and it feels like you can't get any air, and you groan. Ow. Ow, ow. You hear Sollux call your name. The wood chips of the playground's floor are weird on your face and sort of hurt. You roll over and sit up.

Vriska starts laughing. A few seconds later, Eridan and Terezi also start laughing. You roll over with an uncomfortable noise and see them on the monkey bars above. Vriska’s on her knees and Eridan is still standing, trying to find his balance. And everyone up there is staring at you. There are chips in your hair. Vriska says, still laughing, “owl boy flew!”

Eridan laughs. “That’s gay.”

Gay. What _does_ it mean?

"My god. Are you okay, honey?" says Ms. Paint, who is standing over you. So are Mr. Hephaestus and Jade, Dave, John and Rose. Ms. Paint helps you sit up. "Karkat? Are you alright?"

"I'm okay," you say. Sollux comes up to you and kneels down.

"I thought you died," he says.

"I didn't," you tell him.

"I know," Sollux says. "I can tell that now."

“This is exactly why you’re not allowed to climb on the monkey bars,” Mr. Hephaestus says to Vriska, Aradia, Feferi and Eridan. They’re all still standing on the monkey bars. “Get down, the lot of you.”

“Lame,” Vriska says. “Would have been cool if you died.”

“Don’t say that, Vriska,” Ms. Paint tells her. Vriska crosses her arms and looks annoyed.

You meet eyes with Eridan. When you do that, he grins and shows you his tongue. You fall back on the ground and whisper, “goddamit.”

“You got detention?” uncle Crawford asks when you pull the seatbelt across your chest and reach past the edge of the child seat to click it into place. You clutch your backpack and nod. Uncle Crawford laughs. “In the first grade? What’d you do to earn that?”

“I stood on the monkey bars,” you say. “And Ms. Paint said none of us need to go to detention, but Mr. Hephaestus got mad and said that at least me and Eridan do, because we ‘started it.’”

“Why did you do that?” uncle Crawford asks. “Did you know you weren’t supposed to?”

“Yes!” you exclaim. “Ms. Paint told us in kindergarten all the time. I only did it because Eridan was trying to take over the jungle gym and he was standing on them. I was just trying to defend it.”

“Why didn’t you both play on the jungle gym together?”

You scoff. “Because Eridan is mean, obviously!”

“Oh, yeah, obviously,” uncle Crawford says. 

“He stood on them first,” you grumble. “And then I tried to and I fell.”

“What? Seriously? Damn, are you okay?” uncle Crawford asks. You nod and he relaxes into the car seat and revs the truck up. “That’s terrible. You don’t hurt or anything anymore, right? Okay. Good. Goddamn. Eridan. That’s that Ampora kid, right? The one with the glasses? Oh, yeah. Derse Lake kids never change. Well, at least you’ll see him get as bored as you do in detention.”

“Is Dad going to be mad at me?” you ask when school disappears behind the trees in the rear view mirror of uncle Crawford’s truck.

“No. He’ll understand,” uncle Crawford says. “He always does.”

“Yeah,” you say and put your head against the window. “He does.”

“Detention?” Dad asks during dinner. You slump into your chair and slurp up more chicken soup. Dad shakes his head. “You’re a first grader! It’s ridiculous. A first grader in after-school detention. That wouldn’t have happened to us when we were in school, would it, Crawford?”

“Not to you,” uncle Crawford says quietly and sips soup from his spoon.

“He’s six!” Dad says. “I might have to call the school.”

-

You’re not sure if Dad called the school. If he did, he didn’t convince them of anything.

Your detention is a little over a week before winter break starts. After dismissal, Mr. Typheus takes you and Eridan down the hallway and into an empty classroom. He writes DETENTION on the whiteboard in red marker. 

“Let me be clear, I think this is an unnecessarily harsh punishment,” he tells you. “But as much as I want to let you off the hook, I can’t. Rules are rules and I can’t go against the principal’s word.” 

At least you’re allowed to do homework. You don’t really want to bother with math right now, so you start with phonics. Left hand. Your fingers slip down the pencil when you try to do the weird hold Dad showed you. Whatever. You hold it in your fist. Eridan keeps making faces at you across the classroom whenever Mr. Typheus isn’t looking. Whatever. Whatever! Okay. Homework.

You don’t think it’s actually long before there’s a knock on the door, even if it feels like a small eternity. Mr. Typheus slides back and his chair screaks against the floor like a scratch of chalk on blackboard. In the quiet classroom, the clack of his shoes is really, really loud. He opens the door and steps out. You and Eridan sit and stare in silence. You can hear Mr. Typheus’ voice outside the classroom, but you can’t tell what he’s saying.

Then he steps back in. “Eridan, come here, would you?”

Eridan glances at you and then stands and runs out. After a few moments, he comes back, grabs his backpack and jacket from the hooks at the door, blows a raspberry at you, and then runs out again. What? _What?_ You scramble from your chair and run to the door. Eridan is walking down the hallway with his dad. You look at Mr. Typheus. He’s just standing there. He looks back at you.

“Go sit back down,” he says.

“Why did Eridan get to leave?” you ask. You can’t believe this is happening. “He stood on the monkey bars first.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just the way it is. Go sit.”

You go sit back down. Mr. Typheus closes the door. _Can’t go against the principal’s word._ You don’t do your homework for the rest of detention. All you do is stare at Mr. Typheus angrily. But you don’t get a reaction. Either he doesn’t notice you, or he doesn’t care.

-

“Sollux,” you say into the walkie talkie. It crackles a little bit. You lean against your bed’s headboard. Count to twenty. One, two, three, four, five, six- nah. “Sollux, answer!”

No response. You glance at the clock on your wall. The short hand is almost between five and six. How late can you sleep on Christmas Day? It’s _Christmas._ The most exciting day of the year. You press down the button.

“Wake up, Sollux!” you say, louder.

The walkie talkie crackles and a voice lisps through. _“Hey, Karkat. I’m awake now. What is it?”_

“Why didn’t you respond before?” you hurry him. “It’s Christmas!”

_“I know!”_ Sollux says. You can hear the grin in his voice even over the grainy sound of the walkie talkie. _“But the sun isn’t even up yet.”_

“So what? That doesn’t mean that it’s not Christmas yet. It just means that we’re the first people to wake up,” you tell him. “Who needs the sun, anyway?”

_“I do,”_ Sollux sighs. You hear rustling. _“Why’d you call me this early? You know we can’t open presents until our parents wake up.”_

“But we can chat,” you say. “We could talk about, um… I don’t know. Christmas?”

_“What else is there to talk about?”_ Sollux says. _“What are you getting? For Christmas.”_

“Well, I don’t know that yet, obviously. Come on, Sollux, you’re not supposed to know what you’re going to get before you get it,” you explain to him.

_“You don’t have any guesses or anything?”_ Sollux asks. _“Me and Kuprum both asked for a GameCube, so I think we might actually get that. And then we can play all the games on it.”_

“Oh, wow. That’s awesome,” you say. “I really don’t know what I’m getting. I sort of didn’t ask for anything.”

_“For real? You didn’t ask for anything?”_ Sollux says, shocked. _“You didn’t send a letter to Santa?”_

“Well, I did,” you say and get up from bed. “I did. But I couldn’t come up with anything to ask for, so I just wished that everyone in the world gets something they like. And that maybe it could snow on Christmas.”

_“Why on Earth did you do that?”_ Sollux asks. _“You could have asked for anything at all, and now you might not get anything.”_

“I guess,” you say. “I can borrow books from the library, and… I think I already have everything I need.”

_“You can be really weird sometimes,”_ Sollux says. You stand on your tippy toes to peek out of the window. There isn’t any snow on the ground. There’s always snow on Christmas in movies. You look at the clock again. Still between five and six. How is it possible for time to pass this slowly?

All the leaves in the woods behind your house have lost almost all of their leaves. The forest floor is wet and covered in brown, soggy old leaves. It’s really cold in your room, and even colder outside. You shiver under your shirt. You need to put a sweater on. The walkie talkie crackles.

_“Are you still there?”_ Sollux’s voice asks. You press the button.

“Yes, I’m still here. I didn’t go anywhere,” you say. “But I have to put a sweater on. Wait a little.”

You put the walkie talkie down on your desk and go to the dresser next to it. It’s got five drawers. You keep your socks and underwear in the top one. Under that is your sweaters and shirts, and under that is your pants. You don’t use the two lowest drawers much. 

The second-lowest one has old clothes that are too small to fit you, ones Dad hasn’t had time to take to the shelter yet. It’s empty right now. The lowest one is also almost empty. It’s the toy drawer. All it has in it is the box you got your walkie talkies in, a watergun and an old, broken Simon Says machine. The buttons don’t work on it.

You open the second drawer from the top. The shirts are on the right side and the sweaters on the left. You look through them and pick out a dark red one with a dark blue collar and white spots on it in stripes like snowfall. It kind of looks like the flag that hangs in the corner of your classroom at school. 

“Okay, I’m back,” you say into the walkie talkie.

_“Hi,”_ Sollux says. _“I’m going to go wake up my parents. Except then I might wake up Mituna, too, and then he’ll start screaming. But I’m hungry.”_

“Okay,” you say.

You leave your room after Sollux stops responding. It’s dark. You walk the door of your dad’s room and the floorboards creak. You hear him snore inside. Maybe you should go wake him up. You don’t. You go down the stairs.

The Christmas tree is in the corner, next to the window and the door to the downstairs bathroom. The lights on it aren’t on. The floor lamp next to the couch, you pull the string on it and it lights up. Your TV is pretty old, you think. The screen is curved a little, it bulbs out towards you. If you touch the screen, it crackles and it feels weirdly fuzzy on your hand.

Sitting on the carpet in front of the TV, you go through the box of VHS tapes and DVDs in the shelf of the TV stand. You’ve watched most of them. The ones Dad lets you watch, at least. Some of the VHS tapes are from when Dad was young, before you existed. They’re so old that some of them get stuck and don’t play the movie anymore. _The Rescuers_ and _William the Horse_ and _the Secret of NIMH._

Most of the DVDs are also movies Dad has gotten for you whenever he’s been able to. Like _Anastasia_ and _The Iron Giant_ and _The Parent Trap._ Others were definitely your parents’. You can tell, because they’re never animated. 

Some of the VHS tapes are your uncle’s. A lot of them are ones you aren’t allowed to watch. Movies like _Die Hard_ and _Terminator 2._ The covers of those ones don’t look like much fun anyway. The rest of the tapes are your dad’s. Or, at least, you brought them with you from Houston. Either they’re Dad’s, or they used to be Mom’s. A lot of them are all about people kissing and stuff. You read some of the names. Take a random one out.

_Sixteen Candles._

You stare at the cover. Two boys stand there and a girl. Why not. You put it in the VHS player and lean against the base of the couch.

Huh. ...Huh.

Okay.

Just as Jake is about to come to the church to see Sam, the door of the back room opens. Uncle Crawford comes out in a t-shirt and boxers. He rubs his eyes.

“Karkat? What are you doing, kid, it ain’t even seven yet,” he says.

“Shh,” you say.

“...Is that one of those teen movies?” uncle Crawford asks. His voice is sort of hushed and raspy. He walks through the living room and sits on the couch.

“Shh,” you repeat. Can’t he tell he’s being too noisy for your to hear what the characters are saying?

_“Make a wish,”_ Jake says on TV.

_“But it already came true,”_ Sam responds.

They kiss. You stare. You feel weird and… warm.

“Why were you watching this?” uncle Crawford asks.

"What does 'fucking' mean?" you ask. You have a lot of questions, but this is the one bothering you most. Uncle Crawford and Dad usually love explaining words you haven't heard before. Like 'magenta' and 'pest' and 'auction.'

But uncle Crawford doesn't explain. Not straight away, anyway. Instead he laughs and asks, "‘Fucking?’”

Like he didn’t hear you. You say, “yeah.”

“Well, its…” uncle Crawford says. “Means a lot of different things. Depends on the context. It can mean ‘really’ or ‘a lot,’ in some ways, I suppose. Or it can mean… annoying. As in really, really annoying.”

“Fucking,” you say quietly. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, pretty much. It’s a very, uh… powerful word,” uncle Crawford says. “People might not like it if you say it. But I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” you say.

It’s not until later when Dad wakes up that you sit around the Christmas tree to open presents. The boxes are all pretty small. You, uncle Crawford and Dad sit cross-legged on the carpet and uncle Crawford reaches under the tree to grab presents and hand them out. You get a book. It has a bunny on the cover, and the title reads Tale of Peter Rabbit. It looks nice. The pictures are cute.

You get a new notebook. You didn’t think you really needed one. Your handwriting is still pretty big, and the one you have now is getting a little full and does smell like motor oil, but you were sure you could have kept using that one for a little longer. But this new one is still really cool. The cover of it is pink. You forget what Dad and uncle Crawford got.

The last present is tiny. There’s a little box of weirdly shaped rubber things with holes through them. Dad explains that they’re pencil grips to help you learn to hold your pen right, since it’s still kind of difficult. Honestly, it seems like Dad is more excited about them than you are.

“There’s one more thing that we got from Santa,” Dad says after you’ve opened all the presents. Or, you guess, all the presents you thought you had. He takes you and uncle Crawford upstairs into his room. There, on his desk, is a computer. White and boxy and it’s a real computer. You run across the room to look at it. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Imagine all the games you’ll be able to play with this.

“Holy crap,” uncle Crawford says. “How much did that thing cost?”

“A lot,” Dad says, smiling. “But I think it’ll be worth every penny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **july 5!** see you then!


	5. first grade, part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is swimming a girl thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!
> 
> i promise this is the last first grade chapter. i'm sure you're all excited for the awkward middle school dances, but just hold on to your trousers.
> 
> oh, and if you spot any typos, feel free to let me know! i appreciate the help!!
> 
> thank you all for reading!! <3

“Okay, everyone, we’re going to play a math game in pairs, so turn to whoever is sitting next to you and work together,” Mr. Typheus says, handing out pieces of paper to everyone. You look up from your notebook. Usually you have to do partner stuff in a group of three with Rose and Dave. That usually just means you and Rose, since Dave doesn’t talk much. But then you remember. Rose isn’t at school today. The seat to your left is empty. Mr. Typheus places a piece of paper and two dice between you and Dave.

You look up at Dave. Dave doesn’t look at you. He doesn’t stop scribbling in his notebook. You go to poke him and he startles and twitches away. You frown. “We have to do this game thing.”

Dave takes a deep breath and leans to look at the paper. You move your chair to see it better, too. It’s a little bit uncomfortable for both of you, because the sheet is on the corner of the table, so you have to lean over to look at it weirdly.

It’s kind of like a board game, but on paper. You trace your finger over the rules written on the top of the paper. _SUM-DOKU! Throw the die twice and add the two numbers of the two rolls together. Draw an X over one square on the board with the sum on it! Be the first to X out all the numbers in a horizontal or vertical line to win the game!_

“We should draw the Xs with different color pens,” Dave says. You hear Mr. Typheus start to explain the rules at the front of the classroom, but you and Dave already have it figured out.

“Okay,” you say and look through your pens. “You can take this red one. I’ll take my pink one.”

“Why?” he asks. He’s staring at the pink pencil in your hand. Then, when he sees that you’re looking at him: “I mean, pink is a girl color.”

"So what?" you ask. "I like pink."

"So," Dave says. "...You're not a girl. It's weird."

…You drop the pink pencil. “Okay, fine. I’ll… I’ll just use a normal pencil.”

You get started with the game. You roll the dice. Four and three. You count with your fingers, one, two, three… seven, you think. With your pencil, you cross out one of the 7s on the board. Dave rolls his dice. Double threes. His eyebrows go down for a bit and then he crosses over a 6 on the board with his red pencil. You watch him. “Hey, Dave.”

“What,” Dave says flatly. You pick up the dice.

“Where’s Rose?” you ask.

Dave is quiet for just a moment. “She’s sick.”

“Oh,” you say. “She has the flu?”

“Yeah,” Dave says.

“Aw,” you say. You throw the dice. Five and six. Dave’s looking at you. He didn’t count on his fingers. You don’t want to count on your fingers either. He probably thinks you’re a baby. Five and six. Five and six. Five and six, five and six, five and six. Um… you start drawing over a 12 on the board.

“No,” Dave says. “It’s eleven.”

“Oh,” you say. You X out an 11 instead. Dave takes the dice. You watch him shake them in his hand before he throws them on the table. You ask, “how come you’re so quiet all the time?”

Dave looks at you. “What do you mean?”

“You only ever talk when just John, Jade and Rose are around,” you say. “If someone else is there, you don’t say anything.”

“I say things,” Dave says. “I’m talking to you right now.”

“Well, yeah, but,” you insist. “It’s like you talk a lot more. Are you… shy?”

“No,” Dave says very fast. “I’m not shy. It’s just cool. It’s cool to be quiet.”

“It is?” you ask. Dave nods. Yeah, that makes sense. You nod. Dave crosses out an 8 from the board.

“How come you write like that now?” he asks and points at your left hand, where you have your pencil. “With your different hand and that thingy.”

“Oh,” you say. “It’s because it turned out that I was left-handed the whole time. So now I can write much better. Why do you look at my hand when I write- ?"

“Why do you have a girl’s backpack?” Dave asks.

“What?” you say. “It’s not a girl’s backpack. It’s my backpack. My dad got it for me when I was in preschool.”

“But it’s pink and shiny,” Dave says. “Like a girl’s. It's just like the pencil. Boys aren’t supposed to like girl things.”

“No, it's not,” you say and roll the dice. You know it is. “It doesn't matter. I like it anyway.”

“That’s weird,” Dave says. “You’re really weird, you know.”

You cross out a five and think, he’s the weird one.

At some point, there’s a knock at the classroom door, and someone comes to ask for Terezi. Terezi takes her stuff and leaves. You think she’s going to a class for blind people or something like that. Dave is one away from getting a bingo.

Later, Mr. Typheus puts his pen down when the bell rings outside the classroom. “Okay, everyone, remember that after the break we’re going to the library.”

The library is on the other side of the school, in a part of it you’ve never been to. You go up to Sollux and walk next to him through the hallway. Your whole class walks past classrooms and lockers. Your shoes make noise on the floor and fill the hallway with sounds. Some of your classmates are chatting loudly. Aradia laughs at something Vriska says that you can’t hear. The floor is checkered, sort of. Made of square plates of some sort of patterned stuff. You try to walk so you don’t step on any of the cracks, just for fun.

"Have you ever been to the library before?" Sollux asks, staring at the ground and copying your avoiding the cracks.

"Uhmm," you say. "My dad's taken me a couple of times to the one that's out of town."

"No, dummy, the school library, I meant," Sollux says.

"Oh. No," you say. "I don't think we're allowed to go in there. Are we?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Sollux asks.

“I don’t know,” you say. “I guess because we haven’t been there before.”

“I guess,” Sollux says and shrugs.

It’s a big room, the library. Much bigger than your classroom, for sure. The walls are painted white and it’s full of shelves of colorful books, just like the library Dad took you to. Some tables are scattered between the shelves. Older kids are sitting at the tables. On one of the walls, there are a few desks with computers. Woah. Multiple computers. You tug at Sollux’s sleeve. “Look.”

“Ooh,” Sollux says. “Damn.”

“Damn,” you repeat. “Computers.”

“Yeah,” Sollux. “Is that what your one looks like? The one you got for Christmas.”

“Not really,” you say. “Ours is bigger.”

“Huh,” Sollux says. “Does it make that loud, like, whirring noise?”

“It does,” you say. “It’s so loud!”

“It is,” Sollux says. “Dad’s does the same thing. It’s so loud, it makes Mituna cry.”

"Mituna cries at everything," you point out.

"Well, yeah,” Sollux says and then leans in to whisper, "he's kind of like Tavros."

You laugh. Kanaya shushes you from behind you. There's a woman standing in front of you all. She's short - probably a little taller than Ms. Paint - and her black hair is tied up into two bun-looking things.

"Hello everyone. It's so nice to meet y'all. I'm the school librarian, Mrs. Kasund. Some of you might already know, since you've been in the first grade for a while, but since you're proper students now, you get to come here whenever you want. I'll show y'all around the library and tell you more about how everything works. Come along now!"

You follow Mrs. Kasund through the school library. The floors in the library are carpeted with a light greenish-yellowish color. You come to a stop at one of the shelves.

"There's a study hall over that way. You probably won’t be needing it for a few years. That's for the older students, y'know, middle schoolers and such," Mrs. Kasund says. "And these here're the picture book shelves. I think you lot will find those very fun. Now, any student can borrow up to two books at a time with your IDs. You're all caught up on that? Show of hands of who knows what your own numbers are. That's lovely."

 _644,_ you repeat in your head and lower your hand.

Mrs. Kasund shows you different shelves throughout the library. Fairy tales, books about animal superheroes, fantasy books for older kids. You go past a corner where a few older kids are hunched over at tables, and a corner where some other kids are chatting quietly with books in their laps. Mostly, the library is really quiet.

At the end of the tour, which really wasn’t that long, you come back to the door of the library. Mr. Typheus turns to you and says, “alright, everyone. Before we say bye to Mrs. Kasund, why don’t you all go and find one book you want to read over the weekend? Go ahead.”

Rose puts her hand up. “When do we have to bring the books back to the library?”

“Within two weeks,” Mrs. Kasund says.

You and Sollux go to look at the superhero books shelf. Sollux picks out one of the books. It’s thin and yellow. There’s a gray tabby cat in a costume on the cover and he traces his finger across the name on the top. “Supercat and the Horrible Terror.”

You turn around and look at the next shelf over. The books there are a little thicker. The titles are written on in funky fonts and the pictures on the cover are framed, instead of just being on there like Supercat. The shelf that’s on your eye level has books with two dogs on the cover. The dogs are wearing clothes and standing on two feet. One is white with brown and black spots on his face. He’s got a wide-brimmed straw hat and a collared shirt on. The other is a fluffy dog with a long snout, wearing overalls.

The dogs are standing at a farm, you think. There’s a barn in the background and a horseshoe on the ground in front of them that they’re both looking at curiously. Jack and Boris Solve the Case of the Missing Pony. You pick the book up. It looks cute. You open it. The letters are big. After the title page and everything, the top of the first page reads ‘Chapter 1.’

You turn around to Sollux and show him the book. “I think I’m going to take this one.”

“That’s cool,” Sollux says. “I’m taking Supercat.”

You go to the counter where Mrs. Kasund is marking down all the books everyone is borrowing. Aradia hands her a book called Dinosaur and her student ID card. Kanaya has a book with a bird on the cover and the name is written in a sort of loopy, fancy-looking font.

“What did you borrow?” you ask her.

“I think it’s about… this bird singing?” Kanaya wonders aloud and points at the bird on the cover.

You lie in your bed after school. The light of your desk lamp is on the page of the book.

_Chapter 1_

_It's another sunny day at Lucky Barks Ranch. The best friends Jack and Boris are sitting in the kitchen, having a cup of tea. The sun shines into the kitchen, bright and warm._

_“Do you know what I reckon, Jack?” asks Boris, staring out the window._

_“What is it, Boris?” responds Jack._

_“I reckon it’s a marvelous day to go out and play some fetch,” Boris says._

_“Great idea!” Jack says._

_So the two friends quickly finished their tea and went out into the warm summer air. They both very much enjoyed a good game of fetch, you see. That is how dogs often tend to be!_

There are drawings on every page of Jack and Boris. They’re nice drawings. You wish you could draw that well, so that everyone can tell what you’re drawing. Uncle Crawford never has any clue what the things are that you draw. He once thought when you drew him that it was a really big lobster.

_But just as Boris and Jack get the ball out of their shed, someone comes running! It’s their neighbor, the little cavalier spaniel, Charles._

_“Hello, Charles,” says Boris._

_“Boris and Jack!” says Charles, panting and leaning on the fence. “You have to come quickly! There’s an emergency.”_

_“Oh, no!” says Jack._

_“What’s wrong?” Boris continues._

In the picture on that page, Boris and Jack look very surprised. Charles is there too, looking exhausted. He’s a brown dog with a flat-looking face and long, fluffy ears.

_“One of my ponies has gone missing!” says Charles. He stands up and dusts himself off, but his face is still very worried. “She wasn’t in the field when I came to check on her!”_

_“Oh, that does sound very serious,” Boris says. “This seems like a mystery that definitely needs solving.”_

_“Indeed!” says Jack and adjusts his wide-brimmed straw hat. “Lead the way, Charles, and don’t worry! We will find your pony.”_

You flip the page. Charles leads Boris and Jack to his stables, where all the horses are. They find a horseshoe that the missing pony dropped. You just get to that part when you hear footsteps in the hallway. You hear a knock, too, and then the door opens.

“Hey, champ,” uncle Crawford says. “Come downstairs. Made dinner.”

What exactly this dinner is, you’re not sure. You sit down at the table in front of a plate of… something. Pasta, definitely, but then there’s some weirdly colored mushy stuff in there. You look up at uncle Crawford with a suspicious look.

“What, what are you glaring at me for?” he asks, laughing. The cracks open a can of beer. “It’s pasta and canned tuna.”

Tuna. You poke at the wet fishy stuff with a fork, sigh, and keep staring at uncle Crawford. He shakes his head.

“Look, kid, you know I can’t cook,” he says. The beer fizzes as he pours it into a glass. It looks like soda, except worse. “Not as well as your dad, anyway.”

“You should’ve let me help!” you say. “I always help Dad to cook. I could have helped you, too. Then you could have made something good.”

“Hey, now, this isn’t that bad,” uncle Crawford says. “Don’t judge a book by its cover. It’s just tuna and pasta. It’s not gonna kill ya. You want some ketchup? Would that make it better?”

You make a bleh noise and shove the ketchup bottle uncle Crawford is offering you away. “No!”

“Fine. Suit yourself,” uncle Crawford says and sproots ketchup all over his tuna. He takes a big forkful of pasta-tuna-ketchup into his mouth. “But eat up.”

You give him a derisive look and scoop a bite onto your fork and into your mouth. You chew. Chew. Chew. Not as bad as you thought.

“How’s it taste?” uncle Crawford asks.

“It’s,” you say. “It’s fuckin’ good!”

Uncle Crawford laughs. “Alright!”

-

The sky is big. It’s very big. Wide and white. It’s made of cotton and something like smoke. It’s colder. The air. Colder than before, when it used to be warm. The wind flutters over you. You look down. Oh, wow, you’re floating above the ground on your tummy. You can see the grass on the ground below you.

You sniffle. Smells like home. Smells like family. Itchy. You’re itchy. Itchy, itchy, really itchy. You kick the ground. A shadow comes over you, and you look up, and it covers the sky. It’s your mom. She’s big, probably as big as the sky and she has big, brown, round eyes that aren’t really on her head, but kind of on the sides of it. Mom’s good. Mom smells like home. Mom has got no fur. She makes a sound, sort of a “mah.”

Someone comes up to you. Someone really big, covered in carpet. Shoves your side. You stumble. He’s big and he smells angry somehow, and he frowns when he looks at you. Mom pulls you away from him. You follow. She’s so big, you have to float forward fast to keep up with her, and you almost fall over.

You go up the hill, up the tall, tall rocks. Not too far from the everyone. That would not be good. You have to stay close to everyone. Mom asks you if you want to keep going, or something like that. You tell her no, you’re okay here. There’s grass between the rocks. There’s wind in your ears. You lean and take a big bite of grass.

Someone shouts with fear. There’s a friend, standing at the edge of everyone. She’s looking up the rocks. Her ears are flicking, nose is twitching. She mews and shrieks that there’s danger. That’s the danger noise. You smell the air, and you smell the danger smell. Dangerous stench of something bad. Mom shoves you. Everyone starts moving. Away from the danger noise. There are all these loud, loud noises, and you roll down the hill like a whirligig.

Mom shoves you and runs. You follow faster than ever before, like the wind. Everyone runs alongside. There’s no space. Shoved from one side. Shoved from another. You’re sandwiched between two carpeted folks. Follow Mom. You gotta follow Mom. It smells so bad and you’re scared. Something is going to get you so you gotta run gotta run gotta run gotta run.

“Mom!” You shout. You have to find Mom, but you can’t. Everyone is too loud, you can’t hear Mom, they’re all shouting over you. Gotta run gotta run gotta run

Grass, ground. Your legs are all fumbled up, and now you’re on the ground. Someone hits you, running past. You stumble. Gotta run gotta run gotta run- gotta run gotta run or left behind. Stumble. You’re… on ground. Scramble. Gotta get up. Everyone keeps running from the thing that’s going to get you, and it’s only getting closer. Scramble. Fall on ground. Gotta get up. Up, up.

Keep running. Leg, sharp pain. Ow, shit- you can’t move, can’t get away, and now there’s no one around anymore. You stumble forward, trying to drag yourself away. You squeal for help, but everyone’s gone, and you can’t move. Can’t see any friends. Can’t see Mom. Where’d she go? Everything is dangerous. That danger bites you and you turn and see it, the thing that’s got you, sharp-toothed and sharper-eyed.

It’s very cool suddenly. Cool and wet. You’re in the water. There’s no danger here. Only your Mom, oh, good, there she is. You found her again. Mom is big and you follow her around. She’s big and she shows you how to catch food. How to smell food. In the water. It’s very blue, the water. You’re high up, where the light that is above comes down is in your eyes. You copy the way Mom moves.

You smell food in the water and dive deeper, and then you’re in Houston. In the pool outside your house.

You’ve got floaties on your arms. The bright orange ones that are white on the inside part. Your toes barely touch the bottom of the pool, and you’re mouth deep in the water. You inch to the edge of the pool and look over it. The sun is in your eyes and you can see someone sitting in the sun chair, but you can’t tell who. She’s all shadowed over. She laughs and sits up and reaches towards you.

And then she’s not there anymore. And the sun chair is empty. And the pool is muddy and covered in leaves and sandy at the bottom. And the sky goes gray and the sun isn’t there anymore, and you stumble backwards and when you dip your head in the water, it’s just black.

You take a deep breath when you wake up. Your skin is tight and clammy and weird. You sit up and kick your blanket off.

You have weird dreams most nights. You don’t like to call them bad dreams. But they’re not good, either. Your room is dark. The sky outside is faded and blue and clouded over and it’s raining just a little bit, drips running down the window. You sit up and rub at your eyes.

You feel really uncomfortable. You can’t really go to bed anymore. The last thing you want is to go back into whatever that dream was. You reach over to the light switch at the door. The lamp hanging from the roof clicks on. The room is less scary with the lamp on, but it feels weirder. It feels like it shouldn’t be on this early. You look up at the clock. The short hand points to 3.

You pick up Jack and Boris Solve the Case of the Missing Pony, lean against the wall and start reading.

It’s a lot longer than other books you’ve ever read. And a lot of the words are more difficult, so difficult that sometimes you have trouble figuring out what they mean. You wish Dad was awake, so he could help you. But then you think, big kids don’t need their dads to help them read. So why should you? You flip the page.

Jack and Boris find out that there’s a young girl dog named Minnie who’s staying at Charles’ farm. She’s a little poodle. She’s Charles’ niece - that was a difficult word to read - who’s over visiting. When Jack and Boris ask her about the missing pony, she gets nervous and defensive. Obviously she knows something about the pony, but Boris and Jack are too dumb to ask. Ugh! Why can’t they just ask her where the pony is?

Then Jack and Boris go over to ask around the neighborhood and they meet a family of dogs who are on their way out of town to meet relatives away. They’re named the Shepherds, who own a carrot farm. They’re German Shepherds. All the names in this book are jokes, which you think is funny, even though the Shepherds aren’t actually shepherds.

The Shepherds tell Jack and Boris that they haven’t seen a pony anywhere, but that they did have some carrots missing that morning, so they think they might have mice or something like that at their farm.

Your favorite character is Boris, you think. He’s a lot more calm than Jack. Jack is fast and loud and angry, and Boris is tall and calm and he asks smart questions. Not smart enough to figure out that obviously Minnie knew something about the pony, but smart, anyway. If you had a dog, you’d want the kind of dog that Boris is.

It turns out Minnie went to the field in the middle of the night to take the pony for a ride, but she forgot to lock the gate and the pony got away. Then Jack and Boris have to figure out how they’re going to get the pony back. So Jack, Boris and Minnie follow a trail of horseshoe prints in the mud to the beach.

There, the horseshoe prints stop suddenly in the sand. At first, they think that maybe the pony sprouted wings and flew away or went into the water, but then Minnie points out how the water is washing their footprints away too.

So they go back to Charles’ farm and look at maps to figure out where the pony could have gone next. They realize that there’s a road leading up from the other end of the beach to the Shepherds’ carrot farm. So they go over there and they find the pony. She’s in the Shepherds’ carrot field eating all their carrots.

So they get the pony back to Charles’ stable and they call the Shepherds on the phone in Charles’ kitchen. Minnie apologizes for letting the pony out and promises to take better care to lock the gate next time, and not to sneak out with Charles’ ponies. And then the book ends.

The short hand on the clock on your wall is only pointing to 4 when you’re done reading. You don’t know what else to do. Sollux is probably sleeping. Dad is probably sleeping, too. You feel really tired, but you don’t think you can sleep. But whenever you feel that way and you ask Dad or uncle Crawford what to do, they say to just try until the sleep comes. So you put the book away and you turn out the lights and you go back to bed.

You never really thought about the ticking of the clock before. You think you’d like it better if it was completely dark. The faint light outside makes weird shapes on your walls. Your eyes hurt. You roll over and try to get any sleep at all.

You fall asleep, in a way. You wake up a few times, every now and then, between bad dreams. You feel less like sleeping after every one.

You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping when you hear a noise from downstairs. It’s sort of a thump and sort of a clank, like something really heavy getting dropped on the floor. So you get up and sneak out of your room. The door creaks. The lights are on downstairs. You can hear uncle Crawford and Dad talking downstairs. You walk over so that you can see down the loft.

The door to the garage is open. You go down the stairs. “Dad?”

Dad peeks through the door. “Oh, hey, sweetie. I’ll be there in a second.”

“What are you doing?” you ask when he disappears back into the garage. You follow him inside through the open door. The garage door is open. Uncle Crawford’s pickup truck’s back is open too and there are a few boxes there. Uncle Crawford is carrying a cardboard box into it. It says ‘SHELTER’ on the side of it in marker. Ohh. “Shelter.” It’s shelter day.

“Just packing up,” Dad says and pushes a box onto the truck bed. “Heading to the shelter today after breakfast. Gotta make sure everything is ready.”

“Okay,” you say. “Can I help?”

“Sorry, champ. Think these boxes are too heavy for you,” uncle Crawford says. There’s five boxes total. He slams the back of the truck closed and locks it. “Come on. Breakfast time.”

“What is the shelter, anyway?” you ask while the three of you are eating porridge for breakfast. It’s sticky in your mouth and it doesn’t taste very good. “Why do you go there?”

“A shelter’s a place for people who don’t have anywhere else to live,” Dad says. “There’s kids your age and people my age and, y’know, all sorts of people there. They don’t have a lot of stuff of their own, so, y’know… going there, helping to cook and clean and bringing clothes and toys and things… it helps. Makes people happier when they have something to eat and clean clothes and things.”

“Like, homeless people?” you ask.

“Well, uh… yeah,” Dad says. You stick your spoon in your porridge and stir and then put a spoonful in your mouth.

“Can I come with?” you ask. “To go to the shelter.”

“Oh, uh, I don’t know,” Dad says. “There’s a lot of chores and stuff. You sure you wouldn’t rather stay here and watch TV or play with Sollux or something like that?”

“You’re going,” you protest. “You could play or watch TV and you’re not. And I want to make people happier.”

“Damn. We got a regular old gentleman on our hands, don’t we?” uncle Crawford says.

“I don’t know…” Dad says. “It’s hard work and a long drive, too. You might get tired.”

“I’ll help!” you insist. “I won’t get tired.”

“Let him come with. Get a little perspective and stuff,” uncle Crawford says in your defence.

Dad sighs. “Alright, fine.”

You leave a little after breakfast. You don’t think you’ve ever been in uncle Crawford’s truck while Dad is driving it. You know Dad takes the truck to the shelter. Probably because he can fit the cardboard boxes in the back better than he can fit them in Dad’s car. Uncle Crawford’s truck is white. Dad’s car is red. You like Dad’s car better. It’s smaller.

You cross the bridge over the river outside of town. You pass by wide, wide fields of growing green plants. You lean against the window. The powerlines go up and down and up and down when you go past them. You go past farms and fields with sheep and cows and stuff. The sky is blue and there are a few torn up clouds.

“How come some people are homeless?” you ask Dad.

“Mm. There’s lots of reasons why someone might end up without a place to stay,” Dad says. “Money problems. Family problems. Some of them can’t work because they’re sick or something else like that. But they’re still people like us. You know how we had to move from Houston?”

“Yeah?” you ask.

“Well, sometimes things like that happen to people and they don’t have a Skaiatown to go to,” Dad explains. “So they end up not having any place to go to at all. That’s why places like the shelter are really helpful.”

“Hmm,” you say. “Why’d we move from Houston?”

“We had to sell the house,” Dad says. “We had to pay for, y’know… we ended up having to pay a lot of money because of your mom.”

“What happened to her?” you ask. You remember only a little bit about Mom at all. You don’t really know what happened. She got sick, you know that, and then she went away. But you don’t really know much other than that. And that’s the answer that you get now, too.

“Well, she got sick,” Dad says. “And we had to pay the doctors to take care of her, and she was sick for such a long time, and she’d been sick for a long time even before that, that, y’know… we needed to pay them a lot. Uh, yeah, the… the doctors. We kind of still do. That’s why we don’t have a lot of money to spend on things.”

“Why was she sick?” you ask. Dad opens his mouth to answer and then closes it again.

“I’ll tell you,” he says. Stops. “At some point. Soon. I promise.”

“Why?” you ask.

“It’s hard to talk about,” he says. “Hard to explain. I miss her lots, you know.”

“Yeah. Me too,” you agree. The car passes a field with cows. One of them looks up at you and whips its tail. You wonder if cows wear horseshoes, like the one that Jack and Boris found of the pony’s. You’ve never heard of a cowshoe before, but maybe they do. “Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah?” Dad says.

“One time, in, uh, kindergarten,” you start. “On show and tell day, you’ll never guess what Tavros brought in. You know how he lives on a farm?”

“I know, yeah,” Dad says.

“Well, that day he brought in a real life horseshoe that had actually been on a horse, and…”

You tell Dad the whole story about that time that Tavros brought in a horseshoe, and the story he told about the horse that he’d gotten it from. Dad listens and asks questions you don’t really know the answers to. You try your best to answer. He always tries his best to answer your questions, so it’s only fair.

The shelter is in another town. It’s not a town you’ve ever been to, you don’t think. It’s a far drive away. Long enough that your butt is starting to hurt a little from sitting by the time you get there. You’ve never actually seen the shelter before. You didn’t really imagine it to look this way, though.

It’s a sort of sad-looking brick building with a roof that looks like half a triangle and a bike shed in front of it. If you didn’t already know, you wouldn’t be able to guess what it was inside. And if it didn’t have normal person houses on either side of it - ones with Christmas lights still hanging and colorful curtains in the windows - you maybe wouldn’t even guess that it wasn’t just a weird-looking house. Maybe you’d think it was a daycare or something.

Dad parks really close to the door. There’s a woman in a long red skirt and a felt winter jacket standing in front of the building. Her hair is long and dark and tied up behind her head in a long ponytail. She’s got a notepad in her hand and she’s writing something on it. She smiles when she sees your car. Dad goes around the car to help you out.

“Hey, Louise,” he says to the woman.

“Hey, you made it!” the woman says. She smiles when she notices you. “Oh, hey. Who’s this, then?”

“This is Karkat,” Dad says. “He insisted on coming along.”

“Oh, wow, Karkat, huh?” Louise says. “Heard a lot about you.”

“Hi,” you say and wave. “I want to help.”

“Well, that’s mighty sweet. I’m sure we can find something for you to help with,” Louise says and checks her notepad. “So, what’d you bring today?”

“We’ve got, uh…” Dad says and opens the back of the pickup truck. “A few shirts that Karkat’s too big for, a couple five-packs of socks from the mall- oh, there was a sale on shampoo at the store. There’s some of that in here, too. And then we got…”

You don’t really pay attention to a lot of the things Dad says. You just try to lean over to look through the glass on the shelter door. You’ve never been here, but you’ve heard so much about the shelter. It’s crazy.

“You’re an angel,” Louise says, writing something down, when Dad finishes the list. “Let’s get this stuff inside.”

Inside is even weirder than outside. The first room you come into sort of looks like a waiting room at a dentist or a doctor’s office or something. It’s smaller than you thought it would be. The floor is covered in soft, blue-white carpet. There are pictures on the walls and a few chairs in the corners. And lots of doors on every wall. Some of them have little plates next to them, and others don’t. And then, in the middle of the room, there’s a short hallway. It has staircase branching off, two door along it and one at the far end of it. The door at the very end is open. You can see a little bit of the room on the other side.

Dad is carrying one of the boxes. There’s a few people in bland-looking shirts standing around in the entrance room. Louise says something to them about the boxes and they head outside. Dad sets down the box he’s carrying on one of the chairs. “So, what’s on the agenda today?”

“The usual,” Louise says. “Errands, obviously. Cleaning. Packing stuff away. Later, we’ll have to make dinner. Oh, I think the bike shed needs some fixing up. One of the hooks broke off the wall.”

“What?” Dad asks. “I should’ve asked Crawford to come with.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ve got it under control,” Louise says. “Instead, I think, since Karkat’s with you today, you could help clean up for now. In the living room, maybe? Tony’s there. He’ll let you know what he needs help with.”

“Alright. C’mon, Karkat,” Dad says. You take his hand.

“Hey, by the way,” Louise says. “Thanks for helping out again. You’re honestly a blessing.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Dad says. “Can you make sure they, uh, close the cargo bed flap when they’re done bringing the boxes in?”

“Yep,” Louise says.

The room at the end of the hallway is really small. There’s a table in the middle and a few mismatched couches. The windows are covered by closed curtains. There’s a second, smaller table in the corner with empty coffee cups and used napkins and plastic wrappers and stuff. There’s a guy there in a gray shirt. He’s tall and skinny and has a kind-looking face.

He tells you and Dad what to do. You help Dad. You clean up the coffee mugs and mop the floor and make beds in a different room. Dad brought ham-and-cheese sandwiches for lunch. You’re there all day, doing your best to help. At one point, you get tired and you don’t want to work anymore, and you get angry at Dad. Then you feel bad and say sorry. Dad makes you nap on the couch for a little while.

Your favorite part of the day is way, way later, when the sun is low enough that it comes in through the TV room window. You get to help Dad make dinner for all the people living in the shelter. You make spaghetti bolognese in much bigger pots and pans than the ones you have at home.

You get to meet some of the people that live at the shelter. They all look different and they all wear different clothes. Some of them are old men with wrinkled faces and gray hair and they have thick, long jackets on. Some of them are women that remind you of Aradia’s mom, who have kids younger than you with them. And there are a few kids who are like you, and some older kids who are like Kuprum.

You help Dad put spaghetti bolognese on their plates. Most of them smile and thank you. Others just kinda grunt and walk away. A few sit near each other in the TV room chatting, especially the kids, but most don’t say anything and just sit quietly and eat. It looks a little sad. But the kids all look pretty happy. You wave at them when you follow Dad out of the door and they wave back, even though you don’t know them.

You’re really tired when you get in the car. Dad closes your seatbelt and kisses you on the head and drives you home.

-

It’s overcast one day at school. It’s actually overcast a lot of days, but it’s today is also one day which is overcast. The ground is wet. But it’s not raining right now, so you’re outside. It’s recess. Some older kids are on the swings and the jungle gym when you and Sollux come out into the yard. Not much to do. You look over the yard. Monkey bars… taken. The brook at the fence that separates the woods and the yard. There’s kids there, too.

You slump against the wall and sigh. Sollux looks at you and lisps, “Couldn’t we do something?”

“Like what?” you ask. Sollux shrugs.

“We could go see if Kuprum and his friends want to play,” he suggests.

“You think they’d let us play with them?” you ask.

“Probably not,” he admits and slumps against the wall next to you. You stare at the sky.

Someone taps your shoulder and you jump. Jade laughs. You turn around and you see that she’s standing there in a raincoat that has a dog’s ears attached to the hood. It’s still not raining. Rose, John and Dave are with her, like always. Rose and Dave have matching shirts- Rose’s has a pink car and Dave’s has a red one. John’s got a blue jacket on.

“Hey,” you say. “I meant to say welcome back, but I forgot.”

“That’s okay,” Jade says. She went somewhere with her Grandpa again, so she hasn’t been at school for like a month. Then she asks, “what are you doing?”

You blink. That’s kind of a weird question, you think. Maybe it’s not.

“Nothing,” you respond. “We would have done something, but there are people everywhere already.”

“Oh, that’s perfect, then! We were going to play freeze tag,” Jade says. “Do you want to join?”

John, Rose and Dave look at Jade weirdly, and then they look at you, and then you look at Sollux. And Sollux shrugs and says, “okay.”

“Tag!” John shouts and almost shoves you over. Rose laughs when you struggle to balance yourself in the pose that he tagged you in. The sky’s started to clear up while you’ve been playing. It’s surprisingly fun. Dave’s the only person John hasn’t caught now.

“Dave, come untag me!” Sollux shouts. Dave stumbles. He’s a lot faster than any of you, but John almost catches him when he goes around him instead of just chasing him head on. Dave makes a quick turn to try and get away and that’s when he trips. It’s like in a movie when time slows down and Dave falls to the ground face first. You flinch.

“Are you okay?” Jade asks. Dave sits up, rubbing at his forehead. Everyone else breaks their poses to go check on him, so you do that too. You wouldn’t want to be the only one still tagged if the game is over. Dave’s pretty close to you, so you kneel down next to him. He looks uncomfortable and then puts his hand to his mouth.

When he takes it away again, you almost can’t believe what he’s holding. There’s a tooth! On his palm! It’s got a little bit of blood on it. John gasps. “Holy damn!”

“Oh my god,” Rose says. “Your tooth came loose! Is it the one that was wiggling?”

Dave looks pretty freaked out, frozen still. He nods.

“It’s bleeding,” Jade says, like it’s incredible. Dave’s lip looks kind of red. You think he might have ripped it open by accident. Jade gets on her knees and scoots closer. “Show me. Open your mouth.”

Dave does that face where his mouth is flat and closed tight and his eyebrows are scrunched up, and then reluctantly opens his mouth. You think he might get a bruise on his forehead. It looks a little messed up. You look in his mouth, like Jade is doing. It’s one of his lower teeth that came out, and now there’s a pit with blood in it where it was before. Ew. Ewwww.

“Is it bleeding?” Dave asks, even though Jade just told him it was. He looks worried.

“Yeah,” you say. Dave frowns and touches his mouth, and then he frowns even deeper when he sees the little bit of blood caught on his finger. You lean away. “Should we get the nurse?”

“Yeah, we should probably take Dave to the nurse,” Sollux says.

“Okay, let’s go,” Jade says. She offers her hand to Dave and he takes it with - hopefully - his not-holding-a-bloody-tooth hand.

“Do you know how to go there?” Rose asks. “I’ve been to the nurse before. I could show you.”

“It’s okay, I know where it is,” Jade says. “Dave, come.”

“Yeah,” Dave says, staring at his palm. He glances at you and John and Rose and Sollux and then says again, “yeah.”

And you watch them walk into school.

After school, you and Sollux are out in the yard. Sollux’s mom is supposed to pick you up and take you to his house. Both Dad and uncle Crawford are busy today. You’re standing in front of school, at the parking lot. He’s staring at you, looking bored. He doesn’t get your explanation, clearly. You wave your hands around.

“So, in the other book, with the rabbit, basically what happens is that in the spring, there’s a big party-” you stop when, over Sollux’s shoulder, you see Jade and Feferi walking out of the school. They’re chatting. Huh. You don’t see Feferi not being with Eridan often. You poke on Sollux’s shoulder and tug him along and start walking. “Hey, Jade.”

Jade and Feferi stop and Jade looks at you. She smiles. Her front teeth poke out from under her lip. “Oh, hey, Karkat.”

“I just wanted to say it was cool of you to get Dave to the nurse’s office today,” you say. “Is he okay?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s fine. The nurse put his tooth in a little envelope and stuff. He was a little freaked out by the blood, but he’s okay,” Jade says. She adjusts her backpack. She doesn’t have the hood of her raincoat on anymore, but you can see the little fake dog ears flat on her back.

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Feferi asks.

“Dave lost a tooth earlier today at recess and he bled all over,” Jade says. That’s not… really what happened. You don’t think it was all over. But he did bleed, so… it’s not that far off, you guess.

“Oh, wow, yeah, huh?” Feferi says. “Kanaya told me about that, that that happened.”

“Yeah,” you say. Hm. How’d Kanaya know? Weird. You guess someone must’ve told her or something like that.

“Yeah,” Jade says. “I think Dave thinks it was gross or something. Which is crazy. Why would it be gross?”

“Yeah, hah, you’re totally right,” you say. “Why would it be gross?”

“Are you joking?” Sollux asks. “Karkat. At lunch you said you thought it was so gross.”

“No, I didn’t,” you protest, even though you totally did.

“Yeah, you totally did!” Sollux says. He’s blowing your thing up. “You said it was really weird and that you didn’t like it.”

“I did not say that,” you grumble.

“It would be so dumb if you did,” Feferi says. “I mean, it’s just a tooth. No way is it gross or, like, weird, right…? You’d have to be a wuss to think it was gross.”

“I’m not a wuss!” you say. “I totally love blood and crazy gross stuff and- goddamn, look! It’s a pink car!”

Everyone swirls around to look into the parking lot. A huge, hot pink car just pulled up. It’s long, almost like a limousine. Well, maybe not a big limousine. But it’s definitely much, much bigger than your dad’s car, and maybe even bigger than uncle Crawford’s truck.

“Oh, it’s my mom!” Feferi says happily. You look at the license plate. It says P-EIXES. Wow, that’s kind of a funny coincidence. Is it possible to get a license plate with your name on it? Feferi giggles. “She’s going to pick up me and Jade and we’re going to have a girls’ night.”

“What’s a girls’ night?” Sollux asks.

“Oh, y’know, girl things…” Feferi says. She’s smiling in a way that makes you unsure if she’s being weird or if she doesn’t know what a girls’ night is, either.

“Yeah,” Jade says. “Girl things! Like, uh… swimming?”

“Yeah, swimming,” Feferi says. “Swimming is totally a girl thing.”

“Really? That sucks,” you say. “I like swimming.”

“Dummy, swimming isn’t a girl thing,” Sollux says. “Boys swim, too.”

“Oh, wait, really?” you ask.

“Yeah, of course!” Sollux says and smacks you on the head.

“Ow!” you say.

“Sorry,” Sollux says. “That wasn’t meant to hurt.”

“I thought you lived a five minute walk away, Feferi,” you say to Feferi. She shrugs.

“Yeah, but Mom was at work and she got here at a good time to pick us up, so…” she says.

“Where’s Eridan?”

“He’s got clarinet practice,” Feferi explains. “Every Wednesday. Oh, um, a clarinet is like… a bigger, weirder flute.”

“Okay,” you say.

“Fef! Get on with it! Ain’t got all day!” Feferi’s mom shouts from the open door of the big, pink car. You want a car like that.

“Okay!” Feferi shouts back. Then she smiles at you and Sollux. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Jade says, waving, and they walk away.

“Bye, Jade,” you say. You and Sollux watch them get in Feferi’s mom’s car. It revs and they drive out of the parking lot.

Sollux pokes you in the side. “Is Jade, like, your girlfriend now?”

“What?” you ask.

“Y’know…” Sollux says, grinning. In a sing-song voice, he says, “Jade and Karkat, sitting in a tree.”

“What? Ew, no!” you snap.

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Sollux mocks, poking you over and over in rhythm with the letters. You slap his hand away and laugh.

-

You’re in bed late at night one evening, trying to sleep. It won’t come. You’ve had a lot of bad dreams recently. If you fall asleep, you think you might have them again. So you don’t want to. Or, you kind of want to. You’re really tired. You’ve been trying to sleep all night, and you can’t.

Dad and uncle Crawford are still awake, though. You can see the light in the living room through the crack above your door. You decide to stop just lying here awake and going to see Dad. So you get up and you open the door. It creaks, but the creak gets masked by the sound of the TV downstairs. You sneak out and to the edge of the hallway, where you can see downstairs from the loft.

Dad and uncle Crawford are sitting there. Uncle Crawford is in the armchair and Dad is on the couch. There’s a guy on TV, with short, white hair, whose face is a little wrinkled. The volume is so low and the quality rough that you can barely hear what he’s saying. _“...forces will make every effort to spare innocent civilians from harm. A campaign on the harsh terrain…”_

“Can’t believe this shit,” uncle Crawford says. He’s facing away from you, but his voice still drowns out the TV. “Can you? God. Just what this country needs, right? More fuckin’ war.”

Dad sighs. You step a little bit closer and the floorboards creak again. Dad looks up and sees you. “Oh, Karkat. Hey, honey. What are you doing?”

You step into the light of the living room. Dad taps on the remote and the TV goes on mute.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” he asks, just loud enough for you to hear. You fiddle with your fingers.

“Can’t sleep,” you respond. “I think I’m gonna have a… a bad dream.”

“Oh, Karkat,” Dad says. “Come down here, alright?”

You go down the stairs. You see a building on TV before Dad switches the channel to some sort of movie. It’s still on mute. You sit on the couch and Dad hugs you with one arm and kisses you on the head.

“Hey,” he says. “What’s wrong? You think you’ll have a bad dream?”

You nod into his shirt.

“Why do you think that?” he asks, petting your hair.

“I always have bad dreams,” you say.

“Always?” Dad asks. “Surely not always.”

“Well, not always,” you admit. “But… a lot.”

“Hey, cheer up,” uncle Crawford says. “All kids gets nightmares sometimes. It ain’t anything to be upset about.”

“What happens in your nightmares?” Dad asks.

“I die,” you say. “Or you die, or uncle Crawford. Or Sollux. Or mom. And sometimes it changes and then I die again.”

Dad sighs and holds you. “You won’t have a nightmare tonight. I promise.”

“You promise?” you ask. Dad mm-hmms into your hair and holds you close to him and you relax against him. You feel so tired, like you’re made of something really heavy. Everything is sort of faded and far away. “Okay. I’m gonna sleep.”

“Yeah,” Dad says. “That’s a good idea. Good night.”

“Good night,” you mumble. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Dad says.

-

“Alright, everyone, take your seats,” Mr. Typheus says. You slide into your chair. There’s noise in the classroom, chairs squeaking against the ground. Mr. Typheus smiles and adjusts his suspenders. You used to think Mr. Typheus was kind of scary, but he’s actually not. He’s just kind of weird. “Okay. Settle down. Good morning, boys and girls. Does anyone know what day it is today?”

“Friday,” Vriska says.

“Anyone else?” Mr. Typheus asks. “And no shouting. Show of hands. Yes, John?”

“The ninth of May,” John says.

“Yes! Very good. And does anyone know what day this Sunday is?” he asks. “Kanaya?”

“The eleventh of May?” Kanaya says. “Uh, uh, oh! Is it… um… Easter Sunday?”

“...No,” Mr. Typheus says. “Easter was two weeks ago.”

“Oh,” Kanaya says. “What is it, then?”

“Sunday is Mother’s Day!” Mr. Typheus says. Terezi goes “ohh.” Mr. Typheus turns to the board. “Yes. Mother’s Day.”

He writes it on the boards in tall, thin letters. MOTHER’S DAY.

“Does anyone know what Mother’s Day is all about?” he asks, turning around. Almost everyone puts their hands up. Mr. Typheus laughs. “Let’s all say it at the same time, alright? Three, two, one- celebrating mothers!”

Some of the class just says “moms,” others say “it’s about moms?” and the rest don’t say anything. You’re in the part that doesn’t say anything, because there’s a weird feeling in your tummy, and it’s not nice.

“Well, yes. Good, thank you,” Mr. Typheus says. “Now, because it’s going to be Mother’s Day, we’re all going to make cards to celebrate all our moms. Y’know, moms do so much to take care of their little ones, so it’s only right that y’all should make cards on this one day to thank them for being there for you. Yeah? Alright.”

You hesitate to raise your hand, even though the problem seems kind of obvious. You don’t… have a mom to make a card for. Maybe you should just make a card for your Dad? Or uncle Crawford? But, no. That’s kind of dumb. Then it wouldn’t really be a Mother’s Day card. It would be a Father’s Day or Uncle’s Day card. Is there… yes. Yeah, there’s a Father’s Day. Could you make it now and then give it to him on Father’s Day? But then who would you give the card you made then?

Maybe you could make a card and put it on Mom’s grave. Maybe she would see it from Heaven or wherever it is that she is, and she would like it, and she would say thank you. That would be kind of nice.

So you put up your hand. Mr. Typheus gives you a look. “Yes, what is it, Karkat?”

“I don’t…” you say. “What do I do? I don’t… have a mom.”

There’s silence in the room for just a little moment. Then Vriska makes a noise. “What? How can you not have a mom? Everyone has a mom.”

“Well, I did, I used to have a mom…” you say, and then:

“His mom died,” Terezi announces brightly. You look down. Jade is staring at you, and so are Rose, Dave and Aradia, and Eridan and Feferi. And… almost everyone.

“Wait, really?” Feferi says. “What happened to her?”

“Um,” you mumble.

“How can you live without a mom?” Eridan asks. “I couldn’t, if I didn’t have my mom. I would totally just die or something.”

“Yeah, me too,” Tavros says. “I mean, not that I-”

“Did someone kill her? Or did she get abducted by aliens or fall off a cliff or something like that?” Aradia asks. It feels like you’re on fire. Mr. Typheus looks unsure and he’s not doing anything to make everyone quiet down.

“Are you crazy now or something?” Vriska says. “I heard that murderers don’t have moms. Are you a murderer?”

“I’m not a murderer,” you say loudly. People are talking over each other and everyone is asking you questions about your mom. How are you supposed to tell them that you don’t know why she died, or that you don’t remember what she looks like? You want them all to just shut up, and your eyes sting with tears.

“Is he crying?” someone asks.

“Oh, no, don’t cry!” Jade says, in the way that someone would talk to a baby. You stand up from your chair and run out of the classroom. You can’t start crying in front of everyone again! They’ll think you’re so weird! Weird and gross just like you always are! Mr. Typheus shouts your name, and you ignore him.

You go into the hallway and sit down on the floor in a place where you’re sure they can’t see you. Everything rushes to you like a wave of lava. Your skin tingles and you think about everyone staring at you. It was like being a bunny surrounded by hungry lions. And they all just thought it was so crazy that you don’t- no, well, that your Mom…

You sniffle and choke and sob into your sweater sleeve. You stick your face in your sleeve so that you don’t have to look at anything, and nothing can see your face. You scrunch your itchy eyes closed. Your nose is watering. You almost don’t hear the click of shoes on the hallway. Someone sits down next to you. You try to hide your face.

“Are you okay?” Jade asks. You feel her hand on your arm. You nod your head a little. Jade’s hand stops. “Are you sure? I think you’re crying.”

“I’m not,” you say. “I’m just… got something weird in my eyes.”

“Okay,” Jade says and takes her hand away. “You know… I don’t have a mom, either.”

You sniffle deeply and try to be quiet. You lift your head to look at her. The hallway lights reflect off the lenses of Jade’s glasses, and her mouth is a little open. The dress she’s wearing, you hadn’t payed attention before. It’s green and it’s got flowers on the hem and sleeves. And she’s wearing striped yellow leggings and little white shoes, too. She messes with her hair.

“Not that I remember,” Jade says. “I don’t remember having a mom or a dad. I just kind of accepted it that way. It’s just me and my grandpa. I think everyone assumes Snowman is my mom, but she’s not. So I don’t know.”

Jade doesn’t have parents? You’re about to ask her where she came from, but then you realize that’s exactly what happened that made you cry. You stop yourself. Jade looks at you.

“Are you really okay?” she says. “You kind of look like you’re not.”

You hold on for a moment and then say, roughly, “I’m kind of not.”

“Yeah,” Jade says. “I’m sorry if I made you cry. I promise I wasn’t trying to.”

“It’s okay,” you say. Jade smiles. You think about what Sollux said, that Jade is your girlfriend now. Is this what girlfriends and girlfriends do? They talk to you when you cry? That kinda sounds like what Dad does, though.

“Karkat,” Jade says. You look up at her. “When is your birthday? I remember us celebrating everyone else’s birthday in kindergarten, but we never did yours. When is it?”

“Oh,” you say. “June 12th.”

“Ooh, like, during summer?” she asks. You nod. Jade grins wide. “I’m staying in Skaiatown during the summer! Are you going to have a party?”

You smile. “Yeah, totally!”

“Awesome!” Jade says. “Can I come?”

“Yeah,” you say. Then there are footsteps down the hallway. You look up. Mr. Typheus comes around the corner, with Aradia by his side.

“Hi, Karkat,” Aradia says. “I’m sorry I made you cry. You can make a card for my mom, if you want.”

“Can Jade, too?” you ask. Aradia opens her mouth and then closes it.

“Sure, I guess,” she says.

You and Sollux sit next to Aradia while you make your cards. You feel like everyone’s staring at you, even though you’re not even crying anymore. But that’s okay. Jade sits with you, even though you don’t say anything to her the rest of the day. It’s weird having her sit with you instead of with John, Dave and Rose like she always does. But it’s not bad. You address your card to Aradia’s mom. Aradia’s mom is pretty cool, honestly.

But that night, when you’re at home, something is still bothering you.

“Not hungry?” Dad asks while you poke at your salad and mac’n’cheese.

“Did you know Mother’s Day is this Sunday?” you ask. Dad stops chewing on his food and then, slowly, he swallows it down.

“Yeah,” Dad says. “Why?”

“We had to make Mother’s Day cards at school today,” you explain. “I made a card for Aradia’s mom, since I don’t have one.”

“That’s nice of Aradia to let you make a card for her mom,” Dad says. You nod.

“But I was just thinking,” you say. “Maybe I could make another card for Mom. My mom. And we could take it to her grave. Or something. I don’t know.”

“Hmm,” Dad says. “That’s a really sweet thought. But if it’s made of paper, it’ll get ruined when it rains.”

“Oh. Yeah,” you say. “...Maybe we don’t have to take it there. We can just keep it here.”

Dad smiles. “Sure. That sounds nice.”

After dinner, you and Dad gather up all your drawing supplies that you have. He takes a piece of printer paper and folds it in half so that it’s like a birthday card. With all the crayons and pens you have, you try and draw Mom as well as you can. And you draw you and you draw Dad, and uncle Crawford and Crab and the pool your house had in Houston.

There’s a smudge on Mom’s face. You almost start crying because of it. Dad calms you down and says it looks just as good that way. You think he’s wrong. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, you write on the top of the card. It’s empty and blank and white inside, but you’re sure she doesn’t mind. Dad puts it on top of the bureau next to the door. It’s right by the bowl where he and uncle Crawford keep their keys.

-

Dad takes you to Blockbuster out of town just before school ends.

“I asked everyone at school to come to my birthday party,” you tell him when he herds you through the glass door of the Blockbuster. “Even Eridan, and he said he didn’t want to, but then Feferi said she did want to, so then Eridan changed his mind.”

“Oh, good,” Dad says. “Maybe he’ll apologize for that time with the monkey bars.”

“What time?” you say. Then, before he can respond, you say, “oh, the time we got detention?”

“Right,” Dad says. You walk up to the counter. There’s a woman there in a blue uniform and a cap. Dad pushes you forward a little. “Hey, ma’am. Karkat, what was it you wanted to ask for?”

You haven’t told Dad about this yet, but you have a plan. You put your hands up on the counter and stand on your tippy toes so that you can see the lady. “What’s the saddest movie here? I want that.”

“...Wait, for real?” Dad asks. He’s looking at you like you’re weird. You suddenly feel like maybe you shouldn’t have asked for that.

“Yeah, what’s the problem?” you decide to push.

“Well, I was just wondering if you were sure,” Dad says. “But okay. Your saddest movie?”

The Blockbuster lady looks a little bit confused for a moment, and then she sighs and starts thinking. You look at the nametag on her shirt. Blockbuster, it says. Blockbuster Anne. Oh, her name must be Anne. The girl asks you to follow her and leads you through the shelves of the blockbuster. She picks up a DVD and hands it to you. It takes you a few tries to read the title. TITANIC. She says, “I don’t know if it’s the saddest movie, like, ever, but definitely made me cry when I first watched it.”

“Thank you,” you say and hold it close to your chest.

In the car, Dad leans over to put your seatbelt on. He gives you a weird look. “Why’d you want the saddest movie in the Blockbuster?”

“I’m going to watch a really sad movie and get all my crying out,” you explain. “Then I’ll never ever need to cry again, and people won’t think I’m weird!”

Dad stops. Then he turns the car on and chuckles. “Sure. Can I watch the movie with you, so that if you get scared or something, I’ll-”

“I won’t get scared!” you shout. “I’m almost seven. Seven-year-olds don’t get scared.”

“Oh, yeah, right, sorry,” Dad says. “But can I still, just in case?”

You think about it for a second and then nod. “Yes, you can!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **july 26!** see you then!


	6. summer of 2003

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hottest summer on record.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, it's not first grade!
> 
> i'm genuinely surprised with how much i've written about kidkat. you'd think it's impossible to write 60k words about a tiny child. you'd be wrong, in my case.
> 
> please enjoy!

You pull on a red T-shirt over your swimming trunks. Summer’s finally starting. It’s really hot outside, and the bright green leaves are back on the trees. The winter’s been so cold that you’ve missed this. Birds are singing and Dad is keeping all of the windows in your house open with bug nets on them so you can get some air in all day. You slip your shoes on and run through the house to the back door in the laundry room. Dad jogs after you with a basket in his hand. “Wait up!”

“Race you!” you yell and jump down the steps on the back porch two steps at a time. You slip and almost fall over on the lowest step. You run past the trees and into the woods. You jump on rocks and over broken branches on the ground. There’s kind of a path on the ground that you’re following, one that’s formed in the woods from people walking through. But you’re only keeping an eye on it, not actually walking down it.

Prospit Lake is close to your house, on the other side of the woods. It’s got a little beach and all. You go swimming there every summer. You don’t have a pool at your house anymore, but Prospit Lake is just as good. Except for the plants and slimy rocks on the bottom of it that sometimes touch your feet, but they’re not that bad.

“Karkat, don’t leave me behind,” Dad says behind you. You stop and turn around to wait for him. He slips between the trees and over the branches on the ground, following the path more carefully than you.

“Be faster then!” you complain. Dad gives you a look. You slump your shoulders. “Sorry. But it’s true!”

“Okay, okay,” Dad laughs and walks a little faster. His red-and-white button-up shirt is tucked into khaki shorts that reach to his knees and have lots of pockets. His socks come up almost high enough to meet them. Crab is halfway hanging out from the basket he’s carrying. Alongside him are a few Tupperwares with snacks inside, sunscreen, towels and fabrics and stuff from the laundry room. The Tupperwares have chips and cashews and one has sandwiches for the two of you.

Once he gets close enough, you turn around and keep going. It’s not a long way. Patches of warm and cool move on your skin when you move past trees where spots of sunlight come in between the leaves. The air whizzes in your ears when you jump from one rock to a different one.

The path gets more open and wide the closer you get to Prospit Lake. More and more smaller paths from around town join into it. Then, all at once, the trees fall away and you see the lake.

The sun is on the surface of the lake and the water makes the sunlight scatter into little bright, twinkling ripples. There are ducks quacking on the opposite shore, near the bonfire on the other beach. Tall reeds come up from the water on the edges of the water. Not at the small part of the shore where there’s sand - the beach part - but around it. The birds are really loud, here.

But louder than them is the splashing of the water. Someone is already at the beach. The sun is in your eyes. You stop and squint so you can see who it is. There’s a red-and-white picnic blanket on the grass at the edge of the sand and two women sitting on it. 

Two kids are crouching in the water, so that it comes up to their shoulders. One of them, who has bobbed hair, is wearing a red and teal swimsuit, and the other is much paler and has a swimsuit with frilly shoulders. The one with bobbed hair laughs sharply, almost like a movie bad guy cackling.

Oh.

“Oh, hey, Red!” Dad says, walking past you. The women sitting on the picnic blanket look up and wave at him. They’re both wearing sunglasses. They smile when they see Dad and wave at him, and he greets them both happily. Dad’s enthusiasm alerts Terezi and Vriska, too. Why are they everywhere?

“Hi, owl boy!” yells Vriska. You furrow your eyebrows. They’re still calling you that.

Terezi waves excitedly and stands up so that the water only comes up to her thighs. She’s wearing bright orange floaties on her arms. “Come swim!”

Well, might as well. You run past Dad to the water, toe your shoes off and rip your shirt over your head. The foamy water is much, much colder on your feet than the summer air is on the rest of you. The water splashes all over when you rush in. It’s not that murky or dirty - you can see the sand and rocks through the tinted water - but there are little particles of plants and reeds floating around. It’s sort of gross, in a way. Terezi laughs again when the water splashes on her.

“Don’t go too deep, Karkat,” Dad says from the shore. You turn around. He’s sitting next to Terezi and Vriska’s moms.

The resemblance between Vriska and her mom isn’t really that clear. Vriska’s mom definitely looks more Vriska than Vriska’s aunt does, but there are still a lot of very obvious differences. Her hair flat, shiny and cleanly combed and comes down to her chin, so it’s like the complete opposite of Vriska’s long, wild hair. She’s wearing these white cats-eye sunglasses and a frilly, airy white shirt. Her wrists are covered in bracelets.

Terezi’s mom is tall, really tall, and super skinny. She looks pretty similar to Terezi in a lot of ways. They both have a pointy little nose and similar bobbed hair, and the same freckley, tan skin. Only that she’s even sharper than Terezi is. She’s already taken a handful of chips from the chips Tupperware Dad offered to her and now she’s munching on those. You didn’t know grownups liked chips.

“I won’t!” you respond to Dad.

Vriska splashes water on you. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“It’s summer vacation!” you defend and splash water back on her. “I came to swim!”

Vriska makes a condescending noise. “Find your own beach.”

“Oh, come on, Vriska. Can’t he play with us? Like, he’s kinda weird, but at least he’s not dumb,” Terezi says. Vriska glares at you. You glare back.

“Fine,” she says. “Just don’t get in our way!”

“Where’s Aradia?” you ask. “And Tavros. You two always play with them.”

“Not always!” Terezi says. She leans back so her hair is in the water. “Aradia and Tavros are pretty cool. They’re okay. But Vriska is my bestest of best friends.”

“And Terezi is my bestest of best friends!” Vriska shouts. “We’re BFFs. Now, tag!”

“Hey, what? No fair!” you yell when Vriska splashes water on you and laughs. You duck your head to avoid the the splash, and when you look up both of the girls are swim-walking fast away from you. Terezi’s whole head is dripping wet. “Wait! I didn’t know we were going to play tag!”

“Stop complaining and catch us!” Terezi says.

They get bored of that game as soon as you catch one of them. It’s Vriska. You leap at her and both of you get dragged under the water. When you surface again, Terezi is laughing at you. You and Vriska shout at each other until Dad comes to break it up. Tag’s not so fun with only three players, as it turns out.

But that doesn’t matter. You don’t have to play tag to have fun in the water. Terezi and Vriska start pretending they’re shipwrecked pirates. 

You don’t care much about that, and you wade away from them to stare through the water at the way patterns form on the sand at the bottom. Diamond shapes, squares and webs stretch and get small again. When you try to touch them, it disturbs the water and they disappear. 

You hear the water hitting the shore, the wind in the trees and those wild ducks quacking on the other side of the pond. You hear your dad and Terezi’s mom laughing at something Vriska’s mom said. You hear Terezi and Vriska whispering, and the splashing of them moving around.

“Karkat! Come, we need a bad guy,” Terezi says behind you. You stand up with a small splish and turn around. She’s standing there, grinning wide. Her hair is dark from wetness and stuck to the sides of her head. Her ears poke out from the sides of it. 

You don’t see her without her shades very often. Her eyes look just the same as yours, except they’re blue, and you can see a red speck in each of the whites of her eyes. Part of you thought a blind person’s eyes would look weird, but Terezi’s look pretty normal.

“What kind of bad guy?” you ask her.

“We’re going to capture this evil, like, guy,” Terezi explains. “He’s a bad guy, like a criminal, and we need to catch him and bring him to justice!”

“Uh huh,” you say. “Have fun.”

“No, you’re going to be our bad guy!” Vriska says, coming up behind Terezi. “You’ll be our Captain Murder.”

“That’s what your bad guy is called?” you ask.

“Captain Murder? Yeah,” Terezi says. “He’s been the bad guy since, like, forever. And now you get to be Captain Murder today!”

“What if I don’t want to be Captain Murder?” you argue. “Doesn’t sound super fun, if all he does is murder people.”

“He doesn’t just murder people,” Terezi says. “He also steals. And also he does other pirate-y, evil stuff.”

“Plus, we _need_ a Captain Murder, so…” Vriska says. “And Tavros isn’t here, so we can’t make him be Captain Murder, either.”

You sigh. You still think playing pretend is dumb, but you’re not going to be able to get them to stop bothering you about it. And if you try, they’ll think you’re even weirder than they already do. “Fine. I’ll be Captain Murder.”

Terezi squeals and grabs your arm. Her nails dig into your skin. “Great! Come on, we’ll show you how to play.”

Terezi draws an eyepatch on your face with mud while Vriska explains to you everything that’s happened so far. She seems to forget half of it, and Terezi keeps cutting in with details that don’t matter, and then Vriska cuts into Terezi’s cutting in with even smaller and even less important details. They have you sit on a rock on the edge of the beach, where all the reeds are touching your back.

You’re Captain Murder, and you’re Captain Spinneret and Admiral Justice’s greatest enemy yet. You are the terror of Prospit Lake and Derse Lake and all the other oceans, and you know where the Rock is. The Rock, of course, refers to a very specific Rock. It’s got magic powers or something like that. And you don’t actually know where it is. It’s a real rock, you’re pretty sure of that, at least. Or maybe it’s not.

You’re not sure what you’re supposed to be doing, but then Vriska and Terezi leave you on the rock and move away to whisper to each other. Terezi cackles softly and then turns around. She points at you with an accusing finger. “Captain Murder! We’re here to get you!”

“Yeah, Captain Murder! It’s us, your worst ever enemies!” Vriska says. “I was supposed to start it, Terezi.”

“Oh, sorry,” Terezi says. “Uh, do it again?”

“Fine,” Vriska sighs. “Okay, Captain Murder! We’re here for you! Me, Captain Vriska, and my best friend, Admiral Terezi!”

“Yes,” Terezi says. “Your worst enemies! You can’t run from us anymore.”

You sit there and stare at them. “...What do I do?”

“Play the part! You’re Captain Murder!” Vriska demands desperately.

“Uh,” you say. “Yeah. I’m Captain Murder, and… I’m really evil.”

Terezi shrugs. “Could use a polish. Now, tell us where the Rock of Magic is!”

“I thought it was just called the Rock,” you interrupt.

“No, it’s called the Super Cool Rock of Magic, dummy. We call it the Rock because it’s easier! Obviously,” Vriska says. “Now, tell us where the Rock of Magic is!”

“I don’t know,” you admit, shrugging. Both of the girls stare at you flatly. You swallow. “I mean… I’ll… never tell you?”

Terezi scream-laughs. “You will, if I have anything to say about it!”

“Well…” you say. “...you don’t.”

“Ha ha, you’re so dumb, Captain Murder! You didn’t even realize,” Vriska says and pulls her hand from behind her back. She’s holding a small, clear, white rock. “That I had the Rock all along!”

“What?” Terezi asks. “Vriska! I thought you were supposed to give it to him.”

“It’s better this way,” Vriska assures her. “What do you say to that, Captain Murder?”

Okay, so now this is getting incredibly confusing. You stop for a moment and just stare at Vriska. “Wait, but… I didn’t know where the Rock was before.”

“Yeah, because I had it,” Vriska says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “See, I planned for this.”

“Ohh,” Terezi gasps. “Wow… That’s so cool.”

“I know,” Vriska says proudly. “So, what do you say to this, Captain Murder? Your plans have all been totally foiled!”

“Uh… Yeah, I guess,” you say. “You got me. I surrender.”

Apparently that’s exactly what Vriska and Terezi wanted to hear, because they both grin evilly. Before you know it, you’re sitting neck-deep in the water, pretending to be tied up, while Terezi and Vriska talk about how best to punish you for all the murder.

“Do you think we could find any fish if we looked for them?” Terezi asks later. The three of you are balancing on rocks on the edge of the beach. Vriska throws a rock across the water. She’s aiming for the ducks sitting by the unlit bonfire. She misses by a mile and the rock falls in the water a little bit from you. Your foot slips on the moss on the rock and you rebalance yourself.

“We should try,” Vriska says. “I wanna see some fish.”

“Mom!” Terezi yells. “Do you think there are any fish around here?”

“Probably,” Terezi’s mom responds, quieter than Terezi was. “Probably not where you are now, though. Reckon they’ve gotten scared and swam off somewhere else.”

“Could we go look for them?” you shout, mostly at your dad. “We could go to the bonfire.”

“That’s a little far,” Dad says. “We can go there a little later, okay? After lunch, maybe?”

He looks to the other grown-ups for confirmation, and they all nod. You also exchange nods with Vriska. After lunch.

At one point, Vriska says that she needs to go to the bathroom and pulls her mom along. They disappear into the woods. You go up to Dad to get some water. He’s reading a book, and Terezi’s mom has a magazine with a woman in a bikini on the cover. When you go back into the water, Terezi is sitting in the water. Only her head and shoulders are above the surface. Her head is tilted back, so the tips of her hair fall into the water. Her shades are on a rock next to her.

You sit in the water beside her. Her eyes are closed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m absorbing the sun’s power,” Terezi responds. “Like plants do. It’s supposed to make my skin tanner.”

“Oh,” you say. “...Why do you want your skin to be tanner?”

“Didn’t you know?” Terezi asks. “You’re meant to sit in the sun on beaches to get tanner, like plants do.”

“Oh, okay,” you say. “Can I try?”

Terezi grins. It makes her eyes scrunch up even tighter. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” you say. “It looks fun.”

Terezi shrugs. “Alright. Sure, I guess.”

You lean back and soak up the sun on your face. It’s really, really warm.

A little later, after Vriska comes back, you climb out of the water and go to the picnic blanket to have lunch. You and Dad eat the sandwiches that he’d made at home. Ham and cheese. It has that dull taste of ham and cheese sandwich, the kind that makes your tongue feel weird.

“Can we go to the bonfire now and look for those fish?” Terezi asks. You wonder why. She wouldn’t even be able to see them if you found them. 

“I’ll take you,” Vriska’s mom sighs. She stands up from the blanket. “Come on.”

Vriska and Terezi chase each other ahead. You stay behind, kicking at the rocks and jumping over them while you walk beside Vriska’s mom. Halfway there, you realize she’s staring at you behind her round glasses. You give her a suspicious look. “What?”

“Oh, nothing, it’s just…” Vriska’s mom says. Vriska’s laughter echoes around the pond. “You’re so much quieter than the girls. You must be, y’know… very smart.”

You look at the ground. “I’m not quiet. I’m really loud, a lot of the time. In preschool everyone told me I was too loud.”

“...So why aren’t you running ahead with Terezi and Vriska?” Vriska’s mom asks. You think about it for a second.

“Why would I?”

“Because it’s fun?”

“I don’t know. I guess. But, can I tell you a secret?” you ask. Vriska’s mom leans in closer to you, and you say, “I don’t think they like me very much.”

“What makes you think that?” Vriska’s mom asks.

“They’re BFFs with each other,” you say. “That means they can’t be BFFs with me. I have my own BFF and he’s not here right now. And I know that if Sollux was here and we were running around and someone just came up and ran around with us, that would be sort of weird.”

“You wouldn’t let that person run around with you?” Vriska’s mom asks. You go ‘mmm.’

“No, I would,” you say. “But it wouldn’t be the same, would it? ‘Cos it wouldn’t just be me and my best friend, then. It would be me and my best friend and someone else. Y’know?”

You and Vriska stand crouched on the slippery rocks by the bonfire. The water ripples, but you can see the sand clearly. Nothing there. Terezi is leaning over your shoulder. “Are there any fish?”

“No,” Vriska sighs. You slide down onto the beach and look around. The sand part of the beach is a lot smaller on this side of the beach. Well, it’s wider, but it’s so close to the water that it’s more like a little dirt stair into the water and sand than a proper beach. Mostly it’s a grassy glade, sort of, with forest on one side and tall cat-tail reeds on the other.

Closer to the edge of the forest, there’s the bonfire. It’s a big pile of logs in a square. There are a few logs scattered around it that you think might be meant to be benches, and some small rocks surrounding the bonfire itself. You can see cans and bottles in the grass.

“Hey, hey, hey! Listen to that!” Terezi shouts. You turn around and walk over. She’s got a hand cupped over her ear, and Vriska is staring at her curiously. You try to lean in to listen, too. You hear it after a second: soft, slow croaking. Terezi starts to walk towards the source of it and you, Vriska’s mom and Vriska follow closely behind. Vriska almost slips, jumping down from the rock.

Terezi stops to peek in through some of the reeds and gasps. You rush over to look past her. There, sitting in the moss and plants on the edge of the water, is a little frog. It’s greenish and mottled with brown. Vriska shoves you aside. “It’s a frog!”

“Yeah, we can see that!” you protest and try to shove yourself back so you can see it.

“Hey, stop it,” Vriska says.

“You stop it!” you respond.

“Shush! You’re going to scare it off!” Terezi snaps. The frog leaps into the water and disappears. Vriska shoves you one more time and groans. You stumble back.

“Great job! There goes that, too,” she pouts.

-

You wake up in the morning when Dad knocks on your door. You roll over when you hear the high-pitched creak of the doorframe. Your arms and legs are still all tight and janked from sleeping, but that’s disappearing quick, and you’re more and more full of energy. You see him standing behind the cracked-open door, smiling at you. You’re smiling, too, because you already know what he’s going to say before he says it. “Hey, Karkat.”

“Yeah?” you ask.

“Happy birthday!”

You grin and sit up. “Thank you!”

You've invited everyone to your birthday party. Or, all your classmates, at least, and all the kids who live on your street. Most of them are either older or younger than you, and you don't ever play with them or even know them that well. But Dad is friends with their parents, you think, so he wants you to know all of them.

And you do know most of them. You know their names at least. You know a lot of people you never talk to. Because Dad knows everyone, so he makes you say hello to them and tell them your name. He asked to invite everyone to your birthday party, and you agreed, since he wanted to. But you’re really nervous about it. There’s probably going to be a million people, at least.

You’re hosting the party in the back yard. There’s an old table behind the garage. It’s painted green, but the paint has chipped away for the most part. You can see it from the window of your room if you strain your neck and peek down. You try to see it after Dad leaves you to change clothes. You can see it- uncle Crawford is putting paper plates and cups there.

You pull on a striped red-and-white shirt and shorts. You wonder what you’re going to get as presents. Probably something really awesome. You think uncle Crawford bought you something pretty big, because for a few days he hasn’t let you in the garage.

“Don’t forget to brush your teeth!” Dad shouts from downstairs when you come out of your room. You run to the upstairs bathroom and stand on the step stool so you can brush your teeth. Your toothbrush has a suction cup on the bottom, unlike Dad and uncle Crawford’s, so it’s like a little guy standing next to the tap.

“There’s my favorite nephew,” uncle Crawford says when you run down the stairs. He must’ve come in while you were brushing your teeth. He’s standing in the living room, leaning on the kitchenette islands. Dad is in the kitchenette. He’s got an open jar of peanut butter, a box of raisins and a tray of some weird green sticks. You stand on your tip-toes to get a better look.

“What are you making?” you ask. The wrapper around the peanut butter jar has frayed over time.

“Ants on a log,” Dad responds. He’s using the peanut butter as glue to put the raisins on the green sticks. “Celery, peanut butter and raisins. They’re really healthy! These were our favorites when me and Crawford were kids.”

“Damn right,” uncle Crawford says and steals one of the finished ones from the tray. “If y’all don’t like them, I’ll have to complain about the youths these days again.”

Dad glares at uncle Crawford and pushes his hand away when he tries to steal another one of the finished ones and uncle Crawford chuckles. Dad pushes the tray towards you. “Want to try one?”

You strain to reach across the island and take a log from the tray. It crunches when you bite. It definitely tastes like peanut butter, peanut butter and… weird, like sweet lettuce? You make a face. Dad laughs.

“Does it have your seal of approval?” he asks. You think for a moment and then nod.

You help uncle Crawford take the popcorn, ants on logs and hot dogs to the table in the back yard. It’s going to be a real party, if everyone comes.

After you’re done setting up, it takes a little while for the first guests to start coming. The first people to arrive are the Carters from down the street. It’s this girl, July, and her parents. She’s older than you and not that much fun to talk to, but she brought a bubble-soap tube with her and you chase the bubbles she blows around in the back yard while you wait for more people to come.

Aradia comes next. Her hair is tied up in a messy ponytail and her mom’s ponytail is even messier. July lets Aradia try her bubble-blowing-little-hoop-thing.

You don’t remember parents being there at most of the birthday parties you’ve been to, but apparently yours is weird, because Dad and uncle Crawford and Aradia’s mom and the Carters all sit at the table and talk about grown-up things while you play. Then, when Sollux and his mom come over and Sollux comes to play with you, his mom goes to chat with the other adults too.

Almost everyone does show up. There are a lot of people. Everyone brings you a gift. You’ve never seen that many gifts in your whole life. There must be at least ten. You’re not allowed to open them until everyone arrives, Dad says. It’s really hot outside. Even in shorts, you get really sweaty and you have to go inside to get a drink so many times.

The backyard is full of kids and grownups. You didn’t think there would be this many people. You guess Dad is just friends with everyone somehow. You went to him, scared, because you thought you were going to run out of snacks before everyone got some, and he laughed and said it was okay. Everyone sang to you. Kinda hurt your ears, it was so loud.

The whole day is playing in the yard and eating hot dogs and ants on a log and watching Squiddles on TV. John brought a jumping rope. You get Tavros’ brother, Rufioh, and this nice girl from Sollux’s neighborhood to spin the rope for you for a while and Rufioh teaches you rope-jumping games. Rufioh is super cool. You wish you had a brother like him. He’s got a black tanktop on and a really deep voice and he can pick up Tavros and carry him around like nothing.

Even though Tavros does get scared and yell at Rufioh to put him down.

At one point, everyone is playing tag. Almost everyone. After you get tagged and are out of the game, you notice Dave’s not playing. He’s sitting in front of his dad in the grass. Dave’s dad is kind of scary. He’s got sharp triangle-shaped sunglasses on, just like the ones Dave always wears. You go to sit down next to Dave. John is chasing Tavros and he can’t seem to be able to catch him.

“Why aren’t you playing tag with us?” you ask Dave. He’s picking at the grass.

“I don’t know,” Dave says. “I’m fine sitting here.”

“Weird,” you tell him. “I think you’d like it.”

“No,” Dave insists, looking away from you.

“...Is this because of that time with the tooth-” you try to ask, but Dave shoves you. You almost fall into the grass.

“No!” he says. “No. I just don’t want to. It wouldn’t be any fun. Nobody could catch me anyway.”

“Okay, fine, jeez,” you say. Then you just sit next to him for a while while everyone else is playing. John caught Tavros, so now Tavros is sitting next to Rufioh on the bench next to the table and pouting. You start picking at the grass too. Dave gives you a little weird look, but then he accepts it.

Dad opens the back door. You look up at him and he waves you over from inside. You leave Dave there and run in past all the people still playing tag. You don’t think your back yard was built to have this many people in it.

“Jade’s here,” Dad says when you hop up the back porch steps. “Go and say hi.”

When you come into the living room through the back room door, Jade is in front of the front door, toeing her shoes off. You rush over. “You don’t need to take your shoes off.”

Jade looks at you, surprised. “Really?”

“Everyone’s in the back yard,” you say. “You can just keep them on.”

“Oh,” she says and smiles. “Okay. Um, happy birthday!”

“Thanks,” you say bashfully. Jade shoves the present in her hands into your hands. It’s small, hard, square-shaped and wrapped in cloud-pattern wrapping paper. Something rattles inside a little. “Thanks. Uh, welcome to my party. Do you want a hot dog?”

“Sure,” Jade says. Dad is in the kitchenette. You give the present to him when you walk past with Jade.

When you get to the table in the backyard and Jade is eating a hot dog, you look around the yard. Everyone from your grade is there, except for Kanaya. She got sick and couldn’t come. Actually, Terezi’s not here either. She’s in Spain with her family. Then there’s all your neighbors, a few kids you’ve seen at school but never talked to, and some people who you think are the parents of the people you don’t really know.

“This is really good,” Jade says with her mouth covered in ketchup stains. She wipes it off with her arm - the one that isn’t holding a hot dog - and it pushes up her glasses a bit. They glint with the sunlight. They’re a little wonky on her face when she moves her arm. When she grins, her front teeth press down on her lower lip. You grin back at her.

Uncle Crawford goes and fetches an old football from the garage and you throw it around for a little while with everyone. At one point Feferi and Jade just start throwing it to each other until you, Sollux and Vriska start complaining that they need to share it more.

You’re sitting at the table with a small pile of chips and candy and two logs with ants on them on your paper plate, when uncle Crawford comes up to your side with that camera. He brings it up to his face. “Say cheese!”

You grin. “Cheese!”

Eventually, after you ask Dad for the fifth time, he lets you start opening presents. You get a box of action figures for a cartoon you haven’t heard of from someone down the street. Sollux gives you a yo-yo with a skull and flames on it. From Dad, you get a DVD of It’s a Charlie Brown Christmas. You tear open Jade’s gift and find a shiny little box like the DVD box, but smaller. You tilt it to see the picture on the cover. It has a big spider on the cover, and says ‘Lusiimon Cobalt.’

Wow. You still only have one game for your Game Boy. You thank Jade and she smiles shyly.

You open the gift that you got from Rose and Dave. It’s also shiny in the sunlight, with metal patterns that bulge out a little into round shapes. On it is a bright red crab on a beach, with friendly eyes and cute little claws. There’s a palm tree with two coconuts next to it. It’s way, way colder than the hot summer air. There’s a red, hard plastic tap that keeps it closed. It makes a snapping click sound when you open it up. The box is shiny and metal inside.

“I, uh, we knew you like crabs,” Rose explains. “And you always bring your lunch in paper bags instead of a lunchbox, so-”

“I really like it!” you say loudly. She looks surprised, but not as surprised as Dave. You look at Rose and smile. “Thank you.”

“It was Dave’s idea,” she says. He looks like he would have wanted her not to say that. Their dad doesn’t say anything. His expression doesn’t even change.

You open all the rest of your presents - a bottle of the same bubble-soap-fluid that July had, a football helmet two sizes too big for you. Other stuff like that. Once they’re all open, it feels like there are fewer of them than there were before. 

You play with everyone until the evening. Slowly, one by one, people start leaving. Jade is the first one to leave, when Snowman comes to pick her up. Then it’s the people you’re not as close to, like July and Feferi. Aradia and Sollux both stay pretty late. You sit inside with them and play Trouble with them and uncle Crawford and Sollux’s mom. You love pressing the die button and hearing it click. Aradia has to leave before you’re done, because her bedtime is coming.

Sollux leaves, even though you ask Dad if he could stay for a sleepover. He says no. You tell him it’s your birthday, and you should be allowed to have a sleepover. He says, “maybe next year.”

You go to bed after everyone has left, and you feel more tired than you ever have before. You sleep for a little while, and then you wake up again when it’s midnight. You wish it would be morning, so you could play again. Then you go back to sleep, and sleep all the way until it is morning.

-

You and Dad are walking home from the playground one day, when the sun is setting and everything is turning darker blue and the skye is orange and pink at the edges where it meets the trees. Then you see Jade. She’s with a lady that doesn’t look anything like her. She waves and comes over to you. “Hi, Karkat.”

“Hi,” you say to her when she comes close. She’s got a flowery T-shirt and a long, white skirt on, and sandals on her feet with flowers where the straps meet. You hold on to Dad’s sleeve and ask, “how are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” she says. “Uh, did you like the game I gave you?”

“What?” you ask. Then, before she can continue, you say, “oh, the, um, Lusiimon game that you gave me for my birthday?”

Jade nods excitedly. Clearly she wants you to have liked it. You struggle. When you tried to put the game into the Game Boy, it didn’t work. Uncle Crawford said that the game was meant for a newer type of Game Boy and it wasn’t the right shape. You felt so bad, you almost started crying, but luckily you didn’t.

“Yeah,” you say. You don’t want her to feel bad. “I like it a lot.”

Dad squeezes your shoulder. “Karkat.”

You take a deep breath and sigh. “Okay, no. We couldn’t get it to work with my thing, so it didn’t work, and I didn’t get to play it. Sorry.”

“Oh,” Jade says. “Aw. That’s too bad. Was it broken or something?”

“No,” you say. “It was fine. My Game Boy just isn’t the right kind of Game Boy for it.”

“Oh,” Jade says again. “Well, what if… you get a new Game Boy?”

“What?” you ask.

“You know, one that’s the right kind for it,” she suggests, apparently seeing no problem with this idea.

“Well, I can’t do that,” you say. Is she dumb? “I can’t just buy a new one. I mean, this one is fine. It’s not even broken.”

“So then what’s the problem with having two?” she asks. “I mean, then if you get a game that doesn’t work on the new one, you can use it on the old one.”

“W-” you stop and look at Dad so that he could say something instead. He looks like he’s not sure what to say either. Then you look at the other lady with Jade, the tall one in the colorful yellow and pink and blue dress. She also looks like she doesn’t know what to say. You shake your head, with some sort of weird frustration making your voice louder. “No, I can’t do that.”

“Okay, well, we could get you a new, better one,” she suggests. She glances at her nanny and then back at you. “Right? It wouldn’t be a big deal. It would be like a second part of your birthday present.”

“No,” you say. “No, you don’t need to. You can use the money for something else.”

“I think it would be fine!” Jade says again. “You’d love it!”

“I don’t need another Game Boy. I promise I’m fine with just one,” you tell her.

“But…” Jade says, sort of sadly. “What about my present?”

“It’s the thought that counts,” your dad says, helpfully.

You nod and repeat, “it’s the thought that counts.”

-

There’s a family that lives down the street from you, next to the Velyeses and across the street from the Carters’ house. That’s where Xefros and his parents live. Xefros… Tritoh, you think? You’ve heard that last name before, so that’s the one, you think. Yeah. He’s a fourth grader. A soon-to-be a fifth grader. 

Ever since you moved to Skaiatown, you’ve gone to his house on the 4th of July for barbecue. Everyone on your street goes. Except Aradia. You haven’t seen her there before.

Today is the 4th of July, and your dad is helping you get dressed up. He’s got one of those collared shirts on, the button-up kind. It’s red plaid, with thin orange stripes. You’re wearing a Galaxy Attack T-shirt and jeans. It’s been so hot this summer that Dad let you wear sandals instead of proper shoes.

Uncle Crawford is standing outside the door with a cigarette. The clouds have gone over the sun, so it’s a little dimmer than it was earlier during the day, but it’s still really bright. And humid. And really, really hot. Uncle Crawford glances at you and Dad when you come outside and takes the cigarette from his mouth. The smoke fades into the air. “It’s hot as balls out here.”

“Yeah,” Dad says breathily.

You walk towards the end of the street and cross the road to the Tritohs’ house. There’s a pathway - a more noticeable one than the one next to your house, at least - between their fence and the garage, and you run through before Dad and uncle Crawford. It smells like hamburgers and beer.

There’s less people than there were at your birthday party. Mostly grownups. Xefros is there, sitting on a garden chair with his best friend on another one next to him. The best friend is named Dammek. You always see them at the swings during recess together. Dammek doesn’t live on your street. You don’t know where he lives. You’ve never talked to him, but he seems kind of mean. They both have hamburgers on their paper plates.

Xefros’ dad is standing at the grill. There are burger patties sizzling on it. It smells like summer.

Dad and uncle Crawford say hi to everyone they know. You wave politely like you do every year. Xefros’ mom, July and her parents, the Velyeses and everyone else from your street is there. No, actually, a few people are missing that were here last year, you think, but you don’t remember their names. Uncle Crawford comes to get a burger with you.

4th of July barbecues are never that much fun. You don’t usually have firewords. Uncle Crawford says it’s because of one time, before you were born, when Xefros was a baby, his dad accidentally lit a tree on fire and they had to call the fire department. So now you don’t have any fireworks anymore. Last year, though, Crawford drove you and a few other people from the party over some fields on the edge of town. There was another family there, who did have fireworks. You got to watch their fireworks instead.

There aren’t any empty seats free, so you sit in Dad’s lap while you eat your burger. 

“Hey, Karkat,” Xefros says later, after you’re done eating and are sitting in the grass behind the grill, playing on your Game Boy. You look up at him and Dammek. Their faces are shadowed by the sun on their backs. Xefros smiles. He’s chubby, like you, and he’s got a round face and big eyes. He always looks weirdly nervous for some reason. He’s leaning down to talk to you. “Me and Dammek want to show you something.”

“What is it?” you ask.

“You’ll just have to come with and see, won’t you?” Dammek asks. His voice is rough, like he’s always groaning. He has a challenging smile on his face, so you stand up.

“Alright, fine,” you say.

You follow them through the yard and back door, into the house. You leave your shoes at the back door. They lead you through the kitchen and living room. Other people’s houses always feel weird to be inside. It’s like you’re not meant to be there. Xefros and Dammek bring you to a door in the living room. Xefros gestures towards it. “Here. Go in.”

“What’s in there?” you ask.

“It’s really cool,” Xefros insists. “You’ll love it.”

You think for a second, shrug, and open the door. It’s just Xefros’ bathroom. You barely have time to think before there’s a clang above your head, and then a cold, wet splash. Suddenly, you’re soaking wet and freezing. The bucket falls on your head - ouch - and clatters to the ground. You turn on your heels to look at Xefros and Dammek. Dammek bursts out into laughter.

“He fell for it!” he says, shoving Xefros in the side. Xefros ins’t laughing, but he looks like he’s trying not to. You, in turn, are trying not to cry. You run past them and through the house. The spot on your head that the bucket hit is aching bad. The water is making your clothes stick to your skin and running only makes it colder.

You don’t even put your shoes on when you run out the back door. The grill is still sizzling and everyone is talking, as if nothing is happening, but then they all quiet down. All the grown-ups turn to stare at you. It feels bad to be up on the porch for them all to see. Dad stands up and walks over. His eyebrows are knit tight together. “Hey, what happened?”

You try to say something, but you can’t get any words out. You just choke on them and hold back tears. Dad takes you by the shoulders and lets you hug him, even though you’re all wet and cold.

“Hey, Karkat,” Xefros says behind you. You flinch and almost push Dad over. You didn’t notice him. The laughter on his face has disappeared. “Sorry. It was a joke.”

“Not too funny, was it?” uncle Crawford says from behind Dad. He points at Xefros. “Y’all better learn not to play that sorta prank on others, alright?”

“Sorry,” Xefros repeats.

“It’s good that you apologized,” Xefros’ dad says from over at the grill. “Just don’t do that anymore.”

You lean harder against Dad. You can feel the water from your hair soaking his shirt, too.

“I don’t need to change shirts,” you insist a few moments later, after he’s brought you back to the garden chair he was sitting on. He’s examining your shirt. You shake your head. “I’m fine. I can deal with it. It’s just water.”

“You might catch a cold,” Dad says.

“In this weather?” one of the neighbors says. “These are record highs. It’s just coolin’ him off, it ain’t hurting anyone.”

“Isn’t it uncomfortable?” Dammek’s mom says from across the yard. Dammek is sitting on the ground next to her, pouting. Xefros is next to him in turn, poking at him and trying to get him to cheer up. “Maybe you should get changed anyway.”

“I don’t want to leave!” you say. “What if I miss the fireworks?”

“No fireworks this year,” uncle Crawford says. “Look, kid, you should probably just listen to your dad.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” you insist. Most of the grown-ups start chuckling.

“Hey, Karkat!” someone says behind you. You turn around again. Why is everyone behind you today? This time, it’s Aradia. She’s just come around the corner of the house. She’s got a baseball cap and a pair of jean-overalls on. One of her teeth is missing, and her arm has a bandaid on it. She runs over to you and then slows to a walk. “Oh, wow, how’d you get so wet?”

“I got pranked,” you say, defeated.

“Hey, you made it,” uncle Crawford says to Aradia’s mom when she walks up to you, too. She laughs and starts talking with him, but you don’t hear what she says, because Aradia continues:

“Who pranked you?” She grabs you by the shoulders like a detective in a spy movie. You try to lean away.

“Um, Xefros and Dammek,” you say. “Let go.”

She lets go. “Oh my god. That can’t be allowed! We have to get back at them.”

“Hey, hey, hey, nobody’s getting back at anyone,” your dad interrupts, leaning forward in the garden chair. He has a beer can in his hand. It stinks. “Xefros already apologized. Bygones are bygones, alright?”

“Dad, I can’t leave now that Aradia’s here!” you say. “You can’t make me leave.”

He looks at you, and then he looks at Aradia, who looks confused. He looks back at you. Then he takes a deep breath and says, “okay. But if you catch a cold, it’s not my fault, alright?”

You grin and grab Aradia’s hand and pull her through the yard. She gives you a weird look, but runs alongside you anyway. You go to the back of the yard, right to the fence where the trees are drooping over it and dropping leaves on the ground occasionally. You let go of her hand and talk quietly, so the grown-ups can’t hear you. “So, how do we get them back?”

Aradia smiles and pulls something out of the pocket of her overalls. “I have a few ideas!”

She opens her palm. There’s a fake spider in it. It’s made of plastic. Up close, you can tell it’s just an old Halloween decoration, but you know what she means to do right away.

“Hey, Dammek,” you say, trying to sound as nice as possible, when his mom is away from her seat. Xefros and Dammek both look up at you, Xefros nervously and Dammek angrily. Aradia leans against your shoulder behind you. You offer Dammek a paper plate with a burger on it. “Here. I got you a burger.”

“I don’t want a burger,” Dammek says. Well, that’s not what you were expecting. You frown and offer the plate more insistently.

“Why not? Come on, just take it,” you say. “It’s like an apology gift.”

Dammek rolls his eyes and takes the plate. He grabs a burger and- then he squeals and the plate goes flying, and the plastic spider goes with it. Aradia tumbles backwards with laughter, and you snort and then you start laughing too.

“What the hell?” Dammek says loudly. “That spider was huge!”

“It wasn’t a real spider, idiot!” you say. Aradia puts up her hand and you high five her.

“Hey,” uncle Crawford says. “Now just what is going on here?”

Aradia’s mom is standing behind her and they’re both looking at you doubtfully.

“A joke?” Aradia suggests.

“Honey, you don’t need to pull that sort of thing to be funny,” her mom says. Her hands are on her hips. “Apologize to Dammek. Both of you.”

“I’m sorry,” you say, but you don’t mean it.

“I’m sorry,” Aradia says, too, but you can hear from her voice that she doesn’t mean it, either. Dammek sniffs and crosses his arms.

“Apology accepted,” he grumbles. You glance at him. The index and middle fingers of one of his hands are crossed. He grins, and it’s not a nice grin.

The rest of the day, you and Aradia take turns with Dammek and Xefros, pranking and getting pranked. Your prank creativity isn’t great, but with Aradía’s suggestions and your planning strategy, you get them good. You have to keep all the pranks really subtle, so the grown-ups don’t notice. 

You accidentally eat a hot dog with hot sauce on it instead of ketchup and in turn Aradia shouts that she saw deer in the woods that actually weren’t there and got Dammek to run over for nothing. Dammek and Xefros recruit July to help them, which is really unfair, so you recruit that girl who lives next to Aradia’s house, the one with the red hair. You never ask her what her name is. Every time a grown-up notices a prank you pull, that’s a deduction in prank points. That makes everything a risk. It’s the prankster’s gambit.

It’s actually fun, trying to get back at them for everything. It feels like you’re in the middle of a real war. By the time it’s dark, you’re all exhausted. You hear the distant sounds of a fireworks show somewhere. Your shirt has had time to dry.

-

“That’s not what Commander Galaxy looks like,” you say, tapping Sollux’s drawing with the eraser end of your pencil. He pushes your hand away. Her arms are all wonky on the paper. You’re sitting at the stools at the kitchen island of Sollux’s kitchenette. The door to his parents’ room is open. Mituna is standing in the doorway, staring at a toy elephant in his hand. He’s shaking it up and down and it makes a rattling sound.

“Shut it,” he says. “And that’s not even what a pineapple looks like, either.”

“This isn’t a pineapple!” you exclaim and scribble all over the paper with the yellow colored pencil in your hand. “It’s an octopus.”

“Octopuses aren’t yellow,” Sollux snarks. “And why are the tentacles green?”

“If you have multiple octopuses, then the word is octopi, idiot,” you say, smacking him on the hand with the pencil. “And it’s yellow and green because I like it that way. It’s only a pineapple if you look at it upside down and are dumb.”

“I’m not dumb! It looks like a pineapple!” Sollux says. He spits a little on the S in the word “looks.”

“Mom, I’m going outside,” Kuprum says, coming down the stairs. He jumps down two steps at a time and all of them make a loud thump. He has a watergun in his hand and a bag over his shoulder.

“Where?” Sollux’s mom yells from the other room.

“To that watergun fight with my friends! Ugh, I already told you!” Kuprum says, toeing his shoes on and adjusting his hat. His voice breaks into a high pitch in the middle of the sentence. Ooh. You’ve never been to a watergun fight before.

“Can me and Sollux come?” you ask, swirling around in the chair. Kuprum gives you a mean look.

“No,” he says flatly.

“Take Karkat and Sollux with you, honey. It could be fun,” Sollux’s mom says.

“Do you want to go?” you ask Sollux. He shrugs and hops down from the chair.

“More fun than drawing,” he says. “I want to be on the same team as Karkat.”

Kuprum rolls his eyes and beckons you to come with him. You put your shoes and take your backpack and follow him out through the door. It’s been impossibly hot all summer. Every day feels hotter than the last. The sun is really bright, too. Kuprum turns to the left from the door and heads towards the woods.

“Where is the watergun fight meant to be?” you ask. You’re sort of struggling to keep up. Kuprum is really tall nowadays. Sollux is a little faster than you, but not enough to be as fast as Kuprum.

“At PL,” Kuprum says. “So we don’t need to haul a fuckton of water there. We can just use the lake. You’re going to need these.”

He sticks a hand in his bag and, one by one, pulls out a pair of those balloon-filling pump things where you pump the thing and air comes out. He tosses one to Sollux and the other to you.

“Fill them with lake water, and then squirt them on everyone, alright?” he says. “And don’t say I didn’t do anything for you.”

You and Sollux grin at each other evilly.

You walk through the forest, hopping over bushes and climbing over fallen logs. Prospit Lake is shining gold from the sunlight. You can see a few people already standing at the edge of the swimming beach. You recognize some of them when you get closer. 

There’s Rufioh, and Kanaya’s big sister Porrim, and that nice girl from Kuprum’s grade who lives near the town hall. You can’t remember her name. Feferi’s sister is there too. She has two sisters, and you can never tell them apart, but you think that’s the older one of them. The one with the less earrings. What’s her name? Tri… Trixie?

“Hey, Trizza,” Kuprum says in a weird tone of voice when he walks up to her. Trizza! That’s her name. Trizza giggles and stands on her tiptoes to kiss Kuprum on the lips.

“Eww,” Sollux chokes and looks away. “Gross.”

You snort. “Not if you’re not a wuss.”

“I am not a wuss,” Sollux says. “It’s just gross. Teenagers are gross.”

“Why are those kids here?” Trizza asks and points at you.

“My mom said I had to bring Sollux and his dumb friend with me,” Kuprum explains.

“Hi, Karkat,” Rufioh says. “Hey, Sollux.”

“Hi, Tavros’ brother,” Sollux says. “Hi, Kanaya’s sister.”

“Hey,” Porrim says. She’s leaning against a tree, chewing gum in her mouth. Her watergun is the second biggest. Trizza’s is the biggest. Rufioh’s is small and it looks kind of old and dirty. Porrim rolls her shoulders. “Who are we still waiting on?”

“Uh, Latula, at least,” Rufioh says. “Meulin said she might be coming, too.”

“Are we just going to stand here and wait for those dumb broads?” Kuprum asks. Him and Trizza are practically fused together. Both of Trizza’s arms are around his shoulders and it looks like she’s leaning all of her weight on him.

“There’s an even number of us,” Porrim says. She’s got a black hoodie on and her jeans hanging low on her hips. “We could just split up into teams now and then… I don’t know. Whichever team is losing when they show up gets an extra player?”

“Right. So who wants the Rugrats?” Trizza asks. All the teenagers go quiet and start looking around like they’re not paying attention. You huff.

“We can be just as good as watergun fights as y’all!” you snap. Everyone, including Sollux, gives you a weird look, but you toss your backpack on the ground and keep going. “Just because we’re younger and smaller doesn’t mean you’re any fucking better than us at this!”

Rufioh chokes. Porrim asks, “how old are you?” 

“Six. No, seven,” you say uncertainly. She stands up with a sigh.

“Fine. I’ll take the Rugrats,” she announces. “This kid’s got attitude.”

“Hey, I want to be on Kuprum’s team!” Sollux protests.

“Too bad,” Trizza says. “Rugrats and Mama Bear versus me, Kubs and Rufioh. Three, two-”

“Wait, you haven’t explained the rules-” you yell.

“One, water fight!” Trizza announces and squirts water towards Porrim. She dodges out of the way and squirts back at her with her own gun. You look at Sollux. He looks about as panicked as you feel. You grab his arm and run towards the lake with your empty balloon pumps. You’ve barely had time to fill them up before you both have to use them to defend yourselves against Rufioh.

You’re almost out of water again (and your hair is already wet) when you hear another voice from the edge of the woods. “Hey, hey, hey! Whose team am I on?”

You turn to look. It’s Latula. You immediately regret turning to look when Kuprum fills your ear with lake water. You yell and stumble backwards, squirting water in his direction blindly. When water stops pouring at you and you open your eyes again, you see that Latula is watergun-attacking Kuprum to defend you.

“Your team, I guess,” she shouts to you when she passes by.

“Sollux and Porrim are our team, too!” you respond. She gives you a thumbs-up and then gives Trizza a faceful of water. You run through the battlefield to defend Sollux from Rufioh while he fills his balloon pump back up with lake water. He heaves and almost squirts water on you when he sees you. You give him the same thumbs-up Latula gave you. “Terezi’s sister is on our team now.”

Sollux returns the thumbs-up.

It’s all chaos. At some point that girl from school, Meulin, shows up with a few other people, and apparently they join Rufioh’s team even though you didn’t talk about it. Then two more girls that you’ve seen at school show up. You don’t know their names. Pretty soon there are at least twice as many people as there were to start with, and you only know half of them. You just shoot everyone except Sollux, Porrim and Latula. You might also shoot them, as well. You’re not sure who’s on whose team. You’re not sure there are teams anymore.

“Hold on, time out!” you hear one of the newer girls shout at one point. Everyone slowly stops squirting at each other and turns to look. She points at Latula, who’s hiding behind a tree at the forest’s edge. “Is the forest fair game? I feel like it should be outside the playing area.”

“Don’t be a killjoy, Skylla,” Latula says. “This is totally fair game.”

“Raise your hand if you think the forest is fair game,” Skylla yells. Sollux, Trizza, Latula and some other people raise their hands. It’s clearly enough to be the majority. Skylla frowns. “Okay, the forest is fair game. Time in!”

From there, it’s even more chaos. People run into the forest to get the cover of the trees, and almost immediately nobody is on the beach anymore. You and Sollux top up your balloon pumps. You grab your backpack, and then you follow them in the direction of Sollux’s house. It’s weird. It’s like everyone disappeared at once. You can still see a few people way ahead of you and hear them, but you and Sollux are almost alone.

You hop over roots and follow paths around. You haven’t been in this part of the forest before. The birds are singing really loudly overhead. You try to see people between the trees, but you can barely even hear them anymore. Still, you keep following the sounds. Sollux follows you.

Eventually, he asks, “do you know where we are?”

You frown and reply, “I don’t think so.”

You keep jogging through the woods. You’re not sure if the balloon pumps are dripping or just wet from you filling them up in the lake, but your hands are definitely slick from the water and maybe a little slimy, too. You’re not too far from home, though. You can see houses through the woods to your left, if you try to peek between the trees. So you’re just trying to find the others.

After a little bit of jogging, you think you see something between the trees, like a more open, non-forest area behind them. You prod at Sollux with a wet finger. “Hey, can you see that?”

Sollux wipes his eyes and squints. “Oh, yeah. Is there like, something behind there?”

“Let’s go look,” you suggest. The way there is covered in moss. You almost slip down a log, but Sollux helps you stay upright. You walk past little bushes and twigs and old, brown, wet leaves. The closer you get, the brighter and more gray whatever is behind the trees looks. Then you get there. And the first thing you say is, “oh. It’s a parking lot.”

Sollux comes up beside you. “Look at those cars. They’re so weird.”

He’s right. They look more like a mix between a car and a bus. Most of them are boxy and gray, with large, curtained-covered windows. A few have small awning coming off the side. Most of the parking spots are empty, though. There are only four or five bus-cars parked.

There’s a small sloped ditch between the edge of the woods and the parking lot. Sollux pushes past you and slides down. He almost falls over, but he’s fine. You follow suit. The gray concrete feels weirdly familiar compared to the forest. You follow Sollux, looking around like you’re on an alien planet.

“What is this place?” you ask him. Sollux shrugs. You go up to one of the vans and examine the window. The curtains inside twitch and open, and you see a boy inside. Just a boy. He blinks at you and then he leaves. A few moments later, the door of the van opens.

The boy steps out. He’s a kid, a little older than you, you think. He’s chubby, and he’s got a vest on and a hot dog in his hand. His hair is coarse and fluffy and his cheeks are freckled. “Hi. Who are you?”

You back up next to Sollux. “I’m Karkat. Who are you?”

“I’m Diemen,” he says. Then he looks at Sollux. “What about you?”

“Sollux,” he says.

“With an S,” you point out. He shoves you in the side.

“What’s this van thing?” Sollux asks.

“It’s my dad’s RV,” Diemen says like it’s obvious. He takes a bite of his hot dog. He doesn’t speak the way most people in town speak. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We were having a watergun fight with Sollux’s brother and then we got lost,” you explain. “We were looking for them, but we found you instead.”

“Oh,” Diemen says, swallowing the hot dog. “Alright. That’s cool. Uh… how old are you guys?”

“Seven,” Sollux says. “How old are you?”

“Ten,” Diemen says. He sits down on the stairs.

“Why is your car so big?” you ask. “Or RV or whatever. Why do you need a car this big?”

“We live in it,” Diemen says and takes another bite of hot dog. “Uh, my dad is a painter, he paints houses and stuff, and he’s got jobs all over, so we kinda have to go wherever we need. So we live on the RV. But right now we don’t really have anywhere to be, so we’re here, on, like, vacation, I guess. Do you guys live here?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Where’s your dad?”

Diemen shrugs. “Buying groceries or something. I like your shirt.”

You glance down at your Galaxy Attack shirt. “Thanks! Do you like Galaxy Attack, too?”

“Uh, yeah, I love Galaxy Attack,” Diemen says and grins. The wind sweeps his fringe over his eyes. “Do you guys know Lusiimon?”

“I love Lusiimon!” Sollux says. “Me and my brother have all the cards.”

“Cool,” Diemen says. “Do you play the games?”

“I have Lusiimon Cobalt, but it doesn’t work with my Game Boy,” you say, and Sollux shakes his head. Diemen leans back on the stairs.

“That sucks,” he says, mouth full of hot dog. “If you ever want to play something, I have Lusiimon Arena on my GameCube, and we’re probably going to be here for a little while, so you can come over whenever. Usually I can’t, since you need more than one person to play it and I don’t really know anyone who wants to play with me.”

“That would be awesome!” you say.

“Cool,” Diemen says. “You guys are pretty cool.”

“Thanks,” you say.

You and Sollux sit there under the sunshade at Diemen’s RV and chat with him for a while. You show Crab to him. He seems pretty cool, too. He asks if you want hot dogs, so you eat some hot dogs with him.

“Bye,” you say to Diemen later, when his dad comes home. You and Sollux start leaving, but Sollux pulls your sleeve.

“Karkat,” he says. “I don’t know how to get home from here.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you say. “If we start walking, we’ll find home.” 

There’s a driveway into the parking lot with sidewalks by it. You lead Sollux through the suburb. The houses there have big yards, bigger than the ones on your street. You think you’ve been here before at some point. Someone probably lives somewhere around here that you’ve visited, like one of your classmates’ birthday parties.

You keep walking. You take deep breaths through your mouth. “My feet hurt.”

“Don’t complain,” Sollux says. The sun is starting to set, coloring the sky lilac. There are a few clouds scattered around with orange undersides from the light. It’s still really, really hot. You hear crickets chirping in the ditch by the road where there are no houses, where long strands of grass are growing and there’s gross mud at the bottom.

While you walk, some things start to seem more familiar. You see the streetlights of Main Street to your right. You see the playground. You grab Sollux’s arm. “Hey, Sollux, isn’t this where you live?”

Sollux looks around. “Yeah, it is! There’s my house.”

You cross the road to Sollux’s house. Both the yards and the houses are smaller here than at the RV parking lot place. There are lights on inside. Sollux rings the doorbell.

A few later, his dad opens the door. For a moment, he looks tense and worried, but when he sees you, he relaxes. “Hey. Where have you two been? Kuprum said he lost track of you in the woods. We were worried.”

“We were fine,” Sollux says. “We found a big parking lot with, um, RVs.”

Sollux’s mom comes over and hugs Sollux. “Welcome home.”

“I’ll drive you home, Karkat,” Sollux’s dad says. “It’s getting late. Honey, would you call-”

“I got it,” Sollux’s mom says and goes inside.

“Yeah,” you say, tired. You return the balloon pump to the Captors. It’s long empty by now. You say bye to Sollux and he follows his mom inside. His dad’s car smells like leather and Sollux. He leaves you at the driveway in front of your house.

When the door opens, Dad immediately wraps you in a hug. He feels warm and familiar, and you hug him back.

“Heard you and Sollux went on quite an adventure,” he says when you come inside. “Go and wash your hands. I made dinner without you.”

“Sorry,” you say. When you come from the downstairs bathroom and slip into a chair at the dining table - spaghetti - you say, “we found a parking lot for only house vans. Um, RVs.”

“The RV park?” uncle Crawford asks from the couch, flipping through channels. “How’d you find it?”

“We walked through the woods,” you explain and squirt ketchup all over your spaghetti. “It was fun.”

You’re cut off by a yawn. Dad laughs. “I think it’s a shower and then bedtime for you, big guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, i... don't really know why hot dogs got mentioned so many times in this one. idk. guess i was craving hot dogs subconsciously while writing? anyhow.
> 
> i'd love to hear y'all's thoughts!
> 
> the next chapter will be posted on **august 16!** i'll see you then!!


	7. second grade, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why, he's a little ladies' man, ain't he?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops, a few days late!
> 
> sorry about that. with school starting back up and all, it's been a busy couple of weeks. but i hope you're all having an okay time in your lives and i hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> whenever this sort of thing happens for me i try to post notifications about it on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/rattlesmaeke) ~~also i post davekat fanart there sometimes~~ anyway yeah what were we talking about right yeah enjoy the chapter

You get a new teacher again when you start second grade. Her name is Mrs. Echidna. She’s tall and skinny and light-haired, and her legs are really long. She’s pretty different from Mr. Typheus, except for the fact that they’re both tall. Mrs. Echidna is nicer and she’s really smart. She talks a lot, actually.

You don’t have those tables anymore that you had in first grade. Now you have real desks, the kind that you can open and put your books inside. You have nametags taped to the fronts of your desks. There’s not a lot of space on the desk itself.

You got assigned random seats in class this fall. You’re sitting next to Jade by the window. Jade is way nicer than Rose and Dave were last year. You found out that she also hides her favorite plushie in her backpack when she comes to school, like you do with Crab. She let you try her glasses one time and your head started hurting.

The leaves outside have been turning more and more brown recently. It’s still been pretty warm, but at least not as terribly hot as it was during the summer.

“Is that, uh, field trip thing today?” Jade asks you one morning when she slides into her chair next to you. You pull out your notebook and your pencil case.

“Yeah,” you say to her.

“Oh, cool!” Jade says. “Snowman gave me a permission slip, but I wasn’t sure if it was today. I was afraid that I would have to leave before it.”

“Are you going somewhere with your grandpa again?” you ask. Mrs. Echidna greets everyone and takes out the name list from one of her desk’s drawers. Jade nods. “Where?”

“I don’t know,” Jade says. “I just know we’re leaving soon.”

“That sucks! Do you have to?” you ask. “I think you should stay, I mean… what am I going to do if we have to partner up?”

Jade squints and hums in thought. She points behind you. “You could partner with Aradia and Rose.”

Aradia and Rose are sitting behind you. You look at them over your shoulder. Aradia waves at you. “Hi.”

“Hey,” you say. Then, under your breath, you say to Jade, “no.”

“Why not?” Jade asks.

“Because… they’re… I don’t know. Rose is weird,” you say.

“No, she’s not!” Jade says. “She’s my best friend. One of them.”

“Jade and Karkat,” Mrs. Echidna says. “Could you quiet down, please?”

“Sorry, Mrs. Echidna,” you say immediately.

“Thank you.” You feel the eyes of the whole classroom on you. Mrs. Echidna relaxes and talks to the entire class. “Now, if you remember, we’re going on a field trip today- Yes, I know it’s very exciting. Vriska, don’t do that to Tavros. Thank you. So, the Nitram family has very kindly let us visit their farm today. We’re leaving after class. Everyone has their permission slips, right? Raise your hand if you don’t have a slip.”

Nobody raises their hand. Mrs. Echidna smiles.

“Alright, wonderful. After class, we’ll go pick up lunches from the kitchen for everyone that doesn’t have his or her own lunch packed and walk to the farm. It’s not too long of a walk, so it should be fine. I want to ask you all to be on your best behavior before we leave, even though you’re all very excited. Can you do that? Wonderful. Now, today we’re talking about Ancient Greece. Can anyone tell me where Greece is?”

You are so excited to get to go to a farm. Maybe you’ll see a real cow. 

After class, you stand outside the classroom with everyone that already had their lunches packed. It’s you, Eridan, Jade, John, and Tavros. You put on a cap and your hoodie.

“Isn’t your last name Nitram?” John asks Tavros. Tavros is re-tying his shoelaces and nods at the ground without looking up at John. John smiles. “Aw, cool! So it’s your family’s farm?”

“Yeah,” Tavros says and stands up.

“That’s awesome,” John says. “Do you have horses there?”

“N- no,” Tavros says. “Just some cows and chickens and st- stuff.”

“Lame,” Eridan says. “How gross is it? I would guess it’s pretty gross, like, with all the cows. Especially based on what you’re like.”

“What’s that meant to mean?” Jade asks. “There’s nothing gross about Tavros.”

“Aw, thanks…” Tavros says quietly. “Jade.”

“I’m just saying, he smells weird. You haven’t noticed?” Eridan says. He’s leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Don’t say that,” you say. “You’re wrong.”

“Of course you would say that,” Eridan says. “You’re both weird and you both live in weird stupid places.”

“What?” you say. “Shut up! You ass!”

“What was that, Karkat?” Mrs. Echidna says behind you. You turn around and find her walking down the hallway towards you with all your other classmates tailing her.

“Karkat told me to shut up, Mrs. Echidna,” Eridan instantly starts complaining in the whiniest tone he can.

“It was because he told me I was weird!” you say.

“Karkat, that’s not any way to speak to your classmate, is it?” Mrs. Echidna says. She leans down next to you and Eridan. “Both of you, apologize.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m sorry I told you to shut up.”

“I’m sorry too,” Eridan says, and you recognize it is definitely not for saying you’re weird. He smiles at you, but not in a nice way. As soon as Mrs. Echidna stands up and turns around, you mouth, ‘fish face.’ Eridan shows his tongue at you.

“Everyone partner up and let’s form a line,” Mrs. Echidna says. Sollux comes up to you and Eridan goes over to Feferi. Sollux pokes you in the arm.

“It’s always you making the teachers angry,” he says. “You and Vriska.”

“Ugh, ew, don’t say that. I am so much better than Vriska,” you tell him and he grins. The gap between his front teeth is still there. You grin back at him. “Partners?”

“Yeah, obviously,” he says and you pull him to the front of the line. You’ve decided you’re going to be the first in line.

“Hey, Karkat,” Terezi says, walking past you with her arm interlocked in Vriska’s. They stand in front of you, giggling about something. You prod Terezi in the back.

“Hey, we were first in the line,” you say.

“Well, you’re not anymore,” Vriska says. You groan and push past her to the front of the line. Vriska smacks her lips and shoves you from behind. “Hey!”

“Hi,” Sollux responds, holding onto your arm so Vriska can't push you. You start laughing.

After everyone is done getting in line, Mrs. Echidna and Mr. Hephaestus (he’s also here) lead you out through the school doors and you start walking. You walk along the edge of the road, by the forest. The birds are so loud. You can hear the leaves on the trees rustling. Some are colorful already. Others just have the yellow and brown on the tips of the leaves, slowly moving towards the base. Your classmates are all loudly talking behind you. Your feet hurt a little bit.

After a little bit, you come to the edge of the woods and you see endless amounts of fields spreading out in all directions. You see tractors plowing through some of the fields. You see cows way, way, way in the distance. Vriska points them out to Terezi in the distance, and she goes “oh!” When you glance over your shoulder, you see her holding up her shades and trying to squint to see them.

All of the roads outside sort of look the same because of the fields. It’s just hay and hay all around and you don’t know what direction is what. You’ve driven through here many times, but you still don’t really know what is where.

You’re hot and sweaty by the time you start to almost reach the farm. The first thing you notice is the smell of it, and you hear multiple people behind you go “eww!” at it. You snicker. “Stinks of Eridan, but less fishy.”

Vriska laughs and shoves you. “You’re right!”

“Karkat, what did I tell you just before we left?” Mrs. Echidna says.

“You told me to shut up and be nice to people who are assholes,” you respond.

“Karkat!” she says. “You know those words ain’t allowed in my classroom. I’ll have to call your parents if you talk like that.”

“We’re not in your classroom,” Sollux points out. “We’re in a field.”

“We’re next to a field,” Vriska points out smugly.

“Shut up, Vriska!” you say.

Mrs. Echidna sighs and stops. The whole line stutters to a stop. Mr. Hephaestus shouts from behind the line, “what’s going on?”

“Just wait for a second, everyone,” Mrs. Echidna says. She turns on her heels and leans down. Her eyes bore into yours and her voice sounds scarier than any teacher has ever before. “Now, Karkat. You’re going to act appropriately while we’re at the farm, or I’ll call your house and have you get picked up. Got it?”

You shift and swallow nervously. “Okay, Mrs. Echidna.”

“Thank you,” she says and stands up. “Alright, let’s keep going.”

You keep walking. Sollux shoves your side a little and huffs, “jeez.”

When you get to the farm, you see Tavros’ dad waiting for you at the gate. You’ve been here once before, for Tavros’ birthday party. It smells like cows and poop and straw. It’s really not a nice smell. Tavros’ dad is a big, tall man, the kind with just a little bit of wrinkles on his face that stand out whenever he smiles. He’s wearing a plaid shirt and thick black gloves. There’s mud on his shoes. He’s leaning against the gate. 

There are tire tracks in the mud of the ground. The biggest building you can see is a small wooden brown house right in front. There’s a tractor and an apple tree and a picnic table in front of it. It looks kind of old. The paint has peeled of some of the planks in the front. You can see a shed and a chicken coop, too.

“Good morning, kids,” Tavros’ dad says. “Nice to see y’all again. Those of you that I’ve seen. And nice to meet all of y’all that I haven’t met before.”

The whole day, you spend at Tavros’ place. His dad shows you around. He tells you about the chickens and how early he has to get up to take care of the cows and milk them, and how they sell food and stuff and you get to sit on the tractor in the front yard. Tavros’ home is really big, if you count all the fields and stuff around it. You wonder if all the fields are his dad’s, too.

You sit around in the grass on the lawn and at the picnic table eating lunch. You and Sollux are sitting under the apple tree. Mrs. Echidna wanted you to eat indoors, but because a lot of people wanted to eat outside, Mr. Hephaestus said you could do a vote and eating outside won. So now you’re sitting in the shadow of the tree and eating your lunch. The colors of the crab lunchbox look sort of faded in the shade.

“So, yeah, I think Kuprum is going to play it with me,” Sollux says, mouth full of sandwich. “Or, at least, he’s going to let me watch him play it when he gets it.”

You’re not really listening, but you nod.

Mrs. Echidna is leading you back to school now, back in a line with partners. She made you go in sort of a reverse order, so that people who were in the back would get to be in the front this time. You’re not sure why. You guess it’s meant to be fair or something. Jade is in front of you, together with Aradia. She waves at the field where Tavros’ family’s cows are standing and shouts, “bye, cows!”

-

You’re sitting in Dad’s room one day after school. You get to use his computer whenever he’s not at home, which is most days for at least a while. Sollux showed you a website where you can play games and stuff like that and now you use it every day. You had to ask Dad to make an account for you, but Sollux got Kuprum to make him one, so now you can both play the games on it. You don’t really get the whole thing, but it’s fun.

The doorbell rings downstairs. You hear the front door open and uncle Crawford talking to someone. Hm. Maybe it’s a door-to-door salesman or something like that. You’ve never had a door-to-door salesman come to your house, but it could be a door-to-door salesman.

You hear uncle Crawford coming up the stairs. “Hey, Karkat:”

“Yeah?” you ask, not looking over.

“How long have you been on the computer today?”

You shrug.

“Come downstairs,” he says. “Maybe go outside and play. Aradia’s here.”

“...Wait, Aradia’s here?” you ask and turn around. You see uncle Crawford standing in the doorway of Dad’s room, and Aradia is there next to him in a red overalls dress and a white blouse, looking into the room from behind him. You turn the chair around.

“My mom is busy and she didn’t want me to be at home alone,” Aradia says. “And I can’t go to anyone else’s house today, so…”

“Why don’t you kids, y’know, play or something?” uncle Crawford says and steps away from the door, towards the stairs. “Go outside for a little while instead of bein’ all cooped up in here. It’s a nice day.”

Aradia watches him walk down the stairs and then asks, “do you want to go to Prospit Lake?”

“I’m busy,” you say and sit back down.

“Aw, c’mon,” Aradia says. “What about the playground? Or, um, I don’t know. What do you like? Crabs? There might be crabs at Prospit Lake.”

“I said I’m busy,” you insist. “I’m doing stuff.”

“What are you doing?” Aradia asks, coming over to you and leaning over your chair. “Ooh, what is that?”

“Ugh, stop it!” you say and try to swat her away. “Look, I’m just busy. How long are you going to be here?”

“I don’t know,” Aradia says. She sighs deeply. “You are so boring.”

“I am not boring!” you say immediately. “I’m just doing something! Why do you need me to hang out with you? Find something to do on your own.”

“If I wanted to do something on my own, I would be at home,” Aradia says and crosses her arms. “I have a key. I could leave if I wanted to.”

“What, a key to your house?” you ask. Aradia smirks. She fishes around in the pocket of her dress and pulls out a little metallic key on a ring. She waves it in front of your face and pulls it away when you try to grab her hand. “How do you have a key?”

“Mom left a spare one and I took it,” she says, grinning. “I don’t know if I was meant to, but I thought it might be useful.”

You stare. “So you could just go in and out whenever you wanted?”

Aradia shrugs and twirls the key around her finger. “I guess so, yeah.”

“You’re like, a sneaky thief or something like that,” you say. “Vriska and Terezi would really like that, I think.”

“There’s a reason they’re my friends,” Aradia says and grins even wider. She starts running out of Dad’s room. “Come on, let’s go explore.”

“Don’t lose the key or your mom will get mad!” you say to her and run after her. She slips the key into her pocket and slides down the railing of your stairs. It creaks. Uncle Crawford’s voice exclaims in the kitchen.

“Hey, careful! That’s really old!”

“Sorry, Mr. Vantas!” Aradia says and runs to the door. You follow her as fast as you can and almost trip on the stairs on your way down.

“Hey, hey, hey, careful!” uncle Crawford says when you hit the ground. Aradia is already out the door. “Where are you two going?”

“I don’t know,” you respond to him before you follow her out. Then, as you slam the door closed, “but we’ll be back before dinner!”

Aradia slows down when you get to the sidewalk, slow enough for you to catch up. “So, where should we go?”

“I don’t know!” you say. “You’re the one who ran out here, dammit!”

Aradia scoffs. “Alright, fine. So, let’s go to… Sollux’s house!”

“What?” you ask. “Why Sollux’s house?”

“I don’t know. He seems nice,” Aradia says. “Why not to Sollux’s house?”

“Are you friends with Sollux?” you ask. You’ve never really seen them talk to each other or anything like that. Aradia hums and kicks a rock.

“Well, not really, I guess,” she says, “But, y’know. He’s your friend. You can introduce us! Maybe we like something that’s the same. Maybe we have similar things that we like.”

You grumble. “Alright. But we need to call his house first and ask if we can go there. You always have to call and ask first.”

“Oh,” Aradia says. “Um… do you know how to call them?”

“No,” you say. “Uncle Crawford does.”

Aradia stops and stares at you with an incredibly bored look on her face. “So we have to go back to your house again?”

“I guess so,” you say.

You go back and get uncle Crawford - he’s making a sandwich - to call Sollux’s house on your house’s phone and ask them if Sollux is home. He is. You and Aradia kind of argue with him about whether you should go to his house or if he should come to yours. In the end, you decide that you’ll meet him at the playground.

He lives closer, so he’s already there by the time you and Aradia make it over. You see someone your dad has stopped to talk to at the grocery store before is there with a little baby-looking kid who’s waddling around in a jumpsuit. Sollux is sitting alone on the swings. You come up behind him and Aradia scares him by putting her hands on his shoulders. He jumps.

“Augh! What the heck?” he asks and stumbles out of the swing. Aradia hops onto it on her knees and laughs loudly.

“Flinched!” she says and kicks up speed for herself. She almost hits Sollux with the swing and he just barely avoids it by dodging to the side.

“Ugh, Aradia,” he says. “Go hang out with the dumb girls instead of bothering us. Why are you even here?”

“Her mom is busy,” you respond for Aradia. She slips her knees from underneath her into a normal sitting position and kicks up more speed.

“So, what are we gonna do?” she asks, swinging past. Sollux gives you a look.

“I think I’m gonna go home,” he grumbles. “This is dumb.”

“Don’t go,” you say.

“What’s dumb?” Aradia asks. She sticks her foot into the sand and it slows her down a little bit, but it also kicks up a lot of sand. You and Sollux both step back to avoid getting sand in your face. “We haven’t even done anything yet.”

“Right, and what’s your dumb idea for what to do?” Sollux asks with his arms crossed.

“Well,” Aradia says. “Have you ever gone into the woods past Prospit Lake?”

“Past? Like away from town past Prospit Lake?” Sollux asks.

“Well, we went to the RV park in the summer,” you say.

“The RV park is in town,” Sollux says flatly. “She means, like, to the bonfire and then keep going forward into te woods.”

“Ohh,” you say. “What’s over there?”

“I don’t know! That’s the mystery of it,” Aradia says. “That’s why we need to go there and explore it. We might find a- like a secret ancient temple, or, um, the hidden home of the fairies-”

“Fairies don’t exist,” you interrupt. “They’re not real.”

“They are too!” Aradia says and gives you a mean look.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Have you ever seen a fairy?” you ask.

“Yeah, I have,” Aradia responds. “I saw one in the woods between here and Prospit Lake!”

“No way, no, you haven’t,” you say angrily. “Liar!”

“I’m ain’t a liar! We’ll go look and then if we find fairies, then I’ll have been right and you’ll be wrong, and you’ll know I’m not lying!” Aradia says and jumps out of the swings onto the sand. “Unless you’re scared that a girl will prove you wrong.”

“I’m not wrong! I’m right!” you shout. “Come on, Sollux! We’re gonna go find these fairies. Or more like not find, because they’re not there, because they don’t exist!”

Aradia grins and leads you into the forest behind the playground. This is a familiar place. It’s close to where Sollux lives, so you’ve been here multiple times. The bushes at the edge of woods are just close enough to the playground to be fair game for hide and seek, and there are great places to hide here. The further you go, the closer you get to Prospit Lake. The forest looks so much sadder now with most of the leaves fallen off the trees and all of those leaves on the ground in a wet brown slog. You’ve had to switch your normal shoes for your rainboots.

“The Tooth Fairy’s not real,” you say, pushing past the wet branches. They leave little cold droplets onto the sleeve of your shirt. “Or, um, the Tooth Fairy isn’t a fairy, because fairies aren’t real. It’s my dad. My dad is the Tooth Fairy.”

“What?” Sollux asks. “You’re saying your dad goes around giving our quarters to every kid that loses a tooth? Every night?”

“Well, no,” you say. “That would be weird.”

“So how is it that I also get quarters when I lose teeth?” he asks.

“Are you saying you believe in the Tooth Fairy?” you ask him. You come out of the woods at Prospit Lake and start walking around it. Your boots sink into the mud that surrounds the lake. “I can’t believe you. I thought we already figured this out-”

“I ain’t saying I believe in the Tooth Fairy! I’m saying that the Tooth Fairy can’t just be your dad, ‘cuz that doesn’t make any sense!”

“The Tooth Fairy is real,” Aradia says. “I saw her.”

“The Tooth Fairy is a boy,” Sollux says.

“What? No! Fairies are all girls!” you say. “The Tooth Fairy can’t be a boy. Or, he, um, she couldn’t be, if she existed, because she doesn’t, ‘cause fairies aren’t real. But if they were, they would all be girls.”

“No,” Sollux says. “There have to be boy fairies. You can’t just have girl fairies and no boy fairies.”

“Why not?” Aradia asks. Sollux opens his mouth and then closes it, and then he opens it again.

“So how do… I mean, where do fairies come from, then? If fairies don’t have dads. Right? Everyone has a dad.”

“I don’t have a dad,” Aradia points out. “And Karkat doesn’t have a mom.”

“Don’t talk about my mom.” You shove Aradia and she stumbles.

“Don’t shove me!” she says and shoves you back. “I’m just saying, I don’t have a dad, so clearly you don’t need to have a dad.”

“What happened to your dad?” Sollux asks.

“I don’t have one!” Aradia insists.

“No, everyone has a mom and a dad, and if you only have one of them, then something happened to the other one or something,” Sollux says. “Like how Vriska’s dad lives in Oklahoma. Or how Karkat’s-”

“Stop it!” you say. That weird swirly feeling in your head and tummy is there again. “Shut up.”

“Why is it a big deal? She died, so what,” Sollux says. “It’s been years. You don’t even remember what she looks like.”

“I remember what she looks like!” you yell and shove Sollux too. He almost falls into Prospit Lake, but then he catches himself and runs around you so you’re between him and the lake. You’re trying to fight back the headache. “You wouldn’t know! You didn’t know her!”

“Karkat, calm down,” Aradia says.

“You told me you don’t,” Sollux says. Aradia punches him in the side.

“Shut up,” she tells him.

“What? It’s true!” Sollux says. He seems to realize both you and Aradia are giving him mean looks, and he starts to look unsure. “Yeah, well, whatever. So, Aradia, what happened to your dad?”

“Nothing! I’ve never had a dad!” Aradia says again.

“So where did you come from, then?” you ask.

“My mom,” Aradia says.

“I don’t think you can just have a baby suddenly,” Sollux says. “Can you? Oh my god. That’s scary. What if I’m gonna have a baby and I don’t know it?”

“Boys can’t have babies, idiot,” you say. “That’s why the fairies are fine all being girls. Because girls can have babies and boys can’t.”

“Right, yes. Exactly,” Aradia says. You walk past the bonfire and come to the edge of the forest on the other side. The bonfire looks soggy and a little bit mossy. The trees this side of the lake look way taller than on your side, somehow. Aradia gasps and turns around to look at you and Sollux. “Wait, wait. If I don’t have a dad, does that mean that I’m a fairy?”

“You ain’t a fairy,” you say. “Fairies don’t exist.”

Aradia sighs. “They might.”

“They don’t!” you repeat.

You go into the forest. It’s just as wet and uncomfortable as the forest by the playground was. The bushes and ferns and stuff on the forest floor are tall enough to reach to your waist. The hem of Aradia’s dress is getting soggy and muddy, and so are your rainboots. You grumble. “Should we go home? Do we know how to get home from here?”

“Yeah, of course we know how to go home,” Aradia says. “We’ll just go back the way we came. We can’t leave now. We’re so close to finding the fairies.”

“Ugh, there are no fairies out here!” you yell. “Let’s go home.”

“No, I want to see if she’s right,” Sollux says. “If there actually are fairies here, I want to see them.”

You sigh and follow them deeper into the forest. “Where did you see that fairy you saw?”

“Well, that wasn’t here,” Aradia says. “That was, um, back closer to the playground while I was swimming at Prospit Lake during the summer, and I saw it in the woods…”

“What’d it look like?” you ask. Aradia climbs over a fallen rotting log and shrugs.

“I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember what the fairy you saw looked like?” Sollux asks. “How can you forget what a fairy looks like?”

“I only saw it for a second before it disappeared!” Aradia says. “But I have a good feeling about this forest. There are definitely fairies here.”

“Dumb make-believe,” you say. You follow Aradia through the forest for even longer. She whaps plants aside and climbs up on a rock to try and see better, but she still doesn’t see any fairies. Just trees, she says. You walk for probably a million years. Then, out of nowhere, you hear a loud, deep noise- like a weird shout, almost. You catch yourself on a tree. “What the hell was that?”

“A fairy!” Aradia says excitedly and starts running through the woods. Sollux starts chasing her through the bushes. It takes you maybe three seconds to realize where you’ve heard that sound before.

“It’s not a fairy!” you shout. They don’t stop. You chase after them.

When you come to the edge of the woods, you see pretty much what you expected. There’s a small, fenced-in field. You see forest all around it and a little farmhouse and shed way to your right. Aradia and Sollux are standing in front of you by the fence. Behind it, a herd of cows. One of them is leaning over, trying to lick Aradia’s hand. It can’t quite reach. She turns to you victoriously. “Look, they’re fairy cows!”

“What?” you ask and walk over. “That’s just a normal cow. That’s exactly like the cows at Tavros’ house.”

“No, they’re fairy cows, because they’re in this magic meadow,” Aradia says. “Does this look like a normal meadow to you?”

“It looks normal for a place for cows to be,” Sollux says.

“Are we allowed to be here?” you ask.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” says Aradia.

You stand there for a little while, talking about whether or not these cows are fairies and feeding grass from to the cows from the palms of your hands. Their tongues are just like the tongues of the cows at Tavros’ house. Weird and coarse and slobbery. It’s kind of really gross. And maybe a little bit nice, too. Except for when one of the cows tries to eat Sollux’s whole hand.

“Fairies: proven,” Aradia says when you’re walking back home. “That counts, right?”

“Cows are not fairies,” you grumble. “They don’t count as fairies. We found cows. Cows are just cows. We were trying to find fairies.”

“But weren’t they sort of magical?” Aradia asks.

“No,” Sollux says. He’s still trying to shake the cow spit off of his hand. “They were just cows, Aradia.”

“Why are you two so boring?” Aradia sighs. “Live a little. Like… here, Sollux, tag, you’re it!”

“Aw, eugh, what are you doing? Your hand is covered in- that is so gross! Aradia! Ew!”

Aradia is chasing you and Sollux around the woods with her cow spit hand, shouting about how she’s the Great Cow Fairy and she’s trying to bless you. She chases you all the way back to town.

-

You really don’t like days when Sollux is sick at home. It means you have to sit alone at lunch. Everyone else is chatting. You see Aradia, Tavros, Terezi and Vriska sitting by themselves talking about something. You don’t know if Tavros is lucky or unlucky that he’s always around Vriska. She seems to like him, so maybe she’s nicer to him than she is to you, but she still seems like she wouldn’t be fun to be around.

You can see the big school mascot symbol of the wall and hear the conversations of everyone sitting near you. Jade, Rose, Dave and John are all sitting down the table from you. You’re on the very edge of the row. You can hear them talking about John’s grandma’s house and Jade mentions her grandpa’s summer house in Canada. You take a bite out of your sandwich. Meh. Too much mustard. You don’t like mustard. You put the sandwich down.

Someone grabs your Capri-Sun. You look up. It’s that weird middle school boy. Cronus. He’s mean and over a head taller than you. His hair is black and messy and weirdly greasy. He’s always chewing a toothpick, like he’s a cowboy or something, and he wears these white T-shirts. He’s started wearing denim jackets this year everywhere he goes.

You see some other eighth-graders standing behind him, looking at him like they’re waiting for him. He takes the Capri-Sun and turns it in his hand and grins. “Wild Cherry?”

Some of the other teenagers start laughing. You are not in the mood for this. You try to grab the Capri-Sun out of his hand, but he holds it away. You groan. “Give it back.”

“Or what?” Cronus says. He tears the straw off. “Y’know, maybe I’ll drink this. I’m kinda thirsty.”

“Give it back!” you say and stand up to try and grab it again. Cronus moves back and shoves you at the same time. You trip on the bench and stumble and all the eighth graders laugh again. Your chin hits the bench. You hear the sound of the straw popping into the pouch and Cronus slurps.

“Tasty,” he says. You sit up and try to come up with a really mean insult.

“You’re like if a rat became a zombie,” you tell him, wiping hair away from your face. Cronus laughs.

“Give the kid his juice, Cronus,” one of the eighth graders you can’t see says.

“Nah,” he says and slurps the juice again. “It’s my juice now. Let’s go.”

“Hey, wait a second!” Jade says behind you. Cronus and the eighth graders stop and look at her. She’s standing right next to you, arms crossed and an angry look on her face. “What are you doing?”

Cronus gives her a weird look, looks away, and then looks back at her. “What’s it to you?”

“You’re being rude,” she says. “And I don’t like rude people.”

Cronus gives her another look and then looks like he suppresses laughter. “Alright. And?”

“And you should give him his juice back,” Jade continues, but it’s clear that she’s becoming less sure by the second. He’s really tall compared to both of you. “It’s Karkat’s juice.”

“Like I care,” Cronus says. “It’s mine now.”

“Jade,” Rose says, but Jade keeps going.

“What, so you can just take things from people and then they’re yours?” Jade asks. “So I could take your jacket or your dumb toothpick and that would make them mine? Stop being mean and give Karkat’s juice back!”

This is embarrassing. 

“Jade, stop,” you try to say.

“What? It’s your juice!” she tells you. The eighth-graders are all staring at you. You look around the cafeteria. Some other people have turned to look too. Dave is staring at you- not at Jade or at Cronus, but at you- looking like you did something wrong.

“Just stop,” you tell Jade again. Jade’s shoulders drop and she glances around the cafeteria, too. Cronus laughs, slurps the Capri-Sun, and walks away.

After a few moments of silence, Jade sits down on the bench behind you and asks, “what was that?”

“You were making a whole thing,” you say angrily. “I didn’t ask for you to help.”

“I was trying to do something nice!” she says and stands up. She doesn’t look happy with you. “Okay. Whatever. Sorry you lost your juice.”

She starts to walk away. Before she sits down, you say, “Jade.”

She looks at you.

“Um,” you say. “Thanks for trying to help.”

Jade smiles. “It’s okay. Do you want to sit with us for the rest of lunch?”

-

“Hey, Mom, look! Mom, look at this! Mom!” John shouts, hanging upside down on the monkey bars in the playground near Sollux’s house. The hood of his blue dotted raincoat is hanging under him. His mom is sitting on a bench next to you and Terezi’s dads, talking to them about something. It’s a gray and sort of rainy day today, when it’s not really raining, but it is kind of drizzling. You and Sollux are crossing the jungle gym rope bridge.

“No, no, no,” you say to Sollux. “If we play space cowboys, then I’m going to be the captain.”

“Why not me?” Sollux asks. “I want to be captain.”

“Because I would make a better captain,” you say. Sollux sighs.

“Alright, fine. If I can be vice-captain.”

“You’ll be my right-hand man,” you tell him and start climbing up towards the slide. “Now, we have to go to Mars, because the Martians told me they’re having cow problems.”

Sollux stops and laughs. “Cow problems?”

“Yeah!” you say. “Cow problems. Come on!”

The slide is wet. You go down anyway. You see Dad on the bench when you come down the slide. He’s talking to the other grownups, but he waves when he sees you. You circle around under the jungle gym, into the little hut with the sliding puzzle on the wall. You already know it’s meant to be a picture of a pig, but the pieces are slightly out of place. Sollux squeezes in next to you. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” you say. “Cow problems?”

Sollux sighs. “You’re not really good at this playing pretend thing yet.”

You give him a mean look. “Do you have a better idea?”

“We could do something that wasn’t stupid,” he suggests and dodges when you try to punch him. “Karkat. It has to be natural. You can’t just come up with it. If you were… um… okay. If you were a space cowboy, what would be the first thing you wanted to do?”

“...Punch you for being dumb,” you say. Sollux laughs. “Okay, but, um… I think maybe I’d… try to ride a space cow?”

Sollux and you look at each other. He grins with his gap-toothed smile. “Swings?”

You run to the swing. Both of them have water on them, and they’re nasty and wet even after you pour out the little bit of water that’s still there. But you swing anyway. Somehow, it turns into Sollux pretend-trying to catch you for stealing and riding his space cow or something like that.

“Hey!” Vriska shouts from the middle of the playground, just by the jungle gym. She’s not shouting at you, just to everyone there- you, Sollux, John, Terezi, Kanaya, Eridan and Feferi. “Let’s play tag! Come here!”

Everyone gathers around near Vriska. John is sitting on the jungle gym with the hood of his raincoat on. Eridan and Feferi are sitting on the see-saw. Kanaya and Terezi are in the sandbox.

“We’re going to play tag,” Vriska announces. 

“What if we don’t want to play tag?” you ask with your arms crossed.

“Then too bad, because we’re playing tag anyway,” Vriska says. “Who wants to be it first?”

Nobody says anything. Vriska sighs.

“Typical, typical, typical,” she says and starts pointing at everyone in a circle. “Okay, let’s do this the hard way. Eeny, meeny, miney, mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers, let him go- just kidding, it’s kiss chase! Get them!”

John shrieks and scrambles up. Terezi shouts with excitement and immediately leaps up to run for Eridan. Eridan is frozen still and is staring at Feferi, who is struggling to get out of the see-saw seat. Vriska jumps up on the rope ladder to go after John. Sollux pulls on your jacket sleeve. “Run!”

The girls chase you around the playground. They immediately get Eridan, who refuses to keep playing after Terezi gets him. John is on the monkey bars, desperately trying to avoid attacks from Terezi below him and Vriska above. Kanaya is the only girl who seems reluctant to chase you. You lose sight of Sollux. They may have gotten him. You run under the jungle gym and around the monkey bars and almost run head-first into John and Terezi. John is rubbing his cheek.

“Oh no,” you say. “They got you.”

John smiles. “They did. Terezi-”

Terezi attacks you. For a second, the world spins, and you’re on the ground getting pushed down by Terezi. She laughs and there’s a weird, warm and really wet something on your cheek. You shout and push her off. “Eww! Ew, ew, ew, Terezi, you’re meant to kiss, not lick!”

“Well, what’s really the difference?” Terezi asks, grinning. Her red glasses glimmer. You wipe at your cheek with the sleeve of your jacket.

“Did she do that to you, too?” you ask John, trying to scrub off the spit.

“No, it was Vriska,” John says. He’s still hanging from the monkey bars. You grumble.

“So gross.”

“Ew, Karkat has cooties now,” Eridan says from the edge of the sandbox.

“You have cooties, too!” you yell.

“No, I got kissed, not licked. Getting licked is worse. It gives you worse cooties,” Eridan says. “That’s how it works. Look it up.”

“Who told you that?” Kanaya asks.

“Nobody, but I already know it, so it’s okay,” Eridan says.

You’re walking home from the playground with Dad, still scrubbing at your cheek. Dad laughs. “Karkat, there’s nothing on your face.”

“Blegh,” you say and keep scrubbing. Dad stops and crouches down to look at your face, but he doesn’t find anything there.

“Karkat,” he says while wiping at your cheek with his thumb. “Crawford is leaving town next week for a few days, and I’m going to be busy at work, so I won’t be able to pick you up from school. Do you know what that means?”

“I’m going to be at home alone?” you ask.

“Well, maybe at some point, when you’re older,” Dad says. “But not next week. But I have an idea. You could go over to someone in your class for a sleepover and stay there overnight. Could you ask someone if you can go to a sleepover next week?”

“Like Sollux?” you ask.

“Like Sollux,” Dad says and stands up. “Or, y’know, Terezi or whoever you want. Just go ahead and ask and let me know. Alright?”

“Alright,” you say.

-

You’ve never actually been inside Aradia’s house before. You’ve walked past it multiple times, but she’s never invited you inside. But now that Sollux is busy and can’t have you over and Jade is in Australia or something, Aradia’s kind of your best choice of people to have a sleepover with.

When school ends, you stand in front of your homeroom with Aradia and Terezi, getting asked about why you like to read. Terezi shakes her head. “I just don’t get it.”

“It’s exactly the same as those weird bumpy letters,” you try to explain. “Just easier.”

“No,” Terezi says. “I mean, I read a little when I was in daycare, but it didn’t make any sense. How do you, y’know, understand what it says?”

“You have to learn to read first before it- that’s how everything works!” you yell.

“Hey, Tezzy! Mom’s here,” Latula shouts from the corner. “Let’s go!”

You follow Aradia and Terezi to Terezi’s mom’s car. It’s way shinier than Dad’s car and especially uncle Crawford’s truck. Inside, the seats are made of a weird brown stuff. Whatever it is, it feels fancy. Latula sits in the front, next to Terezi’s mom. You’re squeezed between Aradia and the window. Everyone in this car is so loud. Latula and Terezi are yelling about whether they should get burgers or pizza, their mom is yelling about Latula’s soccer practice, and you and Aradia are just yelling to join in on it.

“You could come over to our place at some point, too,” Terezi’s mom shouts to you and Aradia when you’re driving on Main Street.

Terezi’s mom brings you to Aradia’s house. Aradia’s mom is already there at the door in a dark greenish-blue dress and a black apron. She kisses Aradia on the forehead and ushers you inside, talking about how she just got back from her shift.

Aradia’s house is pretty similar to your house on the inside, except it feels bigger and smaller at the same time. Aradia and her mom actually have a kitchen, but it’s about as big as your downstairs bathroom. So, really small. Aradia’s house doesn’t have an upstairs or a loft. It’s just the living room, the kitchen, a bathroom, Aradia’s room, and Aradia’s mom’s room.

Aradia’s living room has a tiny, old TV, like the one uncle Crawford has, but even smaller. There’s a couch and an old rug on the floor. Thee’s a low table between the couch and the TV and no other tables in the whole room. In the kitchen, there’s another table, but it’s really small, with two chairs at it. Aradia’s mom immediately goes into the kitchen. “Karkat, you don’t have any allergies? Is bolognese okay?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Bolognese is okay.”

You sit in the living room and watch _the Princess Bride_ with Aradia while her mom is making you spaghetti. You can’t believe you haven’t seen it before. It’s gross at some points, but then at others it’s really good.

“What do you mean this isn’t your favorite movie?” you ask Aradia when the movie is about to end.

“It’s just not as good as Jurassic Park!” Aradia insists. “There isn’t even a single dinosaur in it!”

“But- but it doesn’t need dinosaurs, because it’s so good without them!” you say.

“What? Are you serious? Everything is better with dinosaurs in it,” Aradia says. “Okay, look. Picture, um, a thing that doesn’t have dinosaurs in it. Okay? And then… picture… the same thing, but this time, it does have dinosaurs in it.”

You squint and nod. “Yeah, actually, you’re right. _The Princess Bride_ is a really good movie, but it would be the best movie ever if it had dinosaurs in it.”

“Okay, well,” Aradia says. “Well, yeah, sure.”

You and Aradia eat at the really tall chairs of the tiny table in the kitchen when her mom finishes making spaghetti for you. With a mouth full of spaghetti, you tell her, “you’ve _never_ been to a waterpark?”

“No,” she says with shock. “You’ve _never_ been to a Six Flags?”

“No,” you say. “Sounds dumb. Why do you need that many flags?”

“I don’t know, but I think it’s good,” Aradia says. “We should go to Six Flags together sometime. I could show you around it.”

“Do you know that, um,” you say and swallow your mouthful of spaghetti. You can feel the sauce all over your face, so you take a napkin and wipe your face. “Do you know that, uh, the burger… place that’s when you go from here towards the library?”

“What library? The school library?” Aradia asks.

“No, no. The- The Veil one, the one that’s there if you drive towards Nanna’s and then just keep going past it until you’re not in Skaiatown anymore.”

“...What?” Aradia asks. “I ain’t ever been there. I didn’t even know there was a library there other- other than the one that’s at school. There’s a library at school, right? With the lady with the ponytails and we had to read a book from there, remember that?”

“Yeah, I remember that,” you say. “What did you get when we did that?”

“It was about dinosaurs,” Aradia says. “It was called… It was just called Dinosaur. There was this dinosaur in it, and he had these monkeys with him, and he had to go to a new place because his old home was hit by a meteor. It was so cool. You should read it, I think.”

“Oh,” you say. “Mine was about a pony that went missing and these two dogs, their names are Jack and Boris, and there was this pony that went missing and they had to find the pony. And then there was a poodle named Minnie and- um… I can’t remember anymore. But there was a pony, I think, and carrots. Oh, and I remember it wasn’t the only book that had them in it. I went to the library with Dad and I found more of them and I read them all.”

“Wow,” Aradia says. “You read a lot of books, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah,” you say. “I like to read. Do you?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Aradia says. “I think I really like… books with dinosaurs in them. And mummies and pyramids and stuff like that.”

“Of course you do,” you say.

“No, listen,” Aradia says. “They’re so cool, they’re like… old and dead and stuff. I have a bunch of the books in my room. Come on, I’ll show them all to you. They’re so cool.”

Aradia has a bunch of these really thick dinosaur books in her room. Well, some of them aren’t that thick. Some are picture books- one of them is called the Little Raptor and it’s about this tiny blue lizard who’s stuck in a big forest jungle and he gets lost or something like that. But there are also ones that are really thick and they’re about dinosaurs and mummies, just like Aradia said. 

You sit on your knees next to Aradia on the floor of her room and she shows you pictures of the mummies in the books. They’re kind of gross and creepy, but she really looks like she likes them and she knows a lot about them.

“This one they found and it was one of the first ones,” she explains. “One of the first mummies they ever found. When I grow up, I want to go out and find a bunch of mummies and dinosaur skeletons. I think they would name a dinosaur after me, and it would be called Aradiasaurus.”

“Why would they name a dinosaur after you?” you ask.

“Because I found it,” Aradia says. She closes the book and it makes a loud thump. “What are you going to be?”

“When I grow up?” Aradia nods. You think about it for a second. “I think I’m going to be a doctor.”

“A doctor?” Aradia asks. “Like, fix broken bones and stuff?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Huh,” Aradia says. She’s studying your face. “You kind of don’t seem like a doctor. You’re like… too loud, I guess. Well, maybe you are kind of like a doctor, but in a weird way, y’know?”

“What does that mean?” you ask. Aradia shrugs.

“It doesn’t really matter,” she says and puts the book back into her bookshelf, which is really small for a bookshelf. “I mean, you can be whatever, I guess.”

You sleep over at Aradia’s that night on a mattress that Aradia’s mom brings into Aradia’s room. It feels weird to brush your teeth and sleep in someone else’s house. Aradia is asleep way before you.

You’re standing on the edge of some sort of large, big hole in the ground. It stretches far, far from your left so far to your right that you can’t see the edge of it. If you peer over the edge of it, you can just barely see the bottom as a line far below. You can hear rumbling down there. It echoes from the walls of the canyon and becomes so loud it’s almost deafening. Hm. That’s not really nice. You don’t think you could jump across it. 

You look up and there’s something on the other side. It’s sort of flickering and blurry, like when the air gets really hot in the summer. You look closer. It’s a tall woman, standing there, with long, dark hair, in a white, dotted dress. Her feet are bare and you can’t even really see her face.

“Mom?” you shout so that she hears you over the rumbling. She looks at you, but you still can’t see her face. You shake your head. The rumbling sounds like it’s getting louder. “Mom, can I come over there?”

She nods.

You’re a rabbit, you suddenly realize. Maybe you could jump over something as big as this. You tense all your muscles and jump. You stretch your short, short arms in front of you to grab onto the ledge, but the canyon is way bigger than you thought it was. For a moment, you’re floating in the air between the place you jumped from and the woman on the other side.

You hear an eagle scream above you and turn around in the air. There’s a bird above you and it comes down and puts its talons in your belly. A shiver goes up your back. You feel the talons sinking in you. The bird screams and leans down and grabs your nose. When it draws its head away, you feel little strings snapping around your cheeks. There’s a mask in the birds mouth, and it looks like your face.

You try to touch your face, but your hands go through your head. You look down and see blood covering your white shirt in all the spots where the bird has its talons in your belly. You try to kick, but it makes it hurt more. You try to grab the mask. 

“Give me my face back!” The bird shakes its head. You try to turn around. “Mom, can you help me?”

She doesn’t say anything. You still can’t see her face. You punch the bird. It screams and drops you. You fall straight down towards the bottom of the canyon, and the rumbling gets so loud that you think your ears are about to explode. Your face feels wet, sweaty or maybe bleeding, You wipe your nose and your rabbit paw has many tiny little baby chickens on it.

You’re falling into the canyon so fast that your head starts aching. There’s a train at the bottom, and it’s coming closer and closer and closer and closer and

-

You’re awake and gasping. This isn’t your room- wait, this isn’t your room. You look around. Aradia snores. Oh. Right. Sleepover. Your throat hurts. You sit up. “Aradia?”

Aradia doesn’t say anything. You lie back down. Your face is wet, you realize, but it’s probably just sweat and not blood or little chickens. You wipe your forehead and check, just in case. No blood or tiny chickens. Alright. Good. It’s good to make sure.

It’s still dark outside. You roll over and snuggle into the weird-smelling pillow Aradia’s mom gave you, and you fall asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **september 6!** hope to see you then!


	8. second grade, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't think I wanna be a doctor after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! it sure is not september 6, is it? well. happy halloween?
> 
> sorry about that. pro tip, don't try to keep up with a "10k words every 3 weeks" schedule while actively doing your final exams. you'll get burned out and lose your writing muse for two months. 
> 
> on that note, this fic will be continuing the triweekly schedule, but - as you may be able to tell by the length of this chapter - the chapter word counts will be significantly lower from here on, so that i have time to work on other things as well. hopefully that'll help me keep up with this without getting too stressed. 
> 
> thank you all for understanding and your continued support of my work! :)

“Yeah, I think so,” uncle Crawford says, leading you by the hand into the garage. “You know, if you want to be a doctor, you’re going to have to know how to deal with little bits and bobs and the like. Besides, who’s gonna keep your car in business when you’re older if not you?”

“But it smells bad in the garage,” you protest. “Can’t we do something that’s actually fun?”

“This can be fun,” uncle Crawford says. “It ain’t going to be if you don’t let it, but it can.”

The garage is gray and full of all of the stuff that Crawford has. There are a lot of old car tires and broken garden hoses and tool boxes and stuff like that that you don’t know a lot about. There are pumps and jacks on the floor. It’s probably the biggest room in the house. At least if you count the kitchenette and the loft and the living room all as separate rooms, but if you count them as the same room, then that might be bigger than the garage.

It smells like car fuel and your nose scrunches up right away at the gross smell. Uncle Crawford’s big car is in the middle of the garage and uncle Crawford grabs a pair of gloves from the desk next to him and puts them on. He looks at you. “Did you notice yesterday when I picked you up from school how the truck was making a sort of… shuttering, chittering sort of noise?”

“No,” you say flatly.

“Well, it’s probably got something to do with the-” uncle Crawford says, and then says a very long string of words, most of which mean nothing at all. You try to pay attention, but it doesn’t make any sense. He talks about car parts you’ve never heard of and stuff like that, and walks you over to the front of the truck and opens the hood. You always thought there was just a big empty pocket in there, but there’s a bunch of stuff. Oily-looking metal tubes and vents and stuff.

“Is that the engine?” you ask and point at a thing in the middle that looks like everything else leads to it.

“Well, no,” uncle Crawford says in a weird tone. “That’s be the spark plugs.”

“Okay. Which one is the engine?” you ask. “There’s an engine, right?”

“Yes, there’s an engine,” uncle Crawford says. “But there’s a lot more than that too. Look. So, these spark plugs.”

Uncle Crawford tries to explain everything to you and most of it is just dumb garbage that you don’t care about. He wants you to help him switch something out and screw something into place and this and that. You go along with it because you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it’s dumb. The only time it’s any fun at all is when uncle Crawford accidentally sprays oil on his face.

“Can I go now?” you ask when uncle Crawford is closing the hood of the truck.

“Wow, kid, you really want to get rid of me that much?” uncle Crawford says, kind of laughing but also kind of sad-looking. “I thought you’d be into this.”

“I am into this!” you insist. “I don’t want to get rid of you! I just… you know, I have to… talk to Sollux and play computer games before Dad gets home and stuff like that.”

Uncle Crawford sighs. “Well, if you’re sure. But there are a few other things I could show you, if you wanted to see.”

You don’t want to see at all. But uncle Crawford looks really sad. You think, if you left, he would be sad that he didn’t get to tell anyone about his dumb car stuff. So you shrug and say, “alright.”

He looks at you. “Really?”

You nod.

“Well, great,” uncle Crawford says. “Let’s keep going, then.”

-

You’re sitting on the couch in the evening one Tuesday after Dad’s come home from work. You missed him all day. Uncle Crawford wanted you to go to bed already, but Dad let you sit downstairs for a little bit longer, because he’d been at work so much and you wanted to spend time with him. So you’re on the couch next to him. The TV is on. There’s a show playing that you’re not really listening to. You’re kind of asleep.

“Ain’t this the kind of stuff Karkat’s into?” you hear uncle Crawford say from the dining table. Dad hums.

You focus a little bit more on the noises coming from the TV. Something about surgery and stuff. You crack open an eye.

You just see… blood. And some weird globs of something gross. You wince. “Ew.”

“What is it?” Dad says. “You want to change channels?”

It’s gross. Red stains on the weird plastic sheets and gloves and it makes your tummy churn and you suddenly feel weirdly weak and tired. You tug on Dad’s sleeve. “I don’t like it.”

Your voice comes out quiet. Dad holds you to him and changes the channel. “Alright. That’s alright. It’s gone now.”

You wait for a second and listen to the new voice on TV. Then you nod into the darkness of Dad’s shirt. “Okay.”

“Go to bed now, alright?” Dad says. “Go to bed.”

“Okay,” you say.

You have another nightmare that night. You see Dad on a bed, a weird sort of bed that looks like it’s poking and prodding at him and looks really uncomfortable, wearing a weird robe thing and jeans. He has huge cuts all over him - you can see the outlines under his shirt and he has them on his hands and on his face, too - and you see those gross, red, glossy globs in them, poking out. He sees you and opens his mouth and just yells.

-

“So what do you want to be when you grow up, if you’re not going to be a doctor?” Sollux asks when you’re sitting on the edge of the sandbox the next day during recess.

You shrug. “Well, I don’t know. I don’t know yet.”

“I knew you weren’t the doctor type,” Aradia says from behind you, where she’s building little pirate ships out of sticks with Vriska. She's in a red winter jumpsuit, the kind that's all puffy. "I told you so. Didn’t I?”

“Aradia, stop talking to them,” Vriska says. “Look at my pirate ship.”

“Why ain’t she allowed to talk to me?” you say. “I’m fine to talk to!”

“You’re not cool,” Vriska says sharply. “You’re weird.”

“I’m not weird!” you protest.

“Are too,” Vriska says.

“D2,” Sollux says.

“What?” Vriska asks angrily and shoves Sollux. He shrieks. Her ‘pirate ship’ falls into the sandbox and gets crushed under her knee. “What did you say?”

“Nothing! It’s just a thing Kuprum says every time I- it’s from this movie,” Sollux yells. “R2D2. It’s funny! You don’t get it!”

“I get everything!” Vriska says. Aradia looks confused for a second and then starts laughing. Vriska whips around to look at her. “What are you laughing at?”

“Like R2D2,” Aradia says. “That’s really funny.”

“Oh,” Sollux says awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“Stop being on their side!” Vriska says. “Everyone is so mean today! First Terezi doesn’t come to school and now this!”

“You’re the one being mean!” you yell. You grab Sollux’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go.”

You almost have to drag him to the little nook under the jungle gym. He tries to pull his arm from your hold. “What’s the deal?”

“Vriska’s so dumb and mean,” you say.

“Aradia is fun,” Sollux lisps. “We can just play with her and ignore Vriska.”

“Since when did you like playing with Aradia?” you ask. “You’ve been saying she’s just as dumb and gross as Vriska and Tavros and Terezi for forever.”

“Yeah, but what if she’s not, though?” Sollux says kind of shyly. You tense when you realize what’s happening here.

“You like Aradia,” you say flatly. Sollux stares.

“What?”

“You like like Aradia,” you say again. “Oh, hell no. She’s given you cooties. You have the girl sickness.”

“No!” Sollux yells. “I don’t have the girl sickness! Don’t say that about me!”

“I can’t believe my own friend has girl sickness,” you say desperately. “I should have known that Aradia and Kurpum would give you girl sickness.”

“How would Kuprum give me girl sickness, idiot? He’s not a girl!” Sollux says.

“But he has a girlfriend,” you say. “That’s like, the same as being a girl.”

“No, it’s not,” Sollux says. “And he doesn’t even have a girlfriend anymore.”

“Doesn’t he?” you ask. Someone walks by the jungle gym and you both go quiet for a second. Then you say, “what about that time he was Feferi’s sister’s boyfriend?”

“Well, one day, he came to the kitchen and took the phone and then he talked really angrily and yelled about her being a dumb slut or something,” Sollux says. “And after that, I haven’t seen her.”

“See, that’s what happens when you get girl sickness!” you say.

“Hey, okay, no, you have girl sickness too!” Sollux says.

“No, I don’t! I do not have girl sickness!” you shout and Sollux shushes you.

“Jade’s your girlfriend. Remember?” Sollux whispers.

“No, she’s not!” you say. “I don’t think.”

“But she could have given you girl sickness!” Sollux says. “And, actually, you’re neighbors with Aradia! You’re always with Aradia! Maybe you got girl sickness!”

“I do not have girl sickness!”

-

There's no snow the whole winter. It’s just wet and cold.

Then spring comes, and it gets warm again. It’s still wet, like always. It rains all the time. But one day, it’s actually dry. It’s the kind of day when the sky is completely one color that isn’t the color that the sky is supposed to be - gray. Sort of dim, dark gray, but not dark enough to think that it might rain soon.

“17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22…” everyone chants at this jumping rope. You and Sollux are there too, chanting along. The fourth grader jumping trips and stumbles into a wall and everyone boos.

“We should play the marriage game,” Feferi suggests.

“Ew, no!” Eridan says. “That’s dumb.”

“You love the marriage game,” Feferi says questioningly.

“No! I hate it!” Eridan insists. “But we can play it, if you really want to.”

“What’s the marriage game?” John asks and stands up.

“It’s this jump rope game where you jump to see who you get married with,” one of the third graders says.

“Meenah showed me,” Feferi says. “Look, it goes like this. Spin the rope.”

“No,” the third grader says. “You do it.”

“No! I’m going to jump! Spin!” Feferi insists.

Feferi jumps the rope for a little while. At first, you’re not sure if she even remembers the song. Maybe she was lying about it the whole time and she just wanted to get to jump. Then she starts to chant the song.

“Fruits and veggies, fish and dairy,” Feferi says. Eridan joins in, and together they say, “who is Feferi gonna marry? A, B, C, D…”

They start to chant the alphabet, and one by one, people watching start to join in to that. You and Sollux are some of the last to join, because this all just feels really stupid. The whole rhyme sort of gets messed up when you get to the end of the alphabet, but some people - Feferi and some of the older kids - just start chanting the alphabet from the start again. You assume that’s how it’s meant to go.

You can tell that Feferi intentionally trips the second time E comes around. You know, because she makes a mischievous face and tries to act surprised. She’s really bad at acting. She chuckles. “E… for Eridan?”

Eridan scoffs. He’s about to say something, but he doesn’t get to, because Terezi runs into the rope and shoves Feferi aside. “My turn! Spin!”

No way!” one of the third graders says. “Someone else has to.”

“Spin the rope and tell her who she’s gonna marry!” Vriska shouts. “Bore!”

“Shut up, dumbass!” the third grader yells.

“Just spin it, Mike! She’s not gonna shut up.”

Mike rolls his eyes and starts spinning. Terezi trips immediately. If that was you, everyone would laugh. But none of your classmates do. Because if they would, Vriska would kill them. Terezi stands back up. Her black-and-white leggings have a stain on the knee now. “Okay. Start again!”

“Fruits and veggies, fish and dairy, who is Terezi gonna marry? A, B, C, D…”

Once she gets into the rhythm, it takes a few alphabets before Terezi stumbles. She falls on C, eventually.

“Ew, Terezi is gonna marry Cronus!” some fourth-grader says. Everyone laughs.

“No, idiot, it’s C for Captor, obviously,” Eridan says and punches Sollux’s arm. “Sollux is gonna marry a blind girl.”

“Sollux doesn’t even start with a C,” you say.

“But Captor does,” Eridan says.

“It does?” Aradia asks. “I thought it started with a K.”

“That’s so stupid,” Mike says. “It’s Captor, like catch, obviously. Catch starts with a C.”

“I know catch starts with a C!” Aradia says.

“If you don’t stop being mean to my friends, I’ll beat you up,” Vriska says, pushing herself between Mike and Aradia. Mike is way taller than her, but he looks scared of her.

“Jesus, okay,” Mike says. “Freak.”

“You’re the freak!” Vriska says. “Karkat, you jump. Jump until you fall!”

“What?” you ask. She grabs your arm and pulls you into the middle.

“I’m not fucking spinning anymore!” Mike says. “You do it!”

“I don’t want to jump!” you yell to Vriska.

“Do you want to spin instead?” she asks. She gives the jump rope end to Tavros. “I didn’t think so!”

“Uh, I- I don’t really wan- want to-” Tavros starts, but Vriska punches him and he starts spinning. Vriska laughs.

“Jump!”

“You’re a jerk!” you say, and start jumping. Everyone but Vriska’s crew is reluctant to start the chant.

“Fruits and veggies, fish and dairy, who is Karkat gonna marry?”

You try to take deep breaths and keep jumping. After the first two sets of alphabets, you feel a little dizzy and it’s harder to breathe. You’re breathing roughly, but Vriska keeps yelling letters. “H, I, J, K, L, M, N…”

You feel exhausted. “Can I stop jumping?”

“Not until you fall! She said jump ‘til you fall!” Terezi says. “Unless you want to give up!”

“And only losers give up,” one of the fourth graders says.

So you keep jumping until you feel like you’re going to faint. You can feel sweat on your face. You don’t even notice that you’re slowing down at first, until you feel the rope pull your feet out from under you. You tumble to the ground and it knocks the air out of your lungs.

“S!” Terezi says. Eridan laughs and punches Sollux.

“No, no, Sollux is going to marry Karkat! Ha ha ha!”

There’s a loud ‘eww’ and laughter from everyone standing around. You wipe sweat off your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **november 22!** see you then!


	9. second grade, part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fuck you!"

The principal’s office a dusty, nasty kind of place. It’s just like principal’s offices look in movies, except scarier and smaller. The chairs are way too big for you. They’re more like the dining chairs in your living room than the kind of chairs that you usually see at school. You rock back and forth. You think you can hear the wood creaking.

“Karkat,” Dad says very quietly. You stop rocking and look up at Principal English. He grimaces at you. He’s a big and old, crusty, nasty man. His skin looks like it could flake off like old painted wood and his teeth all look a little too big. He’s so big that he blocks out almost all of the light from the window behind him and just looks like a big shadow.

“What were you saying, Mrs. Echidna?” Mr. English asks grumpily. Mrs. Echidna shifts her legs. She’s got long, straight black hair that’s longer than the hair of anyone else you know and it’s got gray stripes in it, and she’s always wearing weird old-timey clothing. You don’t like her as much as you did Mr. Typheus or Ms. Paint. Especially not during class.

“As I was just saying,” she continues and looks at you like a snake looking at a dead mouse. “Karkat’s repeated backtalk and misbehavior in class has been a disruption, and that the way he talks to his teachers should be addressed. The latest example happened last week, on Thursday. We were in class learning our letters, and Karkat - out of turn, may I add - began debating the use of upper- and lowercase letters. Do you remember, Karkat?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Do you remember what you said?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Spit it out then,” Mr. English said. You grumble. Mr. English scoffs. “Speak up.”

“I said that it’s dumb that there’s two different kinds of letters,” you shout. “And I was right! There’s no reason for there to be two different kinds of letters for no reason! It would just be so much easier to write everything in uppercase and not have to learn two different kinds of letters!”

“Karkat, calm down,” Dad says.

“But I’m right!” you insist.

“Well, after he started a ruckus in class about it, I tried to explain to Karkat that if he had something to say to the whole class, he should raise his hand.”

“And I did!” you say.

“And I didn’t give you permission to speak,” Mrs. Echidna says. “You raise your hand, and then you wait for your turn. You should know this by now.”

You kick the feet of the chair and try to resist the urge to say again what you got sent in here for saying. “But I was right! And you could have given me permission, but you didn’t!”

“I told Karkat that if he didn’t settle down, I’d make him sit outside the classroom until he calmed down. Do you remember what you said to me after that, Karkat?” Mrs. Echidna asks. You remember. You remember very well. You nod. But you know why you’re sitting in here now.

“Well?” Mr. English asks.

Dad pats your shoulder. You stop for a second and then you say, “I said ‘fuck you, Mrs. Echidna.’”

You’re sitting in Dad’s car afterwards, holding Crab and making him do a little dance. Dad sighs when he puts on his seatbelt. You look at the back of his head. He’s moving around the mirror that’s in between his seat and the one next to it. You see his eyes in the mirror, and he stops to look at you.

“Are you mad at me?” you ask. He looks sorry.

“I’m not mad,” he says. “But I’m a little upset. You know you can’t talk like that to people.”

“I know,” you say and look at Crab again. “But I was really angry. She wasn’t listening to me.”

“I know, I know, sweetie, but saying mean things isn’t the way to deal with being angry, Karkat,” Dad says kindly. “You know that, right?”

You nod. Dad turns on the car.

“Alright. But now you’ve apologized, and you feel better, so it’s in the past. Right?” He smiles at you in the mirror. “We’ll make mac’n’cheese at home. Does that sound good?”

-

“I’m just saying, it seems kind of stupid,” Sollux says. You pierce a piece of chicken on your fork and kick at the legs of Sollux’s house’s dining chair.

“There’s nothing stupid about it! It’s love!” you say.

“It’s not love! It’s just some actors on a screen. Kuprum says that movies are all fake, anyway,” Sollux lisps through a mouthful of chicken curry sauce. “And love is kinda dumb too, to be honest.”

“Love is not dumb!” you say. “Why is love dumb?”

“Well, I mean, what about when… uh… when people get divorced?” Sollux asks. “They were in love and then they’re not, so it’s not even like it stays or anything.”

“Stupid,” you say and point your fork at him like you’re challenging him to a duel. “I’m never going to get divorced. When I love someone, I’m gonna love them forever and ever. Like… imagine if you didn’t love your mom anymore at some point.”

“No, that’s different,” Sollux says. “It’s not love. Mom’s my mom. You don’t love your mom or your dad, they’re just kind of there.”

“What?” you ask. “But what about when they say ‘I love you?’”

Sollux stops. “That’s true. Maybe it is love.”

“Want jigun,” says Mituna, trying to climb onto a chair and pointing at Sollux’s fork. “Chickun… Mom! Chigun!”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Sollux says. “That doesn’t mean anything. Stop talking pig latin, idiot.”

“Sollux, be nice to Mituna!” Sollux’s mom says. She’s wiping her hands on a paper towel, walking in from Sollux’s parents’ room.

“He said chicken,” you say. “I think. Hey, Ms. Captor? Did he say chicken? Because we’re eating chicken. Maybe he wants chicken, too.”

“I think that’s right, Karkat!” Sollux’s mom says. She picks Mituna up and puts him on top of the dining chair that he was trying to climb. “We’ll get you some chicken, okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah, anyway,” Sollux says, talking louder over Mituna’s babbling. “Love movies are dumb, and stupid.”

“They’re not!” you insist. “You’re being stupid. Why won’t you just accept that I’m right?”

“Because you’re nooooooot,” Sollux says. “Show me a love movie that’s good and not bad and stupid.”

“Well, okay,” you say. “Do you want to come to my house and watch a love movie?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Sollux says. “Unless it’s boring, then I don’t want to.”

“It won’t be! Love movies aren’t all boring and actually most of them are really, really unboring! You’re just dumb!”

“Hey, hey, hey, inside voices, please,” Sollux’s dad says from the armchair.

“I bet Aradia wouldn’t think love movies are boring,” you say to Sollux later in his room, when you’re building helicopters out of Kuprum’s old legos. “I bet she would think they’re cool and smart.”

“Psh, as if,” Sollux says. “Aradia is cool, and she only likes cool things. Like dinosaurs. Have you ever heard of a girl liking dinosaurs before?”

“Vriska likes pirates and she’s not cool,” you point out. The lego clicks into place. The helicopter doesn’t look anything like a helicopter. You drop it and all the pieces break.

“Hey! You’re gonna break my legos,” Sollux says. “And Vriska is cool. She’s just not nice. Cool people can be really mean and still be cool. Like Eridan.”

“Eridan’s not cool,” you say. “Vriska and her friends are maybe cool even though they’re mean, but Eridan is mean and uncool.”

“Maybe,” Sollux says. “We should ask Kuprum. He probably knows what cool people are like and who’s cool and who isn’t. I mean… I don’t think Eridan is like, cool. He’s not cool. He’s like… I don’t know. He’s cool, but not because he’s cool, but because he only ever plays with Feferi, and Feferi is cool. Does that make sense?”

“No,” you say and start building another helicopter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will go up on **december 13!** see you then!


	10. third grade, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King of the Universe and the Whole World, too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want you all to know that this chapter fucking hated me. google docs deleted my first draft of it and i had to write the whole thing again :pensive: BUT IT'S OK i got it done.
> 
> also sam. thank you you fuckign saved me with this chap askdlfajskdf

The floorboards thump and creak under your feet. You run from your room and out onto the loft. You almost trip on the doorframe on the floor, and stumble out against the loft railing. You’re really not expecting to see Dad sitting at the dining table downstairs. He looks surprised, too, when he looks up at you. You stand up straight. “Nobody can defeat me! I am far too smart and powerful!”

Dad bursts out laughing. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you say, doing pirouettes while you jump down the stairs and almost trip again.

“Careful, King of the Universe,” Dad says. You run into him and hug him, and he picks you up onto his lap.

“And the whole world, too.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” he says, ruffling your hair. “And has the King of the Universe and the Whole World, Too, brushed his teeth yet?”

“No, obviously,” you say. “Dad, come on. Kings of the Universe and the Whole World don’t have to brush their teeth. Especially not on their birthday.”

“What? Are you saying that a powerful master of the world like you can’t even defeat a simple toothbrush?” Dad asks, dipping you back so far that you almost fall off his lap. You squeak and hug him tighter so you don’t fall, and he laughs.

“Of course I can beat a toothbrush,” you grumble into his shirt.

“Prove it,” Dad says. You lean back and he’s looking at you like he’s giving you a challenge. You scoff.and jump off his lap and run to the bathroom to brush your teeth.

Later, you’re sitting at the dining table, eating Cheerios and reading the Tale of Desperaux, kicking at the legs of the table. “Do Kings of the Universe and the Whole World have to go to school?”

“Mm-hmm,” Dad says without looking up from his newspaper. “Not during summer vacation, but yes, of course. How else would they learn how to be a good king?”

“But I don’t want to,” you grumble with a mouth full of Cheerios. “I’m the King of the Universe, so if I want to, I can just make it be summer vacation forever. And I want it to be summer vacation forever, and I’ll never have to go to school or see Vriska or Eridan ever again. And I can just play with Sollux and not have to do any homework.”

“But if it’s summer vacation forever,” Dad says worriedly, “then it’ll never be Christmas again.”

You almost drop your spoon. “No. I can’t believe I almost killed Christmas, Dad.”

Dad smiles. “Good thing I was here to advise you.”

That’s when uncle Crawford walks in from the back room, stretching his arms so high up that they almost touch the loft above the kitchenette. He’s wearing another one of those weird shirts with a logo on it that you can’t recognize. You sit up. “Uncle Crawford! Do you think Kings of the Universe and all The World need to go to school?”

“What?” uncle Crawford asks groggily and scratches his chin with the scraggy dark beard hairs on it. “What’s a… what is he talking about?”

“Karkat is a King of the Universe and the Whole World,” Dad explains.

“And that means that I don’t have to go to school anymore,” you say. “And I killed Christmas.”

Uncle Crawford looks very confused.

“Wait, hold on, now,” he says. “How did that happen?”

“Well, I said that if I’m the King of the Whole World and… no, the King of the Universe and all the World. Or the Whole World. Which one was it?” you ask.

“I think it was the Whole World,” Dad says.

“Yes, okay,” you say. As you explain, uncle Crawford pours himself a cup of coffee, walks over and sits down at the dining table. “If I’m the King of the Universe and the Whole World, then that means that I shouldn’t have to go to school, and I can make summer vacation last forever, and if summer vacation lasts forever, then that means Christmas is dead.”

“Right,” uncle Crawford says uncertainly and takes a sip from his mug. “So why are you the King of the Universe and the World and all?”

“Well,” you say. You stop, eat a spoonful of Cheerios, and then answer. “I think everyone is a King of the Universe and All the World on their birthday.”

“Are you not a King of the Universe when it’s not your birthday?” Dad asks over his newspaper.

“Well, yeah, yes, I am, because…” you say. “Um, because once a King of the Universe and the Whole World, always a King of the Universe and the Whole World.”

“So is everyone a King of the Universe?” uncle Crawford asks. You give him a look and shake your head. He says, “but everyone has a birthday. So everyone has been a King of the Universe on their birthday, and if you’re a King forever if you’re a King once, then there ain’t anyone who’s not a King of the Universe.”

You almost drop your spoon again. “Yeah, okay. But other people aren’t Kings of the Universe. Just me.”

Uncle Crawford nods. “Alright.”

“Karkat, before you go,” Dad says to you after you’re done with your Cheerios. He smiles when you look at him. “You didn’t think I wouldn’t give you a birthday present, did you?”

You gasp. “I forgot about presents!”

Dad laughs and stands up. “Wait there.”

You and uncle Crawford watch him go. Uncle Crawford leans over and whispers to you, “don’t worry. I know you didn’t actually forget about the presents.”

You snort and shove his arm. “Yes! I did! I wouldn’t lie.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t? But wouldn’t you?” he asks. You show him your tongue. He takes out a little package from his pocket and gives it to you. You take it. It’s a little bundle of screwdrivers wrapped with a little bow around them. You look up at him, and he nods. “I’ll teach ya some more. One day, maybe you can take over the family business.”

Oh, no. No, you won’t. You will never, ever. You smile awkwardly. “Okay.”

Dad comes back down the stairs with something in his hands. “Here.”

He hands you two books. You look at each one. One of them reads _Wizardy Herbert_ and has a picture of a boy with an eyepatch surrounded by two other friends, looking up at something. The other one says _Wizardy Herbert and the Lady Grimme_ , and has a mysterious-looking lady in a black robe standing behind the boy with the eyepatch. “Wizardy Herbert books!”

“Yeah,” Dad says. “I thought, since they’re constantly loaned out from the library, you could have them for yourself, so you actually get to read them.”

“Thank you!” you shout and give Dad a big hug. He hugs you back.

You sit upstairs, about to start your new book, when your walkie talkie fizzes to life. You hear Kuprum saying something, interrupted by Sollux. _“Shut up, Kuprum! Hey, Karkat! Are you there?”_

You reach over and take the walkie talkie from your bedside table. “Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?”

_“I finally got Kuprum off the computer,”_ Sollux says. _“So we can play Azure Fish now.”_

“Oh, oh,” you say. “I really want to, but- Oh, um, do you remember what day it is?”

_“What? Oh, yeah. Happy birthday.”_

“You didn’t forget, did you?” you ask.

_“No, no, obviously not. Come on. I’m not stupid.”_ Sollux scoffs. _“So get on the computer and let’s play.”_

“No, look. Dad gave me the first two Wizardy Herbert books for my birthday. I was gonna start reading them,” you explain.

_“Those dumb books can wait!”_ Sollux insists. _“If you don’t play with me now, I have to give Kuprum back the computer, and then we’ll never be able to play because he’ll just be playing his stupid tank game all day again.”_

“Okay, okay, fine,” you say and get up from bed. “I’ll ask Dad.”

A little later, you’re sitting at Dad’s desk and opening up flashgroundgames.com and opening Azure Fish. Of course, you can’t actually play it together with Sollux, so you just play alone while talking over walkie talkie. You don’t really know why you can’t just go over and play together, but you guess you couldn’t play this game together on the computer anyway even if you did. He really likes the games on Flashground even though they’re not really as good as the ones on GameCube.

-

You spend all summer reading the two Wizardy Herbert books that Dad gave you. You finish the second one just after school starts again and you’re a third grader for real. And so you go into the school library after class one day, hoping the third book will be easier to loan than the first two.

You start looking around the shelves. Martin the Explorer, Dragon Trainer Annabelle 1, Dragon Trainer Annabelle 2- oh, here’s the Wizardy Herbert books. Wizardy Herbert 5, Wizardy Herbert 6… You don’t see Wizardy Herbert 3. Leaning down to look at the lower shelves, you ram your head into someone’s side. You scramble back and see Kanaya and Porrim in front of you.

“Watch it,” you say.

“Sorry,” Kanaya says, but Porrim interrupts her.

“No, why don’t you watch it?” she says, pointing at you. You slump your shoulders. Then you notice that Kanaya is holding Wizardy Herbert 3. _Wizardy Herbert and the Tale of the Time Boy._

“Can I have that?” you ask, reaching for it. Kanaya holds it up and out of your reach. “Hey!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Kanaya says. “You can’t. Porrim is borrowing it so I can read it.”

“Why don’t you just borrow it yourself?” you ask.

“She’s got too many books loaned out,” Porrim says. “And apparently she’s allergic to returning them.”

“I’m not! I just… I want to reread them before I bring them back,” Kanaya explains. “You can have it after I’m done with it, okay, Karkat?”

“Are you going to read it twice before you’ll be done with it?” you grumble.

“No, no, I’ll return it soon,” Kanaya says. Someone calls out to Porrim from behind you, and she slips past you.

“Come find me when you’re done, Kanaya,” Porrim says, and then she’s gone. Kanaya puts her hand on your shoulder. You dodge out from under it.

“What am I meant to read while you have that?” you say. “I already read _Wizardy Herbert_ and _Wizardy Herbert and the Lady Grimme_.”

Kanaya shrugs. “Reread them? I like to reread books. I pick up on all the details I missed the first time.”

“No. That sounds so boring.”

“Suit yourself,” Kanaya says. “I can suggest some books, if you want. The Detective Pony books are really good, actually.”

“What? Like hell,” you say. “Sounds dumb.”

“They’re not!” Kanaya insists. “They’re about this pony who solves murder mysteries, and his best friend, who’s a human girl, and it’s really exciting. They go on adventures and there’s vampires and… uh… they’re really scary.”

“Scary?” you ask. Kanaya nods and gestures for you to come with her. You follow her around the bookshelf to the other side, and she points out a book with a pony, a girl, and some sort of shadow monster on it. You pick it up. “This is what Detective Pony books are like?”

“Yeah,” Kanaya says. “And they’re old, so there’s a lot of them. There’s like 20, at least. But they’re not too long, and a lot of things happen in all of them.”

You shrug. “Okay. Well, I can try it.”

“That’s nice,” Kanaya says. “I’ll tell you when I’m done with the Tale of the Time Boy.”

“That sounds good,” you say.

-

Kanaya does give you _Wizardy Herbert and the Tale of the TIme Boy_ when she’s done with it. It’s only a little better than the Detective Pony books. You read them a lot, nowadays. Sometimes you even read during breaks instead of playing with Sollux, or spend the weekends at the library instead of outside.

Sollux doesn’t seem to like it. He shoves you one day, when you’re sitting in the corner of the playground next to him, reading _Wizardy Herbert and the Treasures of Sapphiria._ You yell. “What the hell?”

“Are you ever going to put those stupid books down?” he asks impatiently. “We should do something, instead of just sitting here.”

“Why is sitting here and reading worse than sitting at the computer and playing Azure Fish?” you ask.

“Because Azure Fish is fun,” Sollux says. “What’s the deal with those books? Why do you like them?”

“They’re fun,” you say. “And exciting. And good! They’re not stupid. You’d know that if you actually read one.”

Sollux blows a raspberry.

“I could lend you the first Wizardy Herbert book,” you say. “Maybe you’d like it.”

He looks at you doubtfully. “I don’t think I would.”

“But what if you did?”

He considers that and then shrugs. “Alright. But if Mituna throws up on it or something while I have it, don’t blame me for it.”

“I would never do that,” you say offendedly.

“You did that when he threw your Game Boy out of my window.”

“Well, okay, but that was different. That time you asked me to bring my Game Boy to your house.”

“Whatever,” Sollux says and punches you. “I’ll come to your house after school and you can give me the dumb book. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. But it’s not dumb.”

-

Terezi is having a Halloween party at her house.

You walk there with Sollux, lead by his mom. You’ve been trick-or-treating all day. Terezi said when she invited you that she’s going to have more candy with her, but you have your pillow case anyway, just in case. You’re really proud of your costumes. Dad helped you make yours. You’re dressed as Wizardy Herbert characters. Your eyepatch is kind of uncomfortable, though.

Terezi’s mom lets you inside into the dim house, and you say bye to Sollux’s mom. Terezi is standing there, wearing a green dragon onesie with a princess hat and fake blood all over her face and tummy. She grins. “Welcome to my lair!”

You look around. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Oh, they’re already through the tunnel,” Terezi says and points at the hallway. There’s a tunnel made of blankets. Sollux makes a noise.

“Wait, are we supposed to go through that?”

“Well, yeah,” Terezi says. “The party’s in the living room.”

“What are you doing standing here, then?” you ask.

“Welcoming people, duh,” Terezi says and adjusts the dragon hood of her onesie. “How else are people meant to know they’re in the lair of the ferocious dragon?”

She does little claws with her hands. You’re about to respond when the doorbell rings, and Terezi’s mom lets Eridan and Feferi in. Feferi laughs. She’s dressed as an angel. “I like your costume, Feferi! You’re, like, a dragon princess.”

“No, no, no,” Terezi says. “I’m the dragon who ate the princess.”

“Ohh,” Feferi says. “I’m an angel.”

Eridan coughs. He’s dressed as a pirate. “I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.”

“Oh, no, you can’t be Jack Sparrow. Vriska is Jack Sparrow,” Terezi says.

“She’s _what?”_

“She’s in the living room,” Terezi says and points over the tunnel, at the living room, where you can hear spooky Halloween music playing. “With everyone. Come on. I’ll lead you there.”

She drops down and fumbles to find the entrance of the tunnel. You give Sollux a shrug and crawl in after her.

It’s pretty tight and dark, but it’s not really that scary. Especially with Sollux constantly complaning about Eridan accidentally touching his feet behind you. There are holes in the sides of the blanket tunnel and you can faintly see lights hidden behind thin fabric somewhere on the wall, which makes the whole tunnel glow red.

You come out of the tunnel to the other side, where the whole living room is decorated with bats and pumpkins and fake spiderwebs. Just like she said, everyone is there, playing some sort of game with Latula. They’re all standing in a circle and pointing at each other and yelling ‘bang.’

“Hey, sis!” Latula says. “What’s up?”

“Everyone’s here now,” Terezi says and stands up. “Vriska, Eridan is dressed as Jack Sparrow, too.”

You crawl out of the tunnel and pull Sollux out with you. Vriska shouts. “What? Eridan! Jack Sparrow is my costume!”

“No! It’s mine!” Eridan shouts, crawling out of the blanket tunnel. Vriska runs up and tackles him.

Later, after Latula has repaired the blanket tunnel, you’re all sitting in a circle, eating your own candy - and Terezi’s party candy - from paper plates. John, wearing a prisoner costume, says, “what if we put all our trick-or-treat candy in a big pile and then we each took from it?”

“Why would we do that?” Eridan asks. He’s not wearing his pirate hat anymore.

“Then everyone could get some candy,” Jade says. She’s got dog ears on and a black dot marked with face paint on her nose. “And it wouldn’t just be the people who already have candy who would have candy.”

“That’s stupid,” Vriska says. “I have my candy, because I earned it. And it’s my candy.”

“Well, I didn’t have time to go trick-or-treating,” Aradia - dressed as a fairy - says and pops a Reese’s Cup in her mouth. “So all I have is the party candy.”

“Why’s that not enough for you?” Vriska asks. “You should have made time for trick-or-treating, and then you’d have candy.”

“You’re not being fair,” you say. “She didn’t have time.”

“That’s not my fault!”

Latula, walking in from the bathroom, leans over and steals a piece of candy from Terezi’s plate. Terezi exclaims and swats her away. “And we have to deal with thieving sisters, too?”

Latula laughs and walks away.

“I agree with Aradia and Karkat,” Rose says. She’s got a witch hat on, and Dave is dressed as a knight in a similar style. “We should all share. I’m going to.”

“Me too,” you say proudly, wanting to prove Vriska wrong, and pour your candy into the middle of the circle. Everyone instantly starts grabbing candy and it all vanishes. You sigh and lean back, but Aradia meets your eye and smiles with one of the candies you put in the middle.

“Scare tag,” Latula explains later, when it’s dark outside, “is where everyone tries to scare everyone else over the course of the night.”

“How?” Kanaya asks, muffled through her fake vampire teeth.

“Any way you want to,” Latula says and shrugs. “Just, y’know, don’t break stuff.”

You and Sollux inch closer to Aradia. You tap her on the shoulder. “Aradia. Can we ally? We did really good with pranking people that one time at the barbecue.”

Aradia doesn’t respond or even move. You slowly look at Sollux and tap her again. She definitely should have noticed by now. Latula is still explaining the rules, though. Slowly, Aradia starts to turn towards you. Her eyes are wide and she’s staring right at you. You look at Sollux again. He looks scared. You look back at Aradia. She jumps. “Boo!”

You and Sollux yell and fall backwards. Aradia starts laughing like crazy, and you hear Terezi yell, “scare tag!”

You end up running all around Terezi’s house to escape from everyone. About half the people there are really trying to scare everyone. Mostly Terezi and Vriska. You find a closet upstairs where you hide. You sit in the corner, behind a wall of fluffy jackets, hoping they won’t find you here. The door opens a second time, and you shout, “who’s there? Go away!”

“It’s me,” Dave says.

“Go away! Find your own hiding place!” you say, but he comes in and closes the door. You shriek. “Didn’t you hear me?”

“Shush, they’ll hear you!” Dave says. “Are you going to scare me?”

“No,” you say flatly.

“Then we’re okay,” Dave says and sits down. “We’ll just share this closet and nobody will find us here and we’ll both be safe until we can get out.”

He sounds so serious, like this isn’t just some dumb game for girls. “Maybe I don’t want to share this closet with you.”

“Well, too bad. We’re-” Dave stops himself. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” you ask, and he shushes you again. There’s a really small rustle of fabric.

“That,” he says. Someone is in the closet with you. You sit there, frozen in silent fear, and then Terezi jumps out from behind the jackets and throws the closet door open and you run off, away from both of them, without turning to see what happens to Dave. Sacrifices must be made on the field of war.

-

“Hey, Karkat,” Jade says one day after school ends and you’re standing in the yard, waiting for uncle Crawford to pick you up. You look at her, and she kicks a rock on the ground gently. It rolls off into the street. “So, you know how I always leave with my grandpa all the time?”

“Yeah?” you ask.

“Well, I got him to promise that I wouldn’t have to go anywhere all winter,” Jade says. “I’m going to get to stay here.”

You look at the ground. “Okay.”

“So, I was wondering if… you want to play with me sometime,” she asks. “Or, you know, with me and Dave and John and Rose, or come to my house and meet my dog. His name is Halley, and he’s really sweet.”

You look at her seriously. “Do you mean that?”

“Yeah,” she says, smiling. Her cheeks are red from the cold. “If you want.”

You shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

-

It snows that winter. Not a lot, but just enough to make it feel like it’s really winter the way it is in movies. It kind of feels like one of those episodes of cartoons where there’s only snow in the special winter episode, and the rest of the time it’s just summer.

The sky is all one solid color, but it’s not clear. It’s pale and white and cloudy all the way to the horizon and it makes it almost look clear, if you don’t look closely enough. You like the thicker jacket. It makes you feel safe and comfortable, and you look less chubby in it.

“Swadesh!” Sollux shouts, chasing you with a stick in his hand that he’s pointing at you.

“Cognata!” you respond, waving your own stick to block his spell. “You’ll never defeat me!”

“We’ll see about that!” Sollux says. He chases you to the jungle gym. You start to climb up the rope ladder, but then you hear a voice above you.

“Ugh! Go away, we’re playing here,” Vriska says. You look up and see her, Terezi and Aradia holding big sticks of their own. You hop down and hold up a hand to stop Sollux.

“How come it’s always your turn?” Sollux lisps. “Every time we come here, you’re here.”

“Because we’re the best, obviously,” Terezi says, sitting on the monkey bars. You walk around the jungle gym towards her and realize she’s not even looking in your direction, just toying with the stick in her hands and staring off, holding it like a spyglass. She looks at you over her shoulder. “What are you two doing?”

“We’re playing wizards,” you say angrily.

“Oh, like, from Wizardy Herbert?” Aradia asks. 

“Yeah,” Sollux says. “You’ve read it?”

“Oh, cool. No,” Aradia says. She slides from between the rails of the jungle gym and lands next to Sollux. “My mom read the first one to me once when I was really small.”

“Um, it’s not cool,” Vriska says, twirling the sword-stick in her hand. “Anyone can do that dumb wizarding nonsense. Only cool and awesome people can be pirates. It’s just shakey, shakey, Dopogolsey.”

“It’s Dogopolsey,” you say and point your wand at her. “Idiot.”

“No! I was making up my own spell, and that's, uh, Dopogolsey. Much better than your lame-o normal spell,” Vriska says.

“You can’t just make up new spells!”

“Yeah, I can!” Vriska says, grinning. “I just did. Didn’t you see, dinkwit?”

“Or words!” you say angrily. “‘Dinkwit’ is _not_ a _word!”_

“It is now!” Vriska says smugly.

“Well, what does it mean, then?” Sollux asks.

Terezi flings herself down, so she’s hanging from the monkey bars by her knees, and points at Aradia. Her winter hat falls of her head and towards the ground. “Clearly it means Karkat!”

You look at Aradia, and then at Terezi, and then at Aradia, and Terezi again, still pointing at her. “That’s Aradia. I’m over here.”

“What? Really?” Terezi startles so bad that her red glasses start to fall to the ground after her hat. She quickly grabs them and holds onto the monkey bars with her other hand. She brings her glasses up to her face and squints through them.

“You thought I was Karkat?” Aradia asks, almost offended.

“Oh my god, Aradia, I’m so sorry,” Terezi says. “I really thought you were him.”

“Do those even help you see?” Sollux asks and gestures to Terezi and her glasses.

“Not really,” Terezi sighs. “Mostly they’re just because they look cool. But they do look really cool. Right?”

“Yeah,” Aradia sighs, resigned. “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **january 3!** see you in 2021!


	11. third grade, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That guy's an asshole."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh, missing chapter! sorry abt that <3 if i miss an update, the next update will just be on sunday three weeks from then. so here we are back again!! hope you like it!! it's finally time for children who act like people instead of like. cartoon characters

“Karkat! Watch out!” Aradia yells. You have just enough time to turn around for the dodgeball to hit you in the face. Darkness and sharp burning pain. You stumble backwards and yell. You hear a bunch of people laughing, Aradia, Terezi and Vriska being the loudest of them.

“Headshot!” Terezi shouts.

You really, really hate dodgeball. 

You’re sitting on the bench at the edge of the gym now and watching Sollux desperately trying to avoid Eridan’s throws. It’s not like in the movies. It’s not like murder. Mostly. Your problem with it is the fact that everyone in your class seems to have an alliance specifically to try to kill you. The first four people to get the ball are always in the same order: you, then Sollux, then Tavros, then Kanaya. The… what was that thing that thing they said in that movie? The ‘bottom feeders of the school’ or something like that. That’s what you are.

Sollux sits down next to you and sighs, defeated. You give him a knowing and sorry look and he makes a face that you know means ‘I hate Eridan so much.’ You nod understandingly. Mr. Hephaestus blows his whistle, not to pause the game or anything (he knows by now that that’s impossible) but just to get everyone’s attention by scaring them. “Dave! Keep your eye in the game!”

Dave grabs a ball from the ground and throws it at Kanaya. It hits her in the back.

In the locker room, you pull your shirt over your head, facing the wall. John is laughing about something funny that Dave said too quietly for you to hear. Eridan punches the back of you and Sollux’s heads and cackles on his way out, mumbling something about geeks. Sollux’s glasses fall on the ground and he almost steps on them by accident. You pick them up and give them back to him. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Sollux says. “That guy’s an asshole.”

“I know, right,” you say. “He really hates you. Like, everyone hates me, but he hates you almost more. It’s kind of impressive.”

“Yeah. What a freak,” Sollux says. “At least there are reasons to hate you.”

You snort and punch him on the shoulder.

-

You’re sitting on the floor in Jade’s living room. One of the walls is all window, and the light is pouring through it from the patio. Jade has a pool in her back yard. You’ve heard that this could have been a pool party if it wasn’t such a cold winter this year. Jade tears off the wrapping of a gift she got from Rose and Dave and holds it up. It’s a box with a picture of one of those robot dogs that you’ve seen in magazines on the side of it. She laughs and hugs Rose, who’s sitting next to her.

“What are you going to name it?” Jade’s nanny asks with a hand on Jade’s shoulder.

“Can I just name it Halley?” Jade asks and offers the box to the huge old white dog lying down next to her. Halley lifts his head and sniffs the box before placing his chin back down on Jade’s flower-patterned birthday dress. Your little baggie with a handmade card and science book Dad got from Barnes & Noble in it doesn’t seem that impressive next to that kind of dog. Who wouldn’t want a robot dog?

“Here’s mine,” you say and hand the little bag to Jade. She takes out the science book and her eyes light up behind the lenses of her glasses.

“Woah! Woah!” she yells. “I love it! This is so nice!”

“You think so?” you ask. “I mean, of course. I knew you’d like it. That’s why I got it for you.”

“Thank you!” she says and hugs you. Ooooooh, eeh. You hug her back. She’s kind of warm.

You sit next to her on the couch later in the evening, when Dave, Tavros, John, Kanaya and Terezi are still competing for musical chairs victory. She smiles at you as you go over, and you smile back. You can feel the same warmth from the hug when you sit next to her between the cushions.

“Have you ever had sushi?” Jade asks softly.

“Sushi? No,” you say. “Have you?”

“Yeah,” Jade says, kicking her feet slightly. She stops to clap when the music stops and everyone oohs and aahs that Kanaya didn’t have time to sit anywhere and all the grown-ups in the room tell her she did well. “Me and my grandpa had some at a restaurant in Tokyo last summer.”

“Oh,” you say. “What was it like?”

“Kind of weird and bitter,” Jade says. “But good.”

“Cool.”

-

“Turn it down, Kuprum! Sweetie! You’re waking up Mituna!” Sollux’s mom yells from downstairs, and Kuprum reluctantly turns down the volume on the upstairs TV (which is a lot smaller than the downstairs one, but can play VHS tapes). You’re mesmerized by the monster on the screen, gruesomely bursting from the torso of the main character lying on the hospital bed. Sollux gasps.

“There, there, did you see that?” Kuprum hisses and points at the screen. “Fucking awesome, right? The SFX budget of this movie is crazy and they did it all with puppetry and shit. That thing really exists. Not like that hoity-toity CGI bullcrap, this is real shit, man.”

“What do you mean ‘really exists?’” you ask, trying to keep your voice from shaking. There’s screaming and blood in the TV hospital room.

“Like, that thing is real,” Kuprum keeps ranting, and you can hear the excitement in his voice. “It’s probably lying in some old hack’s garage or some shit, but isn’t it so cool?”

“Yeah,” Sollux says. “I love scary movies.”

You hate scary movies.

Not that you’d ever admit that to anyone. You’re not a little baby. Right, like, you don’t hate scary movies because they’re scary. They’re just… y’know… too much, kind of. They’re cool, but they’re… y’know. They’re not scary. You’re not scared. Obviously. You just don’t like them! They’re… gross.

So that’s why you’re definitely not scared under your blanket on the mattress that Sollux’s dad set up on the floor of Sollux’s room. You’re not scared. You’re just cold or something.

But that’s all kind of fake, you know that, deep inside. You know that’s not true, you’re scared. That monster was gross and scary and you don’t understand for the goddamn life of you why Sollux and Kuprum like that movie as much as they do. Or why you always have to tell them that you like it too even though you hate it so much.

There’s a noise in Sollux’s room. You can’t see anything, it’s far too dark for that. Oh, god. It’s the monster, it’s here, somewhere in the corner of the room. It probably came in through the window or squeezed in under the door. You pull the blanket over your head. It’s not there, it’s not there, it’s not there. If you take the blanket off or open your eyes, you know, you know you’re going to see it right there, and it won’t hesitate.

You have a dream about all the things it does to you after it attacks.

-

“Did you boys sleep well?” Sollux’s mom asks. You pour Cheerios into your bowl. They go clak-clak-clak-clak-clak-clak. You didn’t sleep well.

“Yeah,” you say.

-

It never stops getting funnier that Kanaya’s grandma is your homeroom teacher now. Half of the class snickers to itself every time Mrs. Maryam.gently pats Kanaya’s head or asks her if she remembered to bring her lunch money. Well, it never stops getting funnier to them. You always thought it was just stupid and embarrassing. If it was your grandma, you’d probably die.

“And when water reaches the ocean, you might think that it will stay there from then on,” Mrs. Maryam says with her thick accent. “But it does not. Who remembers from Tuesday, what happens to the water after this? Yes, Rose?”

“It becomes clouds,” Rose says proudly. Sollux, Kanaya and Jade put down their hands with varying levels of disappointment. You keep scribbling down the drawing of a raincloud that you’re making in your notebook. Eridan is sitting next to you and leans over to look. You shove him away. He shoves back. 

“Good, good. Who remembers what that process is called?” Mrs. Maryam asks. You and a few others raise your hands. “Karkat?”

“Evaporation,” you say.

“That’s right,” Mrs. Maryam says and starts writing it on the board in her curly, unreadable handwriting. You shove Eridan away again and raise your hand. Mrs. Maryam sighs. “Yes, Karkat?”

“Can I have the hall pass? I gotta use the bathroom.”

You’re packing up after class. Aradia and Terezi laugh about something as they pass you by. Terezi bumps into you. You snap. “Watch it!”

“Sorry, Cherry Red,” Terezi says, cackling. You don’t know where the nickname came from. You think maybe it has something to do with the red shirts you used to wear, or maybe some older kid called you that because you like those cherry smoothies at Nanna’s or something. You’re not sure. “Watch where you’re standing next time.”

“Sorry,” Aradia says while they step out the door. You grumble to yourself. Where’s your notebook? You swear you left it here. You really need that thing. It has everything you’ve been writing about in your journal and your homework lists and everything.

“Let’s go,” Sollux says and taps you on the shoulder.

“I can’t. I have to find my notebook,” you say, checking inside your desk.

“The one with the seahorse sticker on the back?” Sollux asks. You check under your pencil case and under your math book from last year.

“Yeah.”

“That one?” he says. You look up at him. He nods towards the door. You turn around. Eridan is standing in the hallway, reading out your.notebook to a bunch of your classmates and fourth graders circling around him. You stumble up and out of the classroom.

“Eridan!”

“‘Turtle-shaped pasta,’” Eridan says, making quotation marks with his hands. “Turtle-shaped pasta? What the hell even is that?”

“Eridan, give that back,” you repeat, running across the hallway. Eridan avoids you.

“Why? You don’t want us to see this?” he says and shows the fourth-graders the drawing you made of a tiny frog smiling with the text ‘Derse Lake Frogs want you on the soccer team!’ under it. You feel your hands shaking and some of the fourth-graders suppress laughter.

“Give it back!” you say and try to grab it, but Eridan dodges you again.

“Did you draw that because Mr. Hephaestus let Tavros and Dave and me on the soccer team, but not you? That’s so gay,” Eridan says.

“No!” you protest. “I didn’t!”

“Give his notebook back, asshole,” Sollux says, coming up behind Eridan, and kicks him in the shin. Eridan jumps and stumbles back. One of the fourth-graders - Chad, you think - takes the notebook from him.

“Hey, Cronus! Come look at this thing!” Chad yells, holding the notebook up. Some other older kids walking past look at you, and you see Cronus noticing you down the hallway, leaning against the wall with one of those dumb lollipops in his mouth that he thinks are cool instead of weird and babyish. You feel your face getting hot, and pretend to wipe off sweat with your sleeve to hide it. You try to grab the notebook from Chad again, but he’s too much taller than you. 

“Hey, hey, hey, cool it, Cherry Red,” Cronus says, walking closer, and pulls the notebook from Chad’s hand. He flips through it, and you almost rush at him, but Sollux grabs your arm. Cronus grimaces. “What the hell is this thing?”

“It’s just my notebook,” you grumble. “Give it back.”

“Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,” Cronus says. Everyone has started to recoil away from him, like all of them are afraid of him. You pull your arm away from Sollux and grab the notebook, but Cronus holds it up. He’s even more taller than you than anyone else here. “Hold on now, kid. I’m looking at this.”

“It’s mine!” you say and shove him. He stumbles a few steps backwards. The chains hanging on his hips and the buckle of his belt jangle. He struggles to keep his balance. Sollux draws in a breath. The look Cronus gives you is murderous. You give him the same one back, but you feel pretty scared now. Cronus grabs a bunch of the pages and tears them out. You gasp. “No!”

He tears out another handful of pages and scrunches them up in his hand. Then he slams the torn up remainder of the notebook’s soft covers closed and throws it down the hallway. “Go, fetch.”

“You-” you start, but Sollux pulls you back again.

“Karkat,” he warns you. You suppress the desire to yell every naughty word you know. Cronus flips you off and walks away. You look back at the group looking on. Some of the fourth-graders and even some of your own classmates - Eridan, Vriska (of course), even John - look like they’re snickering or holding in laughter. Some others look a little more worried. Not like they have a right to. They didn’t help you. You look to Sollux. He looks away.

“How am I going to get Dad to buy me a new notebook?” you complain to Sollux, sitting in the laundry room of your house. Sollux’s Game Boy beeps.

“What do you mean? Just ask,” Sollux says, not looking at you, just at his game. You sigh and slump over, turning over a page of _Calvin and Hobbes._

“I don’t know if he has the money,” you say. “Or the time. I think I’ll just have to go without.”

“Bring your diary or something,” Sollux says.

“What? No! Are you insane?” you say, slamming your book down and standing from the bean bag. Sollux looks at you now, surprised. You wave your hands around. “You saw what they did to my notebook! My journal is way, way worse! They’d- I think Cronus would kill me if he ever saw that thing! I’m cursed to always have the worst things happen to me and have all the worst people get their hands on my shit, Sollux!”

You punch the washing machine Sollux is sitting on.

He reaches over and pokes your arm gently. You look up at him and find his face soft and apologetic.

“Sorry,” he lisps. “I should have helped somehow, I know.”

“No,” you say. “You couldn’t have done anything. No one can stand up to Cronus.”

“No one,” Sollux says. “But maybe some two. Y’know?”

You snort. Sollux brings up his hand and you do your secret handshake. Up, down, right, left, pinkie promise. 

“Are we cool?” Sollux asks.

“Yeah, obviously, idiot,” you say, and he grins a gap-toothed smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be posted on **february 14!** ooohh valentine's day!! stay tuned for that!


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